Today’s the day.

LISBON II – The Revotening.

There can be only one … answer, and we’ll keep making you vote till you get it right.

Yes to Europe, nice roads and healthy EU funding and open market and sexy French girls.

No to a treaty which is impentrable and confusing and hard to understand.

Yes to not doing what Coir, the Shinners or Ganley want.

No to doing what Cowen and his scabby bunch of cunt sticks want.

Yesers are cunts.

Noers are cunts.

Polling closes at 10pm.

I am feeling thetic, today. Apa and just plain old Pa. Have already voted on this.

Fuck it.

The new FIFA 2010 is out today. I might just buy that and stay home.

“Good evening, Nikolajs”, I say as I sit down at my familiar seat at the bar.

“Hello to you Major Twenty”, said Nikolajs. “What will it be that you are having for the drink?”

“A pint of the usual please”.

“Very good. One pint of Ventspils’ Finest Ale is up and coming”.

“You’re a gent”.

“And how are you friends? You know to which ones I am referring. The smelly and stupid one and the smelly and really stupid one”.

“No idea, to be honest. I got a postcard from Dave a couple of months ago. He was on the frontline of the Turkish war. You know, the sooner we retake Constantinople the better. It’s carnage out there”.

“War. Is good for what?”

“Absolutely nothing. Apart from keeping those great military conglomerates in business and we don’t half need them. When you think of all the jobs created since the merger of Intel and Rivada Networks this country would be even more fucked without them”.

“So true”.

“And now that they’re using the talents of the people of Limerick properly to make missiles, bombs and landmines instead of computers we could soon find ourselves out of this recession. What were Dell thinking? PCs. I mean seriously”.

“Snack? I have Owl wings or some de-ionised cabbage fritters”.

“No thanks. Any crisps?”

“Salt and Eel or Mud and Vinegar?”

“Actually, I’m grand”.

“And the other friend? Pete?”

“Oh, who knows? Last I heard he’d been sold to a Bavarian aristocrat to take part in some kind of dungeon based game weekend. I fear the worst, I have to say”.

“These indeed are the pitfalls of the new Europe. But think about all the benefits”.

“You have to look at the upside, no doubt about it. Your €1.87 an hour wages mean the price of a pint has fallen considerably and your many family members provide cheap and easily replaceable labour driving down the price of everything”.

“This year seven of my children have died in construction accidents working on the sites of building of Zeo Developments. But is ok! I have fourteen more”.

“How is your daughter, by the way?”

“Can you believe she is back in the work already?”

“Really? But she only had her abortion yesterday”.

“Yes, and is her fifteenth abortion this year. I am thinking she has addicted to them, you know?”

“They’re all the rage, in fairness. All the cool kids are having them”.

“Kids, these days, so crazy! Can you imagine how would be if Ireland vote No to the Lisbon Treaty?”

“It doesn’t bear thinking about. Ahh, there’s Jimmy”.

“Howya, Twenty. Just been up visting Ron’s grave. I swear I could hear him turning in it”.

“Ahh, you’re probably imagining things”.

“You’re probably right. Pint, please, Nikolajs”.

“Up and coming, Colonel Jimmy. How is going the coup?”

“Bloodily”.

“Excellent”.

“Yes, yes it is”.

As the Lisbon vote gets nearer and nearer you can’t help think that the campaigning, the propaganda, the media blitzes and everything else is going to start getting nasty.

Yesterday it emerged that UKIP Party was getting involved. According to the Irish Times:

UKIP confirmed yesterday it had begun posting some 1.5 million leaflets, which should arrive in people’s letterboxes between September 17th and 21st

Firstly, where the fuck did UKIP get my postal address and what right to do they have to send me any literature?

Secondly, why should anyone in Ireland pay the slightest bit of attention to a UK Political party?

Then you Google them and you see this (click for bigger):

I love that. “Libertarian, non-racist party  …”

That is just fantastic. Why don’t they change it to “Libertarian, some of our best friends are black party …”?

Bunchacunts. If I wanted Robert Kilroy-Silk to tell me what I should think then I’d phone the stripey shirted cunt up and ask him myself. In the meantime he needs to keep his stupid face out of my business.

Then Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary, posterboy for the YES vote, calls those urging us to vote NO ‘unemployable fucking headbangers’.

And while O’Leary can grate he’s got a good point. Coir, fucking nutters. Sinn Fein, terrorists with nothing better to do these days. Declan Ganley, shadowy mentalist. Those union leaders who have grown fat and got gout from the scam that was benchmarking, scumbags.

So on the one hand you have Fianna Fail who have raped the ever loving shit out of every single one for as long as we can remember, and on the other we have a bunch of loons.

There really ought to be a ‘You can all go and shite’ option on the ballot card.

And a day wouldn’t be complete at the moment without a word about our old pal O’Donoghue. Watching the cunt at the Listowel Races yesterday was maddening. The big, thick ruddy faced wanker bleating about how he never profited from his expenses. As if that was the fucking point. And this is why these people aren’t accountable. He really thinks he acted with ‘probity’ when he swanned about the place staying in 5 star hotels and flying him and his wife first class. He really does.

Of course he’s utterly wrong. Anyone with half a fucking brain can see that. And when pressed for an apology to the taxpayer whose money he squandered living the life of Reilly he said:

Insofar as one regrets something, I think that is an apology.

No, you horrific fat cunt, an apology is a sincere expression of  regret. Not the kind of half-arsed, wait for everything to blow over shite you’ve been coming out with. And you made no apology to the people, only your fuckbuddies in Leinster House, you monstrous clit. You wasted our money living it up. And you should pay for it.

As Ceann Comhairle he is automatically re-elected at the next election. What a shame nobody in the house has the balls to pressure and pressure for this cunt to resign like he should. What a fucking shame he’s going to get away with it all.

Unless he has a heart attack or a stroke. In which case I’ll throw a fucking party.

So many people are still confused about the Lisbon Treaty I thought it’d be a good idea to break it down into simple terms. Here 6 things that will happen if we vote ‘Yes’ and 6 things that will happen if we vote ‘No’.

YES

• Conscription of young Irish men into a European defence force will begin within 18 months
• All women will be forced to have at least one abortion in their lifetime
• Ireland will become a missile silo with rockets aimed at the USA in case they start to get uppity
• The Irish language will be outlawed and replaced with mandatory teaching of a Bavarian dialect
• A new Europe-wide culture, as outlined by Culture Führer Ray Cokes, will be enforced from September 2013
• Any job you want to do will already be done by a Latvian or an ethnic Turk for €0.87c per hour

NO

• The European Commission will require Ireland to hand back all the roads it has built with European money
• Automatic entry to European countries for stag weekends and sex parties will be rescinded and we’ll have to apply for expensive visas
• Irish football clubs will no longer be allowed play in the Champions League
• Wales will become a missile silo with rockets aimed at Ireland in case we get start to get uppity
• With nobody to export goods to Irish farmers will start growing opium, condeming the country to a Trainspottingesque existence
• All non-Irish natives will be either deported or forced to work as butlers to ensure the purity of our race

Hopefully that clears things up for you. Happy voting!

If there’s any one piece of evidence you need that should make you vote yes to the Lisbon Treaty is that’s Cóir have launched their NO campaign.

Cóir, of course, are are front for pro-life cunts Youth Defence.

Read about Cóir, Richard Greene and Justin Barrett of Youth Defence.

I do not have the words to explain the contempt in which I hold Youth Defence or anybody associated with them. They are hackneyed, ignorant, anti-gay, anti-immigration, right wing Catholic bullies of the worst kind who view women as second class citizens.

Suffice to say that I will not align myself with them in any way.