You know, for all the complaining and belly-aching, it makes me glad that I live in a country where justice is meted out as efficiently and effectively as it is here in Ireland. Not a few short weeks ago we were up in arms about TDs expenses and the fact they were, almost to a man, claiming money for all kinds of stuff without having to provide reciepts for anything.

Then we got rid of John O’Donoghue as Ceann Comhairle and now the whole problem is solved. Well, I assume it is because nobody’s talking about it anymore, are they? No. Now it’s Public Service v Private Sector in preparation for the inevitable civil war. It’s teacher against plumber, Garda taking on shop worker, Fireman vs waiter and nurse against hairdresser.

Let’s give credit where it’s due. We couldn’t have this kind of battle if we were all worried and outraged about politicians expenses so big up to the Gubbernment for sorting that out with such alacrity.

When the budget is released in December and we are taxed to the hilt to pay for the mistakes and the greed and the fraud perpetrated on the people of this country by a very small few we’ll be able to take solace in the fact that politicians have led by example. We can be proud that they got their own house in order first before telling us what to do, eh?

What a good example they will set by taking a pay cut. ‘Hey! Look at us. We’re prepared to take a hit … now it’s your turn’, and we’ll know deep in our hearts that they can no longer offset any pay cut by simply bumping up their unvouched expenses. We’ll take comfort, as we munch our freezing cold gruel, that TDs no longer get an extra payment for simply turning up to work, that those overnight stay expenses have been shelved and all the other perks that they enjoyed in boom time have been consigned to history.

We can look the UK where they’re engaged in the costly process of prosecuting some MPs for fiddling their expenses and we can feel sorry for them. Sorry that they don’t have a system like ours. Sorry that they have to go to the bother of finding replacements for those in public office who have systematically defrauded the people they were elected to represent. As we go toe to toe with our defined benefit pension enemies, for once we can look down our noses at the English because we solved all our problems by taking a gammy cloak and a gavel away from one man.

Damn, we’re good.

Right here, if you can stomach it (via Irish Election)

What a bullshitting, self-aggrandising, doesn’t fucking get it at all, cunt.

And Eoghan Harris on Newstalk trying to make out that O’Donoghue put Eamon Gilmore in his place with his cretinous oration, you can fuck right off. A Bertie appointed Senator sticking up for a fellow FF lackey. You are a fucking cunt and no mistake.

Just because you’re making a tidy packet of taxpayers money for doing fuck all in the Seanad does not mean the taxpayers want to hear what you say.

Die in a fire, prick.

I was listening to Brian Lenihan on the radio this morning talking about politician’s expenses.

“This country”, he says, “is in a serious financial crisis and doing away with Oireachtas expenses won’t change that. We have to see the bigger picture”. Something similar to that anyway.

I was driving at the time and I could feel myself get tense. I mean, nobody suggested for one second that changing how politicians cream in free money all day long claim their expenses would fix the economy. That’s just stupid. And Lenihan saying it is stupid when he knows fine well that it would just make TDs and Senators accountable for what they claim.

Of course, the FFers are in a snot over the way John O’Donoghue has been treated and want to cloud the issue by being wilfully obtuse.

However, the point is it got me cross and I felt like destroying something because everyone knows that when cross a release is needed to calm oneself down. I thought about ramming another motorist but that would have been of little benefit to me or my Honda 50.

If I could have driven somewhere and punched somebody in the face it would have made me feel better. As it was Lenihan who upset then ideally I should be able to punch him in the face. If not him then one of his staff. And if Lenihan wants to be a good boss to his staff he’ll stop saying things which make people want to punch him in the face.

Maybe I should set up a Drive Thru Punchbag Emporium. A series of them across the country. You arrive, pay your money, get a pair of boxing gloves and you can pummel a punchbag until you feel better.

THWACK! ZWONK! POW! BLAM!

And so on until you don’t feel quite so cross. I think it would help everyone’s mood. Especially if the punchbags had pictures of the worst cunts on them.

‘We call this one The Harney because it is gigantic and flabby’.

‘This one is The Cowen because it is gigantic and flabby and smells like oxen’.

‘Good choice, you’ve gone for The Lenihan. Punch it right and its liver comes out. You can keep it too’.

‘The Haughey, yes. Perfect. Just keep your eye on it because if you look away for a second it’ll fuck you’.

‘This one is always a favourite, The Bertie. Yes, it’s only small but it’s shifty as fuck. We don’t recommend women use this one though’.

I wish I had more gumption. I think this one’s a runner.

So, here we are. Lisbon has been passed.

After rejecting the treaty in the first place the Government played us like a fiddle. Remember that sketch in the Fast Show with the bloke who agreed with each side of the argument. For example:

“That Bertie Ahern. What a great bloke he is. I can’t wait to read his autobiography”.

“Actually, Bertie Ahern is one of the biggest cunts every to walk the earth. A more mendacious, self-aggrandising little shop steward of a cunt you’ll never have the misfortune to meet”.

“Yeah, what a cunt!”

The Irish people rejected Lisbon. The Government said “Actually, you should vote for the Lisbon Treaty. Otherwise this recession will go on forever and ever and EEEEEEEVER!” and the Irish people went “Yeah, let’s vote YES!”.

Being told how to think by one of your mates down the pub is one thing. Letting that pack of despicable, cheating, lying fuckers who have brought this country to its knees is another.

It’s a bit sad really.

Still, it’s good to know we’ve got strong opposition waiting to take over. After further revelations about John O’Donoghue’s expenses – the Cunt Comhairle has pissed away €200,000 on jaunts and race meets – Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore say ‘He may have to consider his position’.

Fuck me.

The pressure on him to resign should be intense, especially from opposition, but half-arsed, namby-pamby shit like ‘may have to consider his position’ makes me want to puke unti puke comes out my nose. And I hate puking.

Get this cunt out of office. If he stays as Ceann Comhairle he is automatically re-elected and the fucker doesn’t deserve that. The public deserve a chance to judge him, to show him what they think of the way he’s spent our money. If there are enough cretins who vote him back in then fair enough. And don’t underestimate the cretin count in this country. But at the very least he ought to have to go through that process.

Anyway, hope you’re all comfortable in that handbasket. Our journey has well and truly begun.

As the Lisbon vote gets nearer and nearer you can’t help think that the campaigning, the propaganda, the media blitzes and everything else is going to start getting nasty.

Yesterday it emerged that UKIP Party was getting involved. According to the Irish Times:

UKIP confirmed yesterday it had begun posting some 1.5 million leaflets, which should arrive in people’s letterboxes between September 17th and 21st

Firstly, where the fuck did UKIP get my postal address and what right to do they have to send me any literature?

Secondly, why should anyone in Ireland pay the slightest bit of attention to a UK Political party?

Then you Google them and you see this (click for bigger):

I love that. “Libertarian, non-racist party  …”

That is just fantastic. Why don’t they change it to “Libertarian, some of our best friends are black party …”?

Bunchacunts. If I wanted Robert Kilroy-Silk to tell me what I should think then I’d phone the stripey shirted cunt up and ask him myself. In the meantime he needs to keep his stupid face out of my business.

Then Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary, posterboy for the YES vote, calls those urging us to vote NO ‘unemployable fucking headbangers’.

And while O’Leary can grate he’s got a good point. Coir, fucking nutters. Sinn Fein, terrorists with nothing better to do these days. Declan Ganley, shadowy mentalist. Those union leaders who have grown fat and got gout from the scam that was benchmarking, scumbags.

So on the one hand you have Fianna Fail who have raped the ever loving shit out of every single one for as long as we can remember, and on the other we have a bunch of loons.

There really ought to be a ‘You can all go and shite’ option on the ballot card.

And a day wouldn’t be complete at the moment without a word about our old pal O’Donoghue. Watching the cunt at the Listowel Races yesterday was maddening. The big, thick ruddy faced wanker bleating about how he never profited from his expenses. As if that was the fucking point. And this is why these people aren’t accountable. He really thinks he acted with ‘probity’ when he swanned about the place staying in 5 star hotels and flying him and his wife first class. He really does.

Of course he’s utterly wrong. Anyone with half a fucking brain can see that. And when pressed for an apology to the taxpayer whose money he squandered living the life of Reilly he said:

Insofar as one regrets something, I think that is an apology.

No, you horrific fat cunt, an apology is a sincere expression of  regret. Not the kind of half-arsed, wait for everything to blow over shite you’ve been coming out with. And you made no apology to the people, only your fuckbuddies in Leinster House, you monstrous clit. You wasted our money living it up. And you should pay for it.

As Ceann Comhairle he is automatically re-elected at the next election. What a shame nobody in the house has the balls to pressure and pressure for this cunt to resign like he should. What a fucking shame he’s going to get away with it all.

Unless he has a heart attack or a stroke. In which case I’ll throw a fucking party.

So today’s Indo reports that John O’Donoghue has hired his own political advisor on a €90,000 salary despite using the fact his position is ‘non-political’ to avoid answering questions about his outrageous abuse of expenses.

That’s a fucking cushty number, isn’t it?

“You sir, are my political advisor. You have a monthly salary of €7,500″

“Splendid. Would you like some political advice?”

“Not at all, sure my office is non-political”.

More waste. Honestly, if this man had a shred of dignity he’d resign, but then politicians here don’t do that. Despite all the corruption, the overspending, taking advantage of the expenses systems, the planning kickbacks, sheer ineptitude and everything else, when is the last time a politican resigned rather than just wait for everything to blow over?

I can’t remember.

John O’Donoghue wrote a letter to the members of Dáil Éireann to explain the media coverage of his expenses. Not once did it occur to him to apologise to the public for spending our money to provide himself with a lifestyle only he felt he should be entitled to. It is arrogance of the highest order yet it remains unchecked.

The problem is that these people are answerable to nobody. We know the FF party are not going to deal with it. I mean, if they make an example of O’Donoghue there’d be plenty more shitting their pants and it’d make even bigger hypocrites of them considering what they’ve let go in the past.

It’d be nice to see an opposition leader with the balls to say O’Donoghue should resign. Again the problem is that they’re all afraid. If Gilmore or Kenny does that then they’re in no position to resist if it’s discovered one of their boys has been a little over-zealous their expenses. And they cannot be sure that’s not the case so there’s no pressure, bar what you see in the media and online.

So the system has to change. It’s very easy to ensure politicians expenses are correct. A system where they have to provide receipts. A system where they have to clock in and out of the Dáil so they can’t claim attendance fees and overnight stays when they weren’t there. A system where all the money they claim is checked and that information made public.

Simple. That is transparency. Then we can see who does what for our money. OUR money. When they spend our money we are entitled to know how they are doing it, when they are doing it, how often they are doing, with whom they are doing and everything else. When they’re going to fleece us and tax the shit out of us in the next budget then to let this issue go on without addressing it is unacceptable.

Still, bottom line is that John O’Donoghue should resign. He’s a disgrace. A relic of the olden days and unless we condemn these self-entitled thieves to the past then things will never get better.

—–

Finally, if you haven’t bookmarked Gavin’s Blog then please do so. What he’s been doing with the FOI documents and ensuring stories like O’Donoghue have, at last, got the kind of media coverage they deserve is fantastic.

Keep it up, Gavin.

Under the Freedom of Made-up Information act I found a draft version of John O’Donoghue’s statement to the Dáil. Errors are not mine.

To each member of Dáil Éireann,

September 11th, 2009.

Fellow gobshites,

I am writing to you and to our other colleagues in the Dáil in the context of recent extensive media coverage concerning costs incurred by me as an office holder.

The first thing I need to make clear, although I had not intended to draw any attention to this fact, is that I unilaterally and voluntarily took a 10 per cent reduction in my salary since October, 2008. But I feel that you should be aware of it in the context of the recent media coverage to which I have referred.

The second thing is that I am writing this letter on the anniversary of those awful terrorist attacks in New York which resonate very strongly with me as the ‘weapons’ that day were airplanes. And I spent a lot of time in airplanes. If you were to be given the choice of having your plane flown into a skyscraper or paying that bit extra for first class wouldn’t you do it too?

In my position as Ceann Comhairle I must remain an impartial member of Fianna Fail to ensure the Dáil runs smoothly for my former ministerial colleagues. For me to address things I did when I was codging my expenses the same way they’ve been doing as well would be inappropriate and unbecoming to the position as speaker of the house.

I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, I will remind the deputies, that this may appear to be rather convenient but when any of you become Ceann Comhairle then you too may take advantage of follow this procedure to its fullest.

It is also worth mentioning that in 2008 I unilaterally and voluntarily took a 20 percent reduction in my salary as well as giving a large black sack of old clothes to the St Vincent de Paul.

Travel Expenditure as Ceann Comhairle

As Minister for Tourism it was my job to travel the world to promote Ireland as a tourist destination. Bearing that in mind how would it appear to the people I was trying to woo if I were to stay in a Comfort Inn having arrived in economy class on Ryanair? Being a Minister affords a man a certain standing and I simply had to look the part.

It is standard practice throughout the Inter Parliamentary Union that the speaker of a parliament is treated with the same level of courtesy as a Minister of Government. Items of expenditure including use of lounges, courtesy cars, first class flights, 5 star hotels, dinners in Michelen star restaurants, masseurs, midget butlers, ‘late night entertainment’, premium channels on the hotel room television, muscular sweaty black men to fan one with large palm leaves and helping to dispose of bodies are are the customary courtesies that we provide whenever we host an incoming parliamentary delegation to Ireland. I simply applied those same standards to myself.

Let us not forget what an incredible effect I had on bringing tourists to Ireland. Absolutely loads of them came on the back of all the charm and sophistication I brought to conversation wherever I went. Never more so than at Cheltenham races when I mingled quite excellently with thousands of Irish people who live in Ireland then travel from Ireland to England for the festival making them tourists when they return. And homegrown tourists too, none of those foreigners who decide to stay and take all our jobs either.

Reform

As part of the ongoing process of streamlining the Department of Tourism it should be noted that I unilaterally and voluntarily took a 30 percent pay cut and gave a home to a small group of pygmy orphans who to this day live in a treehouse in my back garden.

As Ceann Comhairle, I have dedicated myself to achieving efficiency in the running of our modern democratic institutions and to doing so in a transparent and open way. If you would like more details of this transparent and open way please submit a Freedom of Information request including a stamped addressed envelope and a cheque for €3,854.41 made out to cash so as to expedite your request. Please allow 28 days months for delivery.

As I have mentioned, the nature of the position of Ceann Comhairle as impartial chairman of Dáil Éireann under the Constitution prevents me from becoming embroiled in public controversy in the media or on the floor of the House. This is why I shall be launching a covert campaign against bloggers who bring these so-called ‘facts’ into the public domain when everyone was quite content to let them lie.

Although the mainstream media has taken the story over and made it its own I will remember till my dying day where this all started. I shall say no more but to hope that the wicked perpetrator’s county ends up with a solid thrashing in the All-Ireland Football final. And if that doesn’t happen perhaps a solid thrashing with a length of gwavin pipe would suffice.

Conclusion

Finally on a personal level, I wish to acknowledge that some of the costs incurred appear high. I sincerely regret, in so far as I am concerned, that I got caught. Yet let us not lose sight of the fact that this was not money from the Dáil kitty with which we do the Lotto syndicate or pay farmers to fight to the death, this was the taxpayer’s money and we’ve been gilding our lillies off those idiots for an age. I fail to see what all the fuss is about now.

And while while some costs of the arrangements appear high and have caused disquiet, they were legitimate and in accordance with the Department of Finance guidelines.

If you can find better value chaffeurs or someone who would drive you from one terminal in Heathrow to another for less than £500 I would be happy to consider those options in the future. Yet if one more person tells me I could have got the tube for less than a fiver then I may just scream. Ministers do not get tubes. Or buses. Or taxis. Or walk. Or stay in anything other than opulent, lavish surroundings.

Despite all the controversy I would like to remind people that in 2008 I unilaterally and voluntarily took a 100 percent pay cut and donated all my savings to Cheeverstown House – a home for ‘cappers and mentalists.

In considering the extent of the costs, I am of course concerned but equally determined to ensure that, in future, such costs are not discovered by hiding them better than we have done up to now. We all learn from the events of the past and I commit myself to ensuring that this costs level does not recur in so far as I am concerned and I will remind the deputies that if this shit carries on I know a fair bit about them too and I would have no compunction about leaking that information to as many hacks as I can find.

In so far as I’m concerned.

Your pal,

John O’Donoghue, TD, Ceann Comhairle, Freemason, Xtravision member, Soldier of Destiny

Jesus wept, this is an elected official. Obviously being handed the conch has made him even more of a cunt than he was before.

He’s an embarrassment. Not as much of an embarrassment as welcoming back a feckless geebag like Beverly Cooper-Flynn but still. He’s pretty fucking pathetic.

Proper post to follow.