I was listening that fucking cunt on Newstalk earlier, you know the one, the sanctimonius, up his own arse, smug, chuckling Munster cunt, and they were talking about how, apparently, there are 250,000 alcoholics in Ireland.

According to him the whole country was in a state of denial. The whole country. Of course he has surveyed them all, because he has super-awesome, know-it-all powers.

Of these 250,000 only 20% are in treatment which begs the question how they know how many others there are out there.

Then some professor dude came on and spoke about how alcoholism wasn’t just alcoholism any more, you had to include alcohol dependency. Which is a ’syndrome’. Now, I’m not one of those people who thinks alcoholism is a disease. It’s a terrible thing for those that suffer from it but it’s not a disease. A syndrome sounds a bit better but it’s still a bit wanky.

But if we go round saying that around 6% of the entire population of the country are alcoholics then all kinds of madness will ensue. We won’t know which 6% of people are drunkards. Is it your doctor? Your taxi driver? Your best friend? Your best friend’s girlfriend (who used to be mine)?

People will grow suspicious and view each other through narrowed eyes and that’s not a good look. We’re not a beautiful enough people to pull it off. I reckon they’re just trying to scare people to sign up for AA and such.

Stinking Pete thought he had a drinking problem and decided to go to AA. He did the first two of the 12 steps then told them to go fuck themselves when he was required to hand his life over to God. Why replace one crutch with another, he thought.

And has nobody considered that 12 steps are a bit too fucking complicated? All this give yourself over to a higher power shite. And the added time it takes to complete 12 steps when all you really need are two.

The Brand New 20m 2 step program for AA:

1 – Stop drinking

2 – Don’t start drinking ever again (but if you do just have the odd one and don’t get to the point where you’re skulling two bottles of Tesco value vodka before lunchtime. Should you reach that point please see step 1).

Fucking simple.