Archive for the politics category
Rock the Vote Ireland - spamming cunts
by Twenty Major on May 24th, 2007
Patrick Cosgrave, Director of Rock the Vote, is still sending me emails when I have asked him time and time again to take me off their mailing list. They have ignored me and in the last 24 hours I’ve received a number of unsolicited press releases that I have no interest in.
I wonder if Rock the Vote’s financial backers gave them money to become spammers. How long before they try and sell us Rock the Vote generic Viagra or try to phish our bank details?
For further comment please contact Patrick Cosgrave on 01 642 5030 / 086 3711925 or email press@rockthevote.ie
Rock the Vote (Ireland) are fucking stupid
by Twenty Major on May 20th, 2007
On May 3rd I said:
Well done to Rock the Vote. They’ve made me want to not vote in protest. Stupid cunts. Without the question the worst thing I have ever seen.
Today I received an unsolicited email from press@rockthevote.ie, saying:
Hey guys,
The latest Rock the Vote video for your viewing…
Now, I would have thought that somebody who called you ’stupid cunts’ and said that your project was the worst thing they’d ever seen might not be the kind of person you want to spam to tell them there’s more of the worst thing they’ve ever seen.
This latest video features some half-witted, zany cunt called Frazier who needs his face introduced to wall. Repeatedly.
So, Rock the Vote, you pack of witless clits, stop fucking emailing me with your dreadful shite.
Honestly, Rock the Vote is worse that Ireland’s Eurovision entry this year. In fact, if this year’s entry had a baby with those two retarded gingers that were in it a couple of years ago it would be better than Rock the Vote.
Update: After sending an email to Rock the Vote telling them I didn’t care to receive any further emails about their terrible project I received this in reply:
Apologies. Your blog suggested you were interested. Call into the office at any point if you’re interested in inputting for the years to come. Call in after May 24th.
Fuck me, told you they were stupid.
Further update (Tuesday afternoon): They just emailed me again with a press release I don’t care about. That’s just too much now.
Tonight’s debate
by Twenty Major on May 17th, 2007
It’s gonna be awesome, isn’t it?
Enda “Man of the people” Kenny versus Bertie “Snivelling little shitebag” Ahern. I can’t wait. I think Enda has come along in leaps and bounds since he dyed that ginger right out of his hair and Bertie is showing the strain, big time. The bags under his eyes, the nervous twitches, the shuddering jowls and the knowledge that his campaign is floundering will see him go on the attack.
Enda Kenny: “…and that’s why the rainbow coalition is not just for fans of Barbara Streisand and musicals. It’s for everyone. The people of Ireland who need a change and who *thumps hand on podium* deserve a change!”
Bertie Ahern: “Your mum.”
Enda Kenny: “What?”
Bertie Ahern: *raises middle finger in well known gesture*. “Smell yer ma”.
Enda Kenny: “It’s typical of this government that they reduce things to the lowest common denominator. Look at crime, it’s been reduced upwards. Hospital waiting lists, reduced upwards. House prices, reduced upwards.”
Bertie Ahern: “Yeah. That’s what you say.”
Enda Kenny: “That’s NOT what I say. Those are facts.”
Bertie Ahern: “Says who?”
Enda Kenny: “Says everyone.”
Bertie Ahern: “Yeah. Yeah. Where’s your proof?”
Enda Kenny: “The proof is all around you. The people waiting on trollies are your proof. The people killed by muderous criminals are your proof.”
Bertie Ahern: “Got any of that proof with you?”
Enda Kenny: “Well no, but-”
Bertie Ahern: “There you go then. You’re spoofing. Liar, liar pants on fire.”
Enda Kenny: “Now listen to me…”
Bertie Ahern: *puts fingers in ears, starts doing comedy walk around stage*. “La la la la laaaaaa. No proof. No proof. No proof. La la la la la laaaaa. Can’t hear you.”
Enda Kenny: “This is nonsense.”
Bertie Ahern: “I know you are.”
Enda Kenny: “No, this whole situation is a farce.”
Bertie Ahern: “I know you are but what am I?”
Enda Kenny: *gets the ginger rage and punches Bertie in the nose*
Personally I think it should be mandatory for both of them to drink a couple of stiff whiskeys beforehand and by a couple I mean a pint. A couple of pints.
I haven’t looked forward to a TV program as much since Tales of the Gold Monkey.
Vote Sinn Fein
by Twenty Major on May 16th, 2007
So you too can welcome home murdering scum. The party that likes to party. Yeah.
Update: And don’t you just love the way the comments on that shinners’ blog are all ‘anonymous’?
Bertie’s new ploy
by Twenty Major on May 11th, 2007
Obviously under pressure Bertie Ahern hinted at something marvellous today when he met with Ian Paisley for a pint of Bass and a cheese sandwich at the site of the Battle of the Boyne today.
“History can make many turns”, he said.
Perhaps others weren’t paying as much attention as me but it’s obvious Fianna Fail have invented the Time Machine©. How else can history, which has already happened, make many turns?
After all the shite I bet this is the thing that’ll win him the election.
Fair play Vincent Browne
by Twenty Major on May 4th, 2007
It’s about time somebody in the press gave that sly cunt a hard time. More please. He’s been given a free ride for the most part and his ignorant refusal to answer direct questions has been, for some reason, tolerated by press, the opposition, everyone.
Now that he’s on the trail make life as uncomfortable as possible for him. Sadly I just missed the local FF candidate last evening. He was out canvassing and I was just going out. I’m fucking sorry about it too.
I wanted to tell him how I’d never vote for his party because of Bertie Ahern, the poxy little fucker. After I got him to mow my lawn, of course.
video via Damien
Vote for us
by Twenty Major on April 30th, 2007
“Vote for us. Sure aren’t we great already and change is always messy and horrible and sometimes sticky and nobody wants that. Yes, we’ve made mistakes but who better to make amends for the mistakes than us? We know how we’ve fucked up so we know best how to fix it. Forget crime, poison water, dodgy payments, rising inflation, €5 pints, drive by shootings and all the rest. Just forget it. Go on. There you go. There’s that smile! Ahhhh…” - Fianna Fail
“Vote for us. We’ll abolish stamp duty and reform the shoddy healthcare system. You all know the current lot are a bunch of shysters and while we might be like swapping €1 for another €1, our coin will be shiny and new. This country needs a change and we might just be the best of a bad lot. And Bertie is a cunt. Oh, no he isn’t. We didn’t say that. ” - Fine Gael
“Vote for us. We’ll help our mate Enda to become Taoiseach and we’ll bring back the halcyon days of the party when we had the most amusingly named leader of any others. From this day forth Pat Rabbite will be known as Sandy Crack or Roger Miflaps in honour of Dick Spring” - Labour
“Vote for us. There’s really no good reason why you should but we like to put across an image of intellectual superiority and you can be intellectually superior if you mark our card - we even have the celebrity candidate of the election. Yes, that’s right. That bloke who played piano on the Late, Late toy show. Whatever his name is” - PDs
“Vote for us. We’ll get tax rebates for people who recycle more and get more bus lanes and invent non-polluting fuels and fill the canal with spring water and introduce more bicycles and lower our carbon emmisions and all sorts of cool stuff like that. Think of your children and your children’s children and their children’s children. If we don’t do something they’ll all be mutants. And not good mutants will cool powers. Just fucking deformed like Gerry Ryan” - The Green Party
“Vote for me/us. As an independent candidate I am not beholden to any grand party design. I’m my own man/woman and I will listen to you and campaign tirelessly on your behalf. I hold no truck with any of the rest of those sly fuckers…unless of course I’m needed to make up some kind of coalition. Then I will only do what’s right for my constituents and I would be able to do more as part of the government.” - Johnny/Jenny Independent
“Vote for us. Somehow we’ve managed to make you all forget we’re the political wing of a terrorist organisation that is responsible for hundreds of deaths and murders, that has brought pain and misery to thousands and thousands of people and is now a racketeering gang that would make Al Capone proud” - Sinn Fein.
So the election has been called…
by Twenty Major on April 29th, 2007
…and not one of the candidates has promised to rid the country of Barry Egan or TV3. There’s a real fucking niche there for anyone who wants it.