Sinky
My memory is not what it once was. And what it was was shit to begin with. Thankfully I’ve got good friends to prompt me when I forget. Last week I was supposed to get my car inusrance renewed. Totally slipped my mind but thankfully my good pal Jari Litmanen was on hand to ensure [...]
Fryin’ lorry
Some years ago Dirty Dave and Stinking Pete decided they would do stand-up comedy. They were all ready for their first open mic session at the International when they realised they didn’t have a name for their act. Against all my better judgement I told them I’d go along to the first show and think [...]
Who r u calling a geebag?
Yet another unscheduled trip to the hospital with Dirty Dave. Learning my lesson from dodgy A&E waiting rooms I took him to the Swiftcare clinic where for just €60 extra you get seen by a doctor, nobody tries to piss/puke/cum on you while you wait, and you’re in and out in just an hour. Marvelous [...]
I Dream a Dream
Some years back I worked in Luigi’s chipper after he’d had a bad accident and spilled a load of hot oil on his face by having his face held in the hot oil because of some money he owed a nasty fucker from Celbridge. Me and Jimmy used to do some shifts in there just [...]
Given the day that’s in it …
… and the shocking punfest that’s going in the comments on the previous post, this is my favourite ever post on this blog. Originally posted nearly 5 years ago. 5 fuckin’ years. Jaysus. — Malachy Wong It was a quiet night in Ron’s last night when all of a sudden the door opened and there [...]
Stereophonic
I visited Jimmy the Bollix last night in Tallaght hospital. He was involved in a serious car crash driving back from the Wicklow mountains where he had to put something in a deep hole. His was the only car involved and he smashed through a ditch, into a field and was stopped by a large [...]
Charlton
The last thing astronaut George Naylor remembered was a curious glow to the side of the spaceship. He had vague memories of some kind of inter-stellar whirlpool but after that it was all blank. He checked the instruments on the ship and blinked. It couldn’t possibly be correct. The reading said the year was 3977, [...]
No Johnny
After they stopped having hit singles the lead singer of the Fine Young Cannibals found himself down on his luck and tried his hand at providing sexual services to the truly perverted. His speciality was with animals and after some initial success he embarked on an ambitious plan to make clones of ponies who would [...]
Fore!
Stinking Pete and Dirty Dave were both keen par 3 golfers. They would play a couple of times a week but every time Stinking Pete would win. No matter how well Dirty Dave played or how much he practiced he always lost. Stinking Pete got a hole-in-one on the 18th in their tightest ever game [...]
Gett off
It was most interesting to read that MCD are taking Prince to court over his no-show at Croke Park last summer. He says it was all someone else’s fault and MCD say it was all his fault but if anyone talks about it they’re going to get Carter Ruck to take them to task. The [...]
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