The swizzers

Last month I posted something about Tesco putting all their prices up. Now here comes the spin:

Tesco yesterday hit back in a fledgling ‘price war’ when it announced that the price of 1,000 items on its shelves — including tea, vegetables and toiletries — would be cut by an average of 12pc.

Basically, all the things they put up they’ll take back down and pretend they’re doing us a favour by cutting prices. Which they’re not.

Having recently driven to Norn Iron I can safely say that’s too far to go to the groceries. If I had many children, perhaps I would be more inclined to do so, but I don’t so I’m not.

What I am doing is trying to shop ‘local’ as much as possible. There’s better value in fruit and veg and eggs and milk from some of the local shops anyway. Even if the bloke in my local cheap spuds and milk emporium could do with working on his customer relationship skills.

He’s always pretty gloomy. Perhaps that’s because he loses out to Get Fresh up the road but he could still be a bit more cheerful. Then again, he is quite chinless, and if there’s a people I distrust more the people who don’t like football, it’s the chinless. Especially ones that grow beards to try and hide it.

You’re fooling nobody.

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57 Responses to The swizzers

  1. Robert says:

    I’m with you on the “not liking football” thing

    Except for Charlie Brooker obviously

  2. Holemaster says:

    Like yer man from Fair City?

  3. Twenty Major says:

    Dunno, don’t watch Fair City.

    Charlie Brooker gets a pass all right

  4. Holemaster says:

    The chinless shopkeeper fella. You don’t have to ‘watch’ Fair City to have come across him at some point.

  5. Action Man says:

    Football?

    I like the game I just don’t like FIFA, UEFA, FA, FAI, Managers, ALL players and supporters etc.

    The game itself is great.

    A gentlemen’s game played by hooligans, cheaters and jumped up prima donnas who think that their image is far more important than their honesty of effort.

    The game is great though!

    Do I pass?

  6. KC Slater says:

    very funny twenty, it’s the same with those comb over people…. they just insult me with every breath. I CAN SEE YOUR BALD… I AM NOT BLIND.

  7. Twenty Major says:

    The chinless shopkeeper fella. You don’t have to ‘watch’ Fair City to have come across him at some point.

    Got a pic?

    Action Man – yeah, it’s full of cunts but it’s all about the game.

    KC – they’re worse, considering the many options they have. Hats, caps, wigs, shaving etc

  8. Holemaster says:

    Anyone know that little shop on Thomas St., between the church and the paint shop? It’s a real local shop for local people only. Nice couple run it. Sleeveless quilt jacket types. Dressed to sell sweets and cigarettes.

  9. GLUAISTEAN says:

    LIKE YOU ARE SO PERFECT KC AND TWENTY. WHAT I’VE NOTICED IS THAT THE PEOPLE WHO JEER AT OTHERS LOOKS ARE OVERCOMPENSATING FOR THEIR OWN WORSE SHORTCOMINGS – TRYING TO DISTRACT EVERYONE FROM LOOKING AT YOU IS CLASSIC.!!!

  10. Twenty Major says:

    I think we can assume from this that Gluey is bald and chinless. And probably bearded.

  11. porridge says:

    GLUAISTEAN says:
    March 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm
    …. WHAT I’VE NOTICED IS THAT THE PEOPLE WHO JEER AT OTHERS LOOKS ARE OVERCOMPENSATING FOR THEIR OWN WORSE SHORTCOMINGS…

    prime example:

    GLUAISTEAN says:
    March 16, 2011 at 11:11 am
    ST PATRICKS DAY – PADDY DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST, GETTING SHIT-FACED DRUNK.

    and every other post it has ever put up. cretin

  12. Holemaster says:

    Chinless Christy (with Trevor Jordache)

    550w_soaps_fair_city_92_1.jpg

  13. Action Man says:

    …cross-eyed and hairlipped too, I’d imagine.

  14. Conan Drumm says:

    Get Fresh were always good value, Tesco are horrendous expensive, ASDA up North were great when the VAT was down in the UK and the euro was up against the pound. Not so good now though, and the cost of fuel getting there has gone through the roof.

    Gluey is one of those pictures where you have a baldy bearded guy if it’s one way up and a chinless hairy guy if it’s upside down. Oh, and he follows nascar and thinks soccer is for Latino fags.
    Apologies if I’ve fed the Troll.

  15. Crank says:

    What I detest are the ageing hair dyers like Brian Lenihan and the wig wearers like Donie Cassidy. How can you trust a man who can’t even be honest about his own hair? I also notice a larger than the statistical average of priests wearing wigs. What’s that about?

  16. SuperGrover says:

    I’m mostly baldy by now. Your classic receded-hairline-shaved-once-a-week look. The contrast between longer hair and a shiny pate is not a look I consider to be the most flattering.
    I could not give a shite that people see that I’m a baldy fecker. I can’t figure out how people come to the conclusion that a blatant green-tinged nylon syrup is just the job. It’s a mental thing to do. The weird thing is that the only reason you’d wear one is because you have issues about your baldness but then draw attention to it by trying to cover it up. Bizarre.

  17. SuperGrover says:

    And I have sticky-out wee jug ears. A shaved head makes them light up like church windows when backlit. Some people grow loads of hair to try to cover that up. That’s even weirder looking. A look straight from Monkey Magic.

  18. SuperGrover says:

    There was a lad from (I think) Donegal on telly a few years back who literally had no chain whatsoever and needed some major surgery to get it all sorted. Serious stuff.

    Awful nice fella, remember wishing him well. Wonder how he’s doing? Hope he’s OK.

  19. SuperGrover says:

    Chin. Not chain.

    I’ll shut up now.

    Except to say this – Shut up Gluey you spa.

  20. KC Slater says:

    Gluey i am not laughing at their looks i am laughing at their rubbish attempts to hid the unhideable. it’s like those really big capes girls wear. it screams fat arse

  21. Moose says:

    Is it possible to change a pillow-case if you are chinless?

  22. Holemaster says:

    Well you can never play pass the orange, that’s for sure.

  23. Crank says:

    Is it possible to change a pillow-case if you are chinless?

    Classic.

  24. on the dry says:

    i knew a high court judge with no micky just his bollix

  25. Karen says:

    Remember Tesco’s ‘Change for Good’ campaign when the recession started to bite a year or two ago? HUGE campaign, loads of prices reduced, Tesco wouldn’t be fleecing the Irish people during the bad times oh no, we’re lowering our prices and that’s that. Until about four months later when every single price went back up. Whatever happened to ‘Change for Good’ we asked? Well, sez Tesco, by Change for Good we meant ‘Change for the better’ so prices can fluctuate NOT ‘Change for ever’ which means prices stay the same all the time. The sheer brass neck of them!

    Four Tesco own brand loo rolls were 79 cent for as long as I can remember. And I do remember as I have a chronic incurable bowel disease and bought many many rolls of loo roll. Then that price went up to 99c and then yesterday they were €1.09 in our local Tesco. Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the diseased?

  26. Holemaster says:

    The Liberties market has the cheapest bog roll ever (if you can find your way back out of it that is).

  27. Slab says:

    Dock Leaves, their free

  28. Slab says:

    Do it old style with Newspaper. On the hole its very good.

  29. happyjohn says:

    Here, Twenty, been reading you since I was a baby, but now you’ve done gone and riled me. Fat girls shouldn’t wear tight jeans and belly tops. Chinless wonders should be obliged to have beards. It’s the only decent thing to do, to save subjecting innocents to such deformities. And all baldies should have their heads and teeth-whitening products should be mandatory and and and… Ok, I’m gonna stop looking in the mirror now.

  30. Would Eric Clapton count as a chinless beardy?

  31. Holemaster says:

    The only exception is my friend Beaker.

    beaker.jpg

  32. Holemaster says:

    Cunting landlord greedy fucks. The Lighthouse cinema which is a great cinema and one of the only draws to Smithfield in the evenings is in danger of closing because their rent was doubled last year. Doubled!

    So a worthwhile, well run and cultural amenity is in danger of closing because some cunt wants too much money. This stuff gets my bile up. Not all of us want to go to massive pleb dazzle multiplexes showing Fucking Morons 3D.

    Ireland, where good ideas get smothered to death by accountants and insurance companies.

    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2011/0328/breaking31.html

  33. mickey says:

    the chinless community are a devious bunch alright. glad someone had the balls to say it!!

  34. Twenty Major says:

    Smithfield’s a dead zone though.

    Went to the Lighthouse last summer, on a Saturday evening, to see Four Lions. There were no more than 10 people in the cinema. The square itself was eerily quiet. Nothing happening, mid summer on a Saturday.

    2 years till it’s a total dangerzone.

  35. Crank says:

    They should show Black Beauty, Sea Biscuit, One Trick Pony, National Velvet, Into the West, The Horse Whisperer, A Day at the Races and, of course, Mr. Ed.

  36. Holemaster says:

    Remember the Green? That was some shithole. I saw Rambo there.

  37. Senor Dingdong says:

    Seen some absolutely horrendous ‘arthouse’ flicks in the lighthouse, but it’s always an integral part of the Jameson film festival and that’s always a great time of year. I prefer the screen though, good mix of commercial and cultural cinema.

    I’m starting to buy more & more off the oul hags on Thomas street or Moore street, they do the best prices for fruit & veg, bogroll, showergel and the likes. Meat from the local butchers, bread from the bakers, almost everything else from Aldilidl.

    Heres my gripe with the chinless, why do they only grow a goatee? It’s never a full thick grizzly adams beard to really hide it.

  38. Holemaster says:

    I saw ‘Do the Right Thing’ in the original Lighthouse on Abbey Street. Must have been around 1989.

  39. Loco Lobo says:

    There are baldies who let the hair that runs around the side of the head grow long and tie it in a pony tail. That is pathetic. Combined with a goatee and it’s comical.

  40. Johnnie390 says:

    Is the IFT on Earlsfort Terrace still operating?? Used to be nice for a thick slice of continental dirt and depravity on a Sunday afternoon.

  41. Slab says:

    I agree with Crank, Where were ya all during The Smithfield Equestrian Games? They had the ugliest man and nag competition, Horse crapping competition, Fattest Cowgirl competition, Farting Competition, Spot the Copper Competition, Rob the punter competition, all finished off with the Q uick draw gun and fencing competitions followed by a 100m horse and man sprint in all directions. What fun, a great day out.
    The Duke would have loved it.

  42. Slab says:

    Best of all though, is, it kicks off every month. Bring your own weapons (toys) of choice. There is a special corner (by the childrens’ (little fuckers) courts for the homemades. Yippikayamotherfukkers

  43. Slab says:

    Crank you forgot, ‘A Man Called Horse’.

  44. Conan Drumm says:

    Johnnie390, that’s loooooooong gone, along with the Irish Sugar Company. Think there’s an occasional club in there now.

  45. Johnnie390 says:

    @Conan. That was the the late 70′s and early 80′s – in my formative years… Is there no equivalent now??

  46. Crank says:

    Of course, there is an answer to all this equine nonsense. Cut their bollix off:

    http://www.thejournal.ie/equine-charity-calls-for-management-and-castration-of-horses-in-problem-areas-2011-03/

    May also work for gluey.

  47. Slab says:

    I totally agree. This could be a new competition at Smithfield. Biggest Bollix Cutting. It would be great to get Bertie, Cowan and the Bankers there too.

  48. Conan Drumm says:

    @Johnnie390 – as for equivalents there are some arty cinemas (modern equivalents of the old Astor/International etc) but no club cinema like the IFT with so many different old/new and foreign films being shown week in, week out. Dems were de dayez.

  49. maggot says:

    Screw Tescoes- I’m for my monthly run to LiddlyDiddly in a few hours time!

  50. danboo says:

    Clapton is God!!

  51. Holemaster says:

    Bandwidth exceeded?

    Must have been the Tesco hackers trying to jam your site. Conor Pope was on the rayjo this morning talking about the Tesco price cut scam.

  52. SuperGrover says:

    Was in The Lighthouse last night. The cinema was not very busy at all. Smithfield square is a strange place. Went to The Cobbelstone for a pint after. Nice pub.

    PS – film recommendation – Animal Kingdom – excellent stuff.

  53. sheepshagger says:

    Twenty once again you’re spot on.
    Even Bobby Charleton has adandoned his “Bobby Charleton”.
    No mention for the worlds foremost chinless wonder H.R.H Charles Windsor?

  54. Johnnie390 says:

    @Conan

    “ing shown week in, week out. Dems were de dayez….”

    Pity, I loved the French and Italian obsceneties.

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