… fair play, you got me.
Sitting there in your van, blacked out windows, I wondered what the flash was as I zoomed towards town, my mane flowing in the breeze as my souped up H50 rocketed down Clanbrassil St.
*flash*
And then posty arrived this morning with a letter from the Gardai. Not the worst one I’ve ever received from them but still. €80 fine. 2 penalty points.
Are you happy now, Gay Byrne? I bet you can whizz about town on your U2 donated Harley and you’ve got that vaseline shit on your number plate which means they can’t snap it properly. I bet you go home of an evening laughing, chuckling, opening a bottle of Coteaux du Layon and muching truffles while you think about how you’ve stuck it to the common man. It’s a long way from Synge Street, Gaybo, you’d do well to remember that.
Sometimes people are in a hurry. Sometimes, in this recessionary hit land, you’ve got to move quickly and act fast to get the business before somebody else. You show a little gumption, a little moxie, and what do you get? A fine and some penalty points.
No wonder we’re fucked.
If I was kid today, I’d hide behind a wall with a camera pressing the flash as people drove past just to freak them out.
And if I was a kid today, I wouldn’t try to buy a Vo Vo bar with a Monopoly 10p.
The same thing happened to me recently when Ryan Turbridy came to me in a vision. And then I realised it wasn’t a vision because that kind of thing is just fucking drivel used by the attention seeking whore to appeal to the fucking imbeciles who refer to him as “Tubs”. It was Ryan Turbridy for real. So I accelerated towards the creep. Next thing *flash*, I was blinded and I missed the cunt. Or was it Chris de Burgh? I keep getting those two creeps mixed up.
I just put the fine on my expenses. The same way Mary Harney put the brazillian provided by NASA on her expenses .
*BURP*
Pizza delivery boys across the land should go on stike in support of you.
A Brazilian on Harney would be the size of the strip of Pine Forest with with straight sides just above Rathfarnham.
Some Honda 50.
What was the worst letter you received from the cops then ?
Shurrup n take yer medicine..
That’s bullshit Twenty. 80 euro. You’d think a tenner would be fair warning.. but then again I suppose your donation is keeping the cunts in a van in a job.
I got two points and a 80 euro fine once for speeding up through orange lights just in front of my house.. I was under the speed limit of 30 mph.. and it was still orange.. but the cunt in a car told me it was very dangerous what I did. The tax on the car being up didn’t help matter either I suppose.
Or the NCT being out of date by months.. come to think of it.
Had to pay the fine at the post office and get the NCT and tax cert down to them at cunt central.
Met a guy at the post office paying a fine too – he got 4 penalty points in the one shot from a cunt.. 2 for speeding and 2 for not having his belt on. He didn’t realise the cunt was giving him 4 till he got his letter. Harsh. You’re only allowed 12 ffs.
Tip: Drive a car older than 1987 and fit old style plates (silver on black). The cameras can’t capture them.
Even tippier: Drive a vintage and avoid doing the NCT.
or you could just say it wasn’t you
http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/taoiseach-refuses-to-comment-on-odonoghue-controversy-427071.html
They have a picture itchy – can there be two men as handsome etc etc in Dublin ?
I would love to know were that money goes, really would. Hope Enda will provide the country with a transparent set of accounts during his term in office. I would also like to know how much they pay that company they outsource the speed trap gig to. I was flying out to dundrum one day for doctors appointment, nipped down a rather inconspicuous road, took the same road back and the following week got two letters, two 80 euro fines and 4 penalty points. Didn’t even see the bloody thing. I do think the work the RSA have done is great. But the speed cameras are a bit of a scam. There is one on the N4 sometimes, hidden in from the road, its like shooting fish in a barrell for them. Hardly seems right. Answer them better to earn their money and sit outside one of the overflowing pup carparks on a Fri or Sat night and arrest drunk drivers.
For flagrantly driving without a seat belt of a Sunday morning – dropping the babysitter home – a razor blade chewing, chubby but cheerless, bitter-mouthed, bitch ban garda sorted the Dundon/McCarthy/ Collopy/Keane farrago down here – by slapping a 2 pointer on the kid.
She backed away from the car window when I mentioned Limerick would sleep easier tonight because of her actions.
I think we should all do something I saw on an ancient episode of Columbo, where William Shatner murdered his wife, I think, and a speed camera took a photo of his car, but there was someone else behind the wheel. Ergo Shatner was innocent.
It took Columbo ages to figure it out, such is the towering intellect of William Shatner, as we all know.
Turns out, he was wearing a mask. Genius!!
Now I think I can safely say the Gardai aint no Columbo, so they’ll never cop on (sorry, I couldn’t resist.).
The Gatso guys are probably no better, so I reckon it’s worth a go.
I hope the Bertie Aherne mask is the chosen weapon.
Twenty – stop washing the H50, soon the number plale will be covered in city grime and no amount of high tech photos will be able to identify you. For the rest of the non biking speeding public unless you are actually stopped you can nominate someone else as the driver with an overseas address. You will get away with this as long as the Garda fine and the reminder is not returned as “unknow at this address”, ask you relative / mate in the UK / US / Oz etc to bin the letter upon receipt. No €80 and more importantly no points. The Garda computer system is not linked (yet) to any other European system.
The Garda computer. A Commodore 64.
Though, to be fair, this is the day after everyone driving on the M7 in thick fog decided that 100 miles an hour into the back of the car/truck/oil tanker in front of them was the best way to cope with not being able to see fifty feet in front of them…
Holemaster says:
March 4, 2011 at 1:08 pm
And if I was a kid today, I wouldn’t try to buy a Vo Vo bar with a Monopoly 10p.
I know it shouldn’t bother me but this sis all wrong. First of all the VoVo wasn’t a bar. It was a chocolate cotaed marshmallow blob and also Monopoly never had 10 pences.
Not saying you’re a liar repeating your mate’s pub story or anything…
Dammit.
ha ha
i suppose you are all going for pints to night
are you actually on the dry, otd?
very mush so off it 7 weeks’ i think paddys day i will have a pint ‘
on the dry says:
March 4, 2011 at 6:18 pm
i suppose you are all going for pints to night
yesiree bob!
Do you go to AA OTD?
i have a complaint about rte. anther one
how come they suspend a no-name dj from his job for a month because he was arrested for drink driving and they didn’t suspend Pat Kenny when he tried to use squatters rights laws to claim his neighbours land?
no anne i am not that bad i just love pints of stout its just i can drink to much of them
anyway i put on a few pounds from stout now i am on the south beach diet and it works
I’d say in the US, a person would probably join up AA after a typical Irish persons average Saturday night out.
To be in AA in this country.. you’d have to be nearly on your deathbed from liquor. ha.
“Not the worst one I’ve ever received from them but still.”
lolz What was the worst?
lol anne its so true
You were lucky, Twenty. I parked the van, a quick delivery, 3 minutes on Portland Row. Came back, fucking glass everywhere, all my fucking gear gone. Never mind the Speed Vans, the recession, the cunt bankers and their bastard pals and their fucking bonuses (I’m not fucking getting one, ever) bring back hanging, the stocks, burning at the stake, and get rid of all the scummer paracite bastards who rob from us and cheat on the social as well. I’m down several days work, €15,000 worth of gear and I’ll be filling ing fucking forms till christmas. Swap ya for your penalty points.
Some lads in Dundalk had a novel way of solving the ‘Van problem’. They set it on fire while the camera operating scroat was inside. He escaped unharmed smelling like a kipper. Van fritzed
Slab, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you.
Rotten bastards!
Maybe get yourself a big slavering rotweiller that you bring around in your van, I hear loads of tradesmen on the radio having their tools stolen from vans, particularly in the B&Q car park.
Thanks Silla,
I’m thinking of a van full of poisonous snakes, small but fatal.
Wanted: Second hand Pop up Bank, preferably not Irish.
http://www.thezoostew.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/enda-400×300.jpg
A pop up Enda ‘in action’
so what ? you must’ve been going too fast twenty. My name is Grace Mugabe, and I want to suck your knob…
That’s harsh, slab. Sorry to hear it.
Tomo, I’ll take a raincheck on that one.
I guess ya cant’t blame them the public/robbing sector gotta find a way to get their money,but that’s where the country will finance the imf deal, by imposing easy to target money raising ideas like road safety in 50kph zones.God bless the peoples republic of doing fuck all.
With your numberplate on the back, how come they tracked you? And if they took you from behind (as they’ve love to, no doubt), how come you saw the flash? Hmmm?
Maybe if they doubled the fine every time an offender caught bang-to-rights began to whinge and complain, “It’s not fair ! Why are they picking on me?”, the resulting revenue would go a long way to reducing the National Debt.
That really must be grace Mugabe twenty, cos it ain’t me. Any chance you’d email me that Tomos email address? I’d like to send a private message to her knob suckingness…
Oh wait, that was friday night it WAS me. Fuck. I’d better check who I fucking messaged on Facebook.
HM – If you want to see a good video of a fella dressed up as a speed camera; have a look at this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzJjeBJY6hg
I live off Clanbrassil street and the what pisses me off is the nasty cunts that drive that road at top speed just to get to the red lights, with scant regard for the kids that are regularly crossing the road to go to the shops. Put your foot out on the road and try to indicate to the drivers that you want to cross? Not a bit of it. They’ll drive at full speed right up to the next bumper stopped at the red lights. Fair enough if you want to speed AND there’s actually someplace to go, but just look a small bit ahead and you’ll see the light is red anyway. So what’s the hurry? Why not open your eyes, pay a small bit of attention, and see you’re not the only arsehole in the area – hold your horses a bit, and try to have some manners, and some respect for others. Its bullshit. Good on the cops for trying to slow these fools down. So sick and tired of drivers who are so unaware of anyone else trying to use the road at the same time as them – pedestrians, motorbikers, cyclists, other drivers … its just cop on.