So, Lorraine Keane’s book didn’t sell very well. According to the Turbine just 1,314 copies. Blimey, even I sold more than that (feel free to print that, Colin).
Anyway, my issue isn’t with Lorraine Keane. If a publisher approaches you and offers you money you’re hardly going to turn it down. The advance for Keane’s book, around €10,000 apparently, is pretty high for an Irish book. Normally you’re dealing in percentages of that, maybe 10%, 20% if you’re lucky, as a first time author.
Then there was the big, expensive launch party in Krystal nightclub. All paid for by the publishers as part of the marketing/PR. It hardly made any difference. I’m sure all the people who attended that were the serial liggers who will go to any kind of opening, party or vaguely glamourous event but ask them to put their hand in their pocket and they all mysteriously develop T-Rex arms. If it’s not free they don’t want it, even if they want it. They’ll just bitch about how, after a bucketload of free Prosecco, they didn’t even get a copy. They’re happy to be seen but offer no actual support.
Leaving those rancid socialites aside though a lot of money, in Irish terms, went into publishing Lorraine Keane’s book. Frankly I have no idea what the book is like. I suspect it’s pretty bad. A tell-all about life in TV3 is hardly high on my reading list. Sales figures suggest that the same is true for a lot of people.
Irish publishers have fallen into the celebrity biography trap without much success in recent years. Keane’s we know about. Bertie Ahern’s book didn’t sell well, Gerry Ryan’s ghastly effort came in at a huge loss, and I’m sure there are many more.
As I said, I don’t particularly blame the subjects. Money is money, after all, and when you’ve lived your life in the public eye I don’t suppose you’re too blessed with self-awareness. Ultimately, not enough people cared about Lorraine Keane to make the book a success. Not her fault, not enough people cared about Gerry Ryan, a genuine ‘superstar’ of Irish celebrity, to make his book work either.
The thing is though, the money pumped into, and lost on these books, takes away from those who have talent (beyond that of being a TV presenter, radio star, politician), and who would dearly love to have a book published. The financial losses incurred on the celeb biogs prevent new talent being given a chance.
Publishing houses have their budgets and when they lose money on expensive-to-produce tat then there’s nothing left over for a new author, regardless of how good their manuscript might be. Lorraine Keane’s advance is typically enough for a two book deal for a first time writer. Tens of thousands lost on Gerry Ryan’s book means countless new novels won’t be published.
I realise it’s a business and in this celebrity obsessed world it’s easy to think people will buy a book just because of the glamour of the subject. Irish book buyers seem more discerning though. Fluff is dismissed as just that. Ego-trips (which we now also know were desperate fundraising attempts) the same. And when you’re publishing the story of the most crooked politician in the land to think people would warmly accept such an effort is a misjudgement of epic proportions.
We pride ourselves on being a literary nation and we do produce great writers – but how many have missed out because publishers have blown their wad on inane crap?
Well, Lorraine Keane’s publishers have done a great job:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Working-Red-Carpet-Lorraine-Keane/dp/0956354165/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294654262&sr=8-1
No cover image, no ‘search inside’, £20.00 sterling cover price and it’s out of stock at Amazon.
And here’s the puff from O’Mahoney’s Booksellers:
“An anchor of the hugely successful Xpose show, Lorraine has always been on the forefront of Irish fashion and she talks about her various style triumphs and fashion disasters both on screen and off.”
I mean who wouldn’t want to read that. Coming shortly – Wallace and Gromit – The Wrong Dress – starring Lorraine Keane as a twat.
Great point, Twenty.
This should be discussed endlessly.
Great blogpost … its a real problem and a microcosm of what happens in publishing generally-when JK Rowling swallowed up all available money in the children’s books sector there was nothing left for developing other authors.
The ‘celebrity’ (does a tv presenter in light entertainment really qualify as a celebrity or is more as a visual familiarity?)
I remember reading that the average income for a professional writer is under £10,000 in the UK so the days of making a living from writing are long over unless you are JK Rowling or another author with the publishing industry using you as a megadraw.
I know a professional writer who is the author of some seven non-fiction books ranging from wine appreciation primers to academic books of sociological value- Oxford honours graduate and a qualified Master of Wine and the poor beggar lives pretty much hand-to-mouth and was only saved from bankruptcy by the Inland Revenue by a timely small advance.
He’s good- very good and even his father said to him a few years back ‘don’t you ever get tired of being poor?’
It’s amazing how many people think ‘two book deal’ = instant wealth. As if.
If you fluke it, for whatever reason, like Cecilia Ahern, then fair play, but most writers have to work their holes off for years to start earning anything decent.
‘The advance for Keane’s book, around €10,000 apparently, is pretty high for an Irish book. Normally you’re dealing in percentages of that, maybe 10%, 20% if you’re lucky, as a first time author’
Ok so 2-3k for a first time author and then how much do you get for each book sale?
“Develop T-Rex arms”.
Brilliant… Permission to steal it from you please?
Great post, I have always loved reading (although I can’t write for sh1t) and I just can’t understand why people would want to read biographys of people who don’t do anything other then talk on the telly.
I recently read a biography of Tom Crean – now there is a man worth reading about.
Granted.
Murty, let’s say you get a deal for two books for €10k.
Divide by two so 5k per book.
You would generally get three payments. First when you sign the deal, 2nd on delivery of an acceptable manuscript, third on publication. Generally equal payments (so 5k / 3).
If the book sells enough to recoup the advance then you would get a royalty of 10% on each copy sold up to X copies (imagine 5,000) and perhaps 12.5% on copies after that point.
My biography of Kevin Gildea can do one. Fuck that. Not worth it. Going back on the dole.
I’m still trying to get my book about a gay monkey in Dublin zoo published. It’s a children’s story about tolerance and acceptance.
I’d read that.
Like most situations, we can probably hold the English at least partly to blame. if you take a look at their bestseller lists from time to time you’ll notice that they often heavily feature books by the likes of Jordan, Jeremy Clarkson and Simon Cowell. Much more than the Irish lists seem to. But I imagine the publishers here see TV celebrity books selling well there and assume that the Irish market is just slightly behind the curve. But even though we lap up shite reality TV as much as England does it may simply not transfer into book sales so easily here.
Which, frankly, is something to be proud of.
Most people do read their own biographies Radge.
I remember Anne Enright interviewed at her home after she won The Booker Prize for her novel The Gathering and she said she couldn’t have done what she’d done without the publisher backing her as a losing bet for the previous 10 years. I think there was a specific person in her publishing house who took her under his wing. And it paid off.
Anfd then you get Ryan Turbridy writing about JFK…decisions, decisions..will I read Dalleks biography or the nasally biography? I’ve read the former, the latter opens with the line “Look at me, look at me”!
Ryan Turbridy, Chris de Burgh and Michael Flatley walked into a bar; Creep was on the jukebox
Thanks for that Twenty – just goes to show that the vast majority of writers/novelists make very little money. Based on the figures mentioned you wouldn’t want to be giving up the day job unless like Captain Con’s friend you enjoy being poor.
I remember Anne Enright interviewed at her home after she won The Booker Prize for her novel The Gathering and she said she couldn’t have done what she’d done without the publisher backing her as a losing bet for the previous 10 years
Interesting stat. My first book sold as many as Anne Enright’s until the point where she won the Booker.
Andrew – yeah, Irish readers more discerning but higher population of the UK means there’s more of a market for dross.
You can always look at someone like Ashley Cole as an example of UK readers rejecting the vanity biog though.
Murty – not sure too many people enjoy being poor.
I’ve heard about Tubridy and his fascination with JFK.
And why not? JFK’s money and presidency was built on corruption as well. The money to put the Kennedys in politics was earned by Joe Kennedy and his pals in the mafia running booze down from Canada during Prohibition.
Fianna Fail originates with a bunch of shysters as well so you can see the reason why someone steeped in FF would admire Joe Kennedy.
Otherwise Ryan might be just envious of someone who had the knack of drawing attention just by being in a room. Keep dreaming, Ryan. Keep dreaming.
Given Ryan’s grandfather was a member of the FF national executive and also coincidentally Director General of RTE I can only assume Ryan looks back fondly on Grandda as a native Joe Kennedy and himself as an embryonic JFK.
The good news is that Tubridy was surely thinking of having a tip at politics as he’s qualified by being recognised on the telly but I’d say he can forget that now.
‘Ich bin ein patronage kinder’.
I remember that someone once told me that in Ireland no-one is famous – at best you’re well known. It’s largely true amongst ourselves and we don’t blink an eye if we see Bono on Grafton St. or a politician on a bar stool in the local pub. This probably helps to explain in some way why celebrity books don’t sell so well here – we probably already know more than we want to about the person and we’re probably not all that interested so why would you buy their book?
Books are no longer to be considered detailed, thought provoking tomes but shiny objects with familiar faces that catch your eye from the shelves. The failure of this book gives me some hope for the Irish public’s attention span.
Andrew, I wouldn’t get too cocky about the Irish. The Brits always whine about American culture and end up copying them. We duly whine about the Brits and end up copying them too. It’s just a question of time lag.
Well, she can probably look forward to becoming a tax-free ‘notable’ Irish artist herself now, and join the illustrious ranks of ‘notable’ literary greats accepted as same. Imagine being on the same list of taxable exemption as Tubridy? As Rosanna Davidson?
And Bertie. Of course.
Irish literature is alive, alive-ohh.
Lung is right… how can Ireland be immune to the wave of turgid celebrity related shite that circles the world like a rogue jetstream?
Its the most open economy in the world and subject heavily to the influence of consumer culture so its inevitable really.
Can’t blame Irish kids either as the influences they get are from parents, many of whom have spent the last 20 years pretending Ireland was a sort of extra damp Tunbridge Wells or suspiciously gloomy San Diego.
Its just as bad in the UK by the way if not worse in some respects so I’m not having a go at Ireland alone on this.
There should be a law that states an autobiography cannot be written unless one is at least 50 years of age.
What a can desperately insecure ex traffic jam reporter/bad TV presenter have to teach me about life?
If you are a writer or are in publishing then Seth Godin’s latest project is worth following or keeping an eye on.
http://www.thedominoproject.com/
I think this is the base line for ‘literature’ such as Miss Keane’s. The nub of the issue is of course the cash she was offered which totally skewed the reality of the proposition, who would want to read her story. Not knocking her, just saying, well done for getting €10,000 squids, will pay for a super Mark Warner holiday for the family.
I’ve just looked up to see who or what she was, never having heard of her.
A biography? I wonder does the book cover her time as AA Roadwatch manager- sometimes these things leave out the most rivetting sections.
Far as I can see she’s a bit of televisual fluff used to host things.
I see her sister Tori is also an employee of TV3. As Michael says above she’ll probably get a family holiday out of it. Which little Emelia and Romy will enjoy thoroughly I’m sure.
Tori … Romy … Emelia … jesus could they be any more desirous of a Chelsea address.
No Jimmy-Barrys or Siobhans in that house …
When will your next book be out Twenty?
Beyond The Pale
January 10th, 2011 @ 1:12 pm
When will your next book be out Twenty?
Cunts?
I just finished reading the phone book.
Turns out the Zebra did it.
Yup, the book publishing business and the book selling business are paddling aimlessly in shit-creek. They haven’t a clue how to cope with or use electronic/digital publishing.
It’s all geared to ‘author’ branding and name recognition is now almost a pre-requisite to getting into the lists and onto the shelves.
I put the inverteds on author because all too often there is a ghost writer for the kinds of book you’re rightly giving out about. And where there isn’t a ghost writer you can be sure the publishers’ editing costs are quite high. So, as a writer, the odds are there’s more money to be made ghost-writing a celebrity ‘autobiography’ than writing original fiction or non-fiction.
How about a literary ‘You Tube’ of sorts?
Online self-publishing in epub format could work. No need for a publisher.
Best book I’ve read in years:
Bill Bryson, A short history of nearly everything.
No time for fluffy, frothy shite. Especially hate it when some 20 something year old footballer is signed up to tell us his (ghost written) life story. Still, if you look at what is popular on the telly, does it not reflect what kind of society has been created for us and kept that way?
True about the ghost writers, Conan.
It’s already there, Action Man.
http://www.lulu.com/
I think the fact that bookstores are struggling to compete with the likes of Tesco and Asda who can loss-lead with the likes of books such as Jade Goody’s ‘Resurrection- Anything Jesus Can Do I Can Do Better’ and that kind of thing.
The supermarkets know that with the short of dumbfucks wandering the aisles of their stores they only need carry a few blockbusters- a bonkbuster, a science fictiony thing and a few biogs of people who’ve been on the telly because the dumbfucks feel a connection with people they’ve seen on the telly and will buy the book because of the familiarity factor.
Thats killing the book trade … although hopefully there is a kind of floor for good indie bookshops below sales will not fall because try as they might the corporations still have to endure awkward consumers coming up with their own preferences the bastards.
I have just seen this ghastly photo –
http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/books/tv3-stars-join-keane-on-red-carpet-for-her-books-launch-2425505.html
Look at the tarts shoes they are wearing.
Who would buy a book from somebody with shoes like that??
There’s precious little originality in fiction these days. I think the bookshops are to blame as well as the publishers. The only decent bookshops now are the second hand ones & Books Upstairs on Dame Street. I miss Greenes. The rest are just overrun with chick-lit, Trinny & Susannah and giant mounds of Jordan bios.
I can’t understand how Jordan’s life so far could have been interesting enough to fill 1 autobiography, let alone 3. Imagine if she keeps going at that rate and lives to 90.
Why buy a book about her life when it’s mostly on TV anyway ?
Is it me or are credit card bills arriving earlier these days ?
It’s not just writing, it’s the same in nearly every creative field – with the rise of both the Internet and celebrity culture, the noise level that genuine talent must rise above to be financially successful has never been higher. And then you still need that little bit of luck that talent has always needed. For Elvis it was Sam Phillips at Sun records, for example.
We are already decadent in the west (ist the best).
Forgotten what blood, sweat and tears are. Becore too soft and yanquiised.
The indians and chinese are starting to shaft us already.
Do not know what the solution is, perhaps a big shindig somewhere close to us to bring us back to earth again. It is certainly what the European project needs.
Two corrections –
(ist the best) should read (is the best).
Becore should have appeared on your screens as become.
And no, their were no juicy bottoms to distract me this time. All of my own (mis)doing.
Absolutely agree HM – at least 50 or be retired from whatever you are basing your story upon. More people should take a leaf out of John Giles book (don’t bother excusing the pun)and write it when they’re 70 with a bit of perspective and maturity.
As for the writing in auto-biographies – some of it is absolutley atrocious – short almost childlike sentences that form disjointed stories that aren’t very interesting to begin with.
“the noise level that genuine talent must rise above…”
Very well put Tomo. It has always been difficult for talent to be discovered but I firmly believe that literature and music have become increasingly devalued in out short-attention-span age and not just financially.
It’s a pretty sad reflection of the music business when every group I know aspires to be a successful wedding band. “Let’s hearit for de Bride n Grume”.
It started with Donnie Osmond and his gorgeous siblings.
Classic example of dumbing down:
Top act on Jools Holland’s New Year’s Eve Hootenanny?
Kylie Bleedin Minogue!!!!!
Who exactly was the target audience for her????
yep. was shittiest hootenanny since he startd it. also becasue his band was on all night too. I must drop lsd for the next hootenanny
Kylie is starting to show her age alas
KM was only ever aimed at little kids, until she had a resurgence for dirty old men.
Music was never the point of her, and being told by the music media that she is a music star, doesn’t make it so.
The Simon Cowell school of promoting lightweights as proper artists is the same hype that claims Lorraine Keane et al are stars with legitimate talent and sufficient public interest to warrant their name being on the cover of a book.
Fuck off cunts, kylie is deadly.
Peader, you should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky…
Hate to shatter your illusions, murty, but Johnny Giles published his first autobiography back in the seventies (“Forward with Leeds”, if memory serves).
Fecking excellent post, 20.
Sadly, I foresee only more of the same ‘going forward’, as they say.
Publishers these days seem starstruck by fame, preferring any brandname on the book, no matter what the quality is, and hence are losing hand over fist promoting political and sleb hackwork that the public simply don’t want to read.
Well, the celeb stuff isn’t working really, so hopefully some of them might come to their senses.
I shoulda mentioned sporting biogs too in that list. Like the political and sleb stuff, some of it sells well, the rest doesn’t shift at all, but it all costs a bomb in up front advances.
I’d have thought that publishers would do better to hedge their bets by spreading risk. Advances to new writers (people who write, not people who kick balls, wear makeup on telly, get their tits out or govern countries) are generally tiny. So you can bankroll loads of them for every Lorraine Keane or Jordan or Wayne Rooney or Tony Blair.
That way the risk is spread, and it only takes one to take off in the market and you’ve covered the other bets.
It’s like backing a load of teams at longer odds with small stakes rather than backing just a couple at short odds and massive stakes.
My 2c as I tout a book to agents.
Good luck, it’s not a friendly industry at all.
And I think you’re right – take Keane’s for example, they could probably have got four novels from two ‘rookie’ writers for the price of that one.
Celebsession is just too prevalent. It’s colours the way people think.
“Has been on telly, will sell books”, false.
I sold way more and was slagged off as a flop, so there you go.
Ta for the kind words. I’ve experience of nasty industries, so it doesn’t worry me. But it’s not been easy so far, for sure.
Another thing that occurs is that bankrolling actual writers allows for much more publicity in a strange way than churning out sleb, sports or politico crap.
You pump hundreds of gees into Wayne Rooneys umpteenth ghostwritten biog, and the shrek looking nob will turn up for the launch and that’s that.
Put that cash into a few dozen actual writers, who do nothing other than write, and they’ll spend their whole time trying to promote it in addition to the publisher. They’ll do book tours, go on radio, telly, in print, wherever they can push their work out there.
Fair enough, a lot of writers aren’t tremendously exciting interviews since they choose to be antisocial and stay at home with imaginary people all day.
But can you really tell me that Jordan or Wayne Rooney are more edifying or interesting?
No, sir. Plus you’ll find many writers don’t get out there to talk about their books because the publishers idea of PR is to send out some review copies with a bog-standard press release.
A lot of authors have come to realise they need to go out and sell their own books, something many aren’t conduced by their character towards.
I recall Martina Devlin (chicklit author, now writing non-fiction and getting more interesting) saying that in the early days she was bombarding any local radio/paper she could think of to get coverage.
But she was and is a journalist too, and a) understands the media and b) has the connections and outgoing nature to do just that.
It’s probably not the way forward for all writers, who are left to rely on moribund marketing depts in publishing houses who’ve had their budgets slashed to pay Jordan’s latest signing on fee.
Yeah, it’s a direct consequence of the money wasted on celeb tat.
Still, having experienced one PR company’s efforts I’d be inclined to think that even the most introverted author would be better left to fend for themselves.
I’m in no position to offer any author advice, but if I was, I’d tell them to take control of the marketing and promotion themselves as much as they were able to.
I wish that someone would write my biography. I’d really like to know what I was doing during the years 1983-1987.
Do you have the pictures?
JC – yep, it’s much easier now to self-publicise as well.