So FF are behind Sinn Fein in the latest poll. Hardly a surprise is it? I suspect an Ian Huntley – Gary Glitter coalition could do better than them at this stage.
Yet amidst all this our future remains so unsure, so up in the air, and we might lose sight of that as we celebrate the imminent wipe-out of the FFers. We need leaders, we need new blood, we need people with the best interests of the country at heart. I’ve given this a lot of thought and here’s my list of people who can get us through this crisis and out the other side to a point where we earn much more than anyone else and pay less tax.
Brendan O’Connor – he’s got it all, wit, charm, elegance, good looks, and a clean, rational, measured way of thinking. It’s a long way from Mace ads to leading a country but Ronald Reagan acted with monkeys and became POTUS. The step for O’Connor is not so great and his wonderful chat show on a Saturday illustrates perfectly why he’s should be considered a genuine option.
Packie Bonner – out of a job having been fired by the FAI if there’s anyone who knows how to make a save it’s the former Ireland ‘keeper. Sure, he’s an FFer but he’s the good kind like Mattie McGrath and not the bad kind like Conor Lenihan.
Leslie Dowdall - many’s the time we’ve sat around in Ron’s wondering what semi-famous ex-pop stars are doing these days. Did you know that Cathal Coughlan from Microdisney is now the manager of a call centre in Pune, India? Anyway, I have no idea what Leslie Dowdall is doing now but there’s little doubt in my mind that we could all benefit from the energy and spunk she brought to In Tua Nua.
Senator Eoghan Harris – What’s that old sports adage, “you don’t win anything by being a nice guy”? The same goes for real life and politics. And Eoghan Harris is anything but a nice guy. He’s a tedious, blustering, ignoramus cunt, just the man to set us right and tell us where we’ve been going wrong. He also teaches film studies and his favourite film is Weekend at Bertie’s.
Brenda Power – as the era of Mary O’Rourke comes to an end, we need another voice that can be heard live on four different radio stations at the same time. Is there anything worse than somebody whose opinions are fey and changeable, someone who cant take a stand on anything? That’s not our Brenda – and as all sections of society have to be catered for we need someone to keep the gay traveller single-mother drug taking immigrants in their box.
Ryan Tubridy – a man who can get things done. Has got the political background and influence. Who else could win an award for a book that wasn’t even released when the nominations were announced? It’s that kind of get up and go we need. He’d have gotten us out of the recession before we had any idea it had begun.
And those are just mine. I’m sure you have suggestions of your own.
May I suggest Barry Egan – we all know the Celtic Tiger Party would have never stopped with this bundle of fun at the helm.
Maybe his constant tongue-rimming of Bono would have made their decision to funnel their money through Holland a little more difficult
I think we need to think inside the box and bring back people who’re already being paid plenty so they won’t cost us anything, the people who know how we got into this mess must surely know the way back out… step forward Rody Molloy, former head of FAS (he knows how higher public servants screw the state), Michael Fingleton (he knows how the banks really work), and Patrick Neary, (he knows a light touch from a full stroke).
Michael O’Leary – a man whose economic ideology makes Mary Harney’s look like Che’s Guevara’s. A country with O’Leary at the helm will no doubt be one with an abundance of jobs as O’Leary, with some sort of King-Midas-esque ability, simply touches an institution and – ZAP! – it’s privatised. Your worries about incoming Water Charges will be a thing of the past, as you’ll be much too concerned with desperately trying to find money to pay for Oxygen Charges and Occupying-Space-Time Charges.
Look Twenty – it’s time you made your push for power. The people are ready for it and will be behind you. There will be no shortage of volunteers to do the messy work of clearing out all traces of FF and their collaborators.
“Twenty Major for the Two Euro Pint”
There is your rallying slogan.
Crossed paths with Leslie Dowdall a while back, she is running her own training business and was in the process of getting hitched to a Spanish chap. Very nice woman.
Ah Leslie Dowdall. My first soiled sheets. Or was that Blondie.
SpongeBob Squarepants – for his Dermot Aherneness.
Leslie Dowdall – at the top of “I still would”
The Beardy Cunt from the Vodafone ad..
with him at the helm,it would be ineviatable that someone would start a war with us,which would solve 2 problems,it would increase employment as those car bombs dont make themselves,and also would be a gift cull to cut down the population,and we’d be able to blame
Belgiuminsert country here.Peadar’s your man
Hey, nice crossing out Fill :)
First Dozen people to phone Joe Duffy – there’s your cabinet. Down to earth sensible people. Couldn’t do any worse that what is there at the moment.
Ronán ó Snodaigh and Duke Special. They have both clearly demonstrated the required ability to drone people into a semi-comatose-couldn’t-giva-a-bollix-what-you’re-on-about state so essential to politicians and also, they look like such a pair of nackers that people will feel sorry for us and lend us lots of money thinking we must have the potato blight again.
a friend came up with the perfect sentance summing up Irelands situation at the moment..
“The Spuds are black in the ground”
asian found dead
Been shot in the head with a starting pistol
Police believe it’s race related
Ryan Tubridy – a man who can get things done. Has got the political background and influence. Who else could win an award for a book that wasn’t even released when the nominations were announced? It’s that kind of get up and go we need. He’d have gotten us out of the recession before we had any idea it had begun.
is that true about de buk? wouldn’t surprise me.
Yes, released Oct 28th, Irish Book Award nomination on Oct 26th
There’s a slight…
expected over the weekend. But there’s more…
forecast and some very severe…
hey – from the ryan turdbody family tree – any chance we could get that unfunny but well connected cunt dave mcsavage to run for office? Id say if we let him bring his guitar into the dail he’d go for it. at the very least it would make leaders question time a bit more interesting.
and whats more FF than being related to another politician and being able to hold a tune?
There’s a slight Inspector Morse expected over the weekend.
But there’s more Julian Clary forecast and some very severe paedophile.
Apparently.
I think Conan has a point. Although I’d still prefere if they did a stretch in that nice hotel on the North Circular Road for their contribution to the mess.
I have to say I am not proud to admit this but I’d far rather be looking and listening to Brian Cowen than Enda, he looks and sounds like an actor in a cheap 70′s porno. He deeply disturbs me.
US Embassy Dublin got all irritated with us pesky Irish public over Shannon. And they had the audacity to consider further action following the acquittal of the “Shannon Five”.
See America, we actually READ the news and figure shit out for ourselves instead of swallowing the Fox ‘News’ propaganda.
http://213.251.145.96/cable/2006/09/06DUBLIN1020.html
fox news really does remind me of cold-war proganda news, it’s fucking pathetic. it’d be funny if it wsn’t so serious. I was watching it a couple of weeks ago, and I’ll have to find the footage for you HM , it is so good, a democrat was out in Seoul getting “interviewed” by a woman host with black hair back in her studio in mordor. She wasn’t exactly impartial and he really put her in her place by taking the complete piss out of her, he was saying at the end in a really gay take-off ” ohhhh,…..look at you missy…you’re all antsy when you don’t get the fox propaganda view across” and the face on her, when she went off air I’d reckon she took a huge hissy fit. she was slam dunked by the dem. will go rooting for it on the w/end. meanwhile; i’m off to do my hair for the national tonight. it will be like a beard convention tonight.
Twenty Major, a cunt amongst cunts.
You’ve got my vote comrade.
8. ….Occasional and
inadvertent breaches of weapons and uniform policies, like
“failure” to notify transiting prisoners (ref B) and military
equipment, are met with public and press scrutiny, but also
with Government understanding….
Not surprising. As long as the common folk don’t get wind if it and no votes are lost, FF are happy to comply with the kidnapping and torture of civilians.
Zose prisoners were just resting in our accounts. Oh! Look at ze pretty lights on Grafton Strasse!
fox gave more coverage to the anti-war side than the BBC.
wait and i’ll find ya a link… just put on the snow boots!
I think Twenty should join the army. Then, in a satirical nod to Joseph Heller, he could become Major Major and leads his compatriots in a coup.
Tanks are much better than cement trucks when you want to storm the gates of Leinster House. As a better man/woman than me said here: “into the valley of debt…”
Ming the Merciless for a benevolent despot.
We could legalise pot and then we’d be just like
Holland an enlightened country with a sound industrial
based economy and all people drawing benefits could
be employed to tend the hemp crop as happens in Canada
today.
Problem solved.
Ming for President.
CAnt you find a place for John Hume in there…personal hygiene minister or something
I think Twenty should join the army. Then, in a satirical nod to Joseph Heller, he could become Major Major and leads his compatriots in a coup.
heh but then I’d become everything I hate. Is that a Catch 22?
Well Fianna Fail have certainly taken Joseph Heller to heart:
“Fianna Fail would be crazy if they put more money into Anglo and sane if they didn’t, but if they were sane they had to put more money in. If they put more money in they were crazy and didn’t have to; but if they didn’t want to they were sane and had to. The IMF was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.”
fucking point 22 would do
The usual “Will you or won’t you enter government with SF” questions are going to dominate the news for the weekend.
Truth is Labour would do it if it gave them a better chance of government.
Ireland won’t form a government easily. The place is a mess. Nobody wants FF. Nobody wants Enda Kenny and nobody knows what Gilmore stands for. FG and Labour are too far from each other. SF are suspect and not proven in economics. And then there’s a bunch of independents.
Only a Major ? With his intellect and people skills he would be at least Major General Major!
If Gilmore promised to take away all ministerial cars, stop TD expenses and halve TD salaries, he’d walk it.
I suggest we elect Ben Dunne, a true humanitarian, philanthropist and intellectual, and with his additional cocaine psychosis and being hog tied by cops experience, he’s truly a well rounded individual.
Plus he has a hotline to Joe Duffy, which would come in very handy. Cos we all know Joe is the real power in this country.
You have to love him!
0. Silla
December 3rd, 2010 @ 8:28 pm
If Gilmore promised to take away all ministerial cars, stop TD expenses and halve TD salaries, he’d walk it.
I suggest we elect Ben Dunne, a true humanitarian, philanthropist and intellectual, and with his additional cocaine psychosis and being hog tied by cops experience, he’s truly a well rounded individual.
:) hehe
I know my wish is naive, but it’s as likely as any of the rest of them being capable of pulling our arses from the fire.
We ARE the Christmas turkeys!
I’m gratified Leslie Dowdall made this list.
Well deserved.