I’m retiring …

… to the drawing room”, I said after dinner.

“Capital idea, Twenty”, said Jimmy the Bollix, pouring himself another snifter of Courvoisier X.O

“It always amuses me when people grasp the wrong end of the stick”, I said, fixening my waistcoast and lighting a cigarillo.

“Quite”, he said.

“Indeed”, I said.

Dinner had been a rather mundane affair. The smothered quail was stringy and somewhat tasteless and the blackberry wine cake for pudding was nothing short of a disaster.

Any vague hopes that the evening might be salvaged by conversation were thwarted when Dirty Dave decided then would be the time to regale us with intimate details of his Moldovan housecleaner, and current inamorata.

When he was advised that phrases such as ‘chunky dirt box’ and ‘pube-tits’ were unbecoming for a gathering at this level of society he got the message but not before he reported, in grand terms, that she had become ‘desmegmetised’ to his manhood, an image which saw Lucky move his plate to the centre of the table and not touch another morsel all night.

In the end the evening was salvaged by some post-dinner digestifs and most glorious game of The Minister’s Cat.

Same as it ever was.

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44 Responses to I’m retiring …

  1. Conan Drumm says:

    The Minister’s Cat is an astygmatic cat…

    Pass the Cohibas, there’s a good fellow. Btw, it was always ‘The Parson’s Cat’ in our drwaing room.

  2. porridge says:

    chocloate covered digestifs, no doubt

  3. Twenty Major says:

    chocloate covered digestifs, no doubt

    hah

    The Parson’s Cat, eh? Sounds much more protestant.

  4. Conan Drumm says:

    The Minister’s Cat sounds suspiciously presbyterian.

  5. Anne says:

    Lucky should have just spanked his bare arse hard in front of everyone. He’d learn all about being desmegmetising then.

    ‘chunky dirt box’ and ‘pube-tits’
    Definitely not becoming for a male over 13. No, definitely not.

  6. Holemaster says:

    What no Armagnac?

  7. porridge says:

    smothered quial is dead easy to do – see below:

    smother-quail.gif

  8. maggot says:

    That’s not a quail .

  9. Snifflecry says:

    surely desmegmatised Sir

    *asks not to be called Shirley*

  10. Beyond The Pale says:

    AH Twenty
    i follow you on twitter
    that videolink
    8 minutes and forty seconds of fail was good stuff

    Did you see Damien Duff at 5.55?
    EPIC FAIL INDEED

  11. porridge says:

    “that’s not a quail”
    there’s always one, isn’t there? well, i’m not going to eat it (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=eat%20crow) although i knew that image would come back to bite me. as a tribute to your peadntically pedantic padanticism, i shall now flip you the bird : )

  12. itchybollix says:

    Off topic. Reading the judgement from the courts this a.m. on the by-election (and it sounds like you’ve being hanging out with the upper-crust too twenty..) the judgement will make it interesting to hear Lenihan and Cowen talking about treason, patriotism, economic war-criminals etc, etc. This crowd of cunts have to go to the country now. Isn’t it ironic that Michael Lowry – fucked out of his political party – is propping up the most financially corrupt political party in the country by bribing them for his local electioneering campaign.? Isn’t it LIKE RAIIIINNNNN ON A SUMMERS DAY? What a pack of cunts. Greens, please walk away from these corrupt cunts and show us that you have some dignity left.

  13. porridge says:

    spelling errors intentional and even possibly ironic

  14. Conan Drumm says:

    Things have come to a sorry pass when it’s the Shinners giving the rest of them a lesson in democratic values, courtesy of the recently recognised courts.

  15. Twenty Major says:

    Did you see Damien Duff at 5.55?

    Wasn’t Duff, it was some Norn Iron player.

    Conan – yeah, truly we are lost.

  16. ‘desmegmetised’?
    Frightful. I can imagine lucky’s monocle dropping into his bowl of broth.
    I’d horsewhip Dave, if I had a horse.

  17. Crank says:

    I doubt it’s coincidental that Lowry was on the news the other night touting his ‘sports complex’, bring Vegas to Tipperary.

    Obviously the price of his support is new gambling legislation.

  18. Magoo says:

    How could they miss the most obvious song title in there…”Enough is enough”

  19. Heywood Jablome says:

    BTW Twenty, one ‘repairs’ to the drawing room after dinner, not ‘retires’.

    You, sir, are a bounder and I claim my five pounds.

  20. Crank says:

    The gentlemen would never had repaired or retired to the drawing room. That was reserved for the ladies. The men would have decamped to the library.

    I claim five pounds from both of you. Naturally.

  21. Crank says:

    P.s. A library was not 3 books and a couple of dodgy magazines in the jacks. In dem days.

  22. DD says:

    A quite obvious freudian slip…

  23. Rob says:

    I think you will find that a very small whole lemon up the arse of that quail while cooking will sort out the stringyness and add quite a nice aftertaste!

  24. itchybollix says:

    I had quail for starters here and it was ******** ***********

    http://www.lecrivain.com/

  25. Holemaster says:

    Dept. of Finance stormed by 30 student protesters apparently.

  26. Heywood Jablome says:

    Absolutely correct, Crank.

    But as it would appear that no ladies (or even women) were physically present at Twenty’s delightful soiree (a common state of affairs at TM Towers, I’m led to believe), I assumed this was the reason that he and his party transferred to the drawing room instead of the more conventional wood-panelled destination.

    ‘Cos like, when the cat’s away like, the mice are gonna play like, innit?

  27. Jo says:

    I always thought one withdrew to the drawing room, hence the title.

    It’s nice that the topic of spanking has been returned to the blog, though I thought morgor did it with more panache, somehow.

  28. Holemaster says:

    The peasants are revolting!

  29. Jo says:

    I thought they were eating quail?

  30. itchybollix says:

    the cops even-handed HM? Just beating the fuck out of everybody?

  31. Holemaster says:

    Sounds like there is major violence going on down there. Blood, stretchers, dogs.

    I saw an Army (not Garda) helicopter fly over the Canal towards city centre.

  32. itchybollix says:

    Orcs

  33. Ass-per-usual says:

    “I think you will find that a very small whole lemon up the arse of that quail while cooking will sort out the stringyness and add quite a nice aftertaste!”

    Ah, I remember it well. As kids we always had a fierce fight at the table over who got to suck the quails arse après-dinèr

  34. Jo says:

    blood stretchers dogs??! Shit!

  35. Jo says:

    Ah shit, that shouldn’t have had to happen – gardai batoning teenagers on the head? That’s not right.

  36. Crank says:

    That’s an impressive turn out of students. They’re still students though so you have to hate them.

  37. Twenty Major says:

    Student chat on new post

  38. Loco Lobo says:

    Teenagers should be hit in the head, hard and often. It’s part of growing up. Might put some sense into their heads. No guarantee though.

  39. Jo says:

    yeah yeah, apathy blah blah, country, blah blah, nobody wil protest, blah blah, then they do the shit you all talk about all day and it’s ‘fucking students, they deserve it’. Who doesn’t go to college these days? Bollocks.

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