I’m tired of the gloom and doom and forecasts and the lies and the corruption and the cheating and the paying of tax and all that.
As it’s Friday, end of the working week (if you’re lucky enough to have a job), we should be regaled with stories of hilarious drunkenness or school daze pranks.
In my class in school there was a pervert called Paddy. I haven’t thought about him for years but I assume he’s still a filthy deviant. He used to sit beside Cormac who was all too easily egged on so teachers would separate them.
Unfortunately for little Albert, who was moved from his favourite place at the front of the class to sit in Cormac’s seat, Paddy could smell the fear miles away. Albert would try to sit as far away from him as possible but when the teacher’s back was turned he’d feel Paddy leering at him, and then it would begin.
Paddy would just reach out and touch Albert on the cock. Albert, quite understandably, did not like this. He’d try and skronch over a bit more but Paddy had the goo on for some cock touching and out would go his hand again and flick at Albert’s crotch.
In those days it was very difficult for a young student to complain to a teacher that another boy was touching his cock, simply because admitting that someone was touching your cock made you openly gay, even though the cock toucher seemed to get away with it.
This went on for some weeks, the chair would scrape, the desk would rise as Albert moved away and the teachers would admonish him and tell him to sit still. Paddy would leer and squeeze his own helmet.
One day, after an hour of solid cock touching, Albert snapped, turned around and hit Paddy as hard as he could in the face, which wasn’t very hard at all. Unfortunately for Albert it happened just as our English teacher, the strictest of them all, turned to face the class. He went mad.
Albert lost his reason and began explaining how he’d been the victim of a sustained, prolonged cock touching, not realising that the teacher in question, who would later be removed from his position for sampling the delights of 6th year mickey himself, was entirely the wrong person to make that complaint to.
The rest of us – we sat there and said nothing and now, many years later, I’m sure Paddy still touches cocks that he shouldn’t while Albert, full of bitterness, bile and hatred for the public in general, is probably working in politics somewhere.
I dunno. I’m young Albert and his siblings got into touching people too. They’d touch them up and folks would do anything to be shut of them – give them money, jobs, free use of property, racing tips. Anything.
drat…. I’m SURE Albert…
I heard he changed his name
http://i51.tinypic.com/2w737no.jpg
heh, Itchy
Had me worried for a moment there, Conan. That would have been a hell of an admission
Mashing first years into the wall with your bag.
Research for Fianna Feel
we had a self-toucher – horney eoghan – uncomfortable, but we preferred to sit beside him than smelly Dermot – neither a pervert – we left that to the fun loving crims, the brothers.
When I was in 6th class, one of the girls in my all girl class used to run up to other girls, pinch their boob really hard, and run off laughing. As we were all just developing (steady, now!) at that stage, it really hurt!
This same girl is now a Fianna Fail secretary, where I’m sure this experience of squeezing people til they cry comes in very handy.
They certainly wouldn’t have let young Albert into Fianna Fail for having committed the ultimate sin – he got caught. Now Paddy on the other hand…
Jimmy Ripple
Cock touching…I wish I’d thought of that, the nuns would’ve loved it
Classic car porn:
https://mail.google.com/mail/?shva=1#inbox/12bf79e93f751289
Let me see … tventy years off cocktouching at 17 euros a cock…. ja, average four times a day but not enough school days in Irlanden (HO HO HO) zat vill be tventy eight million unt funfzig euros pliss.
Don’t vorry. I get it from Herr Lenihan. Ja!
Sorry wrong link there:
http://www.classiccarsforsale.co.uk/
Ramming a rusty compass into the buttock of the other internee sitting in front of you.
I got that car in my inbox this morning as well.
Looks like fun, but I’m about £98,000 short.
This is about my budget…
http://www.classiccarsforsale.co.uk/classic-car-page.php/carno/115198
This would suit me better…
http://www.classiccarsforsale.co.uk/classic-car-page.php/carno/108757
Making everyone reeeally nervous in metalwork.
Swapping Mens and Ladies toilet signs on parent teacher meeting nights.
Making the French teacher cry.
Taking magic mushrooms at lunchtime and turning PE, Irish and a study class into something truly extraordinary.
Seeing how many of us could get onto one BMX and freewheel down the hill.
More than you’d think.
(1) Drinking all the whisky the girlies had brought in to make their christmas cakes in home economics classes.
(2) Finding out how annoyed a bunch of girlies can be.
When one is a young teenager in an all-boys school, one knows bugger all about girls and their bits. There was an ongoing argument amongst us about whether our superbly well-endowed science teacher had false breasts or not. (I know, we knew nothing).
Well, one day, one of the chaps sitting at the front reached out and grabbed Miss O’Briens ample breast, turned around to the rest of the class and announced loudly:
“Yea, they’re real!”
Miss O’Brien just turned red and pretended it never happened.
She got the little bollix back another day though.
Morgan Plus Four. No more need be said.
Although Alvis might be mentionable.
Just googled an Alvis. Looks like an old Bristol.
They were one of the greats HM. John Le Carre had one of his characters drive one. Stephen Fry drove one – I think it was his own – in “Kingdom”.
Morgan are special though – a distant relative really mashed his in the 90s – phoned Morgan to order replacement – how much damage sir ? the Front left wing is OK the rest is mangled – that’s ok – ship it to us and we’ll rebuild – and they did. They keep track of every car they ever made.
this is what i remember http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0C5QxBpUdg
1964 Aston Martin DB5. Game over.
Meanwhile -
Flawed Halliburton cement used in BP well
http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/1029/gulf.html
Whoops all the Brit Bashing!
heh otd – who oiled your clarinet ?
and it so IS time now for stout
time for stout
Meh. Aston Martin. Every second knacker with money in Dublin had one.
I saw a four door Porsche saloon yesterday. I pointed and laughed. He wasn’t happy.
a four door Porsche saloon? Bad enough they started with the 4×4′s. That name badge is fucked.
Jim Corr on The Last word now…
1962 Ghia L6.4
http://www.mopar-collection.com/
http://www.mopar-collection.com/images/1962%20ghia%20L6.4/Resize%20of%20DSCN8954.jpg
Ryan Turbridy and Michael Flatley walked into a bar. The barman puked on them.
hilarious drunkeness is pushing it but
Kos, Greece, 1999. The first time I got drunk on tequila. I remember the bar holding me up. I had my right hand on the bar and my left hand on the bar. I weas standing. I was putting all my effort and concentration into remaining standing at the bar. Feet apart with two arms out straight. A classic “I’m so fucking drunk I can’t stand” pose. I could feel a hand delving into my inside left pocket and taking my wallet. I couldn’t budge. I then felt him take a necklace from around my neck. Some crap I’d picked up over there so no problem. But then I remember the guy looked me straight in the eye as he took my watch off.
HM – is that Jim Corr interview worth checking out for a alugh. I could do with a laugh.
maggot; I’m back with Le Carré; finished tinker, tailor, now back with part on the honourable schoolboy; oldschool excellence
must stop flicking onto rte when waiting for newsnight/newsnight review and jools. ryan turbridy makes me feel funny. not in a good funny manner. like chris de burgh makes me feel funny. he looks like he’s wanking his chair with his legs interviewing andrea corr. they both air-kissed each others cheeks twice at the intro. What the fuck is that about?
Itchy, you should be watching Dexter on FX, plenty of blood and guts. And good for a laugh.
I’m watching Brian Cowen make an arse of himself again on Newsnight in relation to the EU budget increase Silla but I will put Dexter on next time, thanks. I’m set in my ways if I’m at home on a friday. BBC2 all the way from 10.30. RTE just makes me puke; it’s clichéd old shit. Not good old shit like Le Carré, just fucking shit. The Shit Shit Show.
Who would have believed RTE could find someone even worse than Pat Kenny for the Late Late?
Ryan Tubridy is chronic, I can’t even dip in and out of the programme like I used to, it’s just too bizarre.
What century is Tubridy from, anyway, cos it aint this one. He’s some kind of throwback.
Hee. the Shit Shit show :)
The barman joke made me giggle too.
I physically cannot watch Ryan Tubridy. I get that same funny feeling. Like nauseous cringing anxiety.
Amazing what the government achieved, actual time travel.
Spent 15 billion.
Sent us all back to 1980.
Back to the future! Doc Cowen! All we need now is ……
A van load of Libans…..
Wait we have them.
Any one know if Lenihans hands shake……
600,000 zombies watch the faux ho-ho-ho fake bonhomie pretend jovial shit from the host. At least with Gaybo when he was in a shit mood you knew he was in a shit mood and he didn’t have to tell you. Turbridy tries too hard. Way too hard. I’m copyrighting The Shit Shit Show.
Highlights from tonight..highlights?; the new Paul Auster book sounds excellent. The Road had a weird style – I know fuck all about how a novel is constructed but I do know The Road was wacky as fuck but kept you turning page after page and brought tears too – it sounds like this one by Auster is a crazy style as well that a couple of reviwers couldn’t handle and a couple loved so I’ll go with latter. The film with Julie Ann Moore and Annette Bening appears to be excellent too. Jools was kicking as usual. It’s a dull life Git? Morph calling Git? You still going to mia? Let me know so we get drunk on tequlia and I can steal your watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjXnqmNaEzE
It’s not every day i say hi twenty, but can someone please take control of this situation with our politicians? I suggest the quick and easy method, a total revolt. There is no alternative as i can see it. Our “government officials” are corrupt, that is a FACT. We as a Nation have the right to overthrow/question/demand/inquire/hold accountable our elected officials for their actions. It is up to us, the people of Ireland to get out there and voice our opinions, without this we may as well lay down and die, or emigrate…..
I’m revolting
Tubridy is failing miserably. His 2FM show is losing listeners rapidly and he is an appalling interviewer. Classic example of who you know not what you know. Someone put there because of his family connections and his friends in the Catholic Church. He is talentless. The fact that they had so much difficultly getting a sponsor should have been the clue.
RTE have paid him a fortune so far instead of paying someone far more capable than him. It’s the story of RTE. Mediocrity is the price we pay for jobs for the boys.
country fucked’ and still we have a load of wank called TOYS FOR BIG BOYS
GAS VALUED AT €420 BILLION OFF THE WEST COAST OF IRELAND, WHILE FIANNA FÁIL SPEEDS US TOWARDS THE IMF
Oct 30th, 2010 by Conor McCabe
Here’s a very interesting piece that is well worth reading for anyone who is interested,its on Dublin opinion.Sorry i cant activate the link.
gimme the beeb anyday hm. rte presenters, like turbridy, have some type of squatters rights. when the beeb give somebody a show and it doesn’t work the presenter is moved on, rte think – “well, they’re shit at this but it’s jobs for the boys so we’ll keep inflicting them on the public”. rte is shit from top to bottom. pat kenny – “got any land?”
from newsnight review last night. james ellroy 2 min interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hthsVt3lIu0
later on there will time for stout otd
heh
great headline, you don’t have to read the article to get the gist, for americans
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/29/charlie-sheen-found-nude-_n_775878.html
hahaha. I retract; the whole article must be read. the last paragraph
Charlie reportedly tried once more to have sex with Capri, but she demanded her money first. When he couldn’t find his wallet he began throwing furniture around and screaming violently and she locked herself in the bathroom. Police were called, and when they arrived Charlie was nude, disoriented and screaming the n-word. They threw a sheet over him and tackled him, the source said.
Cowen once again demonstrating his people skills. 2mins 40 in. And Dick Roche moves in when the questioning gets real. It’s a pity the national broadcaster -shit rte – don’t have people employed who are capable of asking him straight questions and not accepting his bullshit answers. Set Michael Crick on that useless cunt Brian Lenihan e.g. “are there charges pending or sanctions pending on the Board of Irish Life and Permanent with regard to the 7,500,000,000.00 transferred to Anglo Irish Bank from Irish Life and Permanent” When Brian Cowen say’s, walking away from the question “I’ll be the best judge of that” with regard the direction of the EU lately you know from his body language he’s a shit judge. He’ll probably end up working for rte as gaa analyst. Just thinking – does he get three pensions too when’s he’s gone? TD, Minister, Taoiseach? Or has that got knocked on the head?If not, I give up. This bozo is running the country; he’s got the people skills of a hermit with a dose of the clap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QeecXh_xCQ
right, I’ll shut up now, hogging it, sorry. This is what it must be like to be a tv reviwer. stuck indoors with a cold getting cabin-fever.
time to think about winter’ and go for more stout
Guess what Ian Paisley Juniors’s nickname is?
Baby Doc.
heh
Miserable little sod he is. Found myself sitting at a dinner next to Lord (Ken) McGuinness who turned out to be great crack and Baby Doc was sat across the table like a strip of misery all night.
Ken McGuinness told some good stories about being a teacher in Northern Ireland and the only concern I had was when it came time for toasts and I thought ‘don’t say something I can’t drink- DON’T’ and he came up with ‘Officers who bring their men home’.
Phew… other little bollocks sat not talking to anybody all night.
“To Iris, and all who sail in her”
I bought a handful of albums yesterday. One of them is the first album by Grinderman which has this shit on it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7fkAOHKdPM
The fighting up the north stopped when people realised there was more than one type of Irishman.
the party is over imf are on the way ‘and its winter’i should have stayed in thailand’ going for a walk along the dodder in the rain might jump in
If you jump into the Dodder you’ll just land on your ass in river sand in two inches of water with baby trout nibbling your shoes.
not bad for a wet sunday http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E3oIbO0AWE
otd; i’m going to listen to this album on loop watching french movies with no sound.
but will check that out. though it better not be a conspiratorial thing? say it ain’t so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZDl2xRK_r8
i like it