Aut inveniam viam aut faciam

The one thing the Romans were good at was building straight roads. Well, that and orgies. And killing people for sport. And fondue. And war. And orgies.

But apart from that they were good at building straight roads.

There are times I wish life was a bit more Roman. Not just for the orgies and fondue and killing people for sport but for the straight lines.

One moment you’re going along with a clear view to the distance, the next the straight road comes to an end and you’re looking at left turns then right turns, and lefts then rights and right then lefts, and maybe a few right and down and then left and down. If you can see the road at all.

One thing is sure though, you can’t go back the way you came.

Not even for the orgies.

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50 Responses to Aut inveniam viam aut faciam

  1. Conan Drumm says:

    It’s simple really, at the end of the Via Appia it’s right for Town or Rathmines, or left for Donnybrook, Clonskeagh or Milltown.

  2. porridge says:

    weird. were you reading asterix in switzerland last night as well?

    never trust gps for wiggly roads
    http://gizmodo.com/5655527/man-drowns-after-gps-guides-him-into-a-lake

  3. Holemaster says:

    There must have been some Romans living in Navan and some more living in north county Dublin.

  4. Twenty Major says:

    Straight on is a cul-de-sac too, Conan.

    porridge – doh, read about a bloke who drove up a mountain because the GPS told him to, even though it was barely wide enough for his car.

    HM – traces of fondue and orgies?

  5. Action Man says:

    Yeah, I’d imagine that 2CV of yours doesn’t corner too well!

  6. Holemaster says:

    No, just a very straight road.

  7. I dunno. I’ve drunkenly staggered down the Via Agusta on more than one occasion and it curves like a bastard just at the end. Australia’s your only man for the straight roads.

  8. Damn.
    First post in ages that’s not about Irish politics and now I have an image of Peter Ustinov wearing a toga and spewing his ring in a vomitorium.

    …which naturally makes me think of Biffo.

  9. Conan Drumm says:

    I thought straight on was the Red Spot laundrette, or it was in my day on the no. 18. I take it you’ve been out on the Via Googlia and it just won’t go where you want it to take you?

  10. porridge says:

    didn’t hear either of two brians were in switzerland recently, but mountain driver definitely had the same mentality – “fuck it, we’ll plough and and it’ll all get bet… shite”

    500x__driver_robert_ziegler_found_himself_stranded_on_a__glorified_goat_track__in_bergun__switzerland.jpg

  11. Odradek says:

    I thought it was about Irish politics.
    You can’t go home again.

    Over in Iceland, they’re kicking up a fuss outside the Parliment.
    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2010/1005/breaking27.html

    I was in car once with someone who was blinding following the sat nav directions. Wouldn’t listen to the rest of us who knew the way. Ended up doing several laps of Heathrow Airport trying to get out.

  12. Holemaster says:

    I kept ending up in the airport in Lanzarote every time I passed on the road near it. It was like magnet vortex of slip roads that sucked you in.

  13. Git says:

    Dump your 2CV and hop on my chopper.

    No, wait.
    That’s not going straight either, is it?

  14. Ah. 90 miles of uninterrupted asphalt-bisected countryside.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wvCUjnwyrQ

    There’s a longer one in Saudi Arabia but you can’t stop for a cold beer there so sod that.

  15. Capt Con says:

    Romans were quite good at organising public spectacles as well. They used to flood some of their stadiums so they could re-enact navy battles with ships and everything…

    And of course they liked to feed Xians to lions which is always good. I’d pay to see that.

  16. Holemaster says:

    I loved watching those films with Christians being eaten alive and all those cinematic screams and wails as they were horribly torn asunder.

    This week at Aviva stadium – Watch in glee as Seanie Fitzpatrick, Johnny Ronan and the Fianna Fail cabinet are consumed alive by a team of knacker’s pitbulls. This bloodfest of gore cannot be missed.

  17. Capt Con says:

    Heh. New name for Xian evangelicals if they are ever unfortunate enough to come to my door.

    ‘Hello Lionshit.’

  18. Crank says:

    I’m all for crucifixions on the Appian Way. The people in Fitzwilliam Tennis Club mightn’t like it though.

  19. Holemaster says:

    Freedom or Crucifixion?

    Freedom please.

  20. on the dry says:

    minki van der westhuizen. and yes i would

  21. Crank says:

    Goodness me OTD, that is a remarkably sweaty young lady.

  22. Crank says:

    I do believe she perspires more than Christy Moore.

  23. on the dry says:

    worken up a bit of sweat at the minute and it should be a thrist

  24. Holemaster says:

    ‘minki van der westhuizen’

    Christ, I google image searched her. Fuck me!

    I had a panic close window click frenzy before anyone saw my screen.

  25. Crank says:

    Don’t worry OTD, wanking won’t give you gout.

  26. on the dry says:

    only if you swallow crank. time for stout

  27. Holemaster says:

    IBEC calling for tax on minimum wage earners. Eh, cunts. IBEC are supposed to represent me but I disagree with almost everything they say.

    What about taxing the covering fees for stallions at stud farms around the country such as Coolmore and Kildangan?

  28. Holemaster says:

    And here’s the little capitalist right wing IBEC chap who’s making the call….

    http://www.businessandfinance.ie/index.jsp?p=612&n=620&a=3026

  29. murty says:

    So the French rogue trader has been ordered to pay back the 5 billion he lost. A few likely lads that have been mentioned here should be made to do the same but it’s unlikely to happen seeing as none of them will ever have to face up to their crimes. Seems that for a chosen few there’s a ring-round around the justice system here and then it’s straight all the way to cuntsville.

  30. Ass-per-usual says:

    The road technology was actually stolen from the Etruscans cause the Romans were always a bit wooh, a bit waah.

    Mozambique would put some of the roads in Wexford to shame.

  31. Ass-per-usual says:

    Haha..yeah, he’s been ordered to pay back 5 billion, what a bleedin joke. He should start first by checkin between the cushions on the sofa, always a bit of shrapnel to be had there.

  32. Icarus says:

    Mozambique would put some of the roads in Wexford to shame.

    Heh.

    Ireland would put some of the politicians in Zimbabwe to shame.

  33. peadar says:

    Mozambique would put some of the roads in Wexford to shame.

    don’t be slagging wexford or i’ll fight ya

  34. itchybollix says:

    You can go back the way you came. Beverly Cooper-Flynn did. Or you can just stop, wait and maybe get lucky.

  35. The Cap'n says:

    Respect Peadar’s authoriteh. On the subject of tarmacadam and Wexford Peadar speaks for me. We’re watching yiz.

  36. itchybollix says:

    capotain. The Minister for Finance said that he will pursue the Quinns for their debt and the Quinn family said that they’d pay their debt. Maybe they should meet. Again.

  37. Ass-per-usual says:

    I’ve seen potholes in Wexford big enough to bury a dwarf.

  38. Peadar says:

    wells it’s one way of filling potholes and getting rid of dwarfs

  39. Holemaster says:

    I have to say, the road building project of the last ten years was pretty impressive. By the end of year, we’ll have motorways between Dublin and most of the cities. And when the Western corridor is complete, there’ll motorway along the Atlantic costal route from Waterford to Letterkenny.

    Oh hang on, that’s so the armies of Europe and can over-run us when we default on our debts.

  40. manuel says:

    bit quick to dismiss the killing people for sport there Twenty….I reckon I could line up a few quality matches….

  41. itchybollix says:

    Eamon O’Cuiv said he does not accept any blame for wrecking the economy. Stupid. Cunt.

  42. Twenty Major says:

    I thought I made it clear I’d be for the killing people for sport thing.

    Eamon O’Cuiv is a shite talking cunt

  43. itchybollix says:

    It was the banks wot done it. What the fuck does he think the minister and department of finance is supposed to do for a living?

  44. Twenty Major says:

    Deny everything. It’s the FF way.

  45. sheepshagger says:

    Lenihan,Cowen et al as extras in a snuff
    remake of Caligula.T’would take a long and
    winding road to reach such poetic justice.

  46. Snifflecry says:

    roads – walking or driving ?

    somtimes too drunk to walk.

    directions?

    not an issue – loads of time.

  47. Loco Lobo says:

    If you put all of the dwarves pot holes, there won’t be any left for tossing contests.

  48. Loco Lobo says:

    into….see above.

  49. sheepshagger says:

    Loco dear chap tossing contests are an Old Etonian
    thing that you woulld not like to have been part
    of unless there is a bit of an exhibitionist
    in you as to throwing P.O.R.G.s against velcro
    it’s an alternative to line dancing or cousin
    dooking but not on this side of the Atlantic.

  50. White Rabbit says:

    Orgies you say? Hmmm…

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