Halal, is it meat you’re looking for*

Around and about the SCR there’s a load of Halal shops.

I’m not much into Halal meat, I have to say, but you can get some right good stuff in those shops. For example, those little sticky pastry things that I used to get at the shawarma place on c/Escudellers in Barcelona and have struggled to find since.

Yesterday I was looking for paneer cheese. Halal 1 didn’t have it, Halal 2 didn’t have it, but the big Halal Superstore on Clanbrassil St had it. And not only did it have it, it had free chillies too. Well, he didn’t charge me for them.

“Yeh can have dem fur nuttin’”, he said in his broad, ArabaDublin accent.

While many bemoan all the furriners coming here and takin’ urr juuuubs, I think they’re great because of all the knock-on effects. They want to eat their own kind of food and so we get shops. The Asian markets, the enormous plantains for making Tostones to glug down with your rum, Johnny Halal and his free chillies and all the spices and cool stuff.

Fruit and veg here was always very fucking boring. Even if they’ve brought bed bugs, cockroaches, organised crime, baby mafias and taxi drivers who don’t know how to get to Rialto from Kilmainham, they’ve brung good stuff too.

* title nicked from a pic I saw of a halal shop in London. Shop was not owned by Lino Richie

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66 Responses to Halal, is it meat you’re looking for*

  1. Holemaster says:

    I’ve said it before… Tiocfaidh Allah.

  2. Twenty Major says:

    It’s worth saying again.

  3. maggot says:

    Not very keen on ritual slaughter – but that aside effnic shops are great and they really do let you see how much the supermarkets rip people off for “exotic” vegetables and staples like rice.
    And as for spices – Schwarz and the like really are cunts.

  4. Holemaster says:

    It’s great having all the different food shops and the like.

    Miggle eastern sweets and pastries kick ass.

  5. itchybollix says:

    Twenty. Yoo obviously need to be educated to the fact that these foreigners are only here to have babies and make those babies into terrarists.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQVfQCpYocQ

    “yep. That piece there is fine Abdul. Thanks. See you next week”

  6. Twenty Major says:

    Once we get a good few years out of them selling the good food in Daddy’s shop before they go and explode themselves in terrorist attacks I can live with it.

  7. porridge says:

    paneer cheese – matured in camel saddlebags.

    as for spices know one or two tescos where there aren’t any cameras on the spices aisle. as much special 7 spice mix and goose lard as you could every need

  8. Twenty Major says:

    That video is mental.

    Terror babies are the reds under the bed of this generation

  9. Action Man says:

    Don’t engage in any carnivorous activities myself but the veg, spices and even the pre-made sauces are excellent.

  10. maggot says:

    Incidentally – what is SCR ?

  11. Twenty Major says:

    South Circular Road

  12. Capt Con says:

    Wonder how they viewed all the blown up farm animals in Iraq?

    “Is this bit halal? And that bit over there?”

    “Too fucking right mate its halal.”

    “Yeah but it was killed by an infidel.”

    “Only with the permission of Allah.”

    “God is indeed great.”

    “‘Specially as its not our goat.”

    “Insh’allah HEH!”

  13. Jo says:

    When my mother got here first, in the 70s, there were no avocados in Morton’s. But they got some in for her. More power to them.

    it’s not quite the same, but ethnic shops is good, alright.

  14. Twenty Major says:

    Where did she come from?

  15. Barry says:

    A fellow Pun Street fan I see. Indiana Bones and the Temple of Groom is still my favourite I think!

  16. peadar says:

    I’m going to open up a haram shop and all the Halal cunts can fuck off

  17. itchybollix says:

    1. Jo
    September 7th, 2010 @ 12:57 pm
    When my mother got here first,

    Terrarist.

  18. Capt Con says:

    Peadar may be on to something. Why not open a shop called ‘With Extreme Prejudice’ for meat thats been beaten to death?

    Pigs heads with black eyes and an apalled expression- that kind of thing.

    Chickens with suspicious boot-shaped bruises around the arse region.

    ‘Rumsfeld Lamb’ followed by ‘Chicken Chased On To Railway Line’ with ‘Black n’Blue braised pork’ to finish.

    You could make a fortune selling to the sadist market.

  19. SuperGrover says:

    If you consume rice regularly, AAA grade Thai jasmine rice is onl €14 for a 10 kilo bag in the Asia Market.

    Nice rice, nice price.

  20. SuperGrover says:

    Spice splice thrice dice advice

  21. Walter Ego says:

    I brought some meat back to the Asian market and said “This chicken is rubbery”.

    He said “Thank you velly much Sir”

    *coat etc….

  22. Holemaster says:

    What does a Muslim Copper say?

    ‘Allal allal allal?

  23. Twenty Major says:

    Walter, could you help Holemaster with his coat? Thanks.

  24. tomo says:

    you’d wonder how they can turn a prophet…

  25. “Wonder how they viewed all the blown up farm animals in Iraq?”
    I think if you can prove that they were facing Mecca when they got blowed up, it’s alright to eat ‘em Capt. Not sure, if you’re allowed to swallow the depleted uranium though.

    The Escudellers shawarma is still probably the best in town and against some very stiff competition too. The guy who was a dead ringer for a chubby Gregory Hines doesn’t work there any more though. I lived over it for my first years in Barcelona. Such happy, noisy, pickpocketty times….(sigh).

  26. AMDG says:

    Be good if someone opened a christian butchers next door called For Christ’s Steak

  27. razzer says:

    or even lamb of god….

    you gotta love the furriners..they can have my wife/daughter/job anytime, as long as they keep making falafel.

  28. maggot says:

    I’m going to open up a haram shop

    Tesco beat you to it

  29. moss says:

    Some of the food dishes in the Clanbrassil St Middle Eastern restaurants are terrific. Sure beats Supermacs, O’Briens bland sambos, Eddie Rocket robbers and a whole cluster of crap eateries in town.

  30. Twenty Major says:

    Konkan is a fantastic Indian

  31. Holemaster says:

    Sorry about that Muslim Copper joke.

    My Islama-bad!

  32. Capt Con says:

    Konkan say you one lovely Irishman.

  33. maggot says:

    bowler or batsman ?

  34. Holemaster says:

    Eh, I’ll have the Big Mecca meal please with a large Sheik.

  35. AMDG says:

    Imam walks into a bar…..

  36. itchybollix says:

    1. AMDG
    September 7th, 2010 @ 3:22 pm
    Imam walks into a bar…..

    The barman say’s “Allah Akbar, did ye see the rain out there?”

  37. Crank says:

    Well, when me and my very fine Nigerian friend get that $600 million out of the bank, I’ll buy yiz all a curry (may God have mercy on his late uncle, the diplomat’s soul).

  38. Mossy says:

    Hey guys, show a bit of respect there. Ramadan is not over until Thursday. Allegedly. (Or Friday).

  39. Jo says:

    Re Comment 14: America, Twenty. Explains a lot, eh?

  40. AMDG says:

    here Mossy…go n Shi’ite

  41. on the dry says:

    had just about me fill of fucking spice TIME FOR STOUT

  42. itchybollix says:

    Vaguely still on topic – I can’t decide if I want to slit throats of just plain old fashioned bad-guy in No Country for Old Men and use a bolt-gun on the Fianna Fail mafia who blew all the cash on themselves and their mates.

    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2010/0907/breaking33.html

  43. Jo says:

    The €25 billion debt is ‘annoying’. Oh, yes, that’s what it is. Irksome.

    All those people with no health care, waiting on trolleys for operations that won’t come. Parents of special needs kids with no respite care anymore. Bothered, I’d say they are, mildly bothered.

  44. SAm Crea says:

    …enormous plantains for making Tostones to glug down with your rum,

    a further instructive post is definitely warranted here…..

  45. AMDG says:

    Itchy this’ll cheer you up… tix on sale on fri for The National, playing the Olympia on thurs 2nd of December to complete a quite frankly spectacular start to the silly season… Interpol in the Olympia on tuesday 30th and Arcade Fire in the O2 on sunday the 5th… Dublin’s the place to be that week

  46. itchybollix says:

    thanks AM; I owe you one for that.

    i’ve got tickets for this too; gonna give arcade fire a miss this year; will look into interpol. thanks again

    http://www.google.ie/#q=jack+stakelum+business&hl=en&prmd=o&ei=XVyGTLnUF42X4gbR-rXSBA&start=10&sa=N&fp=abf45377e126d5ac

  47. itchybollix says:

    Jo? Can you call your american friends and get them to send guns and lawyers?

    AM….eh…wrong link; I don’t have tickets for Jack and his friends…got tickets for this, so I agree, good sounds coming to Dublin, tg for music, otherwise I’d have fucked myself under the train long ago

    http://www.theacademydublin.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=793&catid=37:artist-pages&Itemid=55

  48. AMDG says:

    no worries itchy… always good to hook a brother up…

  49. Conan Drumm says:

    Once upon a time Clanbrassil St. was all kosher shops and known as ‘little Jerusalem’… what goes around, etc

  50. Holemaster says:

    An you’d never find a penny on the street.

  51. itchybollix says:

    0. Holemaster
    September 7th, 2010 @ 5:19 pm
    An you’d never find a penny on the street.

    Except if Sammy Davis Junior was behind you.

  52. itchybollix says:

    jesus christ.

    BEEP – text message

    Hi, we recently wrote to you about online billing. If you’d still prefer a paper bill please call 1800 995302. From 02

    Ring number. On hold for 5 minutes.

    Hello **** at 02

    Hi. I’d like to continue receiving my bill in the post please

    *****. Are you sure? We can SMS or email you to remind you to go online to pay.

    No. I’d like to receive it in the post

    **** – Why not just try it for a month?

    No.

    **** Why do you want it in the post?

    What?

    This went on back and forth 3 more times?

    kind of shit that makes me want to switch providers but I’ll probably find it’ll cost me Anglo Irish Bank debt swap to get out of the contract

    Ring this number if you want to still get your bill in the post but beware that we’ll behave like shit toward you

    what a pack of cunts.

    am..continuing with your happiness theory my mate who used to smoke more dope than an afghanistani security guard is very excited about this

    http://www.tickets.ie/event.aspx/ozric-tentacles-the-button-factory-dublin-17-October-2010/EXKAV

    i don’t know them but i’m going along with him

  53. Jo says:

    Friends with guns and lawyers, Itchy? Are you making accusations of republicanism??

  54. Holemaster says:

    Itchy, it’ll be the same for all providers. They want to save money but they’ll pretend they want to save the environment.

    Will they pass that saving on to you? Will they fuck.

  55. itchybollix says:

    this ain’t no republic Jo. It’s from a longer line, I’m sure you know – “send guns, lawyers and money, the shit has hit the fan”

  56. Jo says:

    I didn’t mean THIS republic! I meant the other kind :)

    I don’t think they can help us any more, though.

  57. Loco Lobo says:

    Twenty,They don’t blow themselves up in front of Daddy’s shop, they go into a sport arena or a terminal. More fun that way. Bigger bang for the buck.
    I saw in the news that Blair came to Dublin to sell and sign his book and the people who showed up threw eggs and shoes at him. Where did they get them? The shoes, that is. Or is it that youse still find shoes uncomfortable? Just curious.

  58. itchybollix says:

    there’s a Clarke’s next door to Easons

  59. stipes says:

    ffs Itchy could you not post a link for Mr. Z.
    I don’t have it and haven’t heard it in years.

  60. itchybollix says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5puAN1PGQw

    would you like fries with that stipes?..

  61. Mark Dennehy says:

    Why would you buy paneer when you can make it with about five minutes of easy work?

    6 cups of milk into a pan, bring to a boil on medium heat while stirring all the time (so it doesn’t burn), add a quarter cup of lemon juice and turn the heat down while the milk splits into curds and whey (still stirring). When it’s split out (shouldn’t take more than a minute or two), line a colander with cheesecloth or muslin and pour in the curds/whey mixture and let the whey run off. Rinse the curds in cold water (to get rid of the last of the lemon taste and cool them down), then gather up the cloth and squeeze out all the water from the curds – they’ll come together into a solid ball of paneer. Leave it under a heavy pan for a while if you want to get even more water out.
    Total time is about 5-6 minutes or so.

  62. Micosavo says:

    wow…wondering who would have the patience to “discover” this in the first place…

    I think I might just boil milk for 6 mins to see what happens.

  63. stipes says:

    Thanks for that Itchy.
    Nostalgia is not what it used to be

  64. Twenty Major says:

    Going around the corner and giving Johnny Halal €2 for some pre-made paneer is far less hassle than making it myself.

    I’m not a fucking cheesesmith.

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