Billy Whizz

The other week I mentioned a little chap who sat on my doorstep because he was sad. It seems we’re now fast friends because every time he sees me he says “Hello again!” and whizzes off up the street on his scooter.

Yesterday I was walking down the road and he said “Hello again!”

“Hello”, I said. “How are you?”

“I’m fast!”, he said, before speeding off up the road, proving that he’s not one for the spoofing.

What’s the normal response when you ask someone how they are?

“I’m grand”.

“Struggling on, you know yourself”.

“Not too bad”.

“Ahh, could be worse”.

All of which are just stock responses. Which is probably a good thing. Stopping to think how you really are might not be the best idea these days.

One thing’s for sure though, even with careful consideration, it’s never anything really excellent like “I’m fast”. The worst thing about being a kid is that you have no appreciation of just how awesome it is to be a kid.

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74 Responses to Billy Whizz

  1. Rosie says:

    feelin’ broody?

  2. DP says:

    I’m fat

  3. fill3rup says:

    I remeber distinctly saying to my ma when i was about 5..

    “Mammy,I dont want to grow up!”

    “Why is that?”

    “Becasue I’ll be old..”

  4. Magoo says:

    My Dad’s stock reply is always,well I’m still above ground.
    The best thing about being a kid is that you have no idea what being an adult is really like. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

  5. Jo says:

    God, Magoo, that’s so true.

    I’m fast is excellent. I fear I’ll never be fast again.

  6. plop says:

    I bet you’ve never wanted to be as fast in your life Twenty. I wanna be fast……

  7. killemall says:

    Still love the Fast Show’s “Radiant sir. Radiant”.

  8. Ass-per-usual says:

    Some kids are just hilarious, they’ve rarely anything resembling a social filter, makes for surprisingly entertaining conversation at times.

  9. plop says:

    Let’s just all get pregnant.

  10. Jo says:

    Oh men. You don’t want to be pregnant, you just want to be kids again.

  11. Spanky says:

    The kid is clearly on speed.

  12. fuzzix says:

    “Everything ship shape and Bristol Fashion, sah!”

    Or I tell ‘em how I really am and when the face drops I say “Why did ye ask then? Stick yer platitudes up yer hole!”

    Not really though bu’.

  13. plop says:

    The kid is clearly on speed….

    He just does it for the rush!!!!

  14. Jo says:

    Curses!

    Which bit on photobucket is the right code for here?

  15. Twenty Major says:

    Just take the url of the image, then use the bit below the submit button to add it in

  16. Ibanez says:

    he had clearly got new runners that very morn

  17. Jo says:

    I did not see the bit below the submit button.

    Lovely parenting:

    " alt="a>" />

  18. Jo says:

    Sigh. Sorry.

  19. fill3rup says:

    best child honesty ever was my niece when she was about 4..
    A traveller came to the door trying to sell

    “A Bi’ o carpeh”

    and my niece opens the front door the traveller ask if her mammy is in..

    She beems back:

    “Theres a smell off you!” and slaps the door shut..

  20. Megan says:

    Am I the only one who hated being a child?
    You had to eat what they told you, go to sleep when they told you and ‘blah, blah vampire emergency blah’ all the rest of their rules with no say or power for yourself.

    Being a grown up is so much better.

  21. Rapemachine says:

    i like being an adult, i dont have to wait for my birthday to go to mcdonalds.

    im with megan on this one.

  22. Jo says:

    Yeah, I wouldn’t go back. I wasn’t fast then either.

    What really freaks me out is the people who miss school.

  23. peadar says:

    Being grown up is cool when things are going well.
    But when i have problems or worrys i always think how lucky kids are. Life was so simple and hassle free back then

  24. Jo says:

    I dunno. Lots of kids are genuinely stressed these days.

  25. Twenty Major says:

    Am I the only one who hated being a child?

    When your only concern is how fast you are I think there’s a lot to be said for being a kid.

    Have never understood anyone who waxes lyrical about school. Those people are potential serial killers.

  26. Twenty Major says:

    Fixed that image for you, Jo

  27. maggot says:

    I miss the womb.

  28. peadar says:

    I enjoyed the last two years of school- fifth and sixth year. You know, when you get to the stage where you’re king of the school, the teachers don’t give a fuck and your constantly trying to feel girls tits

  29. Ass-per-usual says:

    I miss being in a coma, happiest 2 years of my life.

  30. plop says:

    Missing secondary school no. But Primary school was flippin gas altogether.

  31. fill3rup says:

    Is that when you were Barred from school Peadar?

  32. itchybollix says:

    can you puncture his tyre and tell him “not so fast anymore, eh?”.

  33. Crank says:

    Being an adult is the ability to eat an entire box of sugar puffs all at once without anyone stopping you.

    Shame it (a) catches up with you in the end and
    (b) you realise your mother was right all along.

  34. Hank Scorpio says:

    Sugar Puffs make your piss smell of sugar puff

  35. Jo says:

    thanks Twenty! Everyone, return to Above, and see the Aryan darling and her cuddly Hitler.

  36. maggot says:

    Struggling with the notion that peadar used to be attracted to girls ….

    Great pic Jo! Cheers!

  37. The other Ron says:

    I was out on Howth Pier last sunday, buying a bit of fish like you do, and I was on the way back to the car when a young girl (maybe 6-ish) walking infront of my with her Mum stopped beside a table outside one of the restaurants on the pier.

    There was a middle aged lady who appeared to be a midget / dwarf sitting at the table eating her calamari with (what I guess was) here husband.

    The little girl in front of me stopped maybe 1 meter from the table and stuck out her arm pointing at the lady. She said VERY loudly (nearly shouting with excitement): “Look Mum, a leprechaun!”

    I laughed so much I actually peed a bit.

  38. Jo says:

    I liked the kid who was on the Dart with her mother at Christmas time, and her mother said something about the baby Jesus.

    ‘Am I the Baby Jesus?’ she asked. Her mother was a bit mortified.

    And I’d another friend whose secular child thought it was Baby Cheeses. No Jesus in that household, but Dairy is ok.

  39. The other Ron says:

    BabyBel?

  40. Fat Sparrow says:

    I used to be fast, but then I got married.

  41. sniffle says:

    Not really awesome but our kid, he’s 10, our aluminium kid, uncovered a ½ kg of cocaine last Monday evening. He was playing cards with James in the grove across the road, when he noticed the Ziploc bag sticking out of the ground. Rory picked it up and there were three small bag and one larger one, with a “ smell of dentist” . The DS arrived soon , christ they’re so young, and mooched around looking for clues. What larks eh ?

    Bit freaky now of course

  42. Loco Lobo says:

    The little prick is casing your house.

  43. Shergar says:

    I loved being a kid…getting into mischief, and not having a care in the world other than whether your new Sizzlers (trainers) could take you around the block faster than one of your friends.

  44. Jo says:

    Jesus, Sniffle! Scary.

  45. Ass-per-usual says:

    Ah yes, I was convinced the “air” in my trainers could make me jump higher and run faster.

    It didn’t take me long to realise my trainers were actually just cheap knock-offs and the air was just a lump of hard, translucent plastic in the sole. Devestated.

  46. maggot says:

    More details about the FF Senator …

    http://tinyurl.com/3ajobu5

  47. sniffle says:

    Yep Jo, sorta making it up as we go along, now.
    ( as you do most of time anyway ). We’re not livin in the hood but we’ll still keep an eye.

    The kids who found the stuff, of course, are mega cool.

    He didn’t touch it – which is credit to him – Rory did ( sorta credit to him too)

  48. SuperGrover says:

    Sniffle, I predict a whole No Country For Old Men adventure ahead – but, you know, for kids.

  49. divneymathers says:

    As they wrapped the gold medal around his neck Ryan remembered back to those early days on the streets of Dublin when being fast was just a means of staying alive.
    Indeed he imagined how different his life might have been without the encouragement of the kindly bearded gent and his big fuck off dog.

  50. Jo says:

    Lol, divney, nice ending :)

  51. noddy says:

    The questions the constant questions.
    And having answers for them.
    That’s why we got our fellas reading early.

  52. maggot says:

    Woke up with an idea in my head – well, two, but we won’t go into the second one.

    Twenty – you have done the books. next step is films – wait for it – Team Tallaght! Our hero puppets take on the forces of evil – Cowen, Gormley, Harney etc ….

    Usual fee please.

  53. Jo says:

    To the tune of The O.C.: Tallaghtfornia….

    So, cake lovers – anyone near Dun Laoghaire? Tivoli Road Boot sale tomorrow, I will be there with my wares – biscuit cake, brownies, choc chip cookies, carrot cake, lemon cake, strawberry cupcakes and chocolate malt cupcakes… all the bad, bad things.

  54. maggot says:

    Do you offer a postal service Jo ?

    I have a serious carrot cake problem.

  55. Jo says:

    You look into postage options, maggot, and I’ll try and oblige :)

    It’d need some sort of cooled courier service though, not sure it’s worth it. I’m sure there’s a local alternative!

  56. itchybollix says:

    And then Ryan was asked to submit a urine test which positive for 1/2 kg of bolivian marching powder. He handed the medal back. Jimmy McGee was heard to say “it ws only a bit of coke”.

    Is there a late sale jo? I love Dun Laoghaire but I don’t mornings or afternoons. n And I love your cakes.

    Tallght. I was there once. It was closed.

  57. itchybollix says:

    all my a’s and n’s are dropping off today

    Will I bake a cake or start a new Arthus Lyons novel, Castles Burning?

    Did I tell ye’s about Artur Lyons? I know I did.

    http://therapsheet.blogspot.com/2008/03/doing-time-in-springs.html

    I will bake a cake to throw in a FF face. Or I will purchase one from Jo.

    In Dead Ringer (1977), his client

    looked as if she had pushed well into her sixties, although she was not ready to admit just how far. Her platinum hair sat on her head like a swatch of bleached cotton candy. She wore a lot of makeup, but none of it was having the effect she hoped. Her false eyelashes only made her small eyes look smaller and narrower than they were; her plucked and repenciled eyebrows drew attention to her prominent brow and the bright-red lipstick only managed to make her thin lips look even thinner. But there was something underneath the makeup and the flamboyant pink pants suit that made it all something less than pathetic. Something in the way she stood or maybe the cool, cynical confidence in the shiny, indestructible eyes that straight-armed you and said: “Don’t worry about it, buddy, I can still take care of the likes of you,” and you knew she probably could.

    Sun, shades – have a nice and profitable w/end

  58. maggot says:

    Jo – didn’t Twenty mention that he was hopping on the Honda 50 and heading North ?

    If we speak nicely to him*?

    * = I offer him booze or morphine

  59. Holemaster says:

    I miss my Lego and making tiny but real bombs for playing soldiers.

  60. Jo says:

    tinybomber!

    Itchy, what are you talking about? I’m afraid the boot sale is 8am (gah, I have to be there at SIX) til 2pm.

    Is that ‘I love Jo’s cakes’ a serial killery, ‘I bought one from you and you didn’t know’ comment? Or just general virtual cake appreciation?

  61. itchybollix says:

    If I had a boat I’d sail over this evening nd stroll up to you in the a.m. but I don’t…so next time. Yes, that’s cake appeciation Jo, I don’t think I know of ever buying a cake from you unless you work on the check-out of marks and sparks on grafton street. It does read wrong alright, sorry for making you jump and yelp, heh.

  62. Jo says:

    Well, I wouldn’t go as far s jump and yelp :)

    looks out window nervously*

  63. itchybollix says:

    from “Funny Old World” in Private Eye

    http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2010/06/26/peeping-tom-uses-webcam-attached-to-mop-to-spy-on-neighbours-sex-session-86908-22362125/

    http://ftpcontent.worldnow.com/griffin/NEWS9/PDF/1004/FlatulencePoliceReport.PDF

    http://www.thelocal.se/26030/20100412/

    the first comment posted on the last article….politics.ie coud learn a lesson there with regard to not banning people because they post comments with/of (editor) black humour. that’d be me don’t you know.

  64. maggot says:

    Holemaster is Back!

    Did you see the pics I put up for you ?

  65. itchybollix says:

    If you’re poor and black it’ 3 strikes and you’re out. Move along there, nothing to see if you’re white and rich

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/28/paris-hiltons-new-mugshot_n_698151.html

    I gave her worms.*

    *Stolen from family guy

  66. Holemaster says:

    I didn’t see those maggot but i’ll look forward to them on my return from holliers. Data roaming is a cunt.

  67. Jo says:

    Hitler! Hitler! Ahahaha.

    Interesting question. CAn perpetrators of atrocity become figures of ridicule and jest for later generations – is this offensive or a natural progression? Does it mean the horror of what Hitler did is lessened if today’s kids see him as a joke, or is it a good thing?

  68. maggot says:

    Depends how it’s done Jo.

  69. Ass-per-usual says:

    27599.jpg?v=1

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