Career progression

The aches and pains take longer to go away. One niggle leads to another niggle. The achilles tendon is connected to the calf muscle and the calf muscle is connected to the hamstring and the hamstring is tighter than a new prisoner’s rusty sherrif’s badge.

You realise after a time that the body requires more as it gets older. More stretching, more limbering, more suppleness. In the old days you barely had to warm up, now you need to warm up and down. There’s a gel pack in the freezer for each return from the pitches which get all the little black rubber bits in your boots. But where do you put it? Hamstring? Calf? Achilles?

It’s bound to work, everyone says icing things is good, but all it seems to do is make the sore bits really fucking cold. And really fucking cold is also sore.

Time waits for no man and nor do the games. You have to cry out for one. Is this the start of a slippy slope? Missing one of three games of football a week doesn’t sound like that much hassle but once you start missing one you’ll start missing more and then one week you’ll miss them all and the week will become a month and then before you you know if you’ve retired.

And what happens to retired footballers? They get fat. All of them. It’s like someone has inflated a barrel inside their bellies and they waddle around with their little arms and then die of heart attacks.

More stretching, more warming up, rubberise those hamstrings – the ones that are so rubbish you have never been able to touch your toes – look after yourself more, your diet, exercise, drinking all has to change. That’s your only option if you want to keep playing.

Well, that or cortisone.

I’m going with the cortisone.

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47 Responses to Career progression

  1. Jamesy says:

    Norman Wisdom got married?
    Thought he was gay.
    Norman Williams, I mean. Robbie.Whatever.

  2. Twenty Major says:

    Oooh, odd formatting

  3. Jamesy says:

    Yes.
    It’s wreckin’ me head.

  4. Twenty Major says:

    I think I fixed it

  5. Jamesy says:

    Sorted.
    Now. Can you do anything about Robbie Wisdom?

  6. Jamesy says:

    Hm.
    No traction.Must be just me then.
    I’m off to work.
    Gluck.

  7. Lorcan the Lion says:

    You need to play drunk, like Paul McGrath, Tony Adams or Gary Lineker

  8. rapemachine says:

    good luck holding back the tide there twenty.

  9. maggot says:

    So Twenty – will we be seeing you as a TV Pundit ? I’d pay to watch you comment on Chelsea -Liverpool.

  10. stipes says:

    There’s always the over 35′s (cough)

  11. Holemaster says:

    Comes a time when being far from a jacks is a bit unnerving.

  12. Jo says:

    Think corisone is a v temporary measure. And it makes you all puffy, or so I’m told.

  13. Twenty Major says:

    There’s always the over 35′s (cough)

    Oh … that’s a depressing thought.

    It’s not that bad yet, HM,

    Maggot – I’d love to be pundit, it’d be hilarious fun actually telling the truth about a match as opposed to the clichéd nonsense.

  14. Twenty Major says:

    Jo, makes you a bit crippledy too

  15. Robert says:

    Twenty, your problems are a mere bagatelle when set against the current huge crisis befalling us;

    namely, what happened to Gluey, has the secure unit removed internet privileges? has the CAPSLOCK function been hammered into submission?

    I think we should be told.

  16. Jo says:

    Ah. That’s good to know. I have a friend who’s on it before he has surgery, as a precaution against infection. And he’s feeling all dizzy and nasty and tired. Does that sound familiar at all?

  17. Twenty Major says:

    I’m not actually on cortisone. Used to be bog standard for footballers back in the day though, leaving loads of them with utterly bollixed knees

  18. sniffle says:

    Favourite drug – difene
    *makes homer happy sound*

    Favourite injection – cortisone – better than the knife.

    That gel pack shouldn’t be applied directly to the skin – I know this.

    Retired footballers play golf – hah

  19. maggot says:

    Cortisone is not a nice drug.
    Best avoided.

    Anna Bollix . Thems the ones you need Twenty.
    No risks – sure you are already psycho.

  20. Capt Con says:

    Time to introduce the two-footed lunge tackle into Lawn Bowls?

  21. SuperGrover says:

    ha ha, you’re old

  22. Walter Ego says:

    Here’s the answer for someone in your….. eh…… condition.

    Well, a possible answer.

    http://www.whitesofwexford.ie/cryotherapy-brochure.pdf

  23. Twenty Major says:

    Maybe we could get a two for one deal, Mr Groinalot.

    ha ha, you’re old

    Yeah, well so are you. Probably.

  24. Holemaster says:

    Does this make my bum look big?

    No, cake retention does.

  25. Walter Ego says:

    Sure. Twin room or double?

    Heh.

  26. rapemachine says:

    if you cant get sorted from this site then hang up your boots.

    http://www.alternative-health.ie/energy-colour-crystal-light/

  27. on the dry says:

    twenty’ charlie chaplin had a kid when he was eighty’ mind you he could not pick it up

  28. Holemaster says:

    Where’s Grandad?

  29. SAm Crea says:

    I cant remember what the question is, but the answer is Yoga.

  30. sniffle says:

    maldini retired @ 40.

  31. DD says:

    My uncle retired at 77, he was a carpenter.

  32. SuperGrover says:

    “Yeah, well so are you. Probably.”

    21 next birthday

  33. Shergar says:

    I find a good stretch in a sauna followed by a good dunking in an ice-cold plunge pool does wonders for the body after a bit of strenuous exercise. Not to mention it knocks the shit out of a hangover.

  34. Holemaster says:

    Yanks are great at getting old. They all fuck off down to Florida and ride each other senseless until they drop. Great attitude.

  35. Dessiegee says:

    RETIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Your body is screaming Enough – Listen to it

  36. on the dry says:

    getting the goo for stout it is eight weeks now two weeks to go’ better go for a walk

  37. mellow says:

    Its time to go when your team stops passing to you!

  38. Crank says:

    It’s not giving up the football that makes you swell up like a baloon Twenty, it’s giving up the fags. I was only a stick until I stopped smoking, now I’m an extra in the next ‘Free Willy’ movie.

  39. Jamesy says:

    Two crap thing about getting old:
    1: You start forgetting things.
    2: I can’t remember what the other thin..Hey!..you kids get off the lawn!
    Feckin kids.

  40. itchybollix says:

    SG gives a great massage twenty

    *scratch

    filler…how the fuck do you know a site about that type of drivel? (preparing to rant about people I have to associate with who speak about angels as if they are real little pixie people)

  41. itchybollix says:

    Scary thought for Villa fans looking for a manager.

    Steve Staunton.

  42. Twenty Major says:

    Nobody’s touching my hammys

  43. Captain Con says:

    Twenty are you sure you are doing it right?

  44. itchybollix says:

    why the fuck am I paying for this?

    http://www.rte.ie/player/#v=1077824

  45. Holemaster says:

    I also wondered why I paid for the documentary about a spinal injury patient which aired last night. No doubt, his story was a sad one and tragic for him and his family. But why was the program made and would it have been made if he was from somewhere like Moyross. I don’t think so. Old Ireland is alive and well.

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