Juve got to be joking

The phone rings, it is before 7am. Probably bad news. No. It is my Italian friend. The one who lives in Italy. He works for Juventus. I ignore it. It rings again. I answer and hang up. He’ll get the message. I’ll call him back later.

He gets the message. For three minutes. The phone rings again.

“What are you doing ringing me this early, you Berlusconi loving cunt?”

“Good morning, Irish bastard”, he says.

“It’s very early”.

“You should be working anyway”.

“Fuck off”.

“Are you in Dublin next Thursday?”

“Where the fuck else would I be? I live here. Why?”

“Because I’m coming to Dublin next Thursday”.

“Oh fuck. I mean ‘great!!!!’.”

“Yes, it’s great. We can catch up, go for a few beers”.

“Sounds like a plan. How long are you over for?”

“Just one night”.

“Work?”

“Yeah, but not for long. We arrive on Thursday morning. Do a bit of work then we can go drink beer”.

“Excellent”.

“Actually, if you want you can come along to the work thing”.

“What’s that then?”

“Pre-season game, Juventus are playing … what the fuck is a Shamrock Rover?”

“Shamrock Rovers?”

“Yeah”.

“Ahh, I just remembered. I’ve got to go … erm … for an operation on Thursday. Very serious. Very, very serious. I’ll be in touch before. Honest. So, how’s eve-”

*click*

*snooze*

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42 Responses to Juve got to be joking

  1. The Cap'n says:

    Aw … Juve are my Italian team .. you could have gone along and posted a match report … brought a calculator to keep tabs on the goals etc.

    Tch.

  2. dude says:

    Soon sporting fingal will be the torch bearers of irish football!!
    OLE!

  3. Twenty Major says:

    I fucking hate Juventus. I will never forgive them for what they did.

    I will go to the match, hang out with Buffon a bit, take them to Ron’s for a pint and some scampi fries, show ‘em the sights, like.

    Sporting Fingal is the most hilarious name for a football team ever. It’s like one of the ‘clever’ Fantasy Football team names …

  4. MMN says:

    Okay I’m late to the tourism post and I’m shamelessly plugging for a mate, but there’s good coffee to be had every morning in Fafie’s on Kevin Street. Apparently it’s a french restaurant by afternoon and by night. But in the morning Gary sells free trade coffee there.

    Plus fafie’s doesn’t say french restaurant to me – it says fallafel. And I fucking hate fallafel, and humus and all that kind of gear. Kebabs are just about okay.

    Shit-fuck-ass-balls. and just so you know it’s me: Vagina.

  5. razzer says:

    i have a love/hate relationship with fallafel, humus and italians..

  6. dude says:

    Sounds like you hedging for a carton or two of the Major that “dissappeared” from two trucks outside turin last week!

  7. maggot says:

    Jesus Twenty – make sure they don’t use that anaesthetic that did for Michael Jackson …. are you really entrusting the major piles to Harney ?

  8. murty says:

    “Sporting Fingal is the most hilarious name for a football team ever”

    There’s a local side in England called Norfolk Enchants. Say it quickly.

  9. itchybollix says:

    What have you got against Juve twenty?

  10. itchybollix says:

    Ah. I get you. Pity they didn’t take O’Leary.

    There was great red-faced embarrassment from Brady during the world cup coverage on RTE when Johnny Giles compared Ozil, a german player, to Brady. Dunphy chipped in with “he reminds me of Liam too but not in the same class yet”. Brady muttering “lads, lads…”

  11. “Sporting Fingal is the most hilarious name for a football team ever.”

    But think of the great names in the Scottish League. Partick Thistle always gave me a giggle. And I always had great admiration for any results announcer who could manage “East Fife four – Forfar five”.

  12. Twenty Major says:

    O’Leary was a great player, bit a twat since but a top player.

    Would always assume a compliment from Dunphy was in some way backhanded.

    Lung, yeah, the old classic. I remember a few years back when they were trying to drum up interest they changed the name of Richmond Park in Inchicore for St Pat’s home games.

    You see it on posters as ‘The Stadium of Light’. heh

  13. dude says:

    You’ll all be sporting fans by the end of today, i tell ya!

    Check out this goal

    http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/world-of-sport/article/17281/

  14. Conan Drumm says:

    “I’ve got to go … erm … for an operation on Thursday”

    On your hoop?

  15. Twenty Major says:

    Ah no, I’d rather watch League of ireland football than that

  16. Holemaster says:

    Sporting Fingal is a fucking stupid name for an Irish Football name. It makes no sense in an English language context.

  17. Conan Drumm says:

    When were they bucked out of Milltown by the developer Jesuits? That might be the definitive beginning of Celtic Tiger greedonomics.

  18. Holemaster says:

    Riverdance was the official start of the Celtic Tiger. The death of Katy French was the end of it.

  19. dude says:

    somtimes watching LOI is as painful as (one might imagine) a colonoscopy though!

  20. JC Skinner says:

    I always thought there was a whiff of gooner about you. That explains your ongoing justifications of the cheat Henry.
    At least Sporting Fingal are trying though. The people behind Salthill Devon are just taking the piss.

  21. Twenty Major says:

    I never justified it, just tried to put it into context.

    Now, I’m off training with Deportivo la Kimmage

  22. jj mcgreer says:

    “When were they bucked out of Milltown by the developer Jesuits? That might be the definitive beginning of Celtic Tiger greedonomics.”

    1987.

    i was at the last ever match at milltown. rovers were playing sligo rovers in the cup. my uncle was playing centre-half for sligo.

  23. Action Man says:

    I can see the SPAM now:

    Hello,

    My name is Bertie and I have €10 Million in uncollected overseas funds and with God’s and your help We will be able to make transaction.

    Please reply with Bank Details. etc etc etc

  24. fill3rup says:

    It’s like one of the ‘clever’ Fantasy Football team names

    Like Vuvuzela Wednsday?

  25. JC Skinner says:

    We’ve a long way to go before we catch up with such splendidly named teams as:
    FC Jazz (Finland)
    The Strongest (Ecuador)
    Hearts of Oak (Ghana)
    and best of all Deportiva Wanka (Peru).

  26. JC Skinner says:

    Sorry, my cocaine wholesaler was just on to correct me: The Strongest play in Bolivia, apparently.

  27. The Cap'n says:

    So HM in the history books it’ll be known as a Ireland’s River-French period?

    Or maybe it began with an exhale and ended with an inhale ..

  28. A mate`s sister married into a family of Italian chipper owners.I can assure you that spiceburgers are not an energy snack.One of the chippers is down the country and they had a sacred heart of jesus picture up on the wall.They had no problems with rats.All talk of football was banned, yet every friday this large drunken culchie used to come in doing Deniro one liners out of the Godfather films and shadappayaface and arguing that he`d been shortchanged. He was fond of rats without realising it.

  29. Crank says:

    In other news I see Sinéad O’Connor has married Steve Cooney. I’d say you could have got stoned if you’d gone within 200 yards of that wedding reception.

  30. Holemaster says:

    Shamrock La Caruna.

  31. LA Twix says:

    If Maradona played for Boca Juniors, it begs the question, how good are the Boca Intermediate & Boca Senior teams?

  32. sniffle says:

    Would like to hear Sharon Ní RTE newsbabe say “Inverness Caledonian Thistle” out loud, but the bestest ever football headline was when they beat the bhoys,

    ” Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious”

  33. Twenty Major says:

    If Maradona played for Boca Juniors, it begs the question, how good are the Boca Intermediate & Boca Senior teams?

    heh

    Saw a big Deportivo la Coruña flag in a chipper in Dingle not so long ago.

    Also, please don’t be alarmed by any oddness on the site in the next little while. The themes they are a changin’.

  34. LA Twix says:

    “Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious”… the same hero that came up with that one had another crackin headline when Dmitri Kharine, the Russian keeper joined Celtic… “From Russia with Gloves”

  35. on the dry says:

    ref said to manager your centre forward got a knock on the head he doesen’t know who he is ‘take him off’ manager says tell him he is george best

  36. Mossa says:

    Racing Ballymun

  37. itchybollix says:

    who’s steve cooney?

    I spent a night in a pub near the ..mother redcaps it was with an ex of sinead o’connor, big beardy yanky bloke with a comb over, i think. i;ve got all the time in the world for sinead o’connor. steve cooney is a lucky dude.

  38. muscles maguire says:

    Itchy, was’nt that yanky bloke married to Mary Couglan, the singer?

  39. itchybollix says:

    yes, she was there too. It’s coming back to me now in bits. And a detour to the point depot and the tour bus with Willie Nelson…it was all a bit hazy. Were you there muscles?

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