Yet another unscheduled trip to the hospital with Dirty Dave. Learning my lesson from dodgy A&E waiting rooms I took him to the Swiftcare clinic where for just €60 extra you get seen by a doctor, nobody tries to piss/puke/cum on you while you wait, and you’re in and out in just an hour. Marvelous things.
He had a run in with a woman he’d been seeing. See, she had a fall many years ago and entirely lost her sense of smell. The doctors have no idea when it might return and if spending time in Dave’s company hasn’t re-fired her nasal synapses then I doubt anything will. Anyway, there was a bit of a misunderstanding about a meeting time and place so while Dave sat at home cleaning the fungus out from between his toes she was sitting waiting for him in a bar.
His mobile was upstairs so he didn’t get any of her messages. All 17 of them. It wasn’t till she rocked up at his door that he knew something was wrong.
“I texted you, ya scaldy bollix”, she said, fixing her eye patch.
“I thought we were meeting later”, he said but it was no good.
“Nobody stands me up like that. Ya made me look more stupid than Mary Coughlan at a singles night. And all the SMS I sent you and you didn’t respond to one of them”.
“My phone is upstairs”, he managed to get out before she started beating him about the head with her HTC Hero. For each SMS sent she gave him a clobber.
It was only when he rang me that I found out he needed my help.
“What’s happened, Dave?”, I asked, as I tried to make sense of the tears, wailing, and what sounded like throat singing.
“Oh Twenty”, he cried. “I’ve been the victim of a serious textual assault”.
hopefully he got the message. did they put him on o2 in the swiftcare?
Cunt.
how predictable
fucks sake twenty thats nearly bad enough for lamebook.
That was a bit of a wake up call for him alright -were his ears ringing?
He has a Ford, doesn’t he? Not a bad car but it’s no Kia.
who the fuck says SMS? three syllables over one? a cunt’s trick.
foreigners mainly
Henpecked piss ant.
A good kick up the arse would have sorted that out after the second slap.
I bet she has the opposite to cellulite.
Fucker …
hold on there cap’n don’t be b-ringing down the tone
Definitely worth a shot/ pint/ riot/….
sounds like he was beaten black and Orange!
Would that be a 3Gee Geebag?
Can he get her for assault and battery or was it an iPhone and the battery wasn’t up to much?
Microchips don’t exist. They are too small now to be seen with the naked eye, they tell us. Aye.
Everyone knows deep down its leprechaun magic. (The lyin’ bastardos).
Daves ladyfriend sims to have overreacted a little. He should get a call-barring order.
Apparently Dude he was beaten black and bluetooth.
People keep twittering on and on
sounds like he needs to take the credit for it!
(its a duffel)!
has she got any sisters?
itchy, you looking to get connected?!!
did you know that The Black Box Theatre in Galway is on Dyke Road?
http://www.galwayartsfestival.com/
bet he’s not the apple of her i any more
Can’t say anyone has tried to cum on me before in an emergency waiting room although I’ve seen a few Seimens. (is emergency waiting room not an oxymoron?)
she caught dave in a clinch with her mother’s sister last week just before a family wedding. seemingly she said “get your hands of my aunt emma or you’ll get no reception”
He’s lucky she didn’t give him a good kick in the texticles.
App-auling stuff lads
“she started beating him about the head with her HTC Hero”
apparently she only hit him around the head – didn’t mention his texticles.
for just €60 extra.!
Nice to see some cunts still have that sort of dosh to keep our private medicine men in their mercs and beemers.Fucking swiftcare clinics,Harneys legacy to Irish healthcare,”no mun,then fuck off and die”
Dave should pass his medical costs onto the phone company’s health insurance, although if it’s an Irish mobile phone company the coverage is probably shit.
If you really want to hurt someone, you don’t hit them with a mobile phone.
You hit them with the bill.
What does this say about you, twenty?
3. The links between bloggers’ personalities and their use of words
—————————————-
You can tell a person’s personality from the words they use. Neurotics have a penchant for negative words; agreeable types for words pertaining to socialising; and so on. We know this from recordings of people’s speech and from brief writing tasks. Now Tal Yarkoni has extended this line of research to the blogosphere by analysing the content of 694 blogs – containing an average of 115,000 words written over an average period of about two years – and matching this with the bloggers’ (predominantly female; average age 36) answers to online personality questionnaires.
Some commentators have suggested that the internet allows people to present idealised versions of themselves to the world. Contrary to that idea, Yarkoni found that bloggers’ choice of words consistently related to their personality type just as has been found in past offline research.
More neurotic bloggers used more words associated with negative emotions; extravert bloggers used more words pertaining to positive emotions; high scorers on agreeableness avoided swear words and used more words related to communality; and conscientious bloggers mentioned more words with achievement connotations. These were all as expected. More of a surprise was the lack of a link between the Big Five personality factor of ‘openness to experience’ and word categories related to intellectual or sensory experience. Instead openness was associated with more use of prepositions, more formal language and longer words.
The sheer size of the data set at Yarkoni’s disposal allowed him to look not only at links between personality factors and broad word categories (as past research has done) but to also zoom in on the usage of specific words. Among the most strong and intriguing correlations were: Neuroticism correlated with use of ‘irony’ and negatively correlated with ‘invited’; Extraversion correlated with ‘drinks’ and negatively correlated with ‘computer’; Openness correlated with ‘ink’; Agreeableness with ‘wonderful’ and negatively correlated with ‘porn’; and Conscientiousness correlated with ‘completed’ and negatively correlated with ‘boring’.
‘The results underscore the importance of studying the influence of personality on word use at multiple levels of analysis,’ Yarkoni concluded, ‘and provide a novel approach for refining existing categorical word taxonomies and identifying new and unexpected associations with personality.’
_________________________________
Yarkoni, T. (2010). Personality in 100,000 Words: A large-scale analysis of personality and word use among bloggers. Journal of Research in Personality, 44 (3), 363-373 http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2010.04.001
Author weblink: http://talyarkoni.com/
that he’s a 36 year old woman?
That’s a good example of stating the fucking obvious.
Oh I know it’s stating the obvious. Doesn’t stop it being fun. I especially like the bit about conscientious people not using the word boring. Twud be a bit hypocritical, like.
As far as I can gather, it implies that Our Hero is disagreeable and neurotic, with high extraversion scores. Shocking, to say the least.
Twenty, we is here if you want to talk about your feelings…
high extraversion scores? must be where the two blockbusters came from
All it says about Twenty is that he doesn’t like Damien Rice
And that’s all we need to know
Jayz, that doll sounded fairly charged up.
Thats a bit longwinded and bori..
*pauses conscientiously to express neurosis before completing ironic comment*
I need a pooh after reading Chris’ post
its a nice effort from Tarkoni but there’s an obvious flaw in the reasoning and assumptions in analysing language and relating back to personality types and that is that is that the predominant language used on the internet is english followed closely by Spanish and/or Chinese (intuitive estimate).
If someone is posting in a second language rather than their first they will be restricted in their maximum vocabulary and will default to words they feel familiar with.
I understand that psychologists and psychiatrists pay particular attention to the client’s use of language (example; a client will describe themselves in the following way .. “people always…” when they are subconsciously talking about themselves). Thats a large part of a psychiatrist’s training and the old saw about Freud claiming the Irish could not be analysed may or not be true but I think the point was that Irish people use the English language in a peculiarly vivid way for historical reasons. It would be a poor assumption to measure or diagnose on use of language alone when differentiating between an Irishman, a native regional English speaker and a ‘received English’ speaker.
If you try using a creative writing programme on a computer this kind of problem becomes apparent straight away.
Nice theory but unconvinced…
nice one captain.
people always say that bertie ahern is a cunt.
I am this article in The Financial Times during reading this and reading that and it reminded me of Martin Manserragh(spelling?) on The Vincent Brown Show during the week. The fucking useless screaming banshee was extolling the virtue of having FF run the country for 80 of the last 100 years or so. The subject turned to white-collar crime and how it is that nobody ever goes to jail in Ireland for white-collar crime. VB said to Manserragh that since FF have run the country and done nothing with the judicial system to punish white-collar crime it’s their criminality that has this country now financially fucked. Having, as usual, walked himself into a cul-de-sac Manserragh went off on one where he tried to argue that FG controlled the judicial system during the FF reign….It always amazes me with him how such an obviously intelligent man is a complete and utter useless fucking prick. He also tried to change the a view in described in that great work of fiction the bible via Der Spiegal that night but that’s another story.
Anyhow.
I was reading this and it reminded me of that. I want Eva Joly over here advising when he’s done with Iceland.
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/e6f64384-597f-11df-99ba-00144feab49a.html
Icelandic bank’s former chief arrested
By Andrew Ward in Stockholm
Published: May 7 2010 03:00 | Last updated: May 7 2010 03:00
The former chief executive of Kaupthing bank has been arrested by Icelandic authorities in the most high-profile move so far by prosecutors investigating the country’s 2008 financial crisis.
Hreidar Mar Sigurdsson was detained in Reykjavik yesterday on suspicion of offences including embezzle-ment, falsifying documents and stock and bond trading violations, according to people close to the case.
The arrest marks the clearest sign yet that Icelandic authorities are preparing to bring criminal charges against former high-level figures involved in the collapse of Iceland’s banking sector .
Olafur Hauksson, the special prosecutor heading the investigation , told the Financial Times that a former Kaupthing executive had been arrested but would not reveal the suspect’s identity. Another person briefed on the arrest confirmed that it was Mr -Sigurdsson.
A court hearing was scheduled for today to consider a request by prosecutors for Mr Sigurdsson to be held in custody for about 12 days.
People close to the investigation said any possible charges would not be brought until the investigation was complete but prosecutors wanted to prevent Mr Sigurdsson from communicating with other potential suspects.
Kaupthing, one of three Icelandic banks that failed in October 2008 together with Landsbanki and Glitnir, has been the focus of Mr Hauksson’s investigation into suspected market manipulation and questionable lending practices before the crisis.
In February, the former premises of Kaupthing in Luxembourg were raided by local anti-fraud authorities working together with Icelandic prosecutors. The UK’s Serious Fraud Office has also supported the Icelandic investigation.
Kaupthing had a large operation in the UK and counted several British entrepreneurs, including the property tycoons Vincent and Robert Tchenguiz, among its biggest clients.
Many UK local authorities, charities and individuals lost money when the bank collapsed.
Loan documents obtained by Wikileaks, the whistleblower website , last year revealed how Kaupthing lent heavily to some of its biggest shareholders and their associates, with much of the money invested in the bank’s own shares.
Mr Hauksson has faced criticism for the lack of arrests and charges after more than a year of investigation.
The targeting of a former chief executive for his first big arrest is likely to please the many Icelanders eager to see senior figures held accountable for plunging the country’s economy into crisis.
A parliamentary “truth commission” into the crisis last month accused the Icelandic government and regulators of “gross negligence” in failing to clamp down on the banking sector before its collapse.
Mr Hauksson, a former district police chief with -little experience of white-collar crime, is being adv-ised by Eva Joly, the cel-eb-rated French magistrate who uncovered a corruption scandal at Elf, the French oil group, in the 1990s.
.Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2010. You may share using our article tools. Please don’t cut articles from FT.com and redistribute by email or post to the web.
oops. sorry for the graffiti 20, though it’s good graffiti. that wikileaks site mentioned in the article i’m on now has some mad shit in it
http://wikileaks.org/wiki/US_Military_Equipment_in_Afghanistan
Capn, dude, who are you out to impress?
1. Mandarin Chinese is way more popular on the internet than Spanish.
2. Psychologists and psychiatrists are totally different. The aforementioned study is a study within the field of psychology, the study of human behaviour. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialise in diagnosing and medicating mental illnesses. You’re mixing up psychiatry and psychology and confusing them with clinical psychology, a specific applied field within psychology.
3. Talking about Freud in relation to modern psychological theory is like talking about Newton’s 3 laws in relation to general relativity.
4. Study wasn’t about diagosing anything or measuring “alone”, it was an exploratory study to see what they could see using this tool. It has important implications for future research, which may then be applied to real life situations.
It’s a problematic study in a lot of ways. For example, I’m not convinced of the existence of personality traits as more than artificial constructs, it looked at words as individual units and not parts of a larger structure, etc. I posted the story for a laugh, like. I feel compelled to correct you on your criticisms, as you feel qualified to call it “a nice effort” without making a comparable effort to actually understand the study, the field, or indeed the meaning of some quite common terms. Might keep you from embarrassing yourself like that in future :)
Right, it’s 5pm local time. Think I might get out of bed, put on some clothes and stroll downtown to get a nice Weissbier for meself.
Itchy, what’s that about the der Spiegel story? Sounds very interesting. Iceland are totally badass with regard to bankers, there’s a lot of anger there.
“Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2010. You may share using our article tools. Please don’t cut articles from FT.com and redistribute by email or post to the web.”
Nice wan, itchy.
the weissbier bit had me on the edge of me seat
Ouch I say.
Bock is sore.
Bock is a minimally conscious misogynist cunt.
Are we having a state the obvious competition?
Do I win?
Chris. Manseragh was saying how he read in Der Spiegal an article which agreed with his thinking that, in a passage of the bible, Peter, when talking to a group of christians, was addressing some women priests. Brown knew the passage in the bible and fucked Manseraagh over by saying that Manserragh knew full well that (a) Peter was talking to group of jews and (b) these particular group of jewish bible dudes were even more anti-women than our current crop of catholic creeps and by saying otherwise he was relying on the ignorance of the masses not questioning his story. manserragh proved himself to be a complete cunt again.
Just reading now example number 69 which demonstrates the fact that we are living in a corrupt, third-world banana republic –
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/frontpage/2010/0716/1224274821684.html
back on topic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S8sxpK4_iA&annotation_id=annotation_401075&feature=iv
before and after http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqjp1b-_mJU
sad way to end up’ met him one time in ny big good looking guy i think he is only 56
has he got any sisters?
Oh dear
jesus
when she asked him, in a such respectful way – “ARE YOU DYING?” I thought he’d respond with a song by the flaming lips about the fact that we’re all dying but then I remembered seeing them perform this and i think it’s better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY13dE3bqm8
and this show yesterday on BBC Radio 4 was a pretty cool too. I think Sandy Shaw had an orgasm listening to Plan B play.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00t0wrb