How much?

The honest man, tired after his long journey, showered and walked into the village. His left buttock, which had become numb with the pain in the final 50 miles of the drive, was beginning to regain some sensation. He wondered how truck drivers did it. Perhaps they had underlings positioned beneath their seats to massage painful rumps. That or good painkillers.

He walked into the first pub he saw. It wasn’t much of a pub by big city standards. One large room, bar on the left, some seats around the wall, bockety old stools at the bar itself. He pulled one up, ordered a pint, waited … as you do.

The pint came. It looked good. Creamy. Black. Bleamy. He paid barman with a five euro note, got his change. Looked at his change, puzzled.

“I think you might have made a mistake”, said the honest man to the barman.

“Not at all”, said the honest barman to the honest man, “you’re just too used to being fucked up there”.

The honest man drank and thought the honest barman was the rightest honest barman he ever did meet.

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52 Responses to How much?

  1. Conan Drumm says:

    So did the honest man work out the equation – how many country pints would he drink before the price difference (ie the change) with the city pint would buy him a ‘free’ pint?

    Just wondering.

  2. Twenty Major says:

    Although 4 country pints would give enough change for one country pint compared to Dublin prices

  3. Radge says:

    Apparently there’s a pub in Ballsbridge where it’s still under four quid for a pint. I disremember the name though.

  4. Chema says:

    Bockety. That’s a great word. Not sure if it’s an official to-be-found-in-the-dictionary type word, but a great word nonetheless.

  5. Twenty Major says:

    Ballsbridge? Really. About the last place you’d think of a sub-€4 pint.

    I love bockety.

  6. Heywood Jablome says:

    Was that pub Harney’s of Ballyedmond in the Co. Wexford? Pints have been reduced to 3 euros a pop there since the beginning of the year as a ‘recession buster’ for locals and visitors alike. Fair feckin play to them…

  7. Robert says:

    Gluey hasn’t been around lately… but I would imagine their comment would be something like;

    HA HA PAYIN OVER THE ODDS FOR EVERYTHIN IN YOU GOBSHITE COUNTRY WHILE I BATHE IN GOATSMILK AND GET HAND SHANDIES OF DUSKY MAIDENS

    IM SO GLAD I LEFT AND BECAME HUGELY SUCCESSFUL AND RICH AND HAR DEE HARR

    etc……..

  8. Well in Dublin pubs dey charge you a supplement for having de indoor toilets, like.

  9. SuperGrover says:

    The less salubrious, though more atmospheric, of my two local boozers sells Guinness at 3.65 a pint. And whiskey is poured with a generous free hand. Bit of a mad shop though as Itchy can testify.

  10. Twenty Major says:

    heh @ fake Gluey.

    Grover, where’s that (generally speaking)?

    Lung – how was Gracia?

    Heywood – no, but I wish more pubs would do recession busters.

  11. divneymathers says:

    Bleamy is another great word.
    You’re full of them today Twenty.

  12. Conan Drumm says:

    That’s what I was thinking… 5pts : 4pts. I see a business opportunity for van owners, and group ‘sight-seeing’ trips to places like Kinnegad.

  13. Holemaster says:

    The Cope (Co-Op) in Glenties, Co. Donegal is the cheapest pint I’ve ever had in Ireland. It’s run as a co-operative so it’s not for profit and people take turns doing shifts. One of the lads is Downs and the dart board is on the jacks door. It’s a haven of humanity.

  14. SuperGrover says:

    Donabate

  15. SuperGrover says:

    Generally speaking.

  16. Jo says:

    It all makes sense, HM. Dancing at Lughnasa. Say no more.

  17. maggot says:

    My first pint was 10p. Two shillings in real money. Ask for a packet of number 6 from behind the bar and the barman unwrapped the feckers, brought you a clean ashtray and gave you a light,

    Cunts.

  18. Twenty Major says:

    Div – it was a perfectly bleamy pint.

    Grover – grand, must take a day trip before summer ends. I quite like it out there.

    One of the lads is Downs and the dart board is on the jacks door. It’s a haven of humanity.

    Brilliant.

  19. Holemaster says:

    Old style.

  20. Radge says:

    Beggars Bush is that pub I was on about. At least I think that’s the name, I’ve never been.

  21. Pub here sells Guinness for £3.25, and the community centre 400 yards away has it at £1.90

    Work that out…

  22. Git says:

    Pints in Jobstown are only €3.
    Go in with €50, have 10 pints, go home completely broke, covered in bruises and limping with your jacket and smokes gone missing.
    Very odd. Can’t figure it out meself.

  23. dessiegee says:

    If the licensed trade was de regulated you would see cheap prices everywhere – All Publicans are greedy gouging cunts

  24. maggot says:

    That’s what happens if you go with loose women Git.

  25. Holemaster says:

    Always thought Jobstown and Fortunestown were named so as some kind of sick joke.

  26. DD says:

    A bit like Fatima Mansions or Mountjoy.

  27. maggot says:

    Who was Joy ?

  28. Holemaster says:

    And who was Jerome?

  29. Twenty Major says:

    He was Argus’s brother

  30. SuperGrover says:

    Father of ains of Mourne.

  31. on the dry says:

    all this talk about drink again’ ashtons of clonskeagh has the best pint in d4′ but you have a lot to put up with. this i tell you is true i said true

  32. Conan Drumm says:

    I heard of their twin sisters, Sackville and Anville – some attitude on them young wans.

  33. Jo says:

    Clonskeagh is D16!!

  34. on the dry says:

    D 4 D16 SAME BUNCH OF CUNTS

  35. maggot says:

    Mind you – I’ll bet the honest barman had a lower price for locals.

  36. Barkmulch says:

    Beggar’s Bush – mind numbingly boring pub.

  37. on the dry says:

    had a pint in that dump one day near killed me ‘i was ten minutes wiping me arse and that was the cheeks

  38. Holemaster says:

    There’s no good pubs in Pembroke or Baggotrath.

  39. Mosheen says:

    I’d love to know how to put my muppet pic in there like you HM. Either I’m too old or too fuckin stupid, but I can’t figure it out.

  40. on the dry says:

    it was a great pub one time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75t38K_tQ6w

  41. Holemaster says:

    Where was that filmed OTD? The girls in it are smokin’

  42. Holemaster says:

    Mosheen. Go to http://www.gravatar.com and eh, em.

  43. Git says:

    Mosheen, go to http://en.gravatar.com/ with your picture in your hand and tell the nice man you want a ‘Gravatar’.

  44. Git says:

    Fuck it, get two while you’re there.
    Or three.

    Go crazy!

  45. Todd says:

    Pints in my local are €3 and have been for years. Although the other pubs in my town average €3.50. The price of drink in Dublin is utterly scandalous.

  46. Dino says:

    Forget not about the post-11pm surcharge…

  47. peckerhead says:

    Jack Whites (before I got enough sense not to drink there any more) used to charge more for a pint than Dublin pubs. Maybe I was missing out on some of the back room services that were meant to be included in the price.

  48. Bearhunter says:

    “Maybe I was missing out on some of the back room services that were meant to be included in the price.”

    Like getting murdered? And as for Jobstown and Fortunestown, there’s a Bastardstown in Wexford…

  49. on the dry says:

    o’donahues 1968 HM

  50. One Man and His Dog says:

    Bockety! you were you down around the midlands, Longford or that area, I always had you for a fellow Bogger.

  51. murty says:

    Do say: Creamy.Black = Bleamy
    Don’t say: Creamy.Black = Crack

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