So there I was last night, relaxing in my chair after a hard fought game of football against a pack of cunts who needed to beaten and were.
I was staring vacantly at the TV, drinking a beer, and counting my various knocks and aches (left achilles, left elbow, right knee, right shin, various ribs), when all of a sudden I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There, in my front garden, was the head of an old lady. A wrinkled, evil looking old crone and it was floating from next door’s garden.
I could see the sunken yellow eyes, the crows feet, the hooked nose, the cancerous hair and the brown, uneven teeth.
“Argh!”, I said out loud and Bastardface jumped up and started barking.
“Go get it, boy!”, I said opening the front door. “Go get the malevolent floating old woman head”.
And he did. He went out and he got it good. He tore it asunder until it was in shreds on the ground. My brave hound skronched it to pieces. That evil sinister old woman’s head.
Or, to put it another way, the shrivelled helium balloon with ‘For your child’s christening’ written on it.
Did Bastardface’s barking get very high-pitched as he bit into the balloon, because that would be great on youtube…
heh, I didn’t think to film it.
on the absinthe again?
No, sadly not. Just cheap lager.
Twenty Major come in a green fag box. Fact.
Damn – thought you had sorted my ex mother in law.
You got my hopes up.
“..a hard fought game of football against a pack of cunts who needed to beaten and were.”
And to think they say that the spirit of sportsmanship is dead.
Tallaght under 7s are notorious Lung.
heh, maggot.
Lung – they were a team who we had a couple of run-ins with last season. They’ve got 2 or 3 players who are just nasty cunts. They beat us 1-0 at the end of last season and there was nearly a brawl. It was good to put them in their rightful place.
footbrawl
how come your lot couldn’t beat them if they only have 2 or 3 players, cuntish or not?
What cheap lager?
Times are getting hard.
Does the helium balloon thing work on two year olds?
Huge fry up* – now for a smoke and a kip!
* Chunky kit kat chaser.
parp.
I was really drunk. I don’t remember doing this.
That’s one of the most fucking terrifying things I’ve ever seen. HOlemaster, your powers are getting out of control. You must somehow contain yourself.
I was going to say absinthe too…
Even in a well developed country – how the fuck would you go about dealing with that?
I suppose here we’d start flinging our rubbish into it pretty fast.
If only that would happen on Kildare Street.
Radge – Amstel (8 cans for €6).
What is on Kildare street ?
The Dáil.
Leave it with me Twenty.
Zap!
was it over thirty fives against meath rangers they are dirt cunts
Awesome work, HM!
Nah, otd, nothing Meath about it.
Impressive work there…
That sink-hole made no sense to me until I remembered the BP disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. We might get our sink-hole under the Dáil once Shell pull the gas out of the Corrib Field.
Thing I hate about soccer is that cuntishness. Saw LOI last month where a Mark Quigley Bohs cunt broke a guy’s leg, deliberately and badly, and was then immediately substituted by the manager after only receiving a yellow card. GBH it was, should be in jail – cunt. It’s the dark side of the beautiful game – hate watching the kids play..
I can’t believe none of you have said anything about Miriam O Callaghan yet. Impressive self restraint!
wizard’s sleeve
Hole’s not big enough.
wizards sleeve sniffle ha ha
Amstel may be cheap but it’s not a bad lager at all. Better than Heineken et al.
time for stout
on the dry is nothing if not punctual.
or cuntual
Arsene – what a cunt
Ruined Theo Walcott, will cost England the World Cup.
And Fabregas ?
Put a bit of caution tape around that and you’ll be grand
Sniffle, Mark Quigley is not that kind of player ;-)
theo walcott would be better off in the 4 x 100m relay.
he’d probably forget to bring the baton with him though.
We’re only making plans… for Nigel.
(few pints on board)
would have typed something funnier but can’t stop laughing at the image or harney with the bus falling into her gob…