How to kickstart the Irish economy:
Make sure the weather is warm. When the weather is warm people like to drink cool, refreshing drinks, like beer. So instead of sitting in watching TV they go out the pub and spend some money on pints. After their pints they get peckish and instead of being at home and making a cheese sanger they pump more money into the economy by dining at one of Dublin’s many fine restaurants or chippers.
After that they might stock up with a bit more booze so the local offy is quids in. The people go home and drink some more and the next day feel ill so pharamacies feel the benefit of this as painkillers and other tablets, which stop the raging scuts, are purchased. The knock-on effect of feeling slightly better is that the person then goes and buys a breakfast roll or a sandwich, again ensuring local businesses thrive.
Beer + chipper + more beer = hangover + pills + sandwich/breakfast + coffee + bottles of water = revived economy.
If the Green Party want to redeem themselves in any way they’ll think of some eco-bollocks which provides Ireland with a steady, 20C+ temperature all year round. It’s our only hope.
Good post, Twenty. The greens are not interested in increasing human prosperity and quality of life, though – their ideology is more along the lines of ‘humans are a disease to be eradicated*’.
*Except for us loyal Gaia-worshipping Greens, of course.
All hail the beery Milton Friedman
“Dublin’s many fine”… Right, because who gives a fuck about, you know, the entire cunting country? Isn’t Dublin the centre of the entire universe? You cunt.
“they’ll think of some eco-bollocks”
But they did… (Climate Change/Globule Worming). And you realise that if the blessed ‘Circle of Beer’ started working they’d introduce a Carbonation Tax.
There’s no winning though – prolonged spell good weather means water shortages in the towns and farmers moaning.
Does it have a concentric wine cousin?
Then sign me up so I can move between the grape and grain economy booster circles.
We need to think of a way to be able to buy a bit more beer after the pub and the chipper when it’s a fucking minute past 10… I can’t come up with anything other than flushing the entire country down the tubes by changing the offy opening hours. That’d be mad, though. Remember them days when you could buy cans at 11?
It was fucking anarchy… Well, it was a fascist theocracy, but yeah… anarchy.
Just think how much more interesting those geography lessons would have been if we’d studied the beer cycle instead of the rain cycle.
Brilliant idea occurred to me – solving water shortages would be easy – run beer through the taps!
What about the road carnage as all the piss-heads drive up, or down, or over to Dublin for their snack boxes?
I say open provincial chippers to boost the economy, and save lives.
but if we have a perfect, temperate, beer based economy we’ll have even more durty furriners coming over to steal our women and spice burgers!
Replace the old Guinness Barges on the liffey with trawlers. Fish coming in for the chippers, Kegs going out.
raging scuts = iscanders!
An unfortunate side effect of warm sunny days:
A rabble of superficial middle class southsiders sitting outside with massive shades, pink shirts and golf jumpers, all drinking pints of Bulmers with ice while admiring their Audis and Range Rover Sports.
Every single one of them exactly the same as the next.
AnFearbui may be on to something there. The old canals into Dub may come back into their own in a few years.
Its a pretty good country for a canal system- middle of the island there are no mountains to speak of and relatively flat land.
I’d love to see new canals between the Liffey and Shannon for example.
Wouldn’t be economical now but that doesn’t mean it won’t be economical in 10 or 20 years given energy depletion/soaring costs.
The Royal and Grand canals are both fully navigable now. So too is the Shannon-Erne canal and I think the Ulster canal is too (Maggot?).
So you can sail from Dublin to the Erne and maybe further. One of my holiday wish lists is to take a boat from Dublin all the way to the Shannon and up to the Erne over about a month.
holemaster; as oposed to the rabble of knackers with celtic/liverpool/man u jerseys, drinking flaggons of linden village and admiring their homemade neck tattoos?
Yeah those too.
there should be some sort of reservation – half canal bank, half wine bar. keep our sunny days unsullied!
Twenty Major said
“Make sure the weather is warm”
Erm…
We live in Ireland
if it does not rain it is an unusual occurence
i’m sorry but your argument was Torpedoed on the very first line LOL
P.S.
Keep up the good work
I’m struggling with the fact that any kind of weather conditions would have an effect on the amount of beer being drunk.
I have a recommended daily intake of a gallon regardless of whether it is cold, wet, baking or blizzardy.
Doesn’t everyone?
No, Groandad. And if herself and K8 find out you are being the silly old sod again they’ll put you back in the coalhole.
Good shot?
Right, because who gives a fuck about, you know, the entire cunting country?
Clearly not me.
Think you’ve got your auld fellas mixed up there, Cap’n.
Gallon and a half on a sunny day, SoS
Circle of beer, circle of life. By jove, I think he’s got it.
You’ve got 1 day 11 hours and 48 minutes to submit your idea to ‘Your Country Your Call’
Good luck !
I dont suppose it would be very popular to mention the ‘slight’ decrease in Productivity, which is sure to follow an evening/night/morning of beer/burgers/baguettes (and pills)
Sorry SoS, your writing style reminded me of Groandad over on Head Rambles and I thought I might catch him out.
Never mind- it was worth a shot in the dark.
green party are beyond redemption. you have 1 day, 11 hours and 26 minutes before they make it even more prohibitively expensive to heat your house next winter when global warming again fails to happen
THIS PLAN IS FUCKED. The greens would have nothing to do with people having a good time.
This plan violates (with a screwdriver) the first law of thermodynamics
Get back down to the shed twenty and go work on that perpetual motion machine
You heard of the man who crawled his way across India, the man with longest fingernails in the world and the man who is constantly on fire as a form of meditation.
Well folks, I bring you the man who has not taken food or drink in 70 years. And yes, he’s another mental Indian chap.
http://tinyurl.com/34mvr54
Bet he’s had a shit though.
Isn’t that bloke married to David Beckham?
HM – money is being spent but at the moment:
The Ulster Canal Still Says no!
Heh. The Royal Canal says ‘I’ll be down inna minneh’
3 in-a-row on the rte.ie news site –
Woman injured in Tullamore shooting
Man hospitalised after Artane shooting
Two held after gun and ammunition find
Are we turning into the U.S.?
…’thas not mi fuckin baybee’
Artane & Tullamore?
Good riddance.
Is Tullamore Ireland’s Israel ?
The Six Counties are Ireland’s Israel.
You were asking for that maggot, so button it.
Two held after gun and ammunition find -
locals are said to be in a state of shock after gardai found a stash of guns and ammunition in a house close to the library in clondalkin. a town spokesman said “…the people of clondalkin had no idea they had a library”
Heh – that makes youse Egypt and the like.
Thinking about it …..
You were asking for that maggot, so button it.
FFS Git – it was a pun. Tullamore Dew.
Thick Paddy cunt !
Weh-hey!
http://twentymajor.net/2009/05/19/a-quickie/
Weh-hey!
http://twentymajor.net/2009/05/19/a-quickie/
Thank God – an intellectual has showed up.
where?
He’s behind you
weh-hey!!
Wish I was Jewish. Life would be so much cheaper.
AND I’d have a cabriolet cock. And thats not to be sniffed at.
Two Jewish lads walking along pass a pretty girl
“I’d lend her one”
Heh- Spike Milligan had a good one about his platoon buddy Shapiro.
Something like;
“Thats a nice watch Shapiro. Where did you get that?”
“My father sold it to me on his deathbed.”
that makes youse Egypt and the like.
You’re in denial maggot.
Jon Stewart is calling apple the new microsft, cunts. Their behavior toward the dude who found the new iphone is deplorable. But then I don’t need any excuse to puke on “there’s an app for that” cockfest
http://startupmeme.com/shut-up-app-hole-seriously-apple-needs-to-cut-the-slack/
You’re in denial maggot.
But denial is in Egypt not Israel
Explanation for Git who is a bit slow – word play – denial and the Nile which is a big river.
Good to see a civilised contributor show up itchy.
”But denial is in Egypt not Israel”
*facepalm*
maggot. Do you have a vote in the elections up there?
Only one these days itchy. Used to have two. Why ?
A mick, a spick, a black and a yid walk into a bar. The barman say’s – “get out”.*
*Stolen from the film “Gran Torino” script.
I’ve seen a few party political broadcasts. The choice is, eh, weak. The SDLP party political broadcast where at the end there’s five of them shuffling down the street is just very, very odd. It looks more like a sinn fein baseball-bat squad
Where is your vote and who do vote for?
I’m in the East Londonderry constituency. Not sure if I’ll vote or not – manky choices as usual. SDLP chap looks uninspiring, Never heard of the Shinner – there is some strange Conservative-Unionist woman, Willie Ross and Gregory Campbell. Campbell is about the best of what the DUP have on offer.
Londonderry
jesus fucking christ
What’s wrong with Londonderry ?
the name. like “the mainland”. gives me schizoid embolism
I never understood that attitude – you cannot wipe out history. Even the Khmer Rouge failed.
It’s History itchy. I don’t have a problem with the city being known as Derry – there is a tenuous historical justification (though the City proper was built on what we would call a green field site by the financiers of the City of London, hence the name) and if that is what the residents want, fine – but there is no historical justification for the County to be called Derry .
The County System isn’t Irish – and the County was originally called County Coleraine before being renamed Londonderry.
If you want to wipe that away are you going to drop the county system right across Ireland ? What about Dublin – which is foreign also – I read somewhere that the IRB would have made Limerick Ireland’s capital because of the foreign taint in Dublin.
You misheard. Limerick was gonna be the Cuntpital.
Oops – Forgot you are Dublin – no offence Twenty. Ya viking cunt.
It’d take more than that, maggot!
It’d take more than that, maggot!
Such as bouncing a dumbbell off your noggin while screaming Die, Die, Die ?
See, Twenty. Even talking about drink leads to violence. Down maggot. Sit. Good boy.
Sorry Crank – tonight’s Europa league has got me a bit overexcited. Well done Fulham. Man, those scousers must be hurting!
It’s cool maggot. Knock yerself out (heh)!
I’ll treat myself to a bowl of brown rope !
You misheard. Limerick was gonna be the Cuntpital.
Easy now..