I visited Jimmy the Bollix last night in Tallaght hospital. He was involved in a serious car crash driving back from the Wicklow mountains where he had to put something in a deep hole. His was the only car involved and he smashed through a ditch, into a field and was stopped by a large tree.
“Are you all right?”, I said to him when I went in.
“It was mental, Twenty”, he said, bandaged, scraped, bruised and cut. As he told me what happened I assumed he was in a delicious morphine haze.
He said he was going along, listening to the new Gorillaz album in marvellous hiss free stereo because he and Bobby Womack go way back, happy with his lot as he’d done good work up the mountains. ‘Nobody will ever find that’, he said. As he was coming around a corner something caught his eye. It was a ewe holding a highly polished placard of some kind. Naturally I figured he’d taken a blow to head and was remembering things wrong.
He insisted this is what happened though and as he was trying to figure out what the fuck he’d just seen, out popped a lamb from the hedgerow displaying a glossy banner. He couldn’t read what it said but it distracted him so much he barely had time to react when a ram leapt out in the middle of the road holding an incredibly shiny poster mounted on a metal pole. With the beautiful day that was in it the sun reflected off it, straight into his eyes and caused him to crash.
I was dubious.
“Are you sure this is what happened?”, I asked.
“100%, Twenty. I promise you. Sheep blinded me with signs”.
I don’t get it.
‘ “She Blinded Me With Science” is a New Wave song by British musician Thomas Dolby, released in 1982. It was first released as a single in the UK in October 1982 and was subsequently included on the EP Blinded by Science and the second edition of Dolby’s debut album The Golden Age of Wireless. It is a quirky, playful synth-pop song featuring synthesizer sounds.’
Got that from Wikipedia. Is there anything Wikipedia doesn’t have an article about?
Shockin’..
WHAT A LOAD OF SHEEP!!!!
If I could turn back time…I’d have NOT rolled my eyes hard enough to make them ache.
“I don’t get it.”
This is not group therapy, keep your personal life to yourself.
Gorrillaz album is cool..
..that pun is not..
Until Johnny5 comes along and calls me the biggest cunt on earth the pun wins.
(“I don’t get it.”
This is not group therapy, keep your personal life to yourself.)
Very poor.
“Very poor”
Heh
Glencree to the left of me
Shankhill to the right,
Here I am,
Stuck in the middle with ewe.
haha
Was is it a Yo?
Until Johnny5 comes along and calls me the biggest cunt on earth the pun wins.
I’ll check the public loos on O Connell street..
Do they still have them?
Yeah,all the way up the middle of the road,a hundred hobo’s cant be wrong…
Did they take out the jacks that time they did it up?
another diminishment in public services…
That one went way above me – must be the wether.
and me
Sheer brilliance.
HM knows. Unless he meant shear in which case judging his real motive would be a gambol
I mutton read this kind of thing anymore.
Shit, meant shear.
poor ole jimmy, he sounds baaaadly shuck up!
Last time I went up the Wicklow Mountains I saw a Daddy sheep, a Baby sheep, another Daddy sheep, another baby sheep, and a truck full of Denny’s rashers and sausages.
It was only later on that I realised it was a ram-a-lamb-a-ram-a-lamb-a-ding-dong.
fascinating creatures sheep – they have a most unusual wiggy with a vermiform appendage. Pigs on the other hand have a wiggy with a screw fitting on the end.
Why are there no mutton sausages ?
Obese, middle-aged, ginger lesbo-feminazis are fucking cunts.
yeah, would have thought that was ovisous!
Next time you’re in Paris maggot, try some merguez frites and you’ll understand why…
Impossible to eat sober, so they are.
I’ve been in Paris, never again – I like sitting on toilets.
Don’t worry maggot, you’ll do plenty of that if you eat a merguez.
Twenty! Ram it up your hole, Ewe cunt, you should be Lambastarded!
Lung – how are drunks supposed to crap in safety squatting over a hole?
time for stout of to lams doyles pup ha ha
Maggot, when were you last in Paris? 1700s?
They are hard to find SG, but they are still there. Impossible to read the paper and squat.
A very important tip about the squatthrusting Tutkish bogs. Always step outside the cubicle before pulling the chain. Otherwise you risk having that Posseidon Adventure experience.
1995 I think SG. Had a good dinner in a bistro, preceded, accompanied and followed followed by a lot of wine, then nearly broke my neck in their stinking toilets.
Delightful stuff.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet