Regular readers will know I’m no fan of Damien Rice. I find his songs to be twee and tedious and tuneless. His mournful acoustic twaddlings irritate the life out me but I realised that instead of obsessing and fictionalising his untimely death, I would be best served by simply not listening to the cunt.
Avoidance is a good thing, yet this very morning who am I faced with in my Irish Times? Only this man waffling about the state of the country. I’m not quite sure how to sum up the article. I would suggest that if you took his very worst song, reproduced it on a casiotone keyboard, with 41 Damien Rice voices harmonising it Enya style, with a drum track by Phil Collins and a comedy rap over the top by David ‘Wikivandal’ McSavage, it wouldn’t even come close to how shit it is.
Some example:
When I walk around Dublin, I can’t help but think that at least when the English conquered us they built some decent houses.
Good old Barratt’s Homes. Thankfully back in the day they were Georgian and Victorian and not redbricked semi-Ds with egg-shell thin walls. I mean, seriously.
My greatest surprise, when visiting the refugee camps on the Thai-Burmese border, was …
*vomit*
Did I mention I do lot of great work for charidee mate, but don’t like to talk about it? And then this:
In politics, we get stuck on old-fashioned male-dominated habits and could benefit greatly by including female qualities into our approach. Mothers represent nurturing and patience and I’d like to see more of this in politics and in all aspects of Irish life.
Surely in an enlightened society there is no such thing as male and female qualities, just human ones? It’s just mothers that represent nurturing and patience, is it? That’s news to me.
Here we are in 2010, in the midst of what is being called a “recession”.
Erm, it’s being called that because that it was it is. ‘Here we are driving along the road in what is being called a “car”‘.
He makes some suggestions about how we can make things better. They’re the usual ones from a drippy hippy point of view. Let’s focus on green energy and undo our reliance on oil. Sounds good, but if it was that fucking simple wouldn’t everyone be doing it by now? Then you read about research in the Guardian which confirms what I’ve long suspected, that the Greeners are so smug about their own greenosity they’ll cheat and steal more than normal people. I bet Damien Rice cheats at video games too. Like if his mate is coming around for a Pro Evo Soccer tournament he’ll edit all his players to give them 99 in all their skills, even goalkeeping, and make sure his opponents team are nobbled by giving them a purple down arrow for their form.
As for the ‘riddle’ at the start – he claims to have shared it with numerous friends and strangers (the idea of Damien Rice randomly bombarding passers-by with this as they mind their own fucking business is enraging, I have to admit), with only one 16 year old getting it. What can you say? Clearly all of his friends are fucking retarded and he’s had the misfortune of encountering one grotesquely stupid person after another.
But then birds of a feather, and all that …
Ah, you’re very hard on Dame Risotto. Sure the poor fellah hasn’t lived in the real world for a few years and is a bit clueless and simple with it.
Mind you, whoever asked him for a contribution to this IT series ought to be taken out and left in an editors’ graveyard outside the M50.
Haha I do love the way you write this stuff Twenty. I did proper laughing out loud at several bits (NOT lol-ing).
Never liked his music either but now I understand why he merits extra special mention abuse-wise
Conan – you have to imagine that’s been edited too. Imagine what it looked like at first.
Christy, I think everyone should be aware of his nefarious ways.
It has been suggested that GNH (gross national happiness) is a better way to measure a country’s true wealth based on the quality of life. I agree. Read up on it.
Makes my fucking Blood Boil..
Too true, Twenty.
BTW, I think all the ‘prominent’ contributors, so far, are comfortably well-off. There’s a surprise.
This is from the comments section, well done John whoever you are!
“How on earth does the above lazy, incoherent rambling pass the editor’s desk onto a national newspaper? On second thoughts, the answer is obvious, to me at least.
From one illogical series of brain impulses, masquerading as thought processes, to another, we eventually find out the solution to all of life’s problems: more women in politics/power. How prophetic.
Lest it escaped the vacuous space between the author’s ears, can somebody let him know that the women currently in power are equally as responsible as the men? Look at Mary Hanafin, Mary Harney, Mary Coughlin, et al.
The answer is not more women. It’s a better calibre of both man and woman to serve the people that put them there and are paying their salaries.”
Fortunately I don’t believe I have encountered this particular being, Twenty, but I take it he is yet another of the unbearable cunts who thinks if they can strum a couple of chords and sing through their nose they are the new James Taylor?
Not far wrong, SoS. I would give you a link to check him out but that’d be like saying ‘Hey, let me show you have much being punched in the face hurts’. You know it without having to be punched.
Div – love that comment.
BTW, I think all the ‘prominent’ contributors, so far, are comfortably well-off. There’s a surprise.
Good point, that.
So Damo was putting in a bid for Bono’s Crown as Conscience of Ireland was he?
How the fuck do these people spend much of their lives in and around guitar strings and still be walking around?
They don’t make roadies like they used to.
I wonder did Damien Rice stand in a Paddy field when he was in Asia.
You never learn Twenty – last time it was an ashtray in the face, this time it’s likely to be sleeping with da fishes – if there are any fish in the Dublin Canal – I’ll light a candle for you.
your picking at it twenty…
And it’ll never heal, Fred. I know.
Maggot – I’m sure the Rice mafia is after me.
HM – I’m sure he did, he’s a pilau of society, you know.
Do you think he’s got an Uncle Ben?
Twenty I wouldnt worry about the Rice Mafia,the worst treatment you can expect would be a protest gig outside Rons or being ignored by the bar staff in Whelans(for 5 mins)..
i’m not reading it… I have better things I could be doing…like picking the wax out of my ears…
But surely it cant be as bad as Pierce Brosnan talking about the state of ‘Our’ country and ‘Our’ politicians such as Tony Blair etc., while talking to the UK media. He really is an arse-hole of the highest magnitude…
Why do we have to listen to the opinion of ‘Celebrities’?
Excellent stuff twenty though like Damien Rice I do like to play my own trumpet too-
I can say the following with ultra-pride -
- I’ve never consciously been aware of knowing a damian rice tune; I wouldn’t know him if he jumped on top of me
- I’ve never seen more than 5 seconds of a friends episode
- see above for sex and the city too
etc, etc, enya, phil collins (you forgot sting
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2010/feb/22/sting-uzbekistan
I assume Damien Rice fell from the same shithead tree.
Henry Kissinger summed up the likes of damien rice, sting, enya, phil fucking collins etc for the fools on this planet – “the nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault”
Tom Dunne just played
-Business Enterprise by Those Nervous Animals..
completely irrelevant to the thread here but I got a 1985 flashback during the song..
i think damien rice should have a chat with doctor philip nitschke
I see some are hinting you should let it go, Twenty. If I were you I would not be in a rush to biriani hatchets.
Celebrities and global problem solving, best summarised here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chp2u2ln8_E
Between him and Tom Dunne, my blood pressure will be the death of me. Nurturing patient mothers? The Lilac One is probably boiling babies in oil right about now, salt and pepper babbys for lunch.
Fark me, if it wasn’t for you I might not have read that piece. I hold you partically responsible if I take out half of The Project in a drivel fueled rage later.
Do you think, as the King of the Irish music scene, he’ll have a long-grain?
What’s grating about this piece is that Damien Rice speaks about this time as an “opportunity”. He must surely realise that the highpoint of his career coincided with the most bloated point of the Celtic Tiger, when people would spend their money on any old shite. He wouldn’t have two beans to rub together if he was launching his solo career now, and he’d never have the opportunity to pontificate at everyone.
I had a mate who used to cheat at FIFA like that, he’d up all his player skills and fuck all yours.
Thing is, he’d do it really fast in front of you as if you were too thick to know what he was up to. Prick.
I hope he’s not your mate anymore. Or at least dead.
Timing is everything, Andrew.
If I were you I would not be in a rush to biriani hatchets.
Do you think, as the King of the Irish music scene, he’ll have a long-grain?
heh and heh
Would you say he boils or is he a total steamer?
twenty. Why do you read an article by somebody when you know it’ll wreck your head? Self-harm thing.
After reading the article and this bit “I heard an interesting perspective on finger-pointing where someone said it begins with us naming everything. Everything has a name and if it doesn’t then we give it a name”
oh dear. and so many other bits. pure fucking drivel; the whole thing
Damian Rice strikes me as the type of individual who refers to himself in the third person. gobshite.
Twenty, I’d love to see a blog post on people who you *don’t* think are cunts – people who you actually like. Also, his riddle is totally dumb and makes no sense to me…
Well. The TV Review person in The Irish Times said that The Afternoon Show on RTE1 is good. I’m watching it now and – it’s fucking shit. The Irish Times TV review is shit too. They seem to think it’s part of the job description that you watch irish tv. 80% of reviews are on shit irish tv. Teen in the wild, TV 3 real crime crapology,off the rails, retail therapy with superquinn. who the fuck watches this shite, don’t mind write on it.
Note to irish times tv review fuckwits. There are other channels besides irish ones. and unlike irish ones they are not fucking shite. try channel 4 and bbc2 please.
yes, the afternoon show is still shit; they’re asking about 7 year itches. i’m sending an email, or a text or something.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiIsIE8iT28
bah
You need a Playstation or something to stop you watching afternoon tv.
Yep. I think I’ll go slash some tyres on the cars in the church grounds across the road from me. Discipline.
I do not always agree with this blog when I stop by (I find a lot of the Mary Harney bashing et al unnecessarily ad fem.) but this was spot on and had me sniggering at my computer, particularly at the “car” bit. I’m sure he means well but it really is doleful stuff. Rice’s style reminds me of Somerset Maugham’s quote: he plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer made his confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.
White cliffs of the obvious, heh.
We’ll be civil if he turns up in the pub but I don’t have a lot fo time for him these days, no.
At least he’s not as bad as the cunts on playstation net play who quit the match as soon as they go a goal down.