Monthly Archives: March 2010
Patriotism
“You are quite entitled to disagree with me but don’t question my patriotism to my country”. So said Brian Cowen to Eamon Gilmore in the Dail. Isn’t patriotism a bit mental though, really? Nobody can help where they’re born or … Continue reading
Mr B, Sir. Mr, B.
Dear Minister Lenihan, it was with great interest that I noted your generous dispersal of free money yesterday. I would very much like some as I require a bail-out of around €500,000 to continue as a going concern. I am … Continue reading
Roadkill
For some reason roadkill affects me. On the Galway drives I saw loads of dead foxes and even some badgers. One fox looked like he had just curled up on the side of the road for a gentle sleep. It … Continue reading
NAMA-lama-ding dong
I wonder will those who protested against Head Shops and those who made public their gripe at not being able to go on holiday because they left getting their passport to the last minute turn up outside any banks today. … Continue reading
Picture the scene
It is before noon, a bright Saturday morning in March. A man who should have known better to embark on a long drive without making a final slash the last thing he did before he left the house pulls off … Continue reading
All abuzz
“You are weak. Pathetic. I am your master now!” *ZZZAAAAAPP* “Argh”. “Yes, Argh. Hurts doesn’t it? There’s more where that comes from”. *ZZZAAAAAPP* “Fuck off!” “I won’t fuck off. I am necessary to you. You cannot rid yourself of me. … Continue reading
The goo
Sometimes after a few pints you just feel like eating a bag of chips and lying on the sofa. Sometimes after a few pints you feel like drinking more pints and then perhaps some rum or gin or whiskey before … Continue reading
Anglo Irish Bank is awesome!!!!!
What’s that? Another €9bn you say? Sure why not. We’ll just pluck it off this money tree we have here. And we’ll throw in a couple of token arrests to make it look as if we’re really, really cross at … Continue reading
Slowing down
The old dog heard the footsteps of the owner as he came through the sitting room, then the kitchen and out into the room at the back which led into the garden. He tensed, waiting … waiting … and it … Continue reading
Dur dur dur, dur-dur durrr
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The K-Team. That’s right. Newly crowned Minister for Defence Tony Killeen can act on your behalf. Are you a … Continue reading
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…
The K-Team.
That’s right. Newly crowned Minister for Defence Tony Killeen can act on your behalf. Are you a vicious child rapist? Then don’t worry. Tony Killeen’s office can write to the Minister for Justice on your behalf.
Sure raping a child isn’t as bad as raping a real person because they’re so little and you don’t have to use as much violence.
What about if you’re a convicted murderer? Then Tony Killeen’s office will look after you too. And he won’t forget the people who love our country more than anyone else, dissident republicans. Caught carrying a 1300lb bomb in Northern Ireland. Fear not? Tony “Hannibal” Killeen’s office will make entreaties on your behalf.
I mean, what kind of piffling damage can a 1300lb bomb make now that we use the metric system?
Of course it’s not unusual for politicians to do this kind of thing. We had Labour TD Kathleen Lynch giving a character reference on behalf of a rapist and I seem to remember Bobby Molloy being involved in something a few years back. Not many of them get a nice promotion in the end though.
It’s a good job our army is about as important as Luxembourg’s football team, eh? Still, I suppose we just have to wait for him to set up the photo-op where he’s pictured firing an AK-47 into the lens while slicing open the belly of a new born lamb with a scimitar.