Delivery men
Posted on | February 3, 2010 | 33 Comments
A delivery man called to my door earlier. He had a delivery. He delivered the delivery to me, took out an electronic device and said ‘Sign here’, pointing to the screen. I signed. It looked a bit like this:
This is because those things are impossible to write on. A little pencily-nib dealy and a dodgy screen and any old cunt could sign any old thing and nobody would ever know the difference.
Surely it makes deliveries ripe for not being delivered. Old Delivery O’Toole decides he’ll keep your thing, scratches a signature on it and then if you complain you haven’t received it they’ll say “But we have your signature!”
“That’s not my signature”, you’ll reply and they’ll say “Well, sign another one of these machines and we’ll compare” and as your signature is nothing but the scrawl of a window-licker on that device they’ll just laugh and your delivery is gone forever.
Bring back pen and paper, I say, before nobody ever gets any deliveries ever again.
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33 Responses to “Delivery men”
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February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:19 pm
It does seem pointless.
Retina scanning, that’s where it’s at.
That would then be a good cover for Men In Black type memory adjustment.
I think of everything, me.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:33 pm
I reckon you’re getting a bit cranky and paranoid twenty. “x” ; I always use an X and they either don’t notice or don’t care. I’ve never not got a parcel from some other cunt signing for it. Until that happens I will not comment on it.
If anybody retina scanned me before 9 a.m. their machine would melt into puss.
Is the forum back up twenty of is it kinda bollixed?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:46 pm
What was the delivery then ?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:46 pm
Yeah, the Sky repair man had one of those. Do you think the box isn’t going on the blink anymore?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:48 pm
Forum is fixed, Itchy. Upgraded and everything.
Conan – did you have to sign it?
maggot – it was a work of priceless art.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
maggot – it was a work of priceless art.
Doubtless from Amsterdam. it’s heartening with so many people getting their art free online that people like you are supporting those involved in it’s production!
Forum, hmmmm I used to belong to that in the distant past – can I show that image you removed from the other thread there ?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:58 pm
Why do you think anyone would want to see it?!
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
I’m sure it would add some spice to the lives of our lady members!
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:00 pm
I did indeed have to ‘sign’ it. Reminded me of those drawing boards filled with ironfilings that you draw on with a magnet. What the fuck were/are they called?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:01 pm
And you don’t want the ST accusing you of censorship, do you ?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:04 pm
MagnaDoodle, Conan.
maggot – even the ST would understand under those circumstances
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:05 pm
The forum. That’s it!
maggot.
I’m sure you are allowed parade in the forum.
Can you tell them that? I’ll tell moscow.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:07 pm
If I was really naughty I’d post Tracey Emin’s “Sweet Thing” !
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:10 pm
Of course when they get good clean signatures they probably sell them to furriners who rob chequebooks.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:18 pm
We have the same electronic signature Twenty! I think those things must run on Windows 95.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:19 pm
Conan Drumm Says:
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Of course when they get good clean signatures they probably sell them to furriners who rob chequebooks
hehe.
Not like Berite Ahearn and Charlie Haughey who signed books of blank cheques.
I’ve been thinking about Bertie. Again. De foreners and de corruption made me tink of the most cunning, ruthless and devious of them all.
Does he need a Tax Clearance Certificate – which as far as I’m aware he still hasn’t got – to receive payment for his buk?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:20 pm
Tracy don’t do it for me. I like the dude who does the vases. Grayson Perry…I think.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 11:36 pm
That’s a very witchy face at the end of your signature Twenty.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 11:38 pm
Those machines, I blame them.
February 4th, 2010 @ 3:46 am
Poor mans etch-a-sketch…
February 4th, 2010 @ 9:09 am
I find these machines terribly annoying. My signature is normally a work of art – I sign with a Visconti pen with 24k nib and carefully selected ink – and when I sign on those machines it looks as if I did it with my left hand.
Awful.
February 4th, 2010 @ 9:31 am
I agree, it robs us of the bit of class we possess.
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:07 am
They’ll all have iPads soon anyway so they’ll just photograph you holding the package giving a thumbs up.
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:10 am
Your i-Pad arrived then?
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:24 am
No Fill. No iPad for me. Have two macs already and an iPod with an iPhone on the way. They can fuck now for another year or two.
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:32 am
Does Steve Jobs have young kids I wonder?
Feedin time in the Morning,
“I’m going to introduce breakfast this morning kids with 2 brand new concepts,
1:A Fork
and
2:An Aeroplane.
So thats a Fork and and Aeroplane,but..
They are both the same thing!……”
The kids do the morning standing ovation and whooping etc..
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:33 am
The apple ifuck?
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:34 am
oops, child related/fuck crossover…
Should have said the apple ifork…
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:36 am
The iKnow – A discreet device which you can hide in your pocket. It listens to your conversations and prompts you with clever quotes and anecdotes to make you seem informed and witty.
February 4th, 2010 @ 10:39 am
How about the iTurd as presented by Steve Jobbies.
February 4th, 2010 @ 11:06 am
The iPaed
Instant updates on sexy kids in your locality.
February 4th, 2010 @ 12:30 pm
I REALLY LIKE THE NEW FORUM
February 4th, 2010 @ 1:04 pm
the iPrick*
*stolen from a guardian article