Going to the dogs
Posted on | February 2, 2010 | 58 Comments
It’s sad to see. He lies on the floor, at my feet, big brown eyes looking up at me. His cold, wet nose glistening as the flickers from the fire light up the room.
Getting old now, you see. Gone the sprightly beast of youth, the non-stop energy, the gay abandon with which he took to life. Those powerful hind quarters are not what they once were. He sighs. The top of his enormous head is coated with matted hair. He sighs again, scratches vigorously, grumbles.
“You wanna go for a walk, old fella?”, I ask.
He looks at me. I know he understands but what normally has him up and circling like a lunatic, excited to be going outside like it’s his first ever, leaves him stretched out on the floor. He turns on his side. Once lithe, now the belly is pronounced. He stretches.
“Walk?”, I said, jangling his lead.
Nothing. He grumbles again from that deep, barrelly chest, deep, resonating. I can’t help but think of the good times. Out walking. ‘Get ‘em!’, I’d say and he’d leap forward ready to chase and maul and possibly hump whatever it was I was pointing at. Time waits for no man, nor beast. It catches up with us all. The cat strolls in, sniffs him, recoils as is the cats wont, but they are old friends and the feline sits next to him for a while, as if to say ‘It’ll be ok, I understand’.
I put down my book, blow out the candles and put on my coat. I’m going out and he’s coming with me. His life might be passing from autumn to winter but dammit I’m not going to let him fade away like this.
“Get up. Come on. Get up”, I say. He groans again. Lies panting on the floor. “Come on. We’re going out. You have no choice. Get up”. This time he turns away from me. ‘Leave me be’, he’s saying. ‘I just want to lie here to wither in peace’. It’s heartbreaking. A once proud beast reduced to this.
I won’t let him wither though. I will make sure of it. I walk slowly over to him and look down. It’s pitiful. He won’t make eye contact. I’m not sure I could cope if he did. I pretend to walk away, I can sense him relax as he thinks I’m going without him, but quickly I turn and kick him as hard as I can in the balls.
“Come the fuck on, Dave”, I say. “We’re going to Ron’s for a pint and that’s the end of it”.
He gets up. Eventually.
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58 Responses to “Going to the dogs”
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February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:07 am
You could always try leading him out the front door with a tempting half-open tin of Chum. Then once he’s outside, grab him by the flea collar.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:14 am
Heartbreaking when they age.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:43 am
Agh! Thank god for that. Kill off Bastardface and there’ll be trouble.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:59 am
But killing Dave would be ok, I see.
Radge – it sure is. It’s the incontinence I can’t stand.
Lung – flea collar, why didn’t I think of that?
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:17 am
Don’t be hard on him.Its a cold month to be taking him out.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:40 am
It’ll be time enough to take him for his final visit to the vet when he can no longer lick his balls.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:47 am
I Thought u were talking about Bastardface
But only one person can talk to animals
Dr.Dolittle
February 2nd, 2010 @ 12:11 pm
I’ve been there and got the t-shirt; with both man and beast. I’ll shut up before I get all emotional again. Nice writing
February 2nd, 2010 @ 12:17 pm
Robbie Keane is from Tallaght Twenty ?
You must be very proud!
February 2nd, 2010 @ 12:36 pm
rapemachine likes this
February 2nd, 2010 @ 12:47 pm
You just knew it was coming, but was none the less enjoyable for that. Cheers Twenty. Needed a smile this week.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 1:19 pm
man’s best friend is his best friend, dont know where dogs come into the equation at all
February 2nd, 2010 @ 1:23 pm
I can hardly remember last time I went out for a pint.
Damn, I’m getting old.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 1:25 pm
man’s best friend is his wiggy.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 1:27 pm
I’d love to have a dog but it’s not practical for me (or a dog) at the moment. I’m a big fan of border collies but I’d need a herd of sheep too. To watch them work is fascinating.
Dogs are the dogs bollocks.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 1:37 pm
I’m a big fan of border collies
You partitionist you LOL
February 2nd, 2010 @ 2:14 pm
I can tell a free state collie from a northern one any day.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 2:58 pm
He’s just afraid you’ll take him for a drive in the country, but won’t be coming back.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 3:52 pm
Pope Benny being an arse and Clare Short gets revenge! You go girl!
February 2nd, 2010 @ 5:26 pm
sorry to post an off-topic thing here, but, nobody can register for the forum. there’s an error with the question thing..i.e. it doesn’t give you a random question, it just says “couldn’t find phrase for ‘question1′.
cheers
February 2nd, 2010 @ 5:39 pm
If he slips his lead on the way to the bar, will he be able to find his way home by himself? Does he stop to sniff trees?
February 2nd, 2010 @ 5:57 pm
Will try and sort out forum problems, cheers.
Loco – he can follow his scent markings, no worries on that front.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 6:35 pm
Brilliant story…the auld heart strings were being pulled and then the plot twist…
Nice one, cheers Twenty
:)
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:01 pm
Cheers, mico.
For those interested, I have totally and utterly cunted the forum.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:03 pm
Forums are for cunts anyway.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:14 pm
For those interested, I have totally and utterly cunted the forum.
Well hurry up and uncunt it ya fucking tool
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:15 pm
From what little I can gather it seems that uncunting requires:
a ) Some knowledge of what cunted it in the first place
b ) An ability to do things to MySQL databases
c ) Some chap who can repair tables
d ) A miracle
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:19 pm
This is neat, seeing as we are talking cunts
In statements to gardaí Fr Hughes said he was not a paedophile. He ‘was only attracted to altar boys,’ he said.
http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0202/hughesp.html
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:32 pm
1 year? Cunt and then some.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 7:34 pm
At his age Butch that is probably the equivalent of 20 years if he was in his 40s.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 8:05 pm
http://www.eatmyshorts.net/videos/2662/South+Park+Has+no+internet.html
February 2nd, 2010 @ 8:11 pm
I had to give up the Forum. It was addictive. Sorry to hear it’s bastard has been cunted.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 8:20 pm
Who set up this Cunting in the Bastard Facebook page?
http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=9673296519
February 2nd, 2010 @ 8:39 pm
Nice piece…
February 2nd, 2010 @ 9:38 pm
I read this in private eye; url says it all
http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/fpfalmouth/4763999.Sex_slurry_pervert_is_at_it_again/
February 2nd, 2010 @ 9:56 pm
The reporter used the word frustrating a lot….apt!
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:11 pm
From what little I can gather it seems that uncunting requires:
a ) Some knowledge of what cunted it in the first place
b ) An ability to do things to MySQL databases
c ) Some chap who can repair tables
d ) A miracle
easy peasy
I had to give up the Forum. It was addictive. Sorry to hear it’s bastard has been cunted.
yes it is addictive and i’m getting withdrawl symptons already
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:26 pm
whats that cunted in the bastard facebook thing? Is it worth signing up for?
February 2nd, 2010 @ 10:59 pm
No idea. Probably set up by one of the gang here with some trickery in mind. I’d like to have a ‘Cunt them in the bastard’ placard for protests.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
I still have no idea how to fix the forum.
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:17 pm
NEW THREAD
Chelsea are a useless bunch of over-rated tossers
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:18 pm
And cunts
February 2nd, 2010 @ 11:49 pm
Nice piece today twenty, made me avoid kicking the mutt in my mothers place for a change today.. the poor little fucker on his way out.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 12:13 am
I still have no idea how to fix the forum.
I know you’re a critically acclaimed, top selling author and an award winning blogger but I thought you were also a computer whizz. You disappoint me.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 12:16 am
Try the hot tap
February 3rd, 2010 @ 12:31 am
I just read that damn RTE article by the priest. If the gardai, and the judge by the looks of it, are of the notion that the Church obstructed a legal investigation, surely the persons who did this should be prosecuted?
“Sorry your honour, the father of the man who killed eleventeeen gabillion people didn’t feel like testifying, so we let the guy go. Is that ok? ”
“Sure it is guard, t’ be grand loike”
“Ahh sure thats great your honour. He was really reluctant to say anything even though he had written, verbal, witness proof”
“Sure we don’t need any of that guff with the catholic church, they are an honest society! Case stricken!”
February 3rd, 2010 @ 12:47 am
And at the same time micosavo Benny and his henchmen are lecturing the UK on what is right and wrong. How dare we give gays equality when we discriminate against paedophiles!
But hell, they’ll flock to see the bollix when he visits the UK and Ireland will be just the same when the Ecumenical Congress is held here.
Mehmet Ali Agca, where are you when we need you ?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 1:26 am
Mind you – it’s not all doom and gloom
Kilmarnock spoil Keane’s party
Robbie Keane’s Celtic debut went spectacularly awry as Tony Mowbray’s reign hit a new low with the club’s first defeat to Kilmarnock in 32 meetings.
On-loan Tottenham striker Keane missed two golden opportunities to score in either half and he was upstaged shortly after the break by Chris Maguire, who celebrated his own debut with a fine winner for Killie in a 1-0 victory.
http://www.irishtimes.com/sports/soccer/2010/0202/1224263649048.html
February 3rd, 2010 @ 2:35 am
“At his age Butch that is probably the equivalent of 20 years if he was in his 40s.”
Ahhh. Well, now, that depends entirely on your point of view. See…..he is a doddery old cunt with not much life left in him. Therefore, the life he has left, although worth something to HIM (admittedly not much), isn’t worth shite to society. Our system of justice is based on vengeance, not correction. What we want is some of the useful life he had in his 40s. So…he should get twice as long because his crappy life now isn’t worth half what it was when he was in his 40s. The dirty old kiddyfiddlin’ cassocklifter.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 3:50 am
im fucked. fuckin forum wont work cunts the lot a ye. cunts in bastards. theres a septic stink of kebab off me but i love it. id like to rub myself for a while but id be at nothing!
February 3rd, 2010 @ 7:42 am
Totally unrelated but thought you might like this article from todays paper. Brilliant stuff.
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/busted-banker-named-after-viewing-nude-miranda-kerr-snaps/story-e6frewz0-1225826377310
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:40 am
excellent Ronan
February 3rd, 2010 @ 9:49 am
Loved this, Twenty. Very evocative. Had me happily looking forward to a twist in the end but also really sad in case there wasn’t one.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 10:21 am
I wonder if John Terry has been there Ronan ?
February 3rd, 2010 @ 10:22 am
Ronan
I sent that link around saying “I don’t know who Miranda Kerr is but I’m gonna find out” and a girl I know responded with
“I’m surprised you don’t know a member of “Victorias Secret Angels”
I replied back with “Huh? Is that a TV program?
She replied back with
http://www.popcrunch.com/the-50-hottest-victorias-secret-models-of-all-time/
Jesus; I live a deprived life…
February 3rd, 2010 @ 10:27 am
depraved, Itchy. It’s spelt – depraved.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:56 pm
Poor old Bastardfaeces, but enough of the sentimentality, get another one quick… puppy farms are being banned and prices will go up.
February 3rd, 2010 @ 8:59 pm
He was a rescue anyway. I shall never find a free dog as good as him again