Monthly Archives: January 2010
I see, he said, not seeing at all
I was checking back through my drafts folder, as I do from time to time, and came across a 1500 word epic about a man called Robert Colfield whose puppy got stuck up a tree and was rescued by Paddy … Continue reading
Shaving
Today I have shaved my face (with a clippers, Gillette can suck my balls) and my head. I look like a spacehopper with all over stubble. I’ve got a hankering for some more shaving though. I might shave one of … Continue reading
Shoe thieves
Yesterday I decided I would perform my annual wardrobe tidying extravaganza. Over the course of the year many things become strewn about the place, not least of which is footwear which is, when not lying around on the floor or … Continue reading
My good advice
If, somehow, you became aware that life was simply a film and you weren’t one of the main characters you would presented with quite the situation. There is nothing in the world as dispensible as a secondary character in a … Continue reading
Happy birthday, God
63 today. Holy crap. That makes me … much older than I’d like. Rock on, David. Some Friday music. In the heat of the morning Lady grinning soul Always crashing in the same car Cat people (putting out fire) Bonus … Continue reading
Charlton
The last thing astronaut George Naylor remembered was a curious glow to the side of the spaceship. He had vague memories of some kind of inter-stellar whirlpool but after that it was all blank. He checked the instruments on the … Continue reading
Anyone for a BBQ?
The canal between Portobello and Harold’s Cross this morning. Click for big. [photopress:bbq1.jpg,thumb,pp_image] I walked into town earlier. Fucking hell, it was dangerous. The footpaths were just pure ice in places. I nearly went on my snot about 5 times. … Continue reading
Backing singers
Did you ever wonder how soul-crushingly destroying it must be to be a backing singer? Obviously you can sing far better than the vast majority of people, perhaps even better than the person you’re backing, but due to lack of … Continue reading
On Irish blogging being ‘over’
by Una Mullally* [Disclaimer: I’m not a tech head, so there are probably hundreds of techy blogs out there in the Irish blogosphere that I don’t read and may well be marvellous. What I’m talking about here is the bulk … Continue reading
How about a snack?
As I sat down at the bar in Ron’s last night I happened to mention just how full I felt after my dinner. “So what did you have?”, asked Dirty Dave. “Well, I had home made leek and potato soup … Continue reading
As I sat down at the bar in Ron’s last night I happened to mention just how full I felt after my dinner.
“So what did you have?”, asked Dirty Dave.
“Well, I had home made leek and potato soup to start, followed by slow roasted belly of pork, with roast potatoes and baby carrots in a red wine sauce”.
“Oooooh”, said Dave. “Aren’t you fancy?”
“Yeah”, said Stinking Pete. “Mr Poshypants here. It’s a long way from slow roasted belly of pork you were raised”.
“He’s so rich, you see”, said Dave.
“Mr Moneybags there with his book deals which make you a millionaire even if your book doesn’t make the top 100 … thousand. Haha!”
“He probably rolled around in a pile of cash while he was waiting for his pork to slow roast”.
“Dave, you slay me. I can see it now. Fancypants Twenty in his velvet smoking jacket and strides flinging wads of €50 notes in the air”.
“Well”, I said, “let me ask you what you had for dinner last night, Dave”.
“Large dominos meat deluxe pizza, side order of garlic bread and a large bottle of diet Coke”, he said.
“Right. So, let me tot up what my dinner cost. Three spuds out of the bag which cost €2.99 from the fruit and veg shop in Crumlin village, let’s say 40c. Leeks – €1.59. 1 x onion – 50c. Assorted other ingredients in the soup – €50c, maximum. So the soup cost about €3 to make. Then there’s the belly of pork. One of the cheapest cuts of pork you can get. From the butchers in Rialto it cost €4. Three spuds again – 40c. Baby carrots, €1.79. Other assorted ingredients including the splash of red wine for the sauce – €1.50, max. So that cost me about €8 in total. So for soup and main course, €11″.
“So?”
“How much was your pizza and garlic bread and coke”.
“Meal deal from Dominos, €20″.
“Did you tip the delivery guy?”
“Yeah, €2″.
“So, €22 for your dinner. €11 for mine”.
“What’s your point?”
“Yeah, Twenty, you opulent bastard. What’s your point?”, said Stinking Pete.
“He doesn’t have a point, Pete. He’s too busy counting all his luxurious items and gold bullion to have one”.
“Yeah, what a retard”.
I ordered a pint and as there was nobody else in worth talking to I sat in the corner and read my book. Still full.