As I was meddling over a pun involving flightless Australian birds and a semi-circular blade for cutting grain resulting in a ‘emu sickle instrument’, I realised I wouldn’t mind learning how to play something.
Guitar is my first thought but I have a great fear of being mistaken for one of those people who thinks it’s ok to take out their acoustic at a party and try and make people sing. Piano, no, too big – although it would be kinda awesome. Banjo reminds me too much about a story Jimmy tells about a night with a nurse from Longford a snapped string.
Any recommendations? How easy is it to find someone to give tuba lessons in Dublin?
Drummers are cunts.
Don’t pick that instrument.
That’s not really musical though, is it? It’s just bashing things with sticks. Like the KKK do.
Didgeridoo Twenty that way you can club the cunts who dont like it
You and Rolf Harris could duet I’d happily illegally download that
Oh come on, this is easy! The Tin Whistle of course! Easy to learn, cheap, you can bring it with you anywhere and it can be used as a weapon of sorts.
How mabout the Jews harp ?
how about the kiddy fiddle, your local church hall should be able to help you out with some group lessons
Take up a pint of Double Bass.
Bertie will love ya!
Comb and a bit of paper as a gateway to the Harmonica. You would make a great Larry Adler.
I think you look a bit like him – here he is with Uri.
The aul snapping of the banjo string is enough to turn anyone of off learning any instrument for ever.. The Double Bass is your only man!
I recommend this. I wasted lots of time with it; any eejit can master it.
http://i48.tinypic.com/2ywu2hl.jpg
I used to have one of those. Awesome.
Hurdy gurdy?
Learn the trumpet, it only has 3 buttons.
Life’s too short to learn the sax.
Besides, Twenty has a surfeit of sax appeal.
Seriously, Twenty, if you haven’t learnt to play anything by now, it probably won’t happen.
Stick to the skin flute.
Stick to the skin flute.
He has servants for that. No, wait, that’s Prince Charles.
A hurdy gurdy means that you have to get a monkey. If you get a female monkey people will talk about you and the monkey. If you get a male monkey people will talk about you and the monkey. You’ll have to buy a license for the monkey, pay vet bills, buy medicine, feed it and put the fucker up. If you don’t get a good return on your investment you go broke and find yourself out on the street and the monkey is in a warm cage in a zoo. Walking around with a tuba will get you laughed at or put away. Go with the bones or the spoons and no one will bother to ask you to play anything. You can sit in your parlor and play for Bastard face and Throatripper. And hope that they don’t go after you. After all, love can only tolerate so much.
The Trihornophone.
You’d corner the market and get all the gigs.
Vets are cheap Loco – I know one that will do anything for 20 Richmond Menthol.
Shit, the skin flute joke has been done.
The triangle? The Kazoo?
You could learn the Harmonica and join that cunt who always shows up with his guitar.
Marching band cello
Fo’ sho
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57FUphSl2vA
“Guitar is my first thought but I have a great fear of being mistaken for one of those people who thinks it’s ok to take out their acoustic at a party and try and make people sing. Piano, no, too big – although it would be kinda awesome.”
Seriously, forget it. If these concerns are more important to you than the music or the instrument itself, you’re bollixed.
Oh, don’t go near a fuckin’ didgeridoo. They’re stupid fuckin’ things and should be rammed up the hole of any prick who busks them in my face, the cunts.
The accordion – because having friends is overrated.
I sort of like the accordian. That Parisian lilt. Nice.
Tuba is a go! Then you could get this job….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0aIqx1McVI
Well there are accordions and accordions SG.
You can’t really compare a sexy tango played on a Bandoneon by a black-clad, sultry, slim Argentina called Consuelo to a horsey jig played at a ceili by a big frumpy girl in an lumpy Arran jumper and kilt with a hairclip and moustache called Brigit.
A musical instrument? Are you not already getting your hole?
Lung the Younger Says:
January 29th, 2010 at 8:41 am
The accordion – because having friends is overrated.
“The definition of a gentleman is a man who can play the accordian but deosn’t.”
Novel – Mr American
Author – George MacDonald Fraser
http://newsfromireland.com/2010/01/irishman-urinated-on-french-bread-in-protest-at-henry-handball-court-told/
Mandolin is probably the easiest, most portable and least offensive instrument for an adult to learn, especially for diddly-aye stuff.
Flute and violin are excellent instruments but it takes a long time before you produce a good sound out of them. Much patience and hard work required.
A lively reel on the bagpipes in Ron’s bar would get them talking.
About how to get rid of you.
Accordians should be reclassified as weapons of mass destruction. Working in a shop listening to Romanian beggars “playing” the accordian for hours at a time. Amnesty International would have a fit if a terrorist had to listen to shit like that in Guantanamo.
Got some fake business cards printed (thank you Vistaprint) for music lessons, I drop them in the accordian box passing by. You get to hear some lovely words when the cunts pick them up.
Accordions are for cunts. And I would definitely follow porkers around if I had a tuba. I think that’s swung it for me. Cheers, Speewah.
haha, that stewie clip is great.
“Well there are accordions and accordions SG…”
Fair point.
Im Grade 8 on the Hairy Banjo…
Taj Mahal the blues guy has a couple of albums featuring Tuba.
try the flesh fiddle
all you need is a long sharp butchers knife
and some cunts neck
How on earth did Lung find out the name of that girls moustache? Good sleuthing sir, my hat’s off to you.
go for the piano Twenty!!!!I have one and can spend hours happily tinkling,though I have only a basic ability.I think you should think about what sort of music you want to play,and then decide.
In every picture of Uri Geller I’ve ever seen the cunt is trying to hypnotize the photographer
Store up on loads of old dogfood, catfood, soup & baked beans cans.
Stack ‘em up on the coffee table there.
Utilise a pair of manky auld chopsticks.
Learn your neighbours good AND get with your funky self.
Just get one of these and plug it into the USB of your computer.
It’ll work great with the GarageBand software that came free with your Mac, they’re cheap and good fun. It’s a start at least and a lot better than a Stylophone
http://www.m-audio.com/products/en_us/KeyRig49.html
Mandolin, though they are very hard on the fingers. Or just get a classical guitar and learn Spanish music, then you couldn’t be misconstrued as an ‘indie’ eejit. And besidea, Spanish music is awesome:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08qLjUAhdNw