As I sat down at the bar in Ron’s last night I happened to mention just how full I felt after my dinner.
“So what did you have?”, asked Dirty Dave.
“Well, I had home made leek and potato soup to start, followed by slow roasted belly of pork, with roast potatoes and baby carrots in a red wine sauce”.
“Oooooh”, said Dave. “Aren’t you fancy?”
“Yeah”, said Stinking Pete. “Mr Poshypants here. It’s a long way from slow roasted belly of pork you were raised”.
“He’s so rich, you see”, said Dave.
“Mr Moneybags there with his book deals which make you a millionaire even if your book doesn’t make the top 100 … thousand. Haha!”
“He probably rolled around in a pile of cash while he was waiting for his pork to slow roast”.
“Dave, you slay me. I can see it now. Fancypants Twenty in his velvet smoking jacket and strides flinging wads of €50 notes in the air”.
“Well”, I said, “let me ask you what you had for dinner last night, Dave”.
“Large dominos meat deluxe pizza, side order of garlic bread and a large bottle of diet Coke”, he said.
“Right. So, let me tot up what my dinner cost. Three spuds out of the bag which cost €2.99 from the fruit and veg shop in Crumlin village, let’s say 40c. Leeks – €1.59. 1 x onion – 50c. Assorted other ingredients in the soup – €50c, maximum. So the soup cost about €3 to make. Then there’s the belly of pork. One of the cheapest cuts of pork you can get. From the butchers in Rialto it cost €4. Three spuds again – 40c. Baby carrots, €1.79. Other assorted ingredients including the splash of red wine for the sauce – €1.50, max. So that cost me about €8 in total. So for soup and main course, €11″.
“So?”
“How much was your pizza and garlic bread and coke”.
“Meal deal from Dominos, €20″.
“Did you tip the delivery guy?”
“Yeah, €2″.
“So, €22 for your dinner. €11 for mine”.
“What’s your point?”
“Yeah, Twenty, you opulent bastard. What’s your point?”, said Stinking Pete.
“He doesn’t have a point, Pete. He’s too busy counting all his luxurious items and gold bullion to have one”.
“Yeah, what a retard”.
I ordered a pint and as there was nobody else in worth talking to I sat in the corner and read my book. Still full.
Ah, pork belly futures.
How’s about an Irish Trading Places with you and Dirty Dave swopping lives?
I could not live in such filth, Conan. He made corn on the cob holders out of his own earwax last week.
Well, it’s not just the cost Twenty, it’s the effort too. After all, why waste all that time being thrifty and creative in the kitchen when you could be doing something useful like …em…watching a reality show.
Ahh, time is money. Forgot that.
Celebrity Big Brother here I come!
Tis tricky to be an anonymous celebrity, and I doubt C4 would pay you to blog into a monitor in the BigBrother House.
heh
I wonder do many of them feel as utterly degraded as they should by appearing on that show.
Course not – the ones who should feel degraded are too utterly delusional to do so, and those who are only in there for the cash/publicity/career launch are laughing at the population for watching them.
The only ones who should feel ashamed are those who choose to place themselves into a situation they find too much, go mental, and then have to deal with the fall out.
Chicken stew made for less than €10. Feeds two for three days. Freeze half for next week, put the rest in the fridge.
A bag of Flahavans porridge oatlets makes breakfast for two weeks. €2 or less. Add another €5 for milk. €2 for honey.
Left over spuds and veg? Make some tasty potato cakes to have for lunch with some salmon cutlets.
Fuck. I’m starving now.
I love stew. Dammit, you’ve made me hungry now.
Random – The only ones who should feel ashamed are those who choose to place themselves into a situation they find too much, go mental, and then have to deal with the fall out.
But they’re too mental to feel ashamed.
double cheeseburger in mcdonalds for €2. twisty fries €1
too mental to feel ashamed.
They should eat bananas.
What no cabbage? Or does bottom food go on a separate food bill? You could claim it for tax – research for blog etc
Does Dave count as cabbage?
Not edible cabbage
So the Royalty(or whatever they call it) cheque for the book didnt live up to expectations Twenty?
Aw, man, I made a lamb stew last night. A right big pot of it too. I do make a good stew.
Gonna go microwave a bowl of it now for my lunch. Toast on the side. Sorted.
I spent the entirely royalty cheque on the belly of pork, Fill.
Well, I had to add a couple of quid to it.
Lentils and other pulses are the way to go.
Heh..
I hear the Catholic Church have ordered 600 of these new body scanner things.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/jan/04/new-scanners-child-porn-laws
double cheeseburger in mcdonalds for €2. twisty fries €1
and a sweet curry dip for 20 cent. sorted
Speaking of the church, I read that the Knights gave Cardinal Daly a guard of honour at his lying in state. Where were al quaeda when we needed them ?
We have Knights? Deadly.
Oh no wait – they’re probably The Northern Knights.
Knights in white satin?
Just hoping it wasn’t The Celtic Knights.
Oiled up male strippers standing around the open coffin is not an image I want to see in the Irish Times.
Maggot. I was glad the Norries hosted the funeral. Saved us the embarrassment.
Although a bunch of semi-clad strippers jizzing on the body would be highly symbolic.
The KNights that like to say (think) Níl..
We’ll be sending you your share of the Bill HM.
It’s nauseating that he’s half way to being beatified, politicians and dignitaries wittering on about man of peace etc – his involvement in the Fr Brendan Smyth thing has been swept under the carpet.
It’s fucking disgusting.
you stick it to em twenty, ya penny pinchin cunt ya
“Ireland’s Cardinal Cahal Daly knew about Smyth and wrote letters in 1990 and 1992 to one of Smyth’s victims and the victim’s family, offered sympathy, admitted he knew of the priest’s activities and had previously spoken to his abbot, but professed he could do “nothing more.” Daly has been attacked by the Irish media for this denial of his power. There have been calls, including one from a nine-year victim of Smyth’s abuse, for Daly’s resignation.”
National Catholic Reporter 1994
And still they flock to his funeral and take the host and kneel at his coffin.
Tis that typical old Irish attitude..
“Well he may have been a wife beating,child abusing drunk,but he kept a lovely garden!”
“Oh yes Mary,the best Roses in the whole county”
Cunts..
Hell, all sorts of dignitaries are attending.
” President Mary McAleese and Taoiseach Brian Cowen, representatives from the main Protestant churches and members of Cardinal Daly’s family, including his brother Patrick and sister Rosaleen are among the mourners today.”
and the chief celebrant is Cardinal Seán Brady, who was also upto his neck in the cover up!
” Archbishop Sean Brady, head of the Catholic Church in Ireland, has admitted he helped investigate sex abuse monster Father Brendan Smyth 22 YEARS ago.
He was part of a secret tribunal which failed to notify the police after an altar boy told how pervert priest Smyth had abused him.
The evil cleric’s victims are now demanding that Archbishop Brady – who was hand-picked by the Pope to become Archbishop of Armagh – be sacked.
His role in the tribunal will be a huge embarrassment for the Catholic Church, which is reeling from a series of sex scandals. ”
Sunday Mirror, 1997
Seriously, are we all still surprised by any of this?
Leave my Da out of this Fill3rup
Twenty, you mind need to feed our need to rant more about the Church.
Meanwhile, back to food. I’ve just scoffed a toasted ham and cheese and am now negotiating a double decker bar.
I have put the McCain Oven chips ( the best) on and am heating the pan for two pepper burgers. The Twix are already in the fridge.
Is one twin Twix plural or singular?
Wanking for coins … I think thats how one wag described “reality” tv stars
I have an Irish stew simmering in the kitchen, waiting to be devoured with Superquinns freshest soda bread. Now there’s proper cold weather comfort food.
Twix is both HM. Man, that was a great feed!
I had a roast chicken during the summer, straight off the relations farm, plucked, gutted and seasoned by the local butcher. I still get a food boner thinking about it.
This is fun:
” Giving up smoking ‘raises diabetes risk’ ”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8439440.stm
Makes sense. I put on a stone after giving up smoking. Needed it though.
Wanking for coins … I think thats how one wag described “reality” tv stars
twas Charlie Brooker
Im cutting down the fags at the moment.im down from 20-25 a day to about 10 a day..
I will keep dropping this down over the bext couple of weeks and then just stop buying them..
Im sick of them to be honest..
Fill – best of both worlds , take up the pipe. Cheaper and pipe smokers live longer than non-smokers!
I love the sell of the pipe but the taste off it is probably along the lines of what Joseph Fritzls basement toilet under the rim might taste like if you lit it up…
think ill just got the whole hog..
I’m going with the Uncle Buck 5 year plan…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDnfNzmV0FM
“I love the sell of the pipe but the taste off it is probably along the lines of what Joseph Fritzls basement toilet under the rim might taste like if you lit it up…”
You should try the “soap” they r selling around dirty dub these days too then and trying to pass it off as something allrite…
Any truth in the rumour that Liam Adams is going to step out of the graveyard crowd and lead a volley of shots over the whistling cardinal’s coffin?
there’s a huge variety of baccies – and also, protects against Ulcerative Colitis and dementia!
I’d wank for coins
Any truth in the rumour that Liam Adams is going to step out of the graveyard crowd and lead a volley of shots over the whistling cardinal’s coffin?
Michael Stone is furiously masturbating in his cell as we speak to keep his mind off the missed opportunity of today service…
Any truth in the rumour that Liam Adams is going to step out of the graveyard crowd and lead a volley of shots over the whistling cardinal’s coffin?
heh
Peadar, you do it for free anyway. In public toilets. To other people. Who are men. Mostly tramps.
Toilets? So, would I get laid if I went into a women’s toilets?
Hatched, perhaps.
In the Words of Jim Royle
“…Ready, steady, COOK OFF!..”