Down with cauliflower
Posted on | December 14, 2009 | 49 Comments
If I were Taoiseach one of the first things I would do is ban cauliflower. I’m not against vegetables, per se, I just think the world would be a better place without it. I can’t stand the look of it, the smell of it, the taste of it or the fact that in order to make it edible it must be consumed with some kind of white sauce – which make it look like spunk covered brains.
A few months back I ate in a Thai restaurant in town. The food was good but when my main course arrived there were great big chunks of cauliflower in it, despite there being no mention of this foul ingredient on the menu. This made them very easy to fish out and throw over my shoulder but even the very essence of cauliflower is utterly repellent to me and the next day I was shitting like Paula Radcliffe after 20 pints of Guinness.
There are loads of things I would ban as Taoiseach. Chewing gum, cloves, those people who always hang around outside Drury Street car park, the Green Party and Robbie Keane, but after all that was sorted it’d be adios cauliflower.
I am completely indifferent to cress though.
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49 Responses to “Down with cauliflower”
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December 14th, 2009 @ 4:42 pm
Just stick anchovies, accordions and poodles on that list and you’ll get my vote.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:08 pm
I like anchovies, hate accordions and couldn’t care less about poodles. Will that do?
Was in town recently, if you get me, and failed completely to have boquerones. I’ve just realised.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:12 pm
At first I read Lungs comment as pot noodles instead of poodles. I need to sleep
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:22 pm
I don’t mind a bit of colli with a roast dinner, slap a bit of gravy on it and it’s grand and I’ve no doubt it’s very good for you.
How do you feel about broccoli?
I know George Bush wasn’t keen but even he didn’t have it banned and would have been easy to include as some sort of homeland security measure.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
Aubergines and courgettes can fuck off.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:30 pm
Broccoli I can eat but it wouldn’t be a top choice or anything. Maybe we should simply export all our cauliflower to cauliflower loving nations.
Courgettes are fine, I hate aubergines. What is the point?
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:33 pm
aubergines in egg & breadcrumbs and fried. Lovely
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
Cauliflower,broccoli, brussel sprouts and other members of the cabbage family are full of farts. If you eat those foods and wash them down with beer you are a walking bomb.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
the worst side effect of eating cauliflower surely has to be cauliflower ears. Those poor rugby players must have to eat loads of that shit.
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
Aubergines are great in moussaka.
Not keen on cauliflower but sprouts are the worst. Why is it compulsory to have them with Christmas dinner if you don’t have them the rest of the year? Family, restaurants, they all do it. Weird
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:49 pm
sprouts are gorgeous and they give a lovely aroma to my shit
December 14th, 2009 @ 5:57 pm
Aubergines are disgusting.
Why do Americans call them eggplant, is it in some sort of vain attempt to make them sound edible?
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:18 pm
You can’t make a hot whisky without cloves. Keep the cloves.
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:21 pm
Cauliflower turning up in Thai food is a disgrace, following hot on the heels of baby corn.
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
If I were Taoiseach, I’d ban the vast amjority of Newstalk’s presenters. Specifically, George Hook, Eamon Keane and that baldy blueshirt cnut, Ivan Yates. And Claire Byrne too, if she wasn’t so easy on the eye.
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:38 pm
Amjority. Think I’ve just invented a deadly new word there.
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:38 pm
next you will be giving out tips on cooking
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:44 pm
Me? I’d always recommend a small pinch of amjority, no matter what you’re cooking…
December 14th, 2009 @ 6:58 pm
Is it easy to grow?
December 14th, 2009 @ 7:46 pm
Nice that you feel free to post your hobby Peader – but what about the topic?
December 14th, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
Cauilflower is mank.
Brocolli is poo.
Sprouts are vile.
Mushrooms are slime for horses and flies to eat.
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:13 pm
I like caulis. I generally like all of the veg except for leeks. Bad childhood memories.
Not that long ago, some 3 months or so, my significant other called me from the veg shop asking if I want anything. I asked him to bring me a cauliflower.
He brought me a small cabbage.
We laughed. He just read the lable which read “cauliflower” and didn’t actually check what he picked up.
Next day he called me from the shop again with the same question. “Could you bring me some cauliflower today honey?” I asked. We laughed. He agreed to bring me a cauli.
You can only imagine my surprise when he braught me a small cabbage again.
He even cut it open to check if there wasn’t a cauli inside.
Thank god he’s so pretty.
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:35 pm
Mushroom Soup is the Spunk of Satan,and anyone that likes it is a Jizz-Guzzling cunt..(except Johnny5,who likes Guzzling Jizz)
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:37 pm
anyone who doesnt like mushrooms should be shot
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:40 pm
I love Mushrooms,fried etc ,but mushroom soup..Nay!
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:43 pm
Mushrooms are the scum of the earth.
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
they are gods testers. like em ..heaven .. hate them .. Ireland
December 14th, 2009 @ 9:06 pm
Mushroom soup is my favourite soup. Although I think cauliflowers are bearable, cauliflower soup would be beyond disgusting. Watery vegetable soups are like the puke you throw up after drinking too much and eating little
December 14th, 2009 @ 9:21 pm
Topic? What topic?
December 14th, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
Brussels Sprouts can actually be tasty.
Cook them in a pyrex dish with a chicken, they’ll soak up all the juices and be awesome.
December 14th, 2009 @ 9:34 pm
or fry them with bacon lardons
December 14th, 2009 @ 10:45 pm
I like cauliflower and anchovies, I can’t comment on poodles or accordions, because I’ve never eaten them.
December 14th, 2009 @ 11:02 pm
i despair.. you lot all sitting at home.. counting your vegetables. I dont have mushroom in my heart for your sort
December 14th, 2009 @ 11:33 pm
Leave me out of this. I’m a fun guy.
December 15th, 2009 @ 12:20 am
The reason Cauliflower tastes evil is because of the amount of nitrogen it takes to grow the stuff. just toss it in hot oil, add tumeric and cummin , boil lightly and bingo.. good cauliflower. The Irish can’t cook for shit…that’s why almost everything tastes crap here.
December 15th, 2009 @ 12:36 am
Ban sprouts, parsnips and sheep.
December 15th, 2009 @ 1:06 am
The Irish should have an affinity with mushrooms – kept in the dark, fed bullshit and eaten at the bell end by the ‘holy priests’ and pulled apart by the politicians…
December 15th, 2009 @ 1:33 am
when u get to my age u will appreciate the finer things in life….farting…….aaahh brocoli,peas,beans,cabbage(shredded and cooked in ham juice)coliflower..aaah the gods fart veg……..aroma….delish
December 15th, 2009 @ 2:02 am
Sprouts are the turds of Satan. Cauli I could coitainly live without.
But how can anyone not like mushrooms? I make a fantastic fresh mushroom soup with scallions and a load of cream and a bit of white wine and Italian parsley for flavour and just a hint of Garlic and crushed black peppercorns. Season well. Dunk ciabatta rolls and Shlurp. Heaven, I tell ya.
Although, I have to admit, the pumpkin and spud with the pine nuts and sour cream shits all over the mushroom on a cold winters day.
December 15th, 2009 @ 2:05 am
If I was Taoiseach, I would kill myself slowly and painfully and televise it for the benefit of the nation.
December 15th, 2009 @ 3:27 am
Yo Butch – sometimes I think the same about Peadar…and maggot…and, on a bad day, twenty…
December 15th, 2009 @ 3:45 am
How long before Irish People start the old Buddhist Monk thing with a gallon of petrol ( does it work with Diesel? ), a packet of Sunny Jims and a box of Swan Vesta ?
December 15th, 2009 @ 7:49 am
At first I read Lungs comment as pot noodles instead of poodles. I need to sleep”
An understandable mistake peadar. After all, you’re supposed pour boiling water over both, aren’t you?
There’s talk about banning boquerones. Something to do with a parasite (non-unionized type). I shall weep vinegar tears the day it happens.
December 15th, 2009 @ 9:27 am
Cauliflower is nom.
December 15th, 2009 @ 9:32 am
Cauliflower, spinach and aubergines are all rank fetid abominations. Sprouts are good, but only if cooked correctly to leave a bit of bite, and sprinkled with some nuutmeg.
But to ban the Greens ahead of banning FF? Twenty, are you going soft?
December 15th, 2009 @ 9:41 am
Cucumber – what the is the fucking point of it? It tastes like shit and has the consistency of frozen snot. Even Satan hates it. And it’s not like he’s a fussy bastard. Cucumber is for cunts.
December 15th, 2009 @ 10:01 am
Cauliflower smells like mold and the grave.
I’d also ban green beans with their waxy dense texture.
And let’s add rocket to the list. It’s all fucking stems and should only be given to grazing four-leggeds.
December 15th, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
@lapsedmethodist: toss it in hot oil and boil lightly? How the hell do you manage to do that? Clearly you can’t cook for shit, or else you’re foreign. Or one of them protestants, you know, them that are in league with the devil and the Green Party.
December 15th, 2009 @ 10:26 pm
@Owolf Sextus:-
Well… not at the same time. Obviously. Like..FIRST toss the cauli in hot oil. Remove from oil. THEN put in pot and add a little water.
Sectarian cooking… whatever next ?