I would not go to Newry
Posted on | November 25, 2009 | 44 Comments
So the radio yesterday was full of people telling us how Newry was full up. And full up with those sneaky public sector workers who had the day off, without pay remember, to go and spend the no money they earned in Northern Ireland. I wonder do public sector workers have a barcode on their forehead which makes them more easily identifiable.
“Look at dem, Joe, going up dere doin’ all de shoppin’ and here am I waitin’ for me piles to be lanced”
“Do dey hurt, de piles? Do you be in agony like?”
“Oh Joe, it’s savage. Some days dey weep like fallen angels”.
Anyway, things are cheaper up there. Since I can remember the old ‘Why do things cost more in the Republic than up North?’ question has been asked. And in all that time nobody has ever come up with an answer that makes people stop asking the question in the first place. If someone asked me I’d say “They just are. Accept it and move on”, but people don’t. It’s a fact of life they just can’t seem to get their head around.
“I was in the old Top Shop buying presents Joe and dey had de price sticker on it and when I lifted up de price sticker dere was the UK price sticker and it does be cheaper”.
“Do you touch yourself in the morning”.
“I do, Joe. Me clunge is like a filthy puddle, but den why should pay more down here, like?”
I am not averse to a bargain and I did notice in the paper this weekend that the price of drink up there is tempting. Bottles of spirits at half the price they are here, even more than half price in some cases, and as you might have gathered I’m a man who likes a drink. Yet I have to counter the temptation of cheap hooch with the trouble of getting it.
Firstly you have to drive to Northern Ireland, which, let’s face it, is a lot more time consuming than nipping into Tesco or Superquinn or your local O’Brien’s. Is a bottle of rum for €14 in Newry worth it when you factor in petrol, M50, M1, traffic jams, tailbacks, parking spaces, shops filled with ghastly people all pushing and shoving and trying to snaffle all the bargains for themselves, their children screaming and demanding attention as they stock up for post-apocalyptic drinking given the quantities they buy? Then you’ve got the reverse of parking spaces, tailbacks, traffic jams, M1, M50, etc etc.
It seems like an awful fucking lot of trouble to me. I mean, if you live in Dundalk or something then it’s no big deal, is it? But to travel from Dublin or further afield? I really couldn’t be arsed. Maybe if I had a family of 8 kids and needed nappies and gruel for them all it might well be worth the hassle and fuck knows I would need as much cheap sauce as I could get to cope with that anyway.
I’ll remain a patriot and shop local. You may, if you like, replace the word patriot with ‘lazy cunt’. I don’t mind.
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44 Responses to “I would not go to Newry”
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November 25th, 2009 @ 9:45 am
They dont have barcodes Twenty but they are all fitted with tracking devices.It was introduced in the 90′s when the office manager in Kildare St had to round up people “Gone For Lunch” on a Friday afternoon… Of course he could have just gone to Toner’s on Baggot St and would have found the lot of the lazy cunts…
November 25th, 2009 @ 9:52 am
Fuckers were telling us to shop around for the last ten years, as seen as we do they are all over us like a dose of the Bangkok burn…
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:13 am
“Its a disgrace I tell you, dey are tryin’ to cut our pay…. and we are just strikin’ loike cuz we care about de peepil, Joe!
…Joe, can you hear me? Sorry Joe I’m on the mobile i’m on me way te Nuury fer de cheep deals loike…
N all N-E wayz Joe its a disgrace de way dere’s no muney in de cuntry, no-worra me-an.
Joe?
Are ye dere Joe??”
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:29 am
Irish people seem obsessed with getting a bargain on pointless things like petrol, but not for important things like houses or cars etc.
I know some people who will drive for 20 minutes to get cheaper petrol.
If you consider that you might get 40 litres at maybe 5 cent cheaper that’s at most 2 euro.
Maybe you spend a euro on petrol driving that far.
You’ve valued your time at 1 euro per hour.
Nice.
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:31 am
Precisely. And when it comes to booze after you’ve necked a bottle of Havana Club you don’t give the first shit how much it cost.
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:42 am
heh, when i was a student i remember laughing with a friend how we’d spend 5 minutes finding butter that was 5 cent cheaper than the rest and then spend 80 euro on the lash that night.
But that’s when i was a student.
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:48 am
At least when there were the Troubles, it made the trip up north a bit more of an adventure, gave it more of that Safari feeling.
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:56 am
it could possibly be worth going up if you are buying,say,a 42″ HD TV,coz we are getting raped on them down here..
November 25th, 2009 @ 10:57 am
But the recession, what about the recession..
November 25th, 2009 @ 11:26 am
Newry is a tip, the NI Liverpool. Avoid at all costs.
November 25th, 2009 @ 11:45 am
Icelanders used to fly to Dublin for their Christmas shopping and we used to go to New York. And now we’re going back to Norn Iron all over again. The more things change…
November 25th, 2009 @ 11:49 am
It happens every year. So why the fuck is it suddenly newsworthy now?
”Irish people seem obsessed with getting a bargain on pointless things like petrol, but not for important things like houses or cars etc”
For some reason, Irish people thought nothing of adding a nice new car onto their mortgage. I’d rather see a news piece on this. Or an interview with the banker whose business it was to encourage joe public to get a 120% mortgage on an overpriced piece of shot so they could do it with expensive furniture that they could never reasonably afford on their salary.
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
Plus Newry is a terrible terrible place. Wall to wall mouth breathers a cow fiddlers.
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
Couldn’t agree more, 20, total waste of time. I’m sure they buy way more shite than they need to, factor in the time and hassle, food, petrol etc and the savings disappear. The country, however, is full of idiots.
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:17 pm
I don’t like to change the subject here but there’s a rumour going around that the Unions have already made a deal with the government (last week). This was for a 6.75% public sector pay cut and 2 strike days.
Evidence to support this was Peter McLoone on the 6.1 RTE news yesterday, softening up his members for the above (and looking like he was lying through his teeth about everything else, the shady cunt).
You heard it here first…
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
Peter McLoone always sounds like he’s lying through his teeth though..
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:37 pm
Wall to wall mouth breathers
they have gills Manuel.
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:50 pm
Once you have a border with different taxes and currencies you’ll always have this shit going on.
And because NI is part of the UK, the economies of scale mean goods are cheaper to buy, store and transport.
Simple economics.
November 25th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
And because NI is part of the UK, the economies of scale mean goods are cheaper to buy, store and transport.
not sure that is so HM , a few years ago it was Nordies who were flooding the ROI looking for savings and the Shinners were telling us that a United Ireland was the only way forward.
November 25th, 2009 @ 1:11 pm
Maggot, things were still cheaper to buy etc but the exchange rates a few years ago made it much less favourable. You now get about 90p for your € whereas a few years back it was less than 70p. The UK have also reduced their VAT rate, whereas we’ve increased ours.
November 25th, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
Maggot, stop going on about a United Ireland – it’s just not going to happen, no matter how much you would like it. Let it go.
November 25th, 2009 @ 1:44 pm
Attention Bot fly squadrons divert from Gluestain, new target el cuno’s orifices.
Not even for a shag at Mary Lou would I want a UI.
November 25th, 2009 @ 1:52 pm
differences with prices within the continuum of time and markets is know as arbitrage .. been going on since roman times
This was an early financial mechanism I used to amass my world class wardrobe of pink shirts
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:04 pm
quick gluey say something
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
Twenty, Morgor told me you are Mary Lou, is this true and do you fancy a shag ?
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:15 pm
nike shop in the outlet at banbridge, zip up nike hoody for £25, that’s probably less than half price compared to dublin, living near the border is awesome.
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
nike shop in the outlet at banbridge, zip up nike hoody for £25, that’s probably less than half price compared to dublin, living near the border is awesome.
If you like looking like a cunt that is…
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:18 pm
Rapey is a scumbag!
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:34 pm
So Rapey, where do you buy some nice soiled white runners?
Morgor told me you are Mary Lou, is this true and do you fancy a shag ?
Yes, and yes. just follow the scent of my enormous gee.
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
her/his*
November 25th, 2009 @ 2:45 pm
Nordie prices are lower cos their minimum wage is £5.80per hour; nearly 3 euro less than ours. Speaks for itself really, but we want it every fucking way in this country.
November 25th, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
Mary-lou and her enormous gee used to be in Fianna Fail when she was younger. Had she known their plan to fuckin’ destroy the country would work so well, she wouldn’t have had to join the Shinners.
November 25th, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
“This was an early financial mechanism I used to amass my world class wardrobe of pink shirts”
That explains the pink glow over Jakarta that Patrick Moore was going on about the other night.
November 25th, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
Mary Lou leaves such a mascara mark on her pillow that her husband sometimes has sweet pillow talk with her for least twenty minutes before he cops on.
November 25th, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
Mary Lou leaves such a mascara mark on her pillow that her husband sometimes has sweet pillow talk with her for least twenty minutes before he cops on.
And as for the skidmarks . . .
November 25th, 2009 @ 4:04 pm
ML: Do a 69 on me baby
Mr ML: I thought I already was!
November 25th, 2009 @ 5:08 pm
Newry is a bit rough alright.
I was there a few weeks ago with my hubby, and I saw a fellah flashing his mickey on the bridge at lunch time, (I’d say he was drunk), and another enormous fat fellah with a huge pair of jeans, that didn’t really fit him anyway, hanging off his huge, exposed arse, as he leaned into his jeep.
I’d no idea public nudity is a popular pastime in NornIrn.
November 25th, 2009 @ 5:19 pm
It sure is. Just ask maggot. Or Nudey McCool, as he’s known.
November 25th, 2009 @ 6:13 pm
what was yippee doing looking at another man’s mickey ?
Is that what is known as dogging?
November 26th, 2009 @ 8:27 am
hoodies are both stylish and practical
November 26th, 2009 @ 10:53 am
hoodies are both stylish and practical
yeah for shop lifting
November 26th, 2009 @ 12:47 pm
Its treason and the public sector workers should have their arses tanned with sticks for buying “British” stuff.
On the other hand my 42 inch sony vega does look nice up on the wall and it did cost half of what it cost down here.
Maybe the shinner should look for a united Ireland thats governed from westminster “only Jokin”, could be a vote winner.
“up de Brits”
November 27th, 2009 @ 8:46 pm
Finally a good word about Dundalk.
November 30th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
Used to work in the public sector, the particular organisation I worked for would never have gotten out of protesting and rightly so – if you don’t want the pay cuts you can at the very least go out and picket. I’m disgusted at the ones who shagged off to Newry to buy a truckload of booze, they should be expelled from their Union at the very least.