I’ll stay the way I am

Dirty Dave is having a fancy dress party tomorrow night. I am, naturally, invited. So I have to choose between dressing up in a costume, standing around in a room full of witless clits dressed in costumes all going ‘Oooh, your costume is soooo funny!!!’, or sitting at the bar in Ron’s drinking pints of plain.

It’s a tough decision.

I do wonder why people choose to get dressed up. Apparently it’s ‘fun’ but I’m not sure I understand what’s so fun about it. As a small boy I remember having to go to a fancy dress thing and I went as a cowboy with my rifle which went ‘bbbkkkeeeeeewwwww’ when you pulled the trigger. It was an awesome rifle but I did not enjoy the costume side of things.

And the idea of hiring a costume makes me want to barf out of my anus. Costume hire is like bowling shoes x 10000000. Disgusting.

Some other idiot has been secreting their goo and ooze, their goooze if you will, all over the inside. I’m sure they claim to clean them after each hire but I am dubious about that. Maybe they get a young Chinese girl to give them a bit of a dust-out but repeated washing of such clothing would render it useless in no short space of time and when you need to maximise profits by getting the most hires as possible out of one outfit then I’d say they err on the side of not cleaning.

So this weekend, when you’re dressed as a womble, you’ve got Ciaran from Ballybrack’s gooch dandruff nesting in your pubes.

Lovely.

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48 Responses to I’ll stay the way I am

  1. Radge says:

    Fuck costumes. Fuck Hallowe’en. I’m spending it naked and in complete isolation.

    Please, no follow up questions.

  2. Twenty Major says:

    I had a good question but I shall respect your wishes and not ask it.

  3. SuperGrover says:

    Aw, I hate bought Hallowe’en costumes. Make it yourself, make it well, make it witty or piss off.

    Had a lad in work yesterday telling me about this amazing costume he saw last year in Barcode (!). Some fuckin’ Star Wars thing. Apparently what was really impressive about it was that it cost this doofus several hunderd to buy.

    A look of blank incomprehension was the response to my reply dismissing such an action as that of a spasmo.

  4. Jonny Friendly says:

    anyone over the age of ten who dresses up is touched!
    Holloween is for kids and middle aged tards!

  5. morgor says:

    I’m dressing up as a ninja. I may also go on a killing spree if i get drunk enough.

    Then just disappear in a cloud of smoke.

  6. Holemaster says:

    I hate cunts who go as Batman and the silly bints who click into auto mode and instantly think they’re hot.

  7. Twenty Major says:

    To be fair to this cunt he put a bit of effort in – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC08Lx-zkhI

  8. MMN says:

    Being a huge fan of both Batman and ninjas – two of my favourite things in fact – I surmise that both of you are cunts, and should go to a party dressed as inverted hairy triangles.

    I even dress like a ninja when its not halloween.

    I am a ninja.

    Can we talk about ninjas and ninja movies for the rest of the day??

  9. Speewah says:

    Don’t knock the Womble suit, it has magic powers.
    This is kinda good: http://www.wtfcostumes.com/costumes/toy-soldier-costume.jpg

  10. Magoo says:

    I’m saying nothing….

    44212152.jpg

  11. Twenty Major says:

    Womble suit = pubedruff, Speewah. You know it because you’ve got it.

  12. Dave the Sheep. says:

    Dressing up is good if you make the costume yourself. And its a decent costume.

    Go in just a pair of boxers. People will (sometimes) ask what you are? “Oh, I’m a premature ejaculation! I came in my pants…”. Always worth it.

  13. Medbh says:

    My last two costumes were Patty Hearst (from the famous shot of her under the SLA flag with the gun) and the year before that I was Circe trailing a stuffed pig.
    Costumes are fun.

  14. Twenty Major says:

    I’ll get Dave to send you an invite, Medbh

  15. rape-a-tron says:

    i bought one of the €20 lidl suits when they were selling them, i never did get the job so i’ll be turning it into a zombie costume tomorrow.

  16. Holemaster says:

    I’d admire that somehow.

  17. Twenty Major says:

    Or, simply leave the suit as is and go as Green Party councillor.

  18. Jo says:

    Woo, smokin, Twenty!

    Yeah, dressing up. Not for me. I heart morgor’s enthusiasm though, bless him. Ask him to show you his helmet.

  19. Holemaster says:

    I’m going as the 11B bus.

    When anyone asks when I’m coming, I’ll just say I arrived early and left before they got there.

  20. maggot says:

    I’d love to slide into a costume lined with Britney’s intimate secretions.

  21. maggot says:

    Heh – Steve Bell’s greatest cartoon. Bush in Darth Vader outfit, saying “is this Yurp, can I show ‘em my light sabre ? “

  22. itchybollix says:

    maggot Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
    I’d love to slide into a costume lined with Britney’s intimate secretions.

    oh baby, baby

  23. maggot says:

    “a stuffed pig.”

    One of those sorts of parties ?

  24. Tadgh says:

    I’m going in my own clothes and when people ask me what I’m supposed to be, I shall reply “a dry shite”.
    Also check out these cunts
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIjBqFMwM08 t
    hey really need to get a missus.

  25. MMN says:

    This is good, and costume-y.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiuxG_PQCoU

    NOW can we talk about ninja’s?

  26. The Mowl says:

    Delboy. And, more particularly, Rodney.

    Enough said.

  27. morgor says:

    My ninja costume is cool, it comes with a balaclava.

    It’s a genuine martial arts store outfit.

    I find it hard to take off again.

    it was only about 30 quid which is cheaper than renting the pieces of shit that you get in those shops.

  28. SuperGrover says:

    I think Holemaster may have the copyright on Rodney.

  29. SuperGrover says:

    I have a black-lined-with-white kung-fu suit that I bought in Singapore some years back. It even has the little slippers and all.

    I’ve never worn it for any reason but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

  30. maggot says:

    so i’ll be turning it into a zombie costume tomorrow.

    Going as Michael Jackson rape-a-tron ?

  31. SuperGrover says:

    You plonker

  32. rape-a-tron says:

    “Going as Michael Jackson rape-a-tron ?”

    real zombies dont touch up kids, they bite fucking lumps out of them, i’ll be somewhere in between.

  33. The Mowl says:

    Be warned: ‘Not Suitable For Minors’

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZW0fDCbwqE

  34. I’m going to eat 500 pork pies, go for a jog to get all sweaty, feed some cattle and take a nap, not brush the hair all while dressed in a cheap suit and i’ll miraculously look like Brian Cowen.

  35. divneymathers says:

    I got invited to a fancy dress birthday party recently, 60′s theme.
    I wonder how it went?

  36. Medbh says:

    Awesome.
    I’ll put my hair up and go as Joan Holloway.

  37. She’s fantastic…

  38. maggot says:

    Quiet today – you buggers all gone to Knock ?

  39. SAm Crea says:

    Whats a 60′s party? Do you wear comfortable shoes and talk about your retirement?

  40. Witchy Poo says:

    Happy Halloween !!!! to y’all

  41. itchybollix says:

    I dressed up as Gary Glitter and had a ball.

  42. Ghost Rider says:

    Regarding spooky people and places, a friend asked me to check out a Bloggers site called Bock the Robber. This Bock chap is not a well person. It is a scary and depressing blog, he simply has not a good word to say about anything or anyone, except himself. His use of profanity is extreme which generally indicates low intelligence and an inability to be articulate. He, in my opinion is an unfortunate fool who lacks any contentment in his life. A cranky, old and bitter person who likely lives alone ( who could live with that?). Any poor sod can run a blog which mocks everything in site, that is so easy. Has anyone come across this chap?

    I know that he has barred a few people for disagreeing with him or sharing a different opinion. Apparently he is a bully and likes to control his contributors. Just another sicko I expect. Takes all kinds I guess.

  43. Twenty Major says:

    His use of profanity is extreme which generally indicates low intelligence and an inability to be articulate.

    Imagine.

    Maybe you should express your reservations directly to Bock though. This isn’t the place for it.

  44. itchybollix says:

    Ghost Rider Says:
    November 1st, 2009 at 4:22 pm
    . His use of profanity is extreme which generally indicates low intelligence and an inability to be articulate.
    I know that he has barred a few people for disagreeing with him or sharing a different opinion.

    He sounds like my da. Though with regard to profanity; check out The Thick of It on BBC2; that’ll learn yu.

  45. SAm Crea says:

    Just checked out Mr The Robbers site. Read first 2 lines of his comments policy. Wanker.

  46. maggot says:

    Bock – a cunt.

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