Spitting on a football pitch
Posted on | October 28, 2009 | 38 Comments
Yesterday some idiot from the HPA (Health Protection Agency) in the UK said footballers should stop spitting on the pitch so as to prevent the spread of swine flu.
This morning I heard Ivan Yates going on about on Newstalk. “It’s disgusting”, he screeched. “Swallow your spit. You wouldn’t spit indoors so why spit on the pitch”.
Well, for the most part you don’t fucking play football indoors, do you? I know there’s indoor football but that’s not what he means. And right enough, most normal people don’t sit watching TV and then hawk up a great glob of gob on the floor. But when you play football or do other sports you get a build-up of gozzy and it needs to be gotten rid of. The only way to get rid of it is to spit.
The HPA person said:
Spitting is a nasty habit that should be discouraged – and it should be discouraged by the clubs. It’s about setting examples for young people who idolise footballers
It’s not a fucking habit, it’s a necessity. But of course some wanker paid a fortune to lash out a press release to stir up the fear of swine flu, created entirely by those people who make Tamiflu no doubt, would have no clue about that. Doubtless a 20 stone beast of a sweaty fat cunt sitting behind a desk has not the first idea about physical exertion – and reaching for another chocolate eclair is about as close as they get to a fitness regime, the gluttonous cock.
And if you want to set an example for young people who idolise footballers perhaps spitting isn’t really the most important lesson to teach them. How about focussing on drunk driving, serial adultery, drug taking, roasting, punching women in the face and parking in handicapped parking spaces because a £60 fine is a pittance to them while some poor unfortunate with a nobbly steering wheel ends up in a space miles from where they want to be? Maybe those are areas in which footballers can set a better example.
Fucking idiot cunts. I spit on them. Indoors and everything. And Ivan Yates, go play a game of football and swallow all your own spit. Then bleat about it on the radio when you have a fucking clue. Baldy twat.
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38 Responses to “Spitting on a football pitch”
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October 28th, 2009 @ 10:21 am
That fuckstick Ivan Yates only has his self interest at heart. Midweek football on the TV, he appears on Newstalk and talks about spitting during a football game, btw come into my bookmakers and take a punt on the game tonight. Far from public health this Cunt has in mind!
Call me a cynic or maybe a realist, but these HPA officials are obviously trying to bury some bad news in there somewhere.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:23 am
Surely the ‘Catch it, bin it, kill it’ rule should apply. Footballers snot is just like yours or mine. They won’t be long about taking out their linen/silk handkerchiefs when one of their own contracts it.
Kids try to emulate this disgusting behaviour and it should be stopped for all our sakes.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:27 am
Oh dear.
I completely disagree. I’ve never played football but I’ve exerted myself on a tennis court for many years without having to resort to spitting. You will notice that very few tennis players do spit.
I’ve noticed Tiger Woods now spits. What’s that about?
Spitting is a habit in my opinion, and a bad one. Ivan Yates is a pain in the hole; I agree with that.
And that habit football players have snorting shit out their nose? That’s just vile.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:29 am
Doesn’t the Litter Warden have the power to fine you if he catches you spitting on the street ? or am I way off the mark here.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:30 am
No idea re: Tiger Woods, I suspect it might just be because he’s a cunt though.
I’ve played football all my life. At no point did I ever think of swallowing the stuff. Ever. And it wasn’t because I saw footballers doing it on TV. It’s because spitting it out is the most natural thing.
There’s more movement and physicality in football than tennis which probably explains that.
And snot rockets are a necessity at times as well.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:31 am
How much does spitting on pitch in a very big outdoor arena increase the chance of passing it on?
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:32 am
I have worked this out scietifically and the scientific answer is – fuck all.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:34 am
Is that fine in punts or sterling?
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:41 am
Nevermind the football, what’s the story with knackers who spit everywhere… Just launch a flaming big pile of gob on Liffey St… It doesn’t look like they are in the midst of any strenuous exercise other then smoking and looking for a fix and in all honesty their bandy legs don’t look capable of it.
Swine flu?
Brian Deane used to unleash massive piles of gob, there was a great moment on Sky Sports 101 Best Premiership Goals which was a freeby with the subscription one year where after the man mountain has scored a cracker he unleashes another cracker, you can watch it in slow motion ‘an everything. I used to, frequently but it never made me spit more or less playing footy.
If the authorities had wanted to stamp down on this, they would have caught up with Brian McClair when he was still scoring goals for United. Invariably after a McClair beauty from 2 yards, he would be pictured jogging back to the halfway line and would clear out each nostril whilst closing the other.
Truly disgusting.
But there was no swine flu in those days.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:41 am
Dickie Rock has had to cancel his tour of mid-sized Irish towns.
October 28th, 2009 @ 10:45 am
Damn there goes the chance of swineflu getting old Dickie!
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:02 am
Scumbags spit because AFAIK the methadone causes a huge phlegm build up in their lungs. Take it or leave it – they’re fucking junkies anyway. I’m more worried about them sticking me with a fucking syringe full of the AIDS than I am about them spitting. It’s not like their spitting right on me.
When you’re playing football (or rugby in my case) or running, you can’t swallow your spit. You miles the fuck out of breath and your over-heated. The last thing you want is a big gulp of gluey, hot, sticky, used-to-be-saliva-but-now-it’s-like-fucking-honey crap. So you hock it out. We all do it. And clearing out your nostrils makes a BIG difference if your bunged up and playing sport. Again – it HAS to be done; if you don’t do it, you end up with either snot running down your face, or constantly holding your breath so you can snort it back into your mouth and then swallow it, which leads to problem 1 discussed above, and the fact that your pissing around a rugby pitch constantly trying to hold your fucking breath. Seriously – fucking try it, and them come back and tell me what we should / shouldn’t do on the pitch.
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:16 am
i dont think its such a big deal…fuk everyone does it…and like others have said when playing sport it is inevitable..deal with it
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:21 am
Anybody who brings the “sport” of rugby into an argument is automatically guaranteed to lose that debate.
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:31 am
Absolutely fucking ridiculous.
There’s a big difference between football and tennis itchy.
Under certain conditions you can even end up with a bit of soil or grass in your mouth. Should that be swallowed as well?
Tennis players have regular breaks where they can spit into a tissue if they want.
I’m surprised at yates, I thought he’d more cop on than that
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:32 am
The guy I work with has played football all his life and he’s telling me “you don’t know shit and you’re full of fucking shit”
Well. There goes his fucking doughnuts.
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:37 am
I dunno why but Ivan strikes me as the sort of chap who, on sock to sock contact, would run off the pitch shouting “I’m going to sue you, you fokking bostord!”
October 28th, 2009 @ 11:59 am
Maggot, stop browsing Gemma Barnes’s photos.
October 28th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
Was it the mention of spit or swallow that prompted Gemma’s comment?
October 28th, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
Swallow
October 28th, 2009 @ 12:24 pm
Thanks very much for bringing that to my attention HM.
Now my screen is covered in ‘spit’.
October 28th, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
That’s the first time the person who uttered the catchphrase “just deal with it” to me hasn’t ended up underneath a bus.
October 28th, 2009 @ 12:34 pm
That’s the first time the person who uttered the catchphrase “just deal with it” to me hasn’t ended up underneath a bus.
heh.
Spitting is a vile habit in public but has to be done in some sports alright.
Indeed sometimes some crotch rearrangement is required also.
However knackers seem to think this is ok when standing on a busy street smoking a fag.
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
Nice pics Gemma,what camera are you using..
I have a Canon..heh
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
Never mind Ivan Yates, will somebody please get fucking Ben Dunne off the airwaves.. he is like a fucking virus…
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:02 pm
…and I dont care if his new website gets me a nude date with Gemma Barnes, I’m not going to fucking check it out!!!
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:07 pm
What are you on about HM ? I only just arrived – who is Gemma Barnes ?
There’s a cultural aspect to all of this – the Chinese believed in a Spit God and it;s normal to spit in public.
This is a story that appeals -
“Chinese man Banned from selling Teenage Girl’s Spit”
http://degenerasian.blogspot.com/2009/06/chinese-man-banned-from-selling-teenage.html
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:22 pm
Ivan Yates goes on like an aul wan,you could see him havin a nice gossip at the church gates of a sunday morning..
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
Maggot, she left a comment here earlier….
http://gemmabarnes.info/
October 28th, 2009 @ 2:51 pm
Gemma Barnes, get outa dat bleedin jacks, there’s a queue formin outside.
October 28th, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
The Jacks are bleeding already??
..Jesus (R)apey was quick, he was only gathering his shovel and lime a while ago….
October 28th, 2009 @ 3:20 pm
Yellow underwear ? Gross!
October 28th, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
All that shite about physical exercise is just, well, err… shite. Athletes don’t go round hawking up great wads of crap. American footballers don’t either.
Cricketers don’t do it. But baseball players are at it all the time – and they sit around scratching their balls more than anyone.
Pure habit – and disgusting too.
October 28th, 2009 @ 4:32 pm
I say give the players special spittoons to hack up into – you can then mold the phlegm into commemorative souveniers that many fans would love to keep like for example David Beckham’s balls.
October 28th, 2009 @ 4:53 pm
Emma, it all boils down to balls. Balls for kicking, balls for hitting, balls for carrying and those that swing when running. And the cunts who complain have none.
October 28th, 2009 @ 5:05 pm
Spitting is why they have studs though the grollys aren’t as good as in the days when they players smoked.
October 29th, 2009 @ 11:34 am
[i]itchybollix Says:
October 28th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Anybody who brings the “sport” of rugby into an argument is automatically guaranteed to lose that debate.[/i]
That’s a fairly lame thing to say.
October 29th, 2009 @ 11:34 am
^^ heh – I guess normal tags aren’t rocking on here