Motormouth

“So you know then I said to her sure who else would be calling me at this time and I said it’s probably me mother she’s a grand lady you know 87 years of age she lives out in Palmerstown and funnily enough the other night I got a job on the radio and I had to pick up a load of letters off a solicitor and bring them out there and deliver them and all tell you what though he’s an awful bastard that fella I’m not really sure why I just can’t stand him and we’re always in and out of his place but anyway what I was I saying Oh yeah I was out in Palmerstown which was handy coz I can call in and see the Ma and get a cup of scald and a hang sanger and it’s good for her you know because she’s on her own even though she’s a great woman for 87 and you wouldn’t think she was that age to look at her the mischief she makes and all of them in the area know her well because she has one of those shopping trollies but instead of tartan it’s got the Rolling Stones tongue on it you know the one you do yeah of course everyone knows it and sure I remember going to see them in the Adelphi back in the 60s I brought me moth at the time although she ran off with a tailor a few months later but not until I’d given her an engagement ring which she never gave back to me not that I was bothered because I had a lucky escape there and met another girl she was from Carrickmines and we got married and she’s a great woman altogether seven children we had in a small house in Inchicore but those were simpler times like the kids would go out and sure you wouldn’t see them from one end of the day to other and now I’ve got a couple of grandkids and one of them lives three doors away from his best pal but instead of knocking on the door and going in and saying how are ya they just ring each other and text each other and because they’re both on Meteor it doesn’t cost them anything and Sheila me daughter says there’s a whole group of them all on Meteor they can all text and call each other for free instead of going out and hanging around I don’t think it’s healthy to be honest I know everyone’s got the mobile phone and all but why aren’t they outside playing kick the can or relievio like we used to I bet today’s kids wouldn’t know how to climb a tree if you asked them not like us we were like monkeys so we were clambering up and falling out of them poor Johnny Maguire ended up with three broken legs after falling out of a tree one day yeah three broken legs he landed on his front and broke his mickey too haha and in those days when they set a broken leg you were lucky if you didn’t end up looking like a polio victim afterwards and-”

“Just here is grand for me”.

“But you said you were going to Perrystown and this is only Christchurch”.

“I think I’ll walk”.

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19 Responses to Motormouth

  1. Git says:

    A black fella, was he?

  2. Twenty Major says:

    His name was Moses Murphy from Lagos.

  3. There is a circle of Hell that Dante forgot to mention and it’s full of chatty, right-wing, BO smelling, gum chewing taxi drivers.

  4. Twenty Major says:

    He wasn’t even smelly or right wing, he just droned on and on and on and on …

  5. itchybollix says:

    I thought you had met me ma

  6. Fill3rup says:

    To shut up Dublin Taxi drivers just say

    “Hi,Dame Street please.Im just off to meet me husband ,hes just after gettin in from Chad and he’s waitin at the Central bank with 2 kgs of Heroine and his 5 illigitimate kids,we have to get his asylum application in by 5pm so can you make it quick?”

    Shortest,quietest taxi journey you’ll ever have..

  7. Jonny Friendly says:

    Had a 40 min theological discussion with a taxi driver a five in the morning once. Think I left the taxi with about 5 pamphlets Cursed mushrooms!

  8. Twenty Major says:

    heh, that’ll teach you.

    At least last night’s guy knew where he was going. I’m tired of having to drunkenly direct taxi drivers after a night out.

  9. Jonny Friendly says:

    Yeah that will test any man’s tolerance!
    “No left, lefffft”

  10. Holemaster says:

    I usually wait on the kerb for my preferred car, a Merc or a Passat. I never get a van taxi, small saloon, 95 Corolla, MPV sliding door thing, taxis with taxi driver federation or FM104 stickers or dodgy looking roof signs.

  11. Fill3rup says:

    HM:haha, imagine being that choosey 10 years ago,you would be getting the bus home the next day….

  12. Sir-Dancealot-The-Rave says:

    “At least last night’s guy knew where he was going. I’m tired of having to drunkenly direct taxi drivers after a night out.”

    About a month ago I walked out of the Porterhouse in town bollixed drunk, stepped into a cab, wakes up in passenger seat sometime later in a part of dublin I’d never seen before I think we were half way up some feckin mountain. Eventually the “Foreign” driver says I think I’ll try the SatNav on this thing WTF???…erm we eventually made it to Harold’s X how de fuck hard can that be to find? At least he didn’t overcharge me and I got to see parts of the country I didn’t know even existed if only at night anyway :D

  13. peadar says:

    Are yous not all using the free bikes to get around?

  14. Holemaster says:

    Hang on, Perrystown?

  15. SAm crea says:

    might try them out tonight Peader, a bit of drunken cycling…

  16. Twenty Major says:

    I was going to pick something up, HM

  17. divneymathers says:

    Nudge nudge, wink wink.
    Say no more.

  18. Dinosaur says:

    Cup of scald and a hang sanger? Sounds like Ronnie McGrew…

  19. Tony says:

    Moses Murphy from Lagos? He could become a Hollywood star. Note how the bad guys in films are invariably Black and with names like Sean O’Neill?

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