Fore!

Stinking Pete and Dirty Dave were both keen par 3 golfers. They would play a couple of times a week but every time Stinking Pete would win.

No matter how well Dirty Dave played or how much he practiced he always lost. Stinking Pete got a hole-in-one on the 18th in their tightest ever game to win and take the few bob they bet on it.

Dirty Dave knew he needed an edge, something to give him an advantage. He decided it was all in the tools so he set about making his own clubs. Trial and a considerable amount of error finally paid off and soon he had the perfect prototype – a stuffed bird from Trafalgar Square attached to the end of a titanium shaft.

Stinking Pete laughed at first but when Dave won a new era dawned – and that was how the game of pigeon putt was invented.

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39 Responses to Fore!

  1. Holemaster says:

    What do you call a crap Jesus?

  2. Dessiegee says:

    Some would argue that Golf is just Pigeon Putt with a view…..

  3. Twenty Major says:

    Meh-ssiah is quite good after a while.

  4. Magoo says:

    Groan.
    What do you call a zoo with no animals?
    A Shih Tzu

  5. divneymathers says:

    I hope Dave smashed the fuck out of a few live pigeons before adopting the stuffed variety.
    I hate pigeons.

  6. Holemaster says:

    Recently I had the opportunity to kick one and also drive over one. I just couldn’t do it. Should have though.

  7. RandomNoise says:

    What’s through the wardrobe in the Balti House?

    Naan-ia

  8. RandomNoise says:

    Quiet in here tonight.

  9. itchybollix says:

    We’re all waiting for the BNP cunt at 10.30 on bbc randomnoise

  10. peadar says:

    We’re all waiting for the BNP cunt at 10.30 on bbc randomnoise

    I’m not, I have a life.
    Actually no I don’t, I’m still in fucking work

  11. Holemaster says:

    Reminder: BBC2 10.30

  12. RandomNoise says:

    Just had to google question time to find out what time it’s on.

    God bless you interweb, what did we do before you.

    He is a terrible hateful cunt, that cuntish racialist prick.

  13. Fill3rup says:

    He’s just gonna get booed and heckled..
    I think he should be stabbed but maybe letting him talk his utter shit might work against him..

  14. RandomNoise says:

    Almost certainly will, especially in the gentile surroundings of QT. Had a look at the BBC website and there’s a clip of him being booed the second he’s announced.

    Phew, almost typed oboed. That would be an odd and surreal way to punish a racialist.

  15. Holemaster says:

    Take this you racist cunt..

    oboe.jpg

  16. RandomNoise says:

    Ha! Fair fucks HM. And it only took seven minutes.

    Any odds on twenty’s post tomorrow being about a right wing politician who strikes up an unlikely friendship with a rastafarian and through actually getting to know an immigrant, and by means of lots of dope, overcomes his hate-filled past?

    There could be a very long build up to a Nick Spliffin’ punch line.

  17. Holemaster says:

    I’d love to know who’s funding the BNP.

  18. RandomNoise says:

    So you could punch them in the throat?

  19. Holemaster says:

    And fire bomb their offices.

  20. RandomNoise says:

    Read in the papers today that the UK racial equality commission only recently started proceedings to force the BNP to remove a “whites only” clause from their constitution.

    No rush there fellas, no hurry in doing your job against a low profile grass roots unorganised back street alliance. With two MEPs, for fuck’s sake.

  21. maggot says:

    Sinn Féin are sooooooooooooo jealous !

  22. Holemaster says:

    I don’t think the Shinners would be anything like as bad as the BNP. I doubt they share the racism of the BNP.

  23. maggot says:

    You must be joking HM – the BNP are not in the same league – when did they plant car bombs etc etc

  24. Steph says:

    I don’t get it. *runs away*

  25. micosavo says:

    how does his feet (the bears) fit into such small ice skates?

  26. Holemaster says:

    Maggot, the IRA where a totally different kettle of fish in fairness. That was about self determination. It was a long political campaign borne out of hundreds of years of history. The murdering of course was wrong but it wasn’t about race. It was sectarianism. SF in the south (and I’m not a SF supporter) generally try to include all members of society and they encourage immigrants to join.

  27. itchybollix says:

    maggot Says:
    October 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
    Sinn Féin are sooooooooooooo jealous !

    heh

    SF fascist fucks

  28. Holemaster says:

    Oh dear. They’re not facists. If any party in this country is facist, it’s Fine Gael.

  29. maggot says:

    Go fuck yourself Holemaster – The IRA were/are Cunts, always cunts, be it burning Protestant orphanages in Galway in the 20a or Going into a special needs School in Belfast and abducting a child with severe learning difficulties, torturing him, shooting him in the head and leaving him to die in the grounds of Belfast Zoo in the 70s.

    The BNP are scum – but political scum.

  30. Holemaster says:

    Steady on there Maggot I didn’t say I liked Sinn Fein or the IRA. But they cannot be compared with the BNP. And come on, there was atrocities on both sides of that conflict. Both were as bad as each other. Civil wars are the worst kind.

  31. maggot says:

    Pfffft – how come it’s OK for Cunts like Ferris, McGuinness and Adams to be on TV with all the blood on their hands – yet there is uproar because some racist wanker is allowed free speech ?

    Self-determination – “Ireland for the Irish, Brits out ” – what is the difference between that and ” England for the English, foreigners out” ?

    Of COURSE SF/IRA can and should be compared to purely political parties – they are worse, far worse.

  32. Holemaster says:

    Well I really do hope their old ways are well and truly over and they’re serious about peaceful politics. Although Ferris is a total cunt. McGuinness a close second. Adams, I’m not sure. Paisley and his ilk also did a lot to fan the flames with his rhetoric and incitement. He wouldn’t have to say much before there were attacks launched on Catholic estates.

    Bad old days. Never want them again.

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