Gett off
Posted on | October 13, 2009 | 50 Comments
It was most interesting to read that MCD are taking Prince to court over his no-show at Croke Park last summer. He says it was all someone else’s fault and MCD say it was all his fault but if anyone talks about it they’re going to get Carter Ruck to take them to task. The truth will out in court sometime next year.
However, I can exclusively reveal that Prince was in Dublin last summer. You see, me and him have been pals for years now. Ever since he wrote that song about me. No, not Sexy Motherfucker, Purple Rain. Back then if I ate enough blackberries my urine would turn a bright reddish-violet and he would implore to me relieve myself from his thirty-sixth floor balcony spattering passers-by with my song title inspiring piss.
We have stayed in touch over the years and he paid a secret visit to Ron’s last summer just to ensure everything was going ok for the gig. Don’t believe what you read about him cancelling it because of poor ticket sales. That is so far from the truth as to be really far away from the truth. He is notoriously temperamental and it was in a fit of pique that the concert was cancelled.
As he glugged a pint of Guinness and chomped away on one of Ron’s famous Scotch Eggs, he, being somewhat in his cups, decided he’d invite everyone to dinner. But not at a fancy restaurant or anything like that. No, dinner in my house and he would be the chef. I was a bit put out at the fact he had invited people to my house as I generally do not like people being in my house but I went along with it as he’s an old friend and a bit stroppy if he doesn’t get his way.
Now, Prince is a vegetarian and steadfastly refuses to even look at meat, let alone handle or cook it. I am a rampant carnivore but earlier in the day I gorged myself on offal pie to make up for the fact that dinner was going to be meat free. That afternoon I took Prince shopping. Off we set on my trusty Honda 50 and went to various supermarkets as he sought ingredients for his vegetable and bean stew. We went from grocers in Crumlin to Tesco and Superquinn and Dunnes Stores and corner shops for the various bits and pieces.
He was, I thought, completely satisified and after driving him and 7 stone of vegetables around for three and a half hours I was rather tired and ready to head home. But no. He had other plans. I have to say we argued. Me craning my neck to turn around and berate a stroppy rock star who was insisting we got the nearest German discount supermarket at once. It was quite the contretemps, I have to admit and in the end I simply refused despite him insisting we needed a specific kind of zucchini to make the menu complete.
“Look”, I said, “you’ll simply have do without. Haven’t you got enough anyway?”
“No”, he screeched, beside himself with temper. “I need it. It’s the vital ingredient. You must take me”.
But I did not. And Prince, having been unable to source his Lidl Red Courgette, swore never to return to Ireland again.
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50 Responses to “Gett off”
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October 13th, 2009 @ 10:16 am
Eggselent!
And now that you’ve explained the origin of Purple Rain I’ve figured out the inspiration for Nothing Compares 2 U rine.
October 13th, 2009 @ 10:25 am
Although his cancelling the concert did upset everyone in the city so much that he now knows what it sounds like when Dubs cry.
October 13th, 2009 @ 10:35 am
your on the acid again twenty
October 13th, 2009 @ 10:57 am
I believe his Rasberry Sorbet is to die for…
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:32 am
As he glugged a pint of Guinness and chomped away on one of Ron’s famous Scotch Eggs,
and
Prince is a vegetarian and steadfastly refuses to even look at meat, let alone handle or cook it
He ate the scotch egg blindfolded then ?
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:34 am
Heh..
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:36 am
He ate the Scotch egg because Ron gave it to him
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:41 am
those courgettes are a rip-off. Last time I paid 19.99
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:48 am
Dear Twenty, you are a punful cunt.
October 13th, 2009 @ 11:54 am
Groan (and again groan)…
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
That’s fucking awesome.
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:05 pm
Do vegetarians not eat eggs? You learn something new every day. Sad cunts
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:07 pm
Scotch eggs, peadar.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_egg
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
And cheers, Medbh. It’s good to know somebody around here appreciates fine punning.
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:48 pm
Scotch eggs, peadar.
Ah I see, I thought they were just pickled
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:49 pm
No ,Thats Pickled eggs Peadar..
October 13th, 2009 @ 12:56 pm
haha
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:03 pm
yeah yeah. Is there another name for pickled eggs?
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:05 pm
Peadared Eggs..
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:05 pm
Now if that isnt a top pun,i dont know what is…
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:33 pm
you don’t know what is
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
Bloody hell!
“At the Minnesota State Fair, true to fair tradition, Scotch eggs are served on a stick.”
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
Peadar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powdered_eggs
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
peadar the oeuf ?
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
still crap
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:44 pm
Peadar, I’ll pay you €5 if you eat 6 of these – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_%28egg%29
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:47 pm
hehe.. mankey…
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
Ever see this Twenty ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumplings_%28film%29
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
No chance. I think you’ve blogged about them before. They’re fucking disgusting.
Is it pickled eggs or scotch eggs that Alan Partridge likes?
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:50 pm
Sounds like the kind of laugh a minute comedy I love, maggot.
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:52 pm
It is magnificent in a Hong Kong kind of way Twenty – I’ll give it 5 stars.
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:54 pm
I saw John Banville in my local Spar earlier on. Funny, the ordinariness of it.
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:56 pm
Do Spar do Kit Kat chunky special offers down your way HM ? Maybe that was what he was after ?
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:57 pm
That was Benjamin Black, HM. Banville shops in SuperQuinn.
October 13th, 2009 @ 1:57 pm
heh, Conan. Brilliant.
October 13th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
Its scotch eggs Peadar.. But they take a few hours to break down in his digestive system,..
October 13th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
Ha ha Conan.
Well Benjamin Black drives an 80s Saab then. I’ve seen him a few times, moseying around. He’s quite short. You kind of want to pick up and hug him.
October 13th, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
I’m off the jacks for a Bertie.
October 13th, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
“You kind of want to pick up and hug him.”
I think that’s because of his doleful countenance rather than his stature.
October 13th, 2009 @ 2:39 pm
That’s true Conan. He comes across as very likable.
October 13th, 2009 @ 3:15 pm
What is a bertie?
October 13th, 2009 @ 4:00 pm
A shit
October 13th, 2009 @ 4:33 pm
A teflon shit to be more precise…
Non-stick ye see…
October 13th, 2009 @ 4:36 pm
Wrap the Scotch egg in a piece of buttered toast and you have a walking breakfast.
October 13th, 2009 @ 5:30 pm
That was a great Bertie, launced like a Roman ship off the greased bodies of Christians.
October 13th, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
…help… I’ve been listening to John (I’ve been misrepresented) O’Donoghue… you’d think he paid for every arts or sports facility out of his own pocket, and I must have missed him listing all the great things his Missus did for the Irish people.
October 13th, 2009 @ 5:54 pm
That song was so nearly named Smelly Rain after a similar incident involving a wheelbarrow full of asparagus and the chimney in Smithfield.
October 13th, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
I’m delighted for you, Holemaster, that’s just tremendous. I bet you pee-pee’d like it was 1999 as well.
October 13th, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
Thanks PCB. I was tempted to take a photo it was so perfect.
October 14th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
Check out Chris Rock’s line about Prince near the end of the trailer for his new film “Good Hair”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m-4qxz08So