It was most interesting to read that MCD are taking Prince to court over his no-show at Croke Park last summer. He says it was all someone else’s fault and MCD say it was all his fault but if anyone talks about it they’re going to get Carter Ruck to take them to task. The truth will out in court sometime next year.
However, I can exclusively reveal that Prince was in Dublin last summer. You see, me and him have been pals for years now. Ever since he wrote that song about me. No, not Sexy Motherfucker, Purple Rain. Back then if I ate enough blackberries my urine would turn a bright reddish-violet and he would implore to me relieve myself from his thirty-sixth floor balcony spattering passers-by with my song title inspiring piss.
We have stayed in touch over the years and he paid a secret visit to Ron’s last summer just to ensure everything was going ok for the gig. Don’t believe what you read about him cancelling it because of poor ticket sales. That is so far from the truth as to be really far away from the truth. He is notoriously temperamental and it was in a fit of pique that the concert was cancelled.
As he glugged a pint of Guinness and chomped away on one of Ron’s famous Scotch Eggs, he, being somewhat in his cups, decided he’d invite everyone to dinner. But not at a fancy restaurant or anything like that. No, dinner in my house and he would be the chef. I was a bit put out at the fact he had invited people to my house as I generally do not like people being in my house but I went along with it as he’s an old friend and a bit stroppy if he doesn’t get his way.
Now, Prince is a vegetarian and steadfastly refuses to even look at meat, let alone handle or cook it. I am a rampant carnivore but earlier in the day I gorged myself on offal pie to make up for the fact that dinner was going to be meat free. That afternoon I took Prince shopping. Off we set on my trusty Honda 50 and went to various supermarkets as he sought ingredients for his vegetable and bean stew. We went from grocers in Crumlin to Tesco and Superquinn and Dunnes Stores and corner shops for the various bits and pieces.
He was, I thought, completely satisified and after driving him and 7 stone of vegetables around for three and a half hours I was rather tired and ready to head home. But no. He had other plans. I have to say we argued. Me craning my neck to turn around and berate a stroppy rock star who was insisting we got the nearest German discount supermarket at once. It was quite the contretemps, I have to admit and in the end I simply refused despite him insisting we needed a specific kind of zucchini to make the menu complete.
“Look”, I said, “you’ll simply have do without. Haven’t you got enough anyway?”
“No”, he screeched, beside himself with temper. “I need it. It’s the vital ingredient. You must take me”.
But I did not. And Prince, having been unable to source his Lidl Red Courgette, swore never to return to Ireland again.
Eggselent!
And now that you’ve explained the origin of Purple Rain I’ve figured out the inspiration for Nothing Compares 2 U rine.
Although his cancelling the concert did upset everyone in the city so much that he now knows what it sounds like when Dubs cry.
your on the acid again twenty
I believe his Rasberry Sorbet is to die for…
As he glugged a pint of Guinness and chomped away on one of Ron’s famous Scotch Eggs,
and
Prince is a vegetarian and steadfastly refuses to even look at meat, let alone handle or cook it
He ate the scotch egg blindfolded then ?
Heh..
He ate the Scotch egg because Ron gave it to him
those courgettes are a rip-off. Last time I paid 19.99
Dear Twenty, you are a punful cunt.
Groan (and again groan)…
That’s fucking awesome.
Do vegetarians not eat eggs? You learn something new every day. Sad cunts
Scotch eggs, peadar.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_egg
And cheers, Medbh. It’s good to know somebody around here appreciates fine punning.
Scotch eggs, peadar.
Ah I see, I thought they were just pickled
No ,Thats Pickled eggs Peadar..
haha
yeah yeah. Is there another name for pickled eggs?
Peadared Eggs..
Now if that isnt a top pun,i dont know what is…
you don’t know what is
Bloody hell!
“At the Minnesota State Fair, true to fair tradition, Scotch eggs are served on a stick.”
Peadar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powdered_eggs
peadar the oeuf ?
still crap
Peadar, I’ll pay you €5 if you eat 6 of these – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_%28egg%29
hehe.. mankey…
Ever see this Twenty ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumplings_%28film%29
No chance. I think you’ve blogged about them before. They’re fucking disgusting.
Is it pickled eggs or scotch eggs that Alan Partridge likes?
Sounds like the kind of laugh a minute comedy I love, maggot.
It is magnificent in a Hong Kong kind of way Twenty – I’ll give it 5 stars.
I saw John Banville in my local Spar earlier on. Funny, the ordinariness of it.
Do Spar do Kit Kat chunky special offers down your way HM ? Maybe that was what he was after ?
That was Benjamin Black, HM. Banville shops in SuperQuinn.
heh, Conan. Brilliant.
Its scotch eggs Peadar.. But they take a few hours to break down in his digestive system,..
Ha ha Conan.
Well Benjamin Black drives an 80s Saab then. I’ve seen him a few times, moseying around. He’s quite short. You kind of want to pick up and hug him.
I’m off the jacks for a Bertie.
“You kind of want to pick up and hug him.”
I think that’s because of his doleful countenance rather than his stature.
That’s true Conan. He comes across as very likable.
What is a bertie?
A shit
A teflon shit to be more precise…
Non-stick ye see…
Wrap the Scotch egg in a piece of buttered toast and you have a walking breakfast.
That was a great Bertie, launced like a Roman ship off the greased bodies of Christians.
…help… I’ve been listening to John (I’ve been misrepresented) O’Donoghue… you’d think he paid for every arts or sports facility out of his own pocket, and I must have missed him listing all the great things his Missus did for the Irish people.
That song was so nearly named Smelly Rain after a similar incident involving a wheelbarrow full of asparagus and the chimney in Smithfield.
I’m delighted for you, Holemaster, that’s just tremendous. I bet you pee-pee’d like it was 1999 as well.
Thanks PCB. I was tempted to take a photo it was so perfect.
Check out Chris Rock’s line about Prince near the end of the trailer for his new film “Good Hair”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m-4qxz08So