Monthly Archives: October 2009
I’ll stay the way I am
Dirty Dave is having a fancy dress party tomorrow night. I am, naturally, invited. So I have to choose between dressing up in a costume, standing around in a room full of witless clits dressed in costumes all going ‘Oooh, … Continue reading
No Johnny
After they stopped having hit singles the lead singer of the Fine Young Cannibals found himself down on his luck and tried his hand at providing sexual services to the truly perverted. His speciality was with animals and after some … Continue reading
A bit early
*knock knock* “Trick or treat!” “What?” “Trick or treat, mistah!” “I think you little vampires might have gotten ahead of yourselves. Hallowe’en isn’t till Saturday”. “We know. But with the country in the grips of the recession we figure there’ll … Continue reading
Cigarette smuggling in Ireland
Europe’s largest ever haul of smuggled cigarettes found at Dublin port some cunting port in Louth. €50m worth. Wow. They shouldn’t bring the smugglers to court though. A fine, a bit of jail time? That’s nothing to people like that. … Continue reading
Spitting on a football pitch
Yesterday some idiot from the HPA (Health Protection Agency) in the UK said footballers should stop spitting on the pitch so as to prevent the spread of swine flu. This morning I heard Ivan Yates going on about on Newstalk. … Continue reading
Can I have a job there, please?
The HSE must be the best place in the whole world to work. Minister for Health, Fatty Arbuckle, doesn’t give a shit what goes on. The Chief Exec gets paid a bonus based on how many people are misdiagnosed with, … Continue reading
No blank is good blank
I don’t remember making a conscious decision but I have not read, listened to or watched the news for about 5 days now. And it’s great. I bought a Sunday newspaper but only read the sports section. I haven’t listened … Continue reading
Sign of the times
Grafton Street looks just a bit grotty at the moment, doesn’t it? I’m surprised that shop sign was allowed. Taken yesterday, click for big. [photopress:graftonstreet.jpg,thumb,pp_image]
Puzzles
Does anyone here like puzzles? You do? Well then you’re mental coz puzzles are shit.
Be careful out there
I am standing at the cash machine outside Superquinn on the Sundrive Road. I am taking cash out of the machine for to buy delicious Superquinn jam doughnuts which are totally awesome. The car parking space in front of me … Continue reading
I am standing at the cash machine outside Superquinn on the Sundrive Road. I am taking cash out of the machine for to buy delicious Superquinn jam doughnuts which are totally awesome.
The car parking space in front of me is designated for ‘expectant mothers’ or ‘mothers with kids’. A white Mercedes pulls in. An eldery lady stumbles out and her packet of Dunhill cigarettes falls on the ground. She does not notice.
“Excuse me”, I say, pointing at her fags. “Your cigarettes”.
“Oh don’t worry”, she says, unsteady on her feet, “I’ve got children inside!”
“No”, I say, “you dropped your cigarettes”.
She thinks I’m pointing at the parking space sign which says the space is for mothers with kids.
“No no!”, she says again, “my childgrandren are inside!”
“What?”
“I mean my grandchildren are inside! I must collect them at once”, an excuse no doubt perfected over a couple of afternoon Pimms and a Xanex or two.
“No. YOU HAVE DROPPED YOUR CIGARETTES”, I bellow. She looks at the ground, sees her smokes, picks them up, refuses point blank to look at me and totters off into the shop without another word.
She is clearly out of her gourd, driving around in the middle of the afternoon without a care in the world. Moments later a pregnant women in a car with her two children is forced to park around the corner, meaning a 20-30 stroll to get into the shop.
This is a cruel world and no mistake.