Other people are cunts
Posted on | September 17, 2009 | 79 Comments
See there’s a conference in Dublin about childhood obesity? Apparently Ireland is home to Europe’s largest, in every sense, collection of pre-pubescent porkers. This is because Irish children are cossetted sloths, who eat badly and are ferried here, there and everywhere by parents.
Cycle to school? But it’s half a mile. They might get killed, raped, lost or something (as if the natural attrition doesn’t apply to them or something). Best take little Fiachra and Sorcha in the SUV. We know all the reasons. Give any kid a chance to sit around, do nothing and eat shite and they’ll do it. Hey, we all would, but some of us don’t fancy lazing about in muumuus comparaing diabetes stories.
Now academics in the US want to introduce a ‘cola tax’ to raise the price of sugary drinks so as to lower calorie consumption and thus help people not be as fat.
Here’s the thing though – why should something be more expensive for me just because some tubsters can’t control what they eat or drink? Maybe we should put a tax on fatness and charge people per pound over their optimum weight. They’d be much more inclined to lose the weight if they were having their pockets raped.
It’s like the whole concept of making bars of chocolate smaller. Fuck off. Why should I have a smaller Snickers because some people eat too many of them? Make them smaller, they just eat more whereas I remain unfulfilled because I am used to a slightly larger amount of chocolate, caramel, peanut and delicious nooogaaaaaaaah.
Other people’s problems should be other people’s problems, not mine. I’m fucked off with stuff being disallowed or changed because some people are weak or stupid or just plain human.
Like the way we can’t buy a drink in an off-licence after 10pm anymore. Apparently this is to prevent underage kids from binge drinking. This totally leaves aside the fact that underage kids don’t generally buy booze in an off-licence after 10pm. They do it in the afternoon or early evening so they can get smashed by 9pm then go to Wesley and finger each other. Yet it is you and I, the non-cunts (mostly), who are suffering (and yes, I know it’s mostly the fault of the vintners but still).
So here’s the thing, other people, stop being such fucking cunts because it is affecting me in ways I do not enjoy. I want the sugary cola, the normal sized Snickers and the ability to buy a bottle of Rioja at 10.54pm.
You’re wrecking my life.
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79 Responses to “Other people are cunts”
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September 17th, 2009 @ 12:00 pm
Personally I’ve got nothing against other people……
… but I wouldn’t let my daughter marry one.
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:02 pm
You think you’ve got a choice …
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:28 pm
you and I, the non-cunts (mostly),
..speak for yourself
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:30 pm
I would never deign to speak for you, Sam
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:30 pm
If you want to tax the fatties, why not up the price of clothing over the XL size? Rape their pockets for pants that are XXL etc..
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:37 pm
I admit I have put a few extra pounds on over the last year….being off the fags n that but my boss called me a manatee the other day…..that was enough to make me put down my mid afternoon snack bag of mini twisters, toffee crisps, squares and tooty frooties…..
so lets stop being nice to fatties, like me, and just start abusing them into losing weight…..
but manatee? that hurts man, that hurts
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:39 pm
Legislating for the stupid drives me nuts. Just because people are thick fucking cunts and can’t do things like anticipate what might happen if they alight from a bus without checking to see if a bike is coming and the cyclist not slowing down in case a thick cunt is alighting from the bus.
I was driving into work this morning and it was like a computer game trying avoid all the idiots.
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:41 pm
Manuel:Have you thought of applying as a writer for Family Guy?
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:42 pm
HM:How many points did you get?
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:51 pm
Very simple – lots of retail outlets have automatic doors, make the sensor height and weight sensitive so the door won’t open for people (ie cunts) who are over-weight for their height.
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:53 pm
Why don’t they just narrow the doors to the shops [and McDonalds]?
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
Damn straight, what happened to diluted orange I thought that was a mandatory fixture in each Irish home. They should ban parents from buying fizzy drinks with their weekly shopping and give out 2ltr bottles of yellow pack diluted orange to every home when they issue the yellow pages.
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:58 pm
some people like to criticise barstaff (shudder the thought) for selling booze to people who are alcoholics. I say fuck you, do you think shopkeepers get criticised for selling toffee crisps to Manuel and his ilk?
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:58 pm
Grandad, that wouldn’t work.
You’d get junkies hanging around outside McDonalds offering to go in on their behalf.
September 17th, 2009 @ 12:58 pm
Buses and trams could have a weighing scales on the threshold, and the fat bastards could pay according to body mass. Like a baggage tax. A fat baggage tax.
Also, we should make mars bars, crisps, cola and snickers available only on prescription.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:03 pm
Parents these days are like children.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:06 pm
If they are serious about wanting people to be thinner they should drop tobacco taxation and make smoking compulsory.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:08 pm
Git – “You’d get junkies hanging around outside McDonalds offering to go in on their behalf.”
Nah! Twenty would never do that.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:12 pm
Twenty – what are your thoughts on seat belts ?
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
Can I suggest that seatbelts remain compulsory, but are shortened. Make those fat fuckers get out and walk!
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:20 pm
I think Jimmy Carr put it perfectly when he said of the fat kids..
“..Yes they have very slow metabolisms…
..and very fast, chip-eating hands..”
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:28 pm
Twenty – what are your thoughts on seat belts ?
To me they appear to serve a fairly useful function.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
Twenty, what are your thoughts on G-Strings?
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:42 pm
Is this the Daily Wail….? No? I took a wrong turn somewhere? Oh, sorry.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
“I think Jimmy Carr put it perfectly when he said of the fat kids..
“..Yes they have very slow metabolisms…
..and very fast, chip-eating hands..””
* guffaws*
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
Going to see him at the weekend.
September 17th, 2009 @ 1:54 pm
Is he the horrifically camp one?
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
No, he’s the cunt with the annoying expression and stick-on hair.
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
No fuck that’s Alan Carr, the shit one. Jimmy Carr is the lego hair man as Globe described. A lot of people don’t like him but I think he’s funny. He made Pat Kenny look really fucking thick.
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:14 pm
Just a cotton picking minute there! There are some among us, XXl and XXXL, who are not obese.
Fuck right off with your clothes tax.
One of my previously fat cunt friends who is now miraculously svelte or at least just fat, explained that he stopped drinking 6 x 2l bottle of Coke a weekly . He’s dropped 12 kgs over the course of a month. He did not give up Guinness or chips.
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:30 pm
“he stopped drinking 6 x 2l bottle of Coke a weekly”
He should get checked for kidney stones.
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:50 pm
let fatties pay for their own problems, good idea.they’ve made their own bed, let them eat it the fat bastards.
Same principle should apply with car insurance.
If some muppet wraps his souped up can of coke around a pole in Donegal or Kerry, that inbred should pay more insurance- not me.
A new census is needed to determine fatties, inbreds and other miscreants who are dragging us all down with them.
September 17th, 2009 @ 2:54 pm
if i get taxed to fuck for smoking then fatties should be taxed to fuck for being fat.
some woman in england took a clothing chain to court for charging extra for F+ (mmmmmmmmm) bras, they argued it cost more to produce, she argued it was discriminative, of course she won.
hell in a hand cart etc
September 17th, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
There’s always a lawyer somewhere for any case you want.
September 17th, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
“Order in the court,next case in the name of Fill3rup V’s The General Fucking Public ,all rise”
September 17th, 2009 @ 3:52 pm
Holemaster Vs Before 9am
September 17th, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
Although I believe Holemaster is right, there is a lawyer, somewhere, willing to take up any case, I still think Fill3rup is pushing it a bit. Surely there’s not one crazy enough to take on the case of a Ginger!
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:07 pm
You’re on the list Git…
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:17 pm
Probably the only funny thing Jimmy Carr ever said. One of the most unamusing twats the comedy business has ever turned out.
My solution to the fat kids problem; could be extended to fat adults too and I don’t see why not. All fat people (say defined as a body mass index over a certain level) will be given one month to get their BMI below the threshold. If they don’t, or can’t, they are forcibly given a tapeworm. When the wurrum has done its thing and made them normal sized again, they will be granted access to worm medication, via the local vet or whatever. Someone will be paid to go round all the schools with a sample tapeworm in a jar to show the kids this is what they will be hosting if they become – or remain – fat little fuckers. If that doesn’t act as sufficient deterrent, their worm will make them thin. Problem solved. McDonalds might even sponsor the scheme so they can sell more burgers to worm hosts who can now eat even more without putting on more weight.
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
I love Jimmy Carr I am going to see him friday
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve made a horrible mistake.
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:26 pm
The Male Gypsy Moth can smell the Female Gypsy Moth from over a mile and a half away..and if you take the word moth out of that sentence,it’s still true..
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:28 pm
To me they appear to serve a fairly useful function.
Nods pensively.
Would you go so far as to say Clunk Click every trip ?
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:34 pm
I’d reckon he even goes as far as to sit up straight, shoulders back, eyes ahead, he brushes himself down and he says, ‘Owzzabout that then?’
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve made a horrible mistake.
I for one would happily send a card wishing Holemaster and Nonny the very best on their wedding day
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:47 pm
Here in North Carolina they are planning to make overweight and smoking state employees pay more for health insurance:
http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/4575112/
September 17th, 2009 @ 4:52 pm
Well that kind of makes sense Richard just like a drunken five year old would be pretty expensive to insure on a Hummer.
September 17th, 2009 @ 5:15 pm
Fat chicks waddling down a sidewalk in their tight pants should be videotaped then made to watch themselves on a TV set in front of an audience. It just might turn them anorexic.
September 17th, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
Fat Chicks in tight pants ? Don’t get over-excited lads.
September 17th, 2009 @ 5:58 pm
What? Fat chicks having lesbian sex with anorexic chicks? I seen that film before
September 17th, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
One of my best selling productions Peadar.
September 17th, 2009 @ 6:51 pm
fat fuckers tax, thats mata harney fucked for sure, the morbid cunt. buys her knicks in rent a tent.
September 17th, 2009 @ 8:13 pm
surely she would be renting knickers.
how unhygienic.
September 17th, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
I am personally all for a cull of fatties. When you think that there are 4 normal peeps in the World being denied food because of one fat cunt something has to be done.
Does anyone calculate the amount of pollution these fat bastards are causing? The increased Co2 emissions from the cars they drive, the millions of miles of bogroll they use?
It’s time for a fattie sniper squad!
September 17th, 2009 @ 8:55 pm
If, according to Mary McAleese, Child obesity is a “time bomb” shouldn’t the parents be charged under the Offences against the State Act ?
September 17th, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
What makes you think she wears knickers ?
Every red-blooded man’s fantasy goes West.
September 17th, 2009 @ 9:19 pm
“What makes you think she wears knickers ?
Every red-blooded man’s fantasy goes West.”
And every right-thinking man’s stomach contents head north…
September 17th, 2009 @ 9:49 pm
Come on, don’t be coy, she is sexy in a Roseanne Barr sort of way. Red Basque, suspenders, fish net stockings …. ask Morgor, he’s been there.
September 17th, 2009 @ 10:50 pm
Its Obviously all George Bushes Fault………like everything else…..However Fear Not -with Barak saying fuck it to EU Missile defense – the radiation will keep em thin!……
Ok I don’t actually believe any of that – but I have no point of reference and wanted to waste everyones time. ALthough I do think BO is a major cunt – if I can just say.
September 17th, 2009 @ 10:51 pm
Boom Boom Shake the Room!
September 17th, 2009 @ 11:09 pm
Admit it guys, we’ve all had at least one fat bird in our day…
September 17th, 2009 @ 11:55 pm
How about legislation for An Bróg Digiteach Nua? Where on all shoes must have a beepy little LCD screen on the instep? Everybody could then state exactly how fat a bastard the other guy was. In metric and imperial.
Then we introduce the Fat Bastard Police. They patrol the greasy late-night burger joints and suggest to fatties: I think you’ve had enough for tonight, don’t you sir? On your way now..
September 18th, 2009 @ 12:15 am
I eat cheeseburgers.. hell i swallow Coca fuckin Cola by the litre. If beer was so fattening id be 20 stone by now. I have a full fry up at least twice a week. Do you want to know why Im not fat.. Cos I fuckin get some excercise. If you must eat shite at least have the decency to run around a bit too. THE END
September 18th, 2009 @ 12:17 am
Exercise is for weirdos
September 18th, 2009 @ 12:35 am
Well, if barmen can refuse to serve drunks, surely waiters and spotty kids at Micky-D’s should be afforded the same discretion.
“I’m sorry, I think you’ve had enough”.
On the other hand, natural selection will take care of things eventually. Obesity affects fertility.
September 18th, 2009 @ 3:40 am
Damn! Won’t the PC brigade now have Hasbro / Mattel et al turning out obese dolls so as not to discriminate against junior fatties?
September 18th, 2009 @ 8:33 am
Obesity affects fertility.
I doubt that. Just look around town and watch the pyjama clad hippos pushing their double buggies with two more in tow. They breed like rabbits. Big, fat, ugly rabbits.
September 18th, 2009 @ 8:40 am
The chairman (not Sinatra) could not have better addressed the problem. Little red books abu, and gra mo chroi to the bitin’ Irishman.
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:20 am
OK grapeape, I’ll admit it. I sometimes like it to ripple when I playfully slap it.
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:33 am
In other news… as they say… apparently The Táiniste Mary Coughlan was spouting at a launch yesterday, something along the lines of the ‘smart economy’ ‘going forward’, and mentioned Einstein’s Theory of Evolution. I hadn’t heard of it before but I think the proof is something like, “Members of Fianna Fail (sic) will become imbeciles in the 21st century.”
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:44 am
I think you’ll find that more influenced by O’Flynn’s Theory of Relativity.
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:45 am
I left out a word there, but I can’t really say I’m bothered.
September 18th, 2009 @ 10:45 am
Admit it guys, we’ve all had at least one fat bird in our day…
There’s nothing wrong with a small bit of extra flesh. Not Harney fat, but sexily plump. I can’t think of a reference right now but I will
September 18th, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
Morgor has gone quiet!
September 18th, 2009 @ 6:03 pm
Peadar: “Admit it guys, we’ve all had at least one fat bird in our day…”
Yes, a bit like the Moped analogy really: great fun to ride until your mates find out.
September 18th, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
Why not let people do whatever the fuck they want with their own body? If you want to end up a redundant pile of protoplasm, then so be it.
They always make up shit excuses to make more profit, like when they stopped selling my beloved ’10 packs’ of smokes in the shops…supposedly in the kiddies best interest. BULLSHIT
September 18th, 2009 @ 8:53 pm
Ass-per-usual:
“They always make up shit excuses to make more profit, like when they stopped selling my beloved ‘10 packs’ of smokes in the shops…supposedly in the kiddies best interest. BULLSHIT”
I’m with you there. If all the little obese snots were helped to smoke it would help keep their weight down.
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:15 pm
The problem with any new law, regulation, tax or levy, is that the only people who take a blind bit of notice of the new law etc are the very same people who dutifully obeyed the old fucking law, tax, levy etc.
We don’t need a cull on fat people, we just need a cull on cunts, dozy, irresponsible bastards who need a fucking state agency to tell them to eat fruit or walk for a half hour a day. They won’t do it, because they never do anything on their own steam.
As a by the by, when we were young, the tv didn’t start until 4 in the afternoon, and even then it was some fucking piece of shit. Now kids have over 10 channels just for them, 18 hours a fucking day. No wonder the little runts are getting wide-arsed. And remember the days before Daytime television, it was like chavs didn’t exist, they did of course, but there was no Jeremy Kyle to give them an outlet for their shite.
On a related note Jimmy Carr has said a lot of funny things, he still annoys me though, sniffy, very sniffy
September 18th, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
mmmm battered sausage….
disregard my last remarks