The Lisbon Treaty – condensed

So many people are still confused about the Lisbon Treaty I thought it’d be a good idea to break it down into simple terms. Here 6 things that will happen if we vote ‘Yes’ and 6 things that will happen if we vote ‘No’.

YES

  • Conscription of young Irish men into a European defence force will begin within 18 months
  • All women will be forced to have at least one abortion in their lifetime
  • Ireland will become a missile silo with rockets aimed at the USA in case they start to get uppity
  • The Irish language will be outlawed and replaced with mandatory teaching of a Bavarian dialect
  • A new Europe-wide culture, as outlined by Culture Führer Ray Cokes, will be enforced from September 2013
  • Any job you want to do will already be done by a Latvian or an ethnic Turk for €0.87c per hour

NO

  • The European Commission will require Ireland to hand back all the roads it has built with European money
  • Automatic entry to European countries for stag weekends and sex parties will be rescinded and we’ll have to apply for expensive visas
  • Irish football clubs will no longer be allowed play in the Champions League
  • Wales will become a missile silo with rockets aimed at Ireland in case we get start to get uppity
  • With nobody to export goods to Irish farmers will start growing opium, condeming the country to a Trainspottingesque existence
  • All non-Irish natives will be either deported or forced to work as butlers to ensure the purity of our race

Hopefully that clears things up for you. Happy voting!

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35 Responses to The Lisbon Treaty – condensed

  1. morgor says:

    Again, either one looks good to me :)

  2. jonjoward says:

    best explanation i’ve heard to date, now i know all those other cunts were lying to me.fair fucks to ya twenty.

  3. Daithi says:

    Germans will have to pay income tax at 17% while we enjoy a rate of 0.8% until such time as we have more money than everyone (again) and all the pubs in Ireland re-open. ONLY IF WE VOTE YES.

  4. manuel says:

    fucking aces…….

  5. Conan Drumm says:

    If we vote ‘Yes’ we will be obliged to conserve red herrings by EU edict.

    If we vote ‘No’ we will be obliged to eat red herrings by the Irish government.

  6. Crank says:

    Which one is a vote for straight bananas?

  7. Git says:

    Fuck off Crank, you’re not fooling anyone.
    You’re a gay banana.

  8. SAm Crea says:

    I thought Irish Clubs were already banned from the Champions league???

  9. Sweary says:

    Does this then mean that European stag and sex parties will no longer be automatically granted “entry” *snigger* into Ireland?

    Stone me, I’m definitely voting No, so.

  10. morgor says:

    Where are these European sex parties and why wasn’t I invited?

  11. Scawgeen says:

    Why is YES green and NO red ? Is YES good and NO bad ?

  12. Twenty Major says:

    Depends on your own colouration preferences. Personally I prefer red to green.

    Morgor – they’re in Estonia, I believe

  13. jonny friendly says:

    and Bratislava, so I’ve heard.

  14. Dear Lord, there is the very definition of ‘Damned if we do, damned if we don’t’

    Good luck with that.

  15. maggot says:

    Vote yes and annoy SF, the DUP and Coir. What could be better?

  16. Conan Drumm says:

    “Depends on your own colouration preferences. Personally I prefer red to green.”

    Using both you get the sickening 3D effect.

  17. size ten says:

    Jim Corr says it’s all a conspiracy, he also says that none of his sisters ever had sex with anyone from outer space, now he claims that St Patrick wasn’t Irish at all.
    Oh, Irish football clubs, champions of what?

  18. I personally will be voting a definite NO to the Lisbon Treaty.

    We do not negotiate with the dykes.

  19. Woesinger says:

    I’ll be voting yes because it’s a thundering disgrace that a generation of young Irish people have grown up without the slightest idea who Ray Cokes is.

  20. Yippee says:

    Eeny meeny miney mo…

    I’m more confused now than ever!

  21. Rua says:

    Can we vote “maybe”? Or is that just another ‘no’

  22. Crank says:

    So it’s gay bananas in Bratislava for the win, eh? Anyone?

  23. Yippee says:

    Well, if Jim Corr says it’s a conspiracy, that’s good enough for me!

    After all, isn’t he the brains of the outfit???

  24. Jorge O'Zalez says:

    I’m going to make ink out of my own blood piss and cum and use that to make my mark on the ballot paper. Will that spoil it?

  25. Robert says:

    Is this the right place to remind everyone of what a massive cunt Mary Lou Chipmunk-Face is?

  26. Twenty Major says:

    Yes, please go ahead.

  27. maggot says:

    I loved the description of ML as a festering pork slit. Has anybody noticed the strange silence from the Shinners about the Lockerbie bomber being released back to their old buddy and armourer Gadaffi ?

  28. Grapeape says:

    I thought Coir was something they made doormats out of. Its made of coconut husks..
    “Coir fibers are found between the husk and the outer shell of a coconut. The individual fiber cells are narrow and hollow, with thick walls made of cellulose. They are pale when immature but later become hardened and yellowed as a layer of lignin is deposited on their walls.”

    Narrow, hollow and herdened with age, a bit like youth defence…
    Like youth defence a coconut is also spelled using the letters C, U, N, T

  29. Ass-per-usual says:

    Is “fuck brian cowen” one of the options?

    btw, his popularity is down to 15% and fianna failure’s is down to 17% ..they still haven’t been ran out of office and violently violated with rolled up copies of the Lisbon treaty, what a crazy world!

  30. Lafsword says:

    I’m Beginning to believe Jim Corr, I certainly don’t trust Fianna Fail & their fuckin School Teacher spokesperson or the previous cunt Dickhead Roche.

    I say vote NO, lets see what happens, NAMA will bankrupt the country anyway so we’re gonna get fucked no matter what.

  31. Ulick Dixon-Cox says:

    Biffo is a lard-ridden disgrace of a human being, but Coìr & Sinn Fein are despicable, backward, atavistic, lying, bigotted cunts of the highest order.

    And Jim Corr is a pervert.

    So vote yes.

  32. Pleace vote for democracy and against the treaty of lisbon

    Dear irish people!

    Pleace stop the treaty of lisbon! Is is antidemocartic, militaristic, antisocial. The disadvantages are much bigger, than the advantages. The EU can live with its actuell laws. They should only be changed into a democratic direction. With the treaty of lisbon, the european council is able to change this treaty in great parts without asking the parliament. This is nearly the same law, which mades the nationl- rassistic- party of Germany so powerfull in our country in the year 1933. Our basic law (the german constitution) and all other european constitutions should not be replaced by the treaty of lisbon. But the new treaty tries to bring all right- sytstems in a lower level than the new european right. Here is my informationpage: http://sites.google.com/site/euradevormwald/english . When you have some more english information, pleace send me a link or text or write it into the visitors book of my page. And pleace spread this text all over Ireland.

    In the hope in your activities for a better Europe, Felix Staratschek, Freiligrathstr. 2, D- 42477 Radevormwald (Germany)

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