Found this book in the attic last night, digging around. It’s by Colm Rapple and it was published in 1983. He talks about trying to find secure employment, such as a civil service position or a bank.
Civil Service : There is no doubt that there is ample scope for improved efficiency in many areas of the civil service. It has become very clear that successive governments are going to prevent civil service numbers from growing as fast as the population at large, if for no other reason than to reduce the need for higher taxes, so job opportunities will be limited.
It’s true that we now have a thoroughly streamlined and efficient civil service and the successive governments did a good job in ensuring numbers did not go through the fucking roof.
Banks : There are also going to be fewer jobs in banks. The growth will be handled by an increasing reliance on the computer and the automatic cash-handling machines. Jobs with the major banks are really plum ones from the point of view of security. The firms enjoy a certain monopoly position – they are subject to Central Bank control but they will never be let go broke.
What can you say?
He also gave some penny pinching tips which include – putting off the payment of bills by sending them a cheque without a date or signature to buy yourself more time. Driving 10mph slower than normal in an effort to save fuel and making sure you do not drive with your window open as it badly affects the car’s wind resistance and uses more petrol. Awesome.
Food tips. Such as:
If you must eat meat – and there’s no reason why you should – why not try some of the cheaper sorts which have all but gone out of fashion. Hearts, liver, kidneys are all lean and pleasant to handle while tripe, brains and sweetbreads can all be turned into very tasty meals which can be considered delicacies elsewhere.
Mmmm, who’s coming over to my place for a heart curry and a liver and brain casserole? Don’t all rush.
There’s a whole section on how to become self-sufficient like The Good Life and grow your own vegetables as well as handy info on how to save money on batteries by buying electric transformers for items such as your radio and your record player.
This book is now my bible. And I’m not sharing. All this killer info is mine, all mine. See you on the far side, when I’ve got loads of spare cash because I didn’t use as many 9v Ever Readies as you.
How about if I offer to buy the book off you?
Hmmm, I’ll sell you a photocopy.
No dice – when the food riots come, I want to be ahead of the pack. And by “the pack”, I mean you.
I’m stockpiling sweetbreads as we speak. They’re the bollocks.
Braaaaiinnnnnsssss!!!!
Liver does it for me every time.
With a little Chianti, obviously.
Just a brilliant find, better than ‘cash in the attic’… doesn’t it make the govts since 1983 sound like tossers, ditto the banks.
Fava beans, SoS? They’re not exactly recession friendly.
Sean – yeah, funny to look at.
id find this wholly amusing but for the fact that I too have this very same tome ..well in the gaff somewhere. Nice to see its guaranteed Irish.. theres and ABYSS of irony in there somewhere… NURSE!!
It appears to be made from guaranteed Irish recycled copy book paper too.
is Colm Rapple a big fucking Ulsterman? he reads like one…..tight fisted get…..does he advise becoming religious so that you don’t spend money on a sunday?
Mmmm I love a bit of fried perch with mushrooms and homemade brown bread.
Are pensioners edible?
He’s still going strong boys.
http://colmrapple.com/
iv started cutting my own hair to save money and using the free newspapers as bogroll. also eating shit loads of rice like the vietnamese
jaysis Twenty,that read like me late ol’ fellas weekly menu…old school ‘n all that…..and the past another country indeed…
Don’t forget to hold your shite till you get to work yup No expensive bog roll bills for you
Pingback: Fluffy Links – Tuesday September 1st 2009 « Damien Mulley
I thought that only zombies ate brains! Could it be that…..
It could … nom nom nom
“Maggot Says:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Are pensioners edible?”
Not only edible, Maggot, but delicious, if soaked in milk for an hour or so, to get rid of the taste of urine.
Is there a section on Potatoes?
“Potatoes are a great cash crop for the country to really rely on,and whats more there will Never be another Blight…and famine doesnt happen anymore either..”
Honestly, there is a section about potatoes.
Does he make briquettes from mashed up old newspaper?
Fuel: : What about becoming self-sufficient in fuel? We are very lucky in Ireland that this is still possible.
The easist way is to lease or buy a bit of bog. There is plenty of that, even on the doorstep of Dubln.Dubliners who have ever walked or driven over the Feather Bed to Glencree and on down to the Sally Gap and beyond will know there is plenty of turf still to be dug out of the Wicklow Mountains.
Go down there during turf cutting season and ask where you go to lease a bit of bog
Lease a bit of Bog
I leased a whole Bog yesterday.. Destroyed it was..Destroyed..but then again,so was I.
The Greens are going to do away with ancient turbary rights on environmental grounds so the bog option is strictly short term. Anything in the book about buying a small generator and running it on tractor diesel? It’d help to know we’re doing the right thing.
heh, Fill. Obvious, but someone had to do it.
Not a thing, Conan, although apparently bringing a pockey calculator to the supermarket to ensure you’re not being overcharged at the checkout is a good idea.
Also a local telephone call is a good deal cheaper than posting a letter
“Also a local telephone call is a good deal cheaper than posting a letter”
Golly, even after he’s factored in the line rental? He really was a profit ahead of his time, wasn’t he?
Anything in there about Superser heaters? ……..Ah, the memories.
Must… resist… impulse to parrot VIZ top tips…
I have to admit that wiping one’s arse with the Independent seems an attractive idea, quite regardless of the cost savings.
Don’t waste money on new stuff to read.
Simply root around in the attic for old books you should’ve thrown out ages ago.
As we’ve all seen lately, it’s amazing what you’ll find when rooting around in your dusty old attic..or in your concrete soundproofed hidden cellar..or even in the tents, sheds and shanties hidden out back garden.
He’s still going strong boys.
http://colmrapple.com/
haha, just saw this. “Colm’s columns”, deadly!
I’ve been taking Ronnie McGrew’s advice and have mostly been eating handicapped children. Does Colm mention anything about that?
Sorry Peckerhead, couldn’t resist.
http://www.viz.co.uk/toptips.html
And you just randomly found it in your attic, Twenty? Yeah right. I bet you were a right little disciple in your day, weaving socks out of your chest hair and using soot instead of butter on your sandiwches.
Soot? Mashed up gravel more like …
<Mashed up gravel more like …
You were lucky..
Hehe..from the Viz letters page..
PETER SUTCLIFFE could be released from Broadmoor Mental Institution if he were made to wear a little bell round his neck. This has certainly worked on my cat which used to kill no end of birds, but has not killed one since I fixed it to his collar.
http://www.viz.co.uk/letterbocks.html
If you share the book, I’ll share my recipe for Testicle tagliatelle
That is quite the tempting offer …
Road kill and Dock leaf tea will be my staple diet, until I have fattened up enough Crows for the Christmas feast.
I am reminded of Mitford’s line “Brains for breakfast!”
Calves liver, with sauteed onions and bacon…..delicious…..
How much did the book cost back in the day? Bet he used the profits to enjoy enough fuel to drive his usual speed.
£2.50
I’d be wary of magoo’s offer there – sounds like he’s talkin bollox!