Very brief today. Am using a mobile device to blog from St James’s Hospital where Stinking Pete was admitted last night. We had to call an ambulance to Ron’s at around 10pm after he had, what doctor’s are calling, a conjoined poo.
Apparently this is the first case of a Siamese poo in Ireland since 1965 and Pete’s ringpiece injuries are ‘devestating’ and ‘fascinating’, according to the medics who treated him. He underwent emergency surgery and had 28 stitches in his tea-towel holder after the birthing of the poo ‘literally cleaved his rusty sherrif’s badge apart’.
We’re taking it turns to sit with him. He appears to be in an horrendous amount of pain.
It’s hilarious.
Does the poo bear any resemblance to Bono,
and has it been retained for research purposes?
It must be really bad if he managed to actually get treatment within 12 hours of arriving at an Irish hospital. Maybe the poo could be presented to the minister for health for the excremental work she’s doing….
stinking pete’s new movie: one man, two cups
They really should teach these doctors to spell.
And tell them that if they’d done one of these: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Episiotomy , they could’ve saved the poor guy’s ringpiece.
Were the poos joined at the nuts……. or the corn…… or the diced carrot?
Horrendious?
You couuld say it ‘rect – ‘m…..
Plenty of complan then for a while Pete.
A log blog today o twenty.
Could ye put it up on rate my poo?
Ever notice the way hot birds tend to hang out together? Like if you meet a girl and she’s okay-looking, then you know all her mates are going to be roughly the same as her?
I therefore propose the collective noun, ‘a conspiracy of hot chicks’.
That’s all I got today. Had to put it down, I’m anticipating a legal challenge in the future.
He said it was like trying to pass a large acorn with branches
I’ve heard of ones that were like a 500ml can of Heineken coming out. The “makers” couldn’t walk properly for hours afterwards. Ouch. My best to Pete.
Ah Jaysus, the memories, wha’. Have you organised a whip around? There must be a lot of sympathy out there for a man in this predicament.
One good thing, I can’t exactly see the tone of this discussion deteriorating, can you?
Famous last words those.
9… 10… 11… 12…
I once scratched my hole then picked my nose and got a chunk of klingon up there which I snorted down the back of my throat which made me vomit down my front
And there we go …
I’m going through a phase lately where I need a bath or a shower or to stick my arse in the sink after almost every shit. They’re good solid firm shits but there always seems to be a bit staying behind and no matter how may times I wipe me hole it’s still dirty. It’s fucking annoying.
Uncanny. Lorcan, are you available for parties?
Peader thank you for that, I have just finished my coco pops..
(try eating some fruit, dried fruit and a light dusting of fibre)
One Bulmers Pear keeps the arse running fair
Pea and Ham soup is good for your hoop!
I love pea and ham soup
I always found that I clog up the jacks at work from what seems like endless arse wiping after drinking red wine.But then, with the leaner times, the company moved to jacks roll that’s as thin as rice paper. Cheap and nasty stuff that doesn’t clog up the toilet, but the leaves the user with a real problem on their hands.Its a messy business and I can empathise with Peadars need to take a shower after every shit.I remember sneering at a country relative who had one of those french sounding devices that shot a fountain of water up your arse (B-day), but now I’m not so sure.
I’ve never used a bidet. Do they work?
Thats it Peadar, a bidet! In fact, he used to call it Brigitte Bidet coz it was blonde,walked around naked a lot with a concern for the welfare of donkey’s.
I always found it odd that the French endorse the bidet. After all, these are the same folks who endorse the very primitive hole in the ground type toilet, with the two footprints to show you where to crouch. Not to mention the 75 year old woman outside your door with a mop in her hand waitnig for a tip. French bidets look like regular toilets, but you’re only supposed to wash yourself in them. Uncultured types have been known to deposit into them instead. That can be a issue, as you’ve got a variety of problems now: no flush, no drain, dirty hands, and a very annoyed host/hostess.
The mini shower hose attachment is a standard fitting in Nordic loos. Much better design, right next to the john, no mess, no fuss, clean arse. Plus you save on TP.
A google image search gives me nothing.
http://forum.eurobilltracker.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9427&start=30
The mini shower hose attachment is a standard fitting in Nordic loos. Much better design, right next to the john, no mess, no fuss, clean arse. Plus you save on TP.
fucking excellent idea. I want one
Last place I worked in there was a dude called the Phantom.
Never found whoit was but they left turds the size of a large bagette.
The cleaners were most unimpressed.
I did a shit one time that almost broke my pelvis,unfortunately i was in my local at the time,i though id given birth to a roll of carpet..
I will never forget the pain and also the waddle back to my seat..
I’ve never had a Siamese poo, but on occasion I’ve had dumps resembling hulking masses of authority from Mayo often seen on Pierce street, weighing several courics. I feel his pain.
‘A google image search gives me nothing.’
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z261/Averain/finland_toilet.jpg
By the sound of a lot of ye a bidet wouldn’t be much use without a trowel.
One time I went to the jacks and, without thinking, gave a fairly decent shove, expecting a medium consistency poo to emerge. What I didn’t realise was that it was a seriously wide and hard affair, like a baby’s forearm it was, and should have been treated with the utmost caution.
The upshot of it all was that it emerged at light speed and left my hoop locked open for an hour or two.
I was afraid to look or even check to confirm that this is exactly what happened, but spent the next while in a mild panic wondering was I going to need medical treatment.
Slowly eased itself back to normal. The birds were singing in the trees and all was well again.
I think we’ve all experienced that kind of thing. The pooing equivalent of getting your head trapped between some railings before finally, after moments of panic and frantic twisting, you get it free.
By the sound of a lot of ye a bidet wouldn’t be much use without a trowel.
I think a wire brush would be more useful
A friend told me that the cleaner in his job found a plastic bag full of poo in one of the bedrooms of the workers, and the person who stayed in the room denied all knowladge, natch.
Turned out to be her husband did it, the room-occupier, not the cleaner.
He was staying there, and couldn’t be arsed to go out to the loo.
Twice.