An open letter to the world
Dear everyone who is currently alive,
I write you this letter because I feel the sentiments I am about to share must be aired publicly. Too long we have done nothing and allowed this … thing … this monstrosity to gain a life of its own. I know many people see it as a hilarious jape and indeed, over the last few years, it has gained a certain amount of ’so bad its good’ credibility but I cannot sit idly by any longer.
It must be said. Somebody has to tell the world, before it’s too late. I have waited for someone else to do it but nobody seems either willing or able. So I shall take the responsibility that everybody has eschewed. I shall start the ball rolling and I hope, that even if you feel remotely the same way, you help the rolling of the ball in any way you can. Be it via your blog, your Tumblr, your Twitter, your Shitter, your Twatter, your Fistbook, MyFlange, BeBeaux or even, dare I say it, in face to face conversation with another real life, any efforts to spread the message are crucial.
The message? Yes, although hilarious black talkshow audience people might say ‘Don’t even go there’, I am going there. Yes I am. I’m going there. I’m on my way. Oh, look. I’m there. Here it is. Ready? Good.
‘Never gonna give you up’ by Rick Astley is shit.
There. I’ve said it. It’s a fucking terrible song, performed by a ginger, written by three of the most unspeakable cunts ever to exist in the music industry. Stock, Aitken and Waterman are the Hitler, Pol Pot and Josef Fritzl of music. Manufactured, programmed trash with every song having exactly the same kind of processed, computerised, assembly line beat.
What have they given the world of music? Jason Donovan, the Reynolds Girls, Mel and Kim, Brother Beyond and countless other useless, half-witted cuntbutlers.
But Never gonna give you up is their crowning glory. Number one for weeks and weeks back in the 80s and anyone with half a brain dismissed it as pop pap. And that’s being polite. It was shit back then and it’s shit now.
What gets me is when people, who think they’re in some small way funny, send you a link and say ‘Hey, look at this’ and it turns out to be the video of the song. ‘Haha’, these people who think they’re funny say, ‘you’ve been Rick-Rolled’. Fuck off you spastic cunts. Rick-rolled, what a load of horse cock. Especially when other cunts even less funny than that make websites which don’t let you turn the cunting thing off.
But these people are not funny. They’re like Brendan Grace or any Irish sitcom. Cutting off ones toes with a horse castrater thingy then jamming your toes into your eyes until all pale goo came out would be more amusing.
Is this what we have become? Is this what passes for humour these days? A fucking Rick Astley video of a terrible, awful song. How sad an indictment this is of our world. And yet it seems not to be abating. Just the other day I saw a ‘mash-up’ of ‘Never gonna give you up’ played over ‘Smells like teen spirit’ from Nirvana.
There are all kinds of comments on the video, such as : “Awesome!”, “Great work!”, “This is the best thing ever on the internet. Fact”, and “Whoever made this is a genius”.
Now, let me set the record straight. Firstly, whoever made this was not a genius but a tone-deaf cunt. The two songs have no melodic similarity at all and when you put the Rick Astley vocal over Nirvana it sounds fucking awful. Anyone who has ever listened to any song before can tell you that. It does not work.
But because it’s Rick Astley and ‘Never gonna give you up’, people think it’s cool. You fucking idiotic shithead wankers. What are you fucking like? Try and think for yourselves for once. It won’t hurt, I promise. The Nirvana/Astley abortion is where we need to say ‘Enough’.
The world needs to come to its senses. It needs to realise that Rick Astley is a cunt who even knew how much of a cunt he was so he retired from music to just be a regular cunt. For that, at least, I applaud him. ‘Never gonna give you up’ is one of the worst songs ever made. There is no ‘So bad its good’ thing going on here. It’s so bad it’s gash. It’s so bad that if you gave someone with any taste the choice between having fiery ants covered in acid inserted into their anus or listening to the song once they’d choose to destroy their rusty sheriff’s badge.
So, please, stop. Just fucking stop. We’ve had enough. The world is in a difficult enough place right now without us having to regard Rick Astley as some kind of ironic hero. He’s a twat in a long coat and his song is to music what the Catholic Church is to childcare.
Please, pass this message on, and maybe people might come to their senses.
yours sincerely,
Twenty
July 22nd, 2009 at 7:56 am
Yep. Shite all the way. Not in the least bit funny. I would imagine that people who wear funny ties go for that shite. Saw that ‘mash’ was posted on Facebook with the ‘genius’ tagline. The difference between you and me is you listened.
Remember ‘The Hit Man and Her’ on UTV? Waterman… aaarrrggghhhh. Cuntface.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:05 am
Fucking A. I hate that song.
And The Hitman and Her. What a crock that was although the giant black guy with the weird wigs made me laugh.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
Was his name Clive? I have no idea why I (a) remember that, or (b) just came up with that name out of nowhere and that wasn’t really his name.
How the hell did he make you laugh? I don’t remember him being funny at all. But he did have some strange wigs.
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
you’re not the first to voice your outrage at this 20
http://www.smouch.net/lol/
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
Cunt
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 am
So you got Rick Rolled one too many times Twenty?
If i’d any say in it,Stock-Aiken-Waterman would be on trial in The Hague for war crimes..
They made the late 80’s cry…
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 am
It’s worse than bad. It almost makes one misty-eyed for Do you Want Your Old Lobby Washed Down……..almost.
That mash-up is disturbing.
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
Luckily I’ve missed all this. Was it re released?
Or is it just an internet thing?
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 am
rape-a-tron you cunt…
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:31 am
Damn right.
Fackin bland pap.
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 am
You’re a complete cuntmonkey rapey…
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:57 am
I vote that rape-a-tron be barred from the comments section. Are ye with me lads?
This enema of a song was dug up as a piece of viral pseudo-irony by the same brand of suburbian peasant who thinks that shouting ‘Who the fuck is Alice?’ in a nightclub for the eighteenth time is somehow funny.
And thanks for bringing up the Shitman and Hoor SuperGrover. Now I’ve got that Michaella Strachan’s shrill voice stuck in my head.
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:58 am
Hate to disagree but it is magnificent, a hymn to modern culture equivalent to Faith Of Our Fathers. A post Christian anthem ( the hyphen on this keyboard is Jammed )reflecting and articulating the shallowness and selfishness of modern spirituality.
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
p.s loved the letter about U2 and Croke park in today’s IT.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
That was a mean trick rape-a-tron.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 am
maggot Says:
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
p.s loved the letter about U2 and Croke park in today’s IT.
Anybody who can bitch about those U2 cunts and those despicable GAA cunts is ok with me. The only problem with GAA clubs is that their full of GAA people. Generally fat fascist pigs and piglets.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 am
all very well , but kylie’s arse is pleasant enough to look at
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 am
I knew some cunt would try and ‘rick roll’.
Yet more evidence that Rick and his poxy song need to be destroyed forever.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Rick Astley’s name is an anagram of “Tickly Arse”.
Says it all, really.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
It certainly adds new and disturbing layers to it.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Typical Rapey, fucking typical
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:36 am
Rick Astley’s name is an anagram of “Tickly Arse”
ha, that’s horrible.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 am
the remix with Nirvana is actually more painful to listen to than the original song. Again going back to the retarded comments left after it ”this remix is epic”
Just fuckin die ya cunts
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 am
heh, i’ve never been involved in any manner of rickrolling before in my life but 20’s heart felt letter to the world had an irresistable “whatever you do, dont touch that button” quality to it.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
Stock,Aiken and Waterman Raped more people (in the ears) than the fucking Roman Empire..
It would be quite reasonable to have them killed i would imagine..
You would get off easier than Stevie G is going to..
“You’re Honour,Defence Exhibit A: So Macho by Sinitta..”
Judge:Bangs Gavel:”Case Dismissed!!”
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 am
Brilliant Rapey!
If you hadn’t…
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
We have been warned, Twenty.
Anything shite ends in a combination of o’s and l’s.
Like Rickroll
or textspeak…lololol
or Liverpool.
I think I am onto something here.
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
I remember being “Rick-Rolled” about two years ago, and being completely puzzled. I just didnt get it. I remembered the song from my youth. But I didnt get what was being done to me, apart from my being mildly annoyed at listening to the song waiting for the joke… Its not funny on an ironic level, or any other level – Its just sheer terrorism is my mind..
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I listened to that Mash-up. Its just The Ghastly fellow singing his song over the Nirvana music, and the “denial” at the end From Nirvana. What sheer cuntology.
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
There is a rumour that Cilla and Rick will be issuing a duet.
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Scary stuff, SoS, but it makes sense to me.
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8152278.stm
Great story!
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
There once was a man called Rick Astley
Whose star, in the 80s, rose fastly
His dancing was vile –
Spastic-matador style,
And his grip on the top-spot was Ghastly
But mark you, his crooning was deep,
And could lull wailing children asleep,
All at once he then left
The pop factory bereft,
He even made Pete Waterman weep
So what can you say of a man,
Who forewent all that money and ran?
Say I: worth not a dime?
Fly my wing anytime!
Sing your piece while I handle the pan.
July 22nd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
This ‘Rick Roll’ change your mind?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN75im_us4k
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:29 pm
It really was a trite ditty that’s gotten far more attention than it ever deserved. Allow me to confess cultural ignorance, however – “performed by a ginger” …? In the U.S., we’re more fixated on blondes. “The best political treatise ever written by a blonde ….” the joke being that blondes are somehow less intelligent than brunettes or gingers. What’s the joke with gingers in Ireland?
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
This ‘Rick Roll’ change your mind?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN75im_us4k
See, it’s just fucking rubbish.
Liv – it’s just one of those things, people joke about gingers being crap and gingery and less good than the rest of us but a joke is all it is.
Honest.
Just a joke.
July 22nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lpcSXKpOdM
Just a joke
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Ah, I see :) No worries; I wasn’t getting all American/hypersensitive, I just didn’t know the background behind the joke. I’m moving to Ireland this fall so I want to know things like this. Thanks!
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:27 pm
You’ll be fine. Just remember, never trust a ginger. Or anyone with hair, in fact. Or teeth.
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Remember the film “Ginger Snaps” ?…You’ve been warned…
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I hope you choke to death munching on a crumbly ginger nut, you ginge-ist bastard.
On topic, it’s just one of those things that people on the intrawebs found funny just because someone told them it’s funny, but it’s not funny.
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm
I wonder has Rick Astley ever been rick-rolled himself? That would be really really fucking weird for him. Imagine being annoyed by your own good ginger self
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Horrible, just horrible, to have the bean flicker hanging over us like a sword of damocles.
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0722/breaking68.htm
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 am
Howdy!
I’m American.
I’m planning on coming over to your little country next fall maybe or something.
Do any of you guys have any tips for me? I hear you don’t have sidewalks over there, and that you have to drink Guinness to get gas.
Dag-nab it, ah think ah’ll go to Hueston instead.
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:10 am
“Cuntbutler”.
A great word and, the more I think about it, an attractive career option.
Thanks 20.
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:54 am
Goldsmith would be proud, Oliver that is, not Harvey.
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:51 am
“What’s the joke with gingers in Ireland?”
The same joke is also prevalent in the U.S.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zZZBeLBGc0&feature=related