Noses are like people. They come in all shapes and sizes, colours and styles, and provide some people endless entertainment whilst sitting at traffic lights.
They like nothing more than to have a good rummage around up there before wiping their bogies on their pants, or in the case of some, consuming with relish. And by relish I mean gusto and glee and not some tomato based sauce.
I’ve got a friend who, at the moment, has no sense of smell at all. He had a bit of a head injury, you see, and at the moment he doesn’t smell or taste anything. Which must be a bit crap. What’s for dinner tonight? ‘Crunchy’. Awesome.
Smells can remind you of places and people. For example, if you’re abroad on holiday and it’s a warm place and you pass an open bin in the midday sun the smell would put you in mind of Dirty Dave’s sitting room. Occasionally one can have a poo and you can detect the subtle frangrances of the food that constitutes said poo, like a wine expert sniffing out the fruit scents of a Chianti.
But the hair. The hair is the most extraordinary thing about the nose. It strikes me that all this focus on chemical solutions for baldness are a waste of time. All one needs to do is transplant nose hair into the head and from there great wild tufts of the stuff will grow at an alarming rate.
Give it a buzz cut and within a week you’ll have two inch long hair again. It’s amazing. All the various methods I have used to keep such hair in trim are practically useless. I have a nose hair trimmer/strimmer, I can yank great tussocks off the stuff out between my thumb and forefinger, and in no time at all in the inside of my nose is like a werewolf’s gooch again.
My new project is to collect all the hair that sprouts from my nose, keep it bagged, then fill a cushion with it. Then when someone comes to my house and says ‘Goodness, what a comfortable cushion this is’, I can say ‘Yes, it’s made from my nasal hair, you know’ and then there’ll be that awesome moment when they laugh because they think I’m joking only to realise that I’m not.
First good one in a while….
It’s natures way of protecting you from swine flu.
During these uncertain times you should let your nasal hair grow
just to be on the safe side.
I generally let it grow till it touches my top lip and then cut it with a sissors. I can’t fucking stand the feel of those electric trimmer things.
I am plagued by the stuff. It’s like copper wire.
The worst is when it grows so long that it tickles the other side of your nostrils.
Also fine white ear hairs are multiplying
Divney, I would rather die of swine flu than go around like an oul’ hairy-faced git.
Tweesers on the ear hair. Little scissors for the nasal.
Maybe baldness is head hair follicles losing their purchase over time and the hair falls down into the head and out the orifices?
Yep, that’s it alright.
Oh, and Nasal is an anagram of Aslan.
Here’s a tune you all love so much to hum throughout the day…
How can i protect you in this crazy world
Its alright yeah
Its alright
the inside of my nose is like a werewolf’s gooch again.
Are there girl werewolves ?
My nasal hair looks like spiders’ legs when I yank them out which as an arachnophobic gives me the creeps.
I don’t think so maggot although Greek women come fairly close.
A bit prickly for cushion stuffing – a fashionably jet-black doormat might be a better option. Just make sure that there’s no crispy white residue clinging to the strands before you set to work.
Fucks sake SG,i was having a lovely morning…
My new project is to collect all the hair that sprouts from my nose, keep it bagged, then fill a cushion with it.
Snap, i had the same idea with my furry patch on my back which is referred to by some as my “werewolf patch”.
What’s for dinner tonight? ‘Crunchy’. Awesome.
You could play great jokes on him.
“those mushrooms were probably delicious”
“ha ha they were slugs you freak, hahaahah!”
My new project is to collect all the hair that sprouts from my nose, keep it bagged, then fill a cushion with it.
Why stop there?
Bumfluff neck-pillow anyone?
The worst nasal hairs to extract are the bastards that make your eye water and induce a ten minute sneezing fit.
smell is a wonderous thing , there’s a song i heard once and the first line of the chorus goes ; ” do monkey farts smell like banannas ? ” i don’t have any monkey mates , but i’m guessing , they probably don’t .
Sounds mystic.
Acronym: LAASN
Definition: Los Angeles Adventist Student Network
Pretty picture: http://www.laasn.com
I’m surprised no-one has suggested “Anals” yet.
Tussocks… I’ll be pilfering that one.
Smell is the strongest sense apparently. I have no idea what that means though.
Smell is the strongest sense apparently. I have no idea what that means though.
I think what it means is that if you had to rely on a sense to remember something then a smell would be most effective.
Or if all senses were bombarded at once, smell is the one that you would pay attention to the most.
Think a beautiful woman with lovely soft skin and a lovely voice who tasted like chocolate but smelled like shit.
That’s a weird analogy but i’ve typed it now so you’re all stuck with it.
I’m surprised no-one has suggested “Anals” yet.
we knew you would
I’m still dealing with the thought of Amy Winehouse. Could take some time.
Bic lighter… anyone? Why does burning hair smell so disgusting?
“Why does burning hair smell so disgusting?”
self defence mechanism to stop people setting their own head on fire.
Ibanez, it’s sulfur. Someone once told me that hair contain so much sulfur because it’s devil’s invention. From what I read here, that must be true. And, from my experience with waxing strips that must be true.
Morgor, I will now have nightmares about beautiful women smelling like shit. Don’t do this again, pretty please; I prefer the smell like exotic flowers.
‘My new project is to collect all the hair that sprouts from my nose, keep it bagged, then fill a cushion with it.’
Just think of the actor Adrien Brody – could probably fill a draught excluder with his nostrollicles.
He does have cavernous openings all right
You never know, growing nose/ear hair could become all the rage…
Like a kind of fucked up fashion statement.
Indians are great for the freaky hair goings on.
OK this is boring now. Write something else Twenty. I’m falling asleep in work.
So am I. And the forum is quiet as well. Where is everyone?
This warm sticky weather makes me really sleepy
It’s been very weird this week. The internet seems to go asleep late afternoon.
Just like me. It’s got something to do with this sticky weather
No complaints from me. I’m digging the heat.
Morder, you have to eat on the other side where it tastes like fish. It’s a whole lot better.
Write something else Twenty. I’m falling asleep in work.
Yeah..C’mon Monkey Boy,Dance!Dance! hehe..
I ain’t complaining about the heat either, no fucking way. I just wish I could take the week off.
I better be careful what I wish for though, given the rate at which jobs are been lost.
There are indeed girl-werewolves and only just the other week end I bedded one, though if I’m honest she was more of a reverse werewolf. She was an exotic looking English girl with sallow skin and a great big fuck-off tattoo on her back, which was fucking awesome I have to say.
Anyhoo, in the drunken heat of the moment, some of the side of her hair dislodged itself and then lo and behold, the same thing happened the other side. They were quasi-wig type things and needless to say they unnerved me. I couldn’t help thinking about that scene from I’m Gonna Git You Sucka where the, em, lady takes off a wig, then takes out her teeth and then takes off her wooden leg.
Try concentrating through that.
How can I protect from these ccrrraaazzzzyyyy incinerators…
“Aslan to gig against Nobber incinerator”
How come pubic hair just seems to grow to a certain length and then stop? And arse hair? Imagine if the hair on your arse grew like that in your nose.
Why not go the whole hog and build a wasp factory?