I hate Tesco
There’s something just wrong about Tesco. Sure, you can point to the fact that they saw fit to roll out price reductions to stores around the border whilst leaving the rest of us to pay higher prices.
You can then be suspicious about many of those reduces prices being increased on the sly.
You can accuse them, quite rightly, of ditching 100s of Irish suppliers to bring in cheaper goods from the UK. Not good for our economy and a good reason not to shop there.
But the worst thing about Tesco has got to be the shops themselves. There’s just this sense of grime and filth about them. As if existing on the edges of another, filthier dimension. Think about it, if you were in a Tesco and there was some kind of mysterious storm indoors, the lights went out, leaving only emergency lighting, and all the staff became zombies and started lurching around after you trying to eat your brains would you be even the slightest bit surprised?
Not me. And that’s the main reason I never shop there. I like my brains in my head and not in the mouth of some spotty shelf-stacker who stinks of Red Bull and John Player Blue.
Some places speak distinctly. Certain dank gardens cry aloud for a murder; certain old houses demand to be haunted; certain coasts are set apart for shipwrecks. – Robert Louis Stevenson
And so it is with Tesco. The shops offend my senses, they make my skin crawl, I believe something fetid and foul exists within each one of them.
Even the discount German supermarkets, with their frozen lamb chops and low-fat malk, don’t come close.
Of course it’s up to you. If you want to risk it, who am I to tell you not to? But think about your brains getting caught between the teeth of the shelf-stacker. Or in the gap where his front tooth should be. Which he then pokes out with his skidmarked finger.
Bleurgh. I’d rather fucking starve than shop there.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:40 am
ya fucking snob
June 30th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Having worked there before, I’m in complete agreement..
June 30th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Speak for yourself. Our local Tesco is a far bigger, airier, nicer space to be than the grotty old Dunnes next door. And the staff are a million times friendlier.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I am speaking for myself.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:46 am
not a big fan then?
I’m suspicious of them alright, and they dont seem any cheaper than any other shop despite all their shite about value.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:50 am
“You can accuse them, quite rightly, of ditching 100s of Irish suppliers to bring in cheaper goods from the UK. Not good for our economy”
Actually that’s a fallacy there Twenty. Cheaper goods for Irish consumers means they have more capital spend on other goods, so a different part of the Irish economy gets a boost when they spend it there (say for example, pubs!).
June 30th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I hate the fuckers they use for adverts here. Cunts.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:51 am
They do have some good offers/reductions on wine
June 30th, 2009 at 9:52 am
(say for example, pubs!).
heh, but then the publicans will get rich again with lowering prices.
June 30th, 2009 at 9:54 am
My name is Peadar and I’m an alcoholic…
“Wooh woooh, way to go, man!”
June 30th, 2009 at 9:57 am
There’s a rumour in Cheshunt that Tesco have bought the rights to Spice Burgers.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:00 am
What value is there in sub-standard pre-cooked disgusting grizzle in a cheap plastic container?
June 30th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Just heard on the news that Wacko left zip to his father who can dispute the will on the grounds that the death was suspicious – and guess who has been pushing that Jacko’s death was suspicious ?
June 30th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I’m no alco, not by irish standards anyway.
I am however turning into a bit of a skin flint.
I hate paying over the odds. A bottle of nice wine that is normally 10.99 reduced to 7.99 turns me on
June 30th, 2009 at 10:07 am
I hate everything about Tesco.
From the red, white & blue in the cheap looking logo to the trolleys that won’t go in the direction you point them.
The online version isn’t any better – you end up with the stuff closest to the expiry date.
Every little helps to make for a miserable experience.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Twenty ..sounds like you try to take a poo in aisle 6 and they chucked you out before you hit polished floor.
you naughty naughty little man …cmon here and let mistress feynman give you a good hard spank with my riding crop …
June 30th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Thats Bullshit Feynman…
..everyone knows that theres no such thing as a polished floor in Tesco’s..
They could be Lithuanianed though..
June 30th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Sounds like you’re still channelling Wacko and Thriller, roaming around them Tesco isles twenty. Heard that marketing fucker this morning talking about the 200 price increases “but that 300 had been reduced”. Ambiguous cunt. Add up the price of the 500 before and after and tell us then. Can’t figure why I should go and buy stuff there, maybe it’s the 800 years of oppression thing.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am
The one on Baggot Street (Upper) is like
some sort of half-way house for lepers and people who were dropped on their heads as babies. Definite zombie potential
June 30th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I remember going into a Tesco as a rep and I dropped a bottle of wine. I went looking for something to clean it up. Nothing, no one.
I got a manager who said that all cleaning staff were off for the day, but I could leave the spill and he’d get to it later.
Place smells like vinegar now and there are a few small children stuck to the floor. They’ve got barcodes on them and everything now. Poor little cunts.
I like to freak them out and pretend that Madonna has just arrived in.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Madonna is hot – but I reckon she’ll end up a fright like Donatella Versace.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:58 am
[...] Incidentally, today Twenty Major has a rant at Tesco too…. [...]
June 30th, 2009 at 11:28 am
I hate Tesco too. And I really hate the fact that they’re pushing people to use the self service check-outs instead of the several unattended regular check outs.
Sorry but I’m a customer of your store, not a fucking employee.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
The one in Nutgrove is like the 9th circle of hell.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:47 am
There is too much hate and not enough love around here.
I hear Gerry Ryan is to be the new face of Tesco advertising. Surely now you all feel a bit better about tescos
June 30th, 2009 at 11:57 am
That fucking fits alright..
I remember the Tesco in Ballyfermot being a mixture of a dole queue and a russian bread shop..
90% of the stock was Value Range.
It may have changed since then, it was about 8 years ago.But i also remember needing to be incredibly stoned before i’d go near the place..
June 30th, 2009 at 11:58 am
lidl and aldi are just as bad as tesco. if auschitwz had a supermarket in it, one of those two would have the franchise. hordes of miserable eastern europeans shuffling around only reinforce the impression. superquinn, although a bit more expensive, is far superior, especially if you like your food to be fresh and tasty. one of the few instances where you do get what you pay for
June 30th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Tesco’s “finest” range is good quality
June 30th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I find Lidl stores to be depressing but Aldi not.Strange i know.Some of the food in Aldi is very nice too.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
The food is teco is crap
Bread – Superquinn
Meat – Local Butcher
Fruit ‘n’ Veg – Jones Farm
Fuck Tesco.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Well said Itchy
June 30th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Yeah, Aldi has better quality food, however the interior of the stores are almost indentical, ya big freak
June 30th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Its subtle differences that make Aldi a better place to shop than Lidl..
But you dont do subtle Peadar,am I right?
June 30th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
There is too much hate and not enough love around here.
Group hug ? Gluestain isn’t around.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
occasionally
June 30th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
fair enough
June 30th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
The last time I was in a Tesco, it was when I was passing through London.
The atmosphere inside reminded me of the film ‘Children of Men’.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Itchy, do Jones’ do fruit and veg?
I thought it was just stone frogs and hanging baskets these days?
But I’d be interested in going there for food.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Tesco make their employees wear gack uniforms as a form of psychological control so they feel crap about themselves and don’t uppity about their shit jobs.
*might be working there myself soon enough*
June 30th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
1. some people live in border counties. nice one.
2. some people dream of one day getting chased by hordes of the undead. nice nice.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Thankfully, I’ve found a kindred spirit. Someone else who understands! They make my skin crawl too!
June 30th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
The pecking order of Supermarkets:
1) Waitrose: fine food, quality but need to sell your soul to pay the bill
2) Marks and Spencer: Limited range excellent quality, bit pricey
3) Sainsburys/SuperQuinn: Reasonable quality, above average prices
4) Dunnes: Just below SuperQuinn
5) Tesco: Pretends to be cheap, stoes vary greatly some OK others shitholes
6) Asda: Knackers Only
7) Lidl/Aldi: Below even knackers, probably frequented by some form of mutant, for proof visit Arklow.
June 30th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Quality research PP.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Lidl/Aldi: Below even knackers, probably frequented by some form of mutant
Is having 8 insect legs unusual?
*scuttles into the corner*
June 30th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Not in fucking Arklow is isn’t , you Morgor are positvely normal compared to them (I bet that’s the first time your name and normal have appeared in the same sentence)
June 30th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
In all that junk someone said Madonna was hot.
I object.
Madonna is not hot. She is the opposite of hot. She is cold. She shrivels and shrinks cocks and balls quicker than the Irish sea in December.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Someone on here used to have a thing for Kerry Katona. Maggot perhaps? What do you think of her now that she’s almost as fat as harney?
I’d shag madonna
June 30th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Not anyone but maggot, to qualify thais maggot would shag a hole in a barbers floor.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
It was maggot, he gets the adverts for Iceland up North , on which Kerry Katona advertises frozen shit. he’s being known to wank off to KK and a box of Mixed Oriental Stle Frozen Starters for only 1.99. On Supermarkets, only Iceland is fit for Scousers as they can’t stick frozen shit up their shell suit tops.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
You’re so right, Twenty. This is my favourite overview of Tesco ever. Though shopping exclusively in Superquinn does make you quite snobby.
Bringing it to a whole new level, what I want is Sainsbury’s. Sainsbury’s!
June 30th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
PS, I beg to differ, Peadar. Even if she stooped that low Peadear, it’d be Madonnna shagging you, not the other way round. C’mon, Vogue!
June 30th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
haha
June 30th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
stooped that low
That’s not very nice Jo.
But I’d definitely let her shag me
June 30th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
In all that junk someone said Madonna was hot.
I object.
hear hear.
She’s like an older and more muscly (but probably prettier) Sarah Jessica Parker.
Kerry Katona probably was good looking once.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Tesco in Ballyfermot is just one prime example of how perfectly right you are.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
That one has always been a hellish nightmare of a place. It was Quinnsworth back when I used to frequent Ballyfermot.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Be careful of what you stick in Madonna, she has ben known to bend spikes in her vag.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
June 30th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Customer “Hi, can you tell me where the avocados are please?
Tesco gimp: “Wah where it is?’
Customer: “What?”
Tesco gimp: “Mikados?’
Customer: “Avocados”
Tesco gimp: “Half a wah?”
June 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Kerry Katona is the poor man’s Britney.
Madonna or Dana – you choose.
Sarah Jessica Parker ? Pfffft – as much life as a hockey stick and speaking of lifeless, She reminds me too much of Princess Diana – yeah , she’s blonde but look beyond that and you have dowdy and plain.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
heh
June 30th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Fucking Hell – you are wise to go by train Twenty
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0630/breaking61.htm
June 30th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
maurice pratt the cunt used to work? for those wankers tesco/quinnsworth and it wasnt much better then he gets a job? with c&c and fucks them up as well.what a fucking pratt.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
If Tesco doesnt go bankcrupt in the next 10 years,humanity has failed..
July 1st, 2009 at 1:13 am
That one has always been a hellish nightmare of a place. It was Quinnsworth back when I used to frequent Ballyfermot.
..and previous to that H.Williams..
..before that it was 3Guys (AKA Gubays)
..there was a free soup kitchen just down the lane back then too. Meals for the impoverished to take home. Always a long queue on Thursdays.
Shitty how all the same crappy monopolies show up repeatedly in the retail business. Same no matter where you go anywhere in Europe.
Did Hector Grey ever dream of taking over the world?
July 1st, 2009 at 5:16 am
” if auschitwz had a supermarket in it, one of those two would have the franchise”
Classic
T atty
E nglish
s tuff
C unts
O rangutans
see ?
July 1st, 2009 at 7:17 am
“and there was some kind of mysterious storm indoors, the lights went out, leaving only emergency lighting, and all the staff became zombies and started lurching around after you trying to eat your brains would you be even the slightest bit surprised?”
Well, that’s better than Wal-Mart, then. They don’t even have the fucking courtesy to wait til the lights are out.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:31 am
heh, do they have those old people as greeters, really?
July 1st, 2009 at 9:24 am
Was in Walmart a while back,and the staff were lovely,but you got the impression that there were snipers hidden somewhere to motivate the staff..
It was funny though seeing those electric wheelchairs for the shut-ins to ferry their giant asses around the place..
Plus the fact that you can buy Rifles and Shotguns in there is bizarre..
July 1st, 2009 at 9:27 am
Nice post, I couldn’t agree more. After having to put up with them sometimes when I lived in england for years, I was apalled to see that we’d let the cunts get into ireland. I hate their synthetic looking vegetables which look even worse under the nasty clinical lighting which serves to highlight fact. I don’t just hate their food quality, I hate the fact that their market force distorts the publics view of what food quality actually is.
Food example, the thing that really pushed me over the edge though was the way I lamented not being able to get a decent spud from them while in england, and then when they invade here they have the gall to put Kerrs Pinks into the finest range!! I could go on …
July 1st, 2009 at 9:30 am
the fact that you can buy Rifles and Shotguns in there is bizarre..
How else do you fight off zombies or mutated worms ? God Bless the NRA.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:35 am
I’ve had that “Dawn of The Dead” day dream too many times walking around shopping centres,then the cold harsh reality that there are no firearms sold in Dunnes hits home and you are glad that there is no Zombie Horde..
July 1st, 2009 at 9:51 am
Obviously a blow job would be out of the question, but are zombies shaggable ?
July 1st, 2009 at 9:53 am
Ask Amy Wineface’s ex…
July 1st, 2009 at 10:03 am
Twenty: They do have those geezers as greeters, truly. The entrance of a Wal-Mart is like God’s waiting room. It smells of piss bags and old lady perfume. I believe that’s why they have the goners up at the front, where there’s some ventilation.
Even funnier is when they have them at the exit door, for receipt checking and to make sure you don’t leg it with anything. I have no idea what the top speed of a zimmer frame is, but there’s no way they’d be taking anyone down. Their best hope would be to fall over and trip the shoplifters as they book it out the door.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am
Ask Amy Wineface’s ex…
Twenty ?
July 1st, 2009 at 10:11 am
Cram it, Maggot.
Even funnier is when they have them at the exit door, for receipt checking and to make sure you don’t leg it with anything.
heh, I love the bit in the Simpsons when they’re all sticking stuff up their jumpers – treadmills, TVs, the lot.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:20 am
There was one woman (i think it was female) scuttling around on one of the motorised trolleys there,I think she had a 3 piece Suite shoved up her Smock…
July 1st, 2009 at 10:38 am
Cram it, Maggot.
Heh heh.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:51 am
Hector Grey never took over the world but if he did, you could be sure he’d sell it for £2.99, batteries not included.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:55 am
goddam it im a shlef stacker at supervalu and you describtion is spot on-
spotty/stinks of red bull and john player cheers twenty time to reevaluate my life.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:56 am
Our local A&P recently closed and my husband crowed with delight (seems he had once seen a maggot crawling out of one of their tomatoes).
But Morley’s (where one can purchase various Irish goods, such as biscuits–which, thankfully, come in sealed packages) brings uncleanliness to a new standard….there was actually sawdust (?) on the floor of one I visited….and the sight of the butcher with his blood-streaked apron put me off of purchasing anything there ever again….
July 1st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Tesco, Aldi, Lidl – it’s all the shopping equivalent of rooting through bins. Shop in your local shops, butchers, newsagents etc, before all our towns and villages turn into faceless, dead zombievilles. Yes it costs more, so fucking what? Even worse are the idiots who go to Newry.
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:44 am
Puerile Pish: “Lidl/Aldi: Below even knackers, probably frequented by some form of mutant, for proof visit Arklow.”
Spot on. Try Lidl in Greystones. Putting my change in pocket after filling up the trolley and this thing that looked like it fell out of the evolution chain says to his tart “I’ll move when yerman [me] gets out of the way”.
He wasn’t too happy when I told him “I’m not in the way, it’s called a que”. The scared child at the checkout began putting his shopping through already, piling one person on top of another. They always do that.
Another evening there were two young lads playing chasing around the store for 5 minutes among the elderly ( my father included ) and the security guard watching them, all the while ‘turning a blind eye’.
Tesco’s may be a lot of things, but they a/ don’t allow loitering, and b/ don’t fuck up customer service.
What you need to do, twenty, is bring an M&S bag with you to Tesco’s to put your shopping in. Bloody snob lol
July 20th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I do love how one person replied here with their little scene about trying to ask a tesco staff member where something was! A tesco gimp? Hmm seems like u might want to try the celbridge or maynooth tesco most of the staff are college students which means they have quite a conciderable amount of inteligents!!! In fact i would go so far as to say most of the customers are “gimps” in those stores!!! An as for the comment about self scans do the math u idiot one cashier monitors four self scans! If u jus listened to the machine u might actually have a clue six year olds can use it for crying out loud!!!