Dirty Dave has a new bad habit. To go with his many other bad habits, such as moulding the dirt from under finger/toe-nails into tiny, lifelike statues of the members of Mr Mister or practising how far he can let a runny snot drip from his nose before snorting it back up again (often resulting in snotlash, covering his face with his foul mucus).
Anyway, his latest is to narrate other people’s lives for them in the form of a question. For example, the other night in Ron’s I ordered a pint. He says “So, you’re having another pint, Twenty?”.
Splodge walked in listening to his iPod, took his place at the bar, took his earphones out and Dave says “Were listening to music, Splodge?”.
Jimmy announced “I’m going for a piss” to which Dave said “Are you going for a piss, Jimmy?”.
He’s just short of sitting there saying “Are you breathing, Twenty?”, “Are you sitting down there, Twenty?”, “Are you existing in what we know as the world?”.
It’s infuriating.
I sat at the bar last night reading the newspaper and he said “Are you reading the paper there, Twenty?”.
“No”, I said, “I’m masterminding a complex plot to steal millions from Anglo Irish Bank via a disgustingly simple piece of computer code that I’ve written using a knitting needle, some Indian ink and a piece of parchment made from the skin of an orphan”.
“Oh, I could have sworn you were reading the paper there”.
“Are you shutting your mouth, Dave?”
“Erm …”
“Are you shutting the fuck up before I go over there and rip out your tongue then staple it to your forehead and pour glue down your throat”.
“Uhm … yes?”
“Good answer”, I sighed.
“Are you sighing there, Twenty?”
From now on I’m carrying a stapler and a tub of solvent with me wherever I go.
Are you fed up of people stating what your doing in a question?
Tub of Solvent? Shouldn’t that be glue?
I think that freckles were some kind of punishment from God. And he didnt really like the way we have all been on the backs of all his little child torturers this past while, and so he sent the sunshine just to let us know he is still in control….
I will be on topic some day…
Still , at least the Church didn’t come out with the excuse given by UK MPs caught with their hands in the till Sam – “One of the perks of the Job”
Are you in your flowers there Twenty?
That bloke on the bike on the Irish times website, coming out of Shankhill voting station with the dog on the back looks like enough of a layabout to be posting on here…. well is it you??
I’m linking its Irish times dot com..
…or not (I meant)
Oh to be a fly on the Wall!
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0605/breaking50.htm
Spitting Images, we miss you!
I think that even more irritating is asking these questions in negative… One bloke I know does this all the time:
“Your not going to drink that pint, are you?”
The tone of voice is very important, too.
You describe your Godless hell existence so vividly
Reminds me of a guy who went to confession to St. Padre Pio and said to him that he didn’t believe anymore and that he didn’t believe in hell, and Pio said to him “You will, when you get there”
Yeah but Padre Pio was a fraud masochist that put acid on his hands to copy nail wounds..
Dirty Dave to Padre Pio. Quite an association there.
“What if God was one of us,
Just a slob like one of us?” – Joan Osbourne
and fill3rup: please post your reference source/evidence for Pio ‘fraud’ – I guess we will all be waiting for Godot!
The Church investigated rigourously numerous times and (like Pilate) can find no fault with this man.
Well sure if the church investigated him then he must be above board. The church would never cover anything up.
heh, Peadar.
And of course stigmata is fake, BB.
Yeah but Peadar, the Church commissioned investigations were carried out by independent, eminent men of medicine and science and could find no natural cause/self infliction for the stigmata
“There are more things to Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than either you or I have dreamt of”
- Hamlet
“I didn’t beat the child” said sister Eva Braun. ” it was a moving statue”.
Yeah, she noticed that her hubby Hitler was a bit stiff moving around
the Church commissioned
he who pays the piper ….
Then she shot him
Guess what Maggot WHO’S THAT BOL**IX
OH YEAH, BERTIE, who commissioned the Mahon Tribunal and, OH YEAH, HAD TO TURN UP REGULARLY AS A STAR WITNESS. On your logic Mahon will give him a pat on the back but, guess what being independent judges, when their tribunal investigation report comes out, I reckon he is in for THE shock of his life
What are you on about BB ?
you making a blog post there,twenty?
Maggot: I was on about your comment -
the Church commissioned
he who pays the piper ….
In the same vein Ahern commissioned the Mahon Tribunal but paying the piper doesn’t mean one can control the tune/findings of an investigation by an INDEPENDENT body.