Having become fed up to the gills (not that I’m a fish, or a motherfucking gay fish even) with the amount of shite being posted through my door (menus, charity collections, more menus, more charity collections, flyers for dodgy workmen, conservatory builders and much, much more), I put a little sign on my front door which says ‘No Junk Mail’.
For the most part it has worked very well. From about 20-25 pieces of crap a week it’s become just one or two – and that’s because the smack head, off their box delivery people either can’t see the sign or can’t read it.
However, in recent weeks things have taken a turn for the worse and it’s entirely down to the political parties. Manifestos, leaflets, ‘Vote me!’ flyers and all the rest have been delivered and continue to be delivered.
What is it that politicians and wannabe councillors don’t understand about ‘No Junk Mail’?
Do they think that simply because they’re trying to get me to vote for them that it’s not junk? If I am a devout follower of one political party anything from any other party is junk. Even without being affiliated to one party or another it’s all the same crap.
“But how do you know who to vote for if you read their bumph?”, you might ask.
Simple, I’ll vote for the one who calls to my door to talk to me. So far, that’d be nobody. If that remains the same then I shall simply vote for whoever has the most hilarious election poster and so far that’s you Joan Collins, who looks so unlike Joan Collins that it makes me chuckle every time. I keep picturing her fighting with Crystal Carrington and wearing enormous shoulder pads, all the while pushing the agenda of the ‘People before Profit Alliance’.
So to conclude political pamphlets = junk and they will be treated as such (i.e – put in the black bin when in reality they could go in the green bin for recycling just making every politican a complete hypocrite when it comes to the environment). Haha!
You need another sign ‘No Junkie Males’
heh
That’d definitely stop it.
If only there were a mental equivalent of the ‘no junk mail’ sign…at any moment of the day people are telling me things that I don’t need to know – the more I hear from the people around me the more I’m convinced that their chatter is the soundtrack to the end of the world’ – How can I block them all out – how can I catch a happy thought and hold on to it. Even as i type I overhear a colleague saying “no matter what you do it always ends up raining” – well that about sums it up
A friend of a friend,bought a little farmhouse and had vegetable patch..the crows kept on coming along and eating the seeds that he planted.His solution was to catch one of the crows,and tie one of its feet to a rope attached to the wall by the vegetable patch.The crows sqwaking and flapping around in pain and hunger ,stopped any other birds coming to eat the seeds..
Its just a suggestion.
scarecrow
Use those unwanted land mines in small war torn African countries for some good. merely throw a few down on your path (carefully marking their location) and watch gleefuly as gowls and balls are exploded across your front garden.
I suppose that when they’ve spent shed-loads of money trying to make what’s essentially a baked potato in a wig look like a human head, it’s hard for them to recognise the result for what it really is: junk mail.
Vote for them all, it’s only fair.
Talking about Junk – extract from poem about Elvis written and performed by Nobo on U2
“elvis with God on his knees.
elvis on three tvs.
elvis here come the killer bees head full of honey, potato chips and cheese.”
http://www.irishtimes.com/blogs/pursuedbyabear/
As most canvassers tend to come around in the evening time long after the postman has gone, try putting duct tape over your letterbox, failing that the squirting pistol full of urine will keep them at bay, that’s if you have an upstairs window to peer out of.
As a last resort find a black sock in the sock drawer, take a piece of cardboard and write RIP on it and stick it to the front door, they won’t dare shove any shite through your letterbox, this last suggeston also works well when the TV Licence inspector is in the area despite what the TV ad says.
I think it is an post who are putting this crap in my letterbox as nobody else has access to the building. I am thinking of stuffing the junk mail into the postbox reminiscent of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AOL_disk_collecting#Controversy
Handy 6 step tip to stop Junk mail!
1 Get an envelope.
2 Put Junk mail senders address on it.
3 Get foul smelling rubbish from bin.
4 Stuff envelope with foul smelling rubbish.
5 Enclose note with the words
‘Thank you for sending me some of your rubbish. Now please have some of mine.’
6 Close envelope, attach stamp and post.
Works every time!
what about the green party posting 4 page mini-magazines through your door? Is this not the ultimate hypocrisy? And dont tell me its printed on 100% recycled paper, you utter cunts, its still a waste of energy. I like the idea of putting it in the black bin though…
Glossy paper cannot be recycled cost effectively, so they are all a bunch of wasters. I have been engaged by FF, and when I told them I was undedcided their best pitch was “ah well he’s a local lad” not that he’s fucking capable or competent. Their canvassers are shite, at least during Lisbon the slimemeister general Dick Roche came to the door. Granted the dooorstep needed a good scrubbing after but at least he made the effort
Got a flyer in yesterday for the “unwanted Dublin clothing collection”…….that’s about spot on.
“unwanted Dublin clothing collection”
Are they collecting the unwanted Dubliners as well?
How to annoy a nasty neighbour:
1. collect all the junk mail
2. when the pile is just about as thick as your neighbours mail slot, go to his door an fling it all inside.
3. During next conversation mention that you have a no-junk-mail label and it works
4. continue to collect junk mail
5. wait till the neighbour gets one of those labels as well.
6 . when he does, for a few weeks throw junk mail into his mailbox four times a day.
Twenty this may help explain;
http://killianforde.blogspot.com/2009/05/no-junk-mail.html
Post a handwritten note through saying “If you’d like my junk drop me a line at 555-killian”. People would appreciate the personal touch.
Appreciate the fact you’re all trying to inform and educate but I’ve got a ton of the fucking stuff sitting in my hallway which I’m going to hand the Green candidate if she ever calls. Which I doubt.
I’d always drop a leaflet through a door that says no junk mail, purely to annoy the occupant!