After Ron’s closed on Saturday we were drunk enough to accept an invitation to Dirty Dave’s house to continue the drinking. As Ron’s had stayed open very late the chipper was closed by the time we left and we were all starving.
“Don’t worry, lads. I’ve just been to the Chinese supermarket today. I’ve got loads of food”.
It will show you how drunk we were that this seemed perfectly reasonable. So we went back to Dave’s and to be fair to him he had a grand selection of booze. Which we drank.
After a while he said “Right, I’m off to make some food”, and he tottered off into the kitchen. Soon we smelt the wonderful aroma of sausages frying. Mmmm, sausages.
One by one we wandered into the kitchen as Dave cooked. Soon the sausages were fried to within an inch of their delicious lives.
“Who wants an egg?”, said Dave.
“Go on then”, said Stinking Pete. “I’ll have one”.
So Dave took the carton of eggs he bought that afternoon, cracked one on the side of the pan, and emptied out a half-formed duck into the pan.
“What the fuck is that?”, said Jimmy.
“Jesus Christ”, I said, “it’s got eyes”.
“Oh, I think we must have got a bad egg”, said Dave, taking out another one, cracking it, and emptying another embryonic duck into the pan.
“Why?”, I said, overcome with booze and nausea.
“Fuck me, that’s put me right off eating now”, said Jimmy.
“What’s going on?”, said Dave, as he cracked one duck foetus after another into the pan, which was now swimming in oil, afterbirth and duck abortions. The smell, Jesus, I can’t begin to explain it to you. The sight of it is something that will live with me forever.
Sizzling, bubbling duck miscarriages, on a medium heat. That was enough for me, I decided to call it a night. Jimmy too.
“Sorry about that lads”, said Dave. “I won’t be buying eggs in the Chinese supermarket again, let me tell you”.
We headed for the door.
“I’ll have mine over-easy”, said Pete, licking his lips.
The veggie brigade will be after you!
What a way to get my stomach in order on this bleak and shitty Tuesday morning. I just ate a dodgy breakfast roll too, Ugh, Thanks Twenty !! Love the blog..
Did you ask Pete how they tasted?
Very good, Major. I’m not an egg man myself but if I’m hungry I’d eat anything. :-)
urgh…
http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html
I’m telling you, Fred, even you wouldn’t eat these things. They were fucking disgusting.
Fill, I’m never speaking to Pete again.
You make me fucking sick Major, with yer la-di-da ways. Did yer mammy never tell you to clear the plate. Jesus Fucking Christ (get that in before I get jailed) there are starving babies in africa would be glad of a meal like that. We can see the recession hasn’t hit you yet.
Vomit.
There’s a book I read where a character recalls in horror his mother making him eat his boiled egg, not believing there was a chicken in it. Crunchy.I’ve been trying to forget it ever since.
This brought it right back, thanks, I thought I’d share.
I bet Pete didnt eat them at all, but is incubating the foetus’s in his sockdrawer to raise them as his own..
Jo-it also brings to mind some fucked up re-imagining of Eraserhead..
Yummy, I love duck eggs, huge fucking yokes
a ready made duck omlette , gorgeous
Duck eggs are great once they don’t have the half-formed duck inside them.
One soft fried duck egg, cheddar cheese, loads of red sauce, two slices of fresh white bread with loads of butter. Best hangover cure ever
Oh Dear Jesus. My lunch was nowhere near as enjoyable as it might have been.
1 billion chinese can’t be wong
test
Oops, sorry. Thought I was just adding a wee icon to the corner of my message.
You do that at gravatar.com
It’s called Balut, vile.
Yes, yes it is.
It’s called Balut, vile.
Is it an intentional thing or were they bad eggs?
It’s intentional – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_(egg)
He fried them, they should be hard boiled.
Disgusting either way
Damn, and I just ate my first ever duck egg on Sunday. Never again I tell you!
I’d eat chips out of Hearney’s minge before i’d eat one of those…on second thoughts..
The only people from this part of the world who would eat those are the scots
I tried to eat one in Hawaii. I vomited half way through it.
At least you had the decency not to post this on Monday when everyone was hungover. I wonder how they’d go with chocolate covered ants sprinkled over them?
ive eaten out of harneys minge and theres fuck all wrong with it,yum yum. actually i think i ate some eggs out of there last time,oops,just fucked up another good pair of kacks.
Paedar – yer arse wee man, even the deep-fried Mars Bars started off as a pisstake and it’s amazin’ how many daft bastarts believe we really mean it to be haute cuisine.
Scotland is the land of good fresh game, venison, Angus beef salmon and troot.
Don’t need no Ducks aborted foetus’s, fuxake!
I’d eat a baby duck omlette anyday, I wouldn’t eat sausages if you paid me, God awful things.
Don’t be so fucking bourgeouis, Major. Ate up yeer dinner, there’s childher starving in Africa. Worst I’ve had so far was deep-fried scorpion in CHina washed down with Three Penis Liqueur. They both tasted exactly like you’d imagine.
Casu Marzu? My food shouldn’t move of its own accord…
I’d eat the lutefisk first…
Thanks Porridge!
itchybollix said:
May 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
1 billion chinese can’t be wong
Nor can the billion zillion gazillion flies who love this site.
You fools. PROPER after-the-pub food is chilli con carne, featuring meat from at least one named animal and barbed wire in lieu of actual chilli sauce.
a named animal – what, like dave or bob or something?
Oh Christ thats the worst thing I’ve come across in a while.