I was on a flight this weekend with Ronan Keating. Well, he was sitting a couple of rows ahead of me. He kept his dark glasses on the whole time. That’s so he could check people out with them knowing.
There were also a load of kids coming back from a rugby trip and every single one of them decided they needed to piss about 15 minutes after take-off.
I don’t like flying at the best of times and all those little kids standing around waiting to piss made me unfathomably nervous. Then there was some turbulence and they were all made sit down again. I suspect some pants might have been wet.
Ronan had his guitar with him. It was safely stowed in the overhead locker. It looked like a very small guitar, for some reason. Then again, he looked very small himself.
I’d estimate his height to be no greater than 4’8″ whereas his wife is 6’3″, at least.
And he was the one wearing heels.
The guitar looked small bacause it was actually a banjo. In a desperate attempt to claw back some kind of credibility, Ronan had been competing in the annual Duelling Banjos For Ex Boy Band Members competition.
Unfortunately, he got thrashed by Jimmy Osmond.
You sure it wasn’t Tome Cruise and his scientologist’s ukelele ?
I reckon it was a lute. A lute for a flute, that’s what it was.
But y’know, I’m only delighted that you’ve finally made it, Twenty. Jet-setting with Boyzone. Next it’ll be fondue parties with Chris DeBurgh and orgies with Westlife.
What, himself and the missus weren’t playing their Nintendos? More false advertising!
Why does he still live Twenty?
You didnt do your duty there…
Cruel pic
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-566381/Wee-Ronan-Keating-dwarfed-statuesque-model-wife.html
Twenty has been travelling a lot of late – an upmarket knacker thinking of emigrating to the sunnier climes of Scunthorpe?
I normally hate people who say the word fact after a sentence, but in this case I think I can find it in my heart to forgive myself:
Ronan Keating is a cunt. Fa– I can’t do it.
Did you not ‘thank him for the music’?
This is all a lie, Ronan Keating doesn’t actually exist.
He just finished the London marathon, so naturally he shrunk a few inches. He is 4′ 10″ in real life. Fact.
That is a cruely hilarious photo.
Still, it’s a sign of an equal relationship that he doesn’t force her to wear flats.
Unless he likes her to stand on him in her heels…
He must have an enormous appendage to be able to appear with such nonchalance in public looking like something from Gulliver’s Travels. It’s the only possible explanation.
Did his guitar look like a double bass when he was holding it?
My Ronan Keating story.
His dad walked into my friends shop one saturday afternoon. After behaving like a comple cunt he then said the usual line – ” Do you know who I am?” My friend told him to get out of his shop.
That summer I noticed in Duffy’s pub that someone had graffiti’d the toilet door with – “Ronan Keating is a cunt” I helpfully expanded on the notion by scribbling “So’s his Da.”
They let any old talentless riff-raff live in malahide these days
I’ll bet the little wanker was listening to Radiohead on his iPod.
Twenty:You still havent answered my question?
You had oppurtunity and motive and yet no News Flsh on Sky News or Newstalk about the little midget freks body being found partially swallowed by the bowl in the Aircraft’s toilet..
Just askin..
apologies,of course I meant Midget Freak..
Sorry, was out. Too many witnesses dude.
Or accomplices.. depending on how you do it..
I can’t remember who said it but I do remember someone in a radio interview describing Ronan Keating as a perfect example of how self-belief can overcome a lack of talent
It was me
peadar Says:
April 27th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
It was me
Peadar? When are we going on a date?
Peadar? When are we going on a date?
Yeah guys:I hear the Queen Nathan is doing cut-price cruises around the Gulf of Mexico at the moment..
Itchy, I think you must be mixing me up with Johnny5.
Har har har Fill3rup, very funny.
Did you see the joke Twenty posted on the forum in the “A new thing to instill fear on the proles” thread.
Yes! but do you know what the Queen Nathan refers too?
Twenty, were you flying Aer Lingush?
No
heh..
Alright.. go to youtube (i’d put the link here but its blocked in work)
Put in Onion Movie Queen Nathan..
Ronan Keating, Ireland’s version of David Spade. Small and annoying but a hit with the wimmin.
How many times have you been on that cruise fill3rup?
Tall is she, small is he,
but it’s easy to climb a fallen tree.
maggot: Tom Cruise and music – interesting subject.
While Tom might well be an accomplished ukelele player, it is well known what his real musical passion is: la clarinette baveuse – also known as the skin flute.
Conan – yes, Aer Lingus. Why?
Twas just a suggestion Peadar..
Ooh, la-di-da Mr Frenchman, flying fancy Aer Lingus in a recession? While the rest of us pay Michael O’Leary a nominal fee to stow our own shite in an overhead locker? I’m surprised at your profligacy Twenty.
I’ve heard Ronan Keating has constructed an elaborate series of planks, bridging across large cavity blocks spaced at intervals throughout his house. He exclusively walks upon these planks, which add 3 feet to his height, creating the illusion of him being 2 inches taller than Danny Devito.
Similarly, alongside the planks is a dug trench in which his wife is forced to walk, to create a parity of verticality that allows Ronan to make family decisions without being sniggered at.
Just looking at Ronan Keating, I can see the qualities which drew the gaze of Yvonne. I mean, he’s got a big chest for a singer, and if reports are to be believed, he does kiss her back far better than her previous conquests. These qualities surely tick two of the boxes required in any relationship among socialites.
MockyTobin, I’ve heard the same thing. I further believe that Mr Keating has skewered Mrs Keating’s gowl to levels unprecedented in he previous relationships.
Easy to knock a self made multi-millionaire with a gorgeous wife. Who set up a cancer foundation when his ma died of it. As for singing, is anyone here paying their rent/mortgage/bmw/creche/visa/dealer doing a job that’s better? (of course twenty’s exempt from this). His children will never worry about a mortgage- wouldn’t you love to do that for your kids? I fucking would. Especially in this three-day-old-kebab of a country.
He’s still a cunt though..
Should have flown Ryanair – the toilet charges are a great idea!
He’s still a cunt though..
Twenty or Keating ?
YOU MUST BE AN EMIGRANT TO IRELAND TOMO – YOU MAKE SENSE….
YOU MUST BE A SHOUTER GLUAISTEAN-
YOU MAKE NO SENSE…
Aer Lingush must be how Keating pronounces it. Everytime he shings he does that really annoying sh thing, for which you should have ashashinated him!