Yet another medical emergency with Dirty Dave has left me exhausted.
He knocked on my door last night at 2am franctic with worry. At first he was relucant to tell me what was wrong but eventually he came out with it.
An acute case of Athlete’s Cock. Turns out he’s had Athlete’s Foot for a while but he enjoys eating his toenails and picking at them, then touching himself rather too vigorously. This meant his johnson got all itchy and scabby. I should say more itchy and scabby.
So naturally I gave him the perfect remedy: a tube of Deep Heat about 4 years past it’s use-by date and instructions to apply vigorously to the affected area. The waking me up cunt.
Oh, and this made me laugh, quite literally, out loud.
Where’s your space helmet now, cunto?
Ha. They didn’t see that coming, did they?
On main topic, a mate of mine one time had a stingy hole so bad that, in desperation, he applied a dose of ancient 1970s athletes foot cream that he found in his gaff. Strangely enough, it worked.
I bet the didn’t ‘see’ that coming.
Drat and snap!
stickin’ out, to be fair
God I detest that Tom Higgins cunt – and all that he stands for. However anyone who calls his “services” at €2.40/minute deserves all they get …
I hate him but a little voice inside me keeps saying “Why didn’t I think of that ?”.
http://www.derekacorah.org/ – “Unforseen commitments”, the great big cock
Also, what kind of spa spends all that money on a phone-in ‘psychic’ service?
They shouldn’t get refunds. They need Roy Keane to go round their house for an educational anal fisting.
I rang that idiot psychic hotline and they told me I was going to be beaten up by a gang last weekend. Well turns out it wasn’t a gang. It was just one person, so the joke’s on them.
“… a ceiling of €60 is set for calls to the service after which calls should be automatically disconnected”.
There really are some stupid fuckin’ spas out there. They should be automatically disconnected themselves.
Did you have to look at the offending organ Twenty ? You deserve a stiff one. A drink.
I don’t think anyone could have read that and not thought ‘they didn’t see that coming’.
I’d be impressed if they rang me, maybe.
I believe it was Jimmy Carr who mused, “how come you never see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lotto’?”
Do you know it is actually possibly for athletes foot to spread to the groin area?
Well Dirty Dave knows ALL about it Peadar..
what bright spark thought this one up ?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8015705.stm
This dialogue covers the last few blogs I think;
Doctor: Tell your boyfriend to stop putting his put up your lady parts.
Lady: Why
Doctor: Because you have the worst case of athlete’s gowl I’ve ever seen
Lady: Well he’s very good looking for a knacker and he kisses my back better than the others
Doctor: You are mentally disturbed
Lady: Are you calling me a spa
*put – foot, I was rushing to type the whole thing
Athlete’s langer?
Someone should really warn all those teenagers who keep a crunchy sock under their matresses never to confuse it with the other socks that are lying around the floor.
Local doctors overrun with hippos sporting athlete’s gowl ?
You’ve outdone yourself with the grossness this time Twenty!
Athlete’s Langer is not to be laughed at, nor is it the solely the worry of athletes (a common misconception). Best thing you can do is lop the little fella off with a good, sharp, surgically clean shears, and pray to God you’ve stopped the rot before Athlete’s Balls kicks in. Because if it has, then God help us all…
haha Athletes balls
Twenty, if Dave is whistling a bit more than usual it might mean he’s got a dose of thrush. In which case he should paint his organ with gentian violet. Best you spell it for him in case he thinks you’re recommending genital violence.
Violets? How lovely! You probably just need a bit of fresh air and sunlight.
Gentian violet works very well. But it is a bit controversial.
I think this post is worthy of a picture or two. Just so we can see the details of the scabbyness.
My father warned me about fellas with tubes of Deep Heat at the ready, the same fellas also seem to have tubs of Swarfega lying around, and little bottles of TCP and Compound W and Lard. To soothe their dirty filthy habits whatever they are no doubt.
;)
If it falls off altogether, there’s a place near me that sells them
I have some wisdom with regard to this. Dirty Dave can call me at 1850 696969 for a hint.
Getting on to that space cowboy guy, I’m pretty sure he bought a desk recently too belonging to Charles Dickens. Why do horrible people get rich? He should be ashamed of himself.
can anybody help me with 10 across in Fridays Crosaire “One from the spa within?” (8)
I think it might be retarded??
Update: I won’t be posting here for a while. Just got the dread diagnosis. Both Athlete’s cock and Athlete’s balls. Doc says I was lucky to avoid Athlete’s foot, which in the medical profession would have been regarded as ‘a hat trick’.
I told him I didn’t feel lucky, dropping my pants for emphasis. He told me saw my point. I asked him why he’d dropped his pants too, and he said he wasn’t sure. That’s when I grew uncomfortable and decided to leave. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure he was a doctor. Certainly wasn’t a doctor’s surgery anyway. It was more of an underground carpark.
Talking of Athlete’s cock
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4249949.stm
Ms Sithole said she was born with both male and female sexual organs and a traditional healer had made the penis disappear but it had since regrown.
She told the court that the penis had returned because the healer had not been fully paid for his services.
She said that she had already arranged to pay the healer on 3 March, the day her trial is set to start, and so she expected her penis to disappear once more, according to the state-run Herald newspaper.