How to revive the economy – part 1

So Roy Collins was shot dead in Limerick by a bunch of scumbags. The Gardai know who these scumbags are, so here’s what they do.

1 – Round them up

2 – Poison them to death

3 – Flay them

4 – Pickle them

5 – Create an exhibition called ‘Irish Bodies’ and tour the world with it

The admission prices would go straight back into the exchequer and provide some welcome relief when income is falling at a frightening rate.

Steps 1 through 4 can be recreated with scumbags from any part of the country, particularly those with gang affiliations.

The knock-on effect is that places become safer, more desirable to live in, property prices go up, and it becomes a bit more difficult to buy coke in Krystal on a Saturday night.

Win fucking win.

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43 Responses to How to revive the economy – part 1

  1. Magoo says:

    Throw in Keith Duffy and call it “Buddies”

  2. Fill3rup says:

    Throw in FF and call it “Baddies”

  3. Tomo says:

    Don’t panic- I just read on the rte website that apache pizza is creating 85 new jobs. We’re saved. Pity they can’t create pizza that’s actually fucking edible by humans.

  4. Twenty Major says:

    It is poor pizza, no question.

    Throw in Brian O’Driscoll and call it ‘Boddies’

  5. Ibanez says:

    they arent a pache on Dominos

  6. Ibanez says:

    throw in some old women and ..ah you know

  7. Tomo says:

    Throw in dail eireann and call it “worthless cunts”

  8. Twenty Major says:

    they arent a pache on Dominos

    Boo, you should be siouxed for a pun that bad.

  9. GrowUp says:

    Can we move the death bit slightly further down the list, say after the flaying?

  10. Twenty Major says:

    That would certainly be an option worth exploring.

  11. Can’t we just imprison the gangsters in a futuristic, barely escapable prison, where inmates are held captive by their own conscience and electric shock-dispensing anklets?

    Science has promised so, so much, but delivered little in my arena of conscience-based, shock-dispensing anklets. I blame global warming, personally. It’s a black hole for our all our research budgets.

  12. maggot says:

    Finally a use for one of those fecking Inis Islands – The Irish Version – commentary by Gargoyle Hunniford and Terri O’Wogan – of Battle Royale would make a fortune sold round the world

  13. Dare we brutalise the prisoners by exploiting them for reality TV? Would that not make us bigger monsters than the thugs we’re trying to quash? The answer is no. I’ll ring TnaG and pitch it.

  14. Ibanez says:

    I reckon we should use them to test jetpacks. Its about time we all had jetpacks, I know theres some work to be done perfecting them ..nows our chance.

  15. Twenty Major says:

    Yeah, that we’ve reached 2009 and we have no freely available jet packs must surely be humanity’s greatest shame

  16. maggot says:

    I’ll ring TnaG and pitch it.

    To add a certain zing – the survivor has to mate with Michael O’Jackson in mid air over a tank of sharks while testing a jetpack.

  17. porridge says:

    freely available jet packs would be closely followed by expensively unnecessary national jetpack tests

  18. Fill3rup says:

    and then there would be the penalty points…

  19. maggot says:

    Jet packed Gardai ?

  20. Twenty Major says:

    Damn, I’ve got my NCJP this week.

  21. maggot says:

    I hope your emissions are green.

  22. Twenty Major says:

    They vary from green to chocolate brown

  23. Jet packs would be good, but people in hover cars would knock down and kill “pedestrians” with jet packs. It’s the hover car owner you really should aspire to be.

  24. chuntzu says:

    Sorry, I musthave missed sonething – why posion them first?

  25. chuntzu says:

    Sorry, I must have missed something – why posion them first?

  26. itchybollix says:

    “The Gardai know who these scumbags are”

    I beg to differ. I don’t need an excuse to slag pigs and piglets. Irish cops always say “we know who they are”. A bit like Michaeal McDowell saying under privilege in Dail Eireann ” I know what I know”

    Irish cops are crap at their job; they are trained by idiots in templemore who are also crap at their jobs. Has nobody noticed that it is no accident that the crime detection rate in Ireland is shite? Irish cops are shit at their jobs. They have the power to keep the masses quiet though.

    “We know who they are” – Well then , gather the evidence and arrest them. Put or shut up boys and girls in blue.

  27. SuperGrover says:

    “Damn, I’ve got my NCJP this week.”

    Do you mean NJPT?

  28. Twenty Major says:

    heh, yeah, that’d make much more sense.

    Poison them so the bodies remain intact, and not all messed up from smashing them to death with iron bars or shooting them in the face.

  29. Fill3rup says:

    Itchy: They had the shooter in custody 20 mins after the murder,and the getaway driver about an hour after..
    Limerick has the highest murder detection rate in the country,the problem is with the judicial system that panders to these cunts civil rights..

  30. jonny friendly says:

    Lets throw in a sideshow where Pat kenny fights for his life 30 mins by lowering him into a cage with a mallet and 10 unfriendly badgers…

  31. Jack McMad says:

    I gave up on the Gardai years ago when I had my bike stolen by a guy who was in my class. A mutual friend told me he stole it, I saw him on it (repainted) and one day I checked the serial number and it was filed off.
    I called the cops and told them what I knew. They said to leave it with them. Several months later I still hadn’t heard anything so I called again. The excuse I was given was that they called to his house but there was no-one in!! NO-ONE IN?!??
    I’d say it was also the fact that his Da used to drink in the local cop pub that he got off. Useless, corrrupt, porcine c*nts!

  32. Tomo says:

    I think the nct staff should test them. Or ncp staff. Or the revenue commisioners , who’d no doubt impose an EU illegal tariff on all jet packs purchased in Ireland.

  33. maggot says:

    Michaeal McDowell

    Greatest Irishman of the 20th century, after Lord Carson, Ireland’s Margaret Thatcher.

  34. itchybollix says:

    Fill3rup Says:
    April 15th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
    Itchy: They had the shooter in custody 20 mins after the murder,and the getaway driver about an hour after..
    Limerick has the highest murder detection rate in the country,the problem is with the judicial system that panders to these cunts civil rights..

    Filler, they had who they think is the shooter and who they think is the getaway driver. Talk to John Carthy, Terrence Wheatlock, anybody in Donegal and Brian Rossiters family about pandering to civil rights.

  35. peadar says:

    I’ve a lot of sympathy for irish cops. I’m sure some of them are corrupt or crap but in my experience most of them are good, honest hard working people.
    As Fill3rup has already said the problem is with the judicial system

  36. Fill3rup says:

    They have the shooter and the getaway driver..

    ..i’ll say no more..

  37. Fill3rup says:

    Dont get me wrong.im not a big fan of the cops,but i was answering a comment about the case above…

    And the cunts i mean,are the gang memebers who know the law and know their civil rights and bend the system to suit them..

  38. Holemaster says:

    Most cops are fine if a bit thick and afraid of anything other than hang in their sandwich. But there are a core of corrupt cops who make it to the top who work with major criminals and drug dealers.

    Organised crime cannot exist without corrupt police and politicians. It’s all in the game.

  39. Ibanez says:

    dont give the cops jetpacks then .. just us

  40. JJ Celery says:

    Yeah, and give all their bribes back to the exchequer – that would fix the economy once for all!

  41. Martin says:

    Won’t work. The cops go after artists in this country, not scumbags.

    We are well and truly fucked. Up the arse. With the above mentioned aluminum bottle…

  42. Ah, reminds me of when I attended Torture 101…

    I scraped by in the written exam, but I passed the practical with flaying colours…

  43. Bertiethefirst says:

    How about hanging them in public in croke park and charging for admission? Have a photographer taking your picture with the corpse for a fiver? Use a 500 metere lenght of rope to hang the bastards and sell 3 inch pieces as souvenirs for a fiver? Goodbye balance of payments deficit. Goodbye scumbag criminals. One fly in the ointment, though. The GAA won’t allow it because it’s not an “irish” event. Or is it just english games they’re against?

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