Monthly Archives: March 2009
First lines from books I haven’t written
I have written two books (1 and 2). I have also not written many, many other books. Loads of the fuckers. None of them got too far though, works in progress you might say. I went back through my archives … Continue reading
I have written two books (1 and 2).
I have also not written many, many other books. Loads of the fuckers. None of them got too far though, works in progress you might say.
I went back through my archives this weekend to see if there were any projects I could resurrect. I found a couple but I was struck by the opening lines to some of them.
We all know the great opening lines in books, so without further ado here are the opening lines to the books I haven’t written or finished writing yet.
“It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times, and I was speeding down the autobahn in a 1982 Mercedes driven by a strange man called Gunther” – A weekend in Berlin
“Brian the honest paedophile looked at the children tied up in his cellar and tried to explain, in language they’d understand, what was about to happen to them” – Untitled
“Early in the spring of 1750, in the village of Muff, four days upriver from the coast of Dingle, West Kerry, a manchild was born to Tiernan and Gobnait Kinte” – Blackaragua
“He ran. Goofed on bennies. Tripping. Fucking dogs. Shooting Jack” – Ellroy’s nightmare
“There were those who thought that merely thinking such a thing would be tantamount to treason but lest he consider the alternative they had bound his hands in such a manner that the blood which sustained them failed to circulate and caused a strange blueness to envelop them, much like the top right hand corner of a Turner landscape” – Untitled.
“There were 117 psychopaths on the Pan Am flight to Vienna and I’d been nearly murdered by at least six of them”- Fear of dying
“There was a final snarl, a gnashing of teeth and after such a long time bellowing the monster lay quiet, silent” - Jade, from baddy to Goody.
“‘Cunt off, cunting cunt’, said The Cunt cuntishly. ‘Cunt my cunt right in the cunt’, replied the mirror. Cunt against cunt” - The Cunt
So there you. I’m not sure which of those projects is likely to see the light of day but seeing them written down it’s obvious there’s a lot of potential there.
A lot.